Anhedonia

The Best Place On The Internet

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I really like Sonic Youth.

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My Sorrow is Luminous - Yanka Dyagileva

Печаль моя светла Я повторяю десять раз и снова Никто не знает как же мне хуёво И телевизор с потолка свисает И как хуёво мне никто не знает Всё это до того подзаебало Что хочется опять начать сначала Кyплет печальный, он такой, что снова Я повторяю-как же мне хуёво

My Sorrow Is Luminous I keep repeating - for ten times and over and over again: Nobody knows how fucking bad I feel now And the TV is hanging from the ceiling And no one knows how fucking bad I feel now And I'm so goddamn sick and tired of it all That it makes me wanna start This poem again, it's so sad that I Repeat again: how fucking bad I feel now

(not my translation, song + og can be found through link)

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Some places on the ground are meant for the sky to devour. They should be avoided.

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Fig Fascism, Tarik Sadouma 2018 (if I remember correctly)

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Another excerpt

“Why would they ever find out? Did you tell them?” 

“Of course not. Going around, posting yourself nude, publically! Did you not think that anyone would find out in your life? If not us, your friends or other kids at school? Why embarrass yourself like this? These pictures that you posted are going to be around forever now, they will never be able to take them off of the internet fully. Whenever anyone looks you up, forever, there’s a chance they could see your teenage body nude. Why? Why allow for that to happen? Why facilitate that?” 

She was crying now. I was crying now. Small tears that stream down the face in two, straight lines that join back together on the chin. Tears that could never be audible, there would be no way to give a sound to their existence. They originate from silence and disappear in silence, there is barely a way to make them visible. Gliding along the skin as easily as the other person’s words glide past the ears. These are tears of bewilderment, they come when no one understands. And we are most certainly unable to understand each other. 

“What else am I supposed to do with my time? I have so much of it.” 

“Do you hear yourself? There are an infinite amound of things that could be done with your precious fucking time. Go with your friends, join some clubs or some shit. Or just sit there! Are you going cut yourself because you have too much fucking time? That’s basically what you’ve done now, you’ve harmed yourself irreversibly.” 

“Would you know that I cut myself? Would you care?” 

“Of course I would fucking care. Why are you acting like an ungrateful little shit? I love you. We love you. We don’t want to watch you fall down this whorish hole. What do you want to come from this? Obviously money, we get it. But what else? Do you want to be sold to the highest bidder or something even worse? Think about the future. You’re setting yourself up for failure.” 

Her voice wasn’t angry, she did not yell. She was beside herself. She was throwing words at me hoping some would stick. There was a great impasse between us, anyone could see that. If she thought any of her words would stick, only God could know. She hoped they would, she intended that they would. In this meeting we match ourselves as equal foes. Tomorrow I will again be dogged, chained and with a lame leg. Yet in this car we duel. 

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Queer

"Better off dead than queer"

What's your girlfriend's name? Jenny?

Why do you talk so softly?

Why do you walk so solemnly?

Are you sad today?

Were you beaten today?

Your Dad said that you're a queer

Will he beat you?

I hope he beats you.

You're going to die.

But he's going to die too.

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Excerpt or Something

His voice was one of the least distinct ones I’ve ever heard. He sounded like he could be any age, all the way from thirteen to sixty. Only the slightest bit of gruff to go along with his cigarettes and beat-up car. Too much gruff can be cumbersome for sex so I wouldn’t mind, though the total lack of any personality made me think of him as some sort of cyborg. I watched him fidget around behind the wheel. He was acting as if he was relaxed. He spread his legs as wide as they could go, leaned back, and put one hand on the wheel like we were driving to the beach. 

“Do you want a cigarette?” 

“No, I’m alright thanks.” 

“Do you know anywhere to go?” 

“There’s a deadend by the highway if you turn around, I’ll tell you when to turn.” 

We had agreed that the car was a fine enough location for the night. It’s not like he could bring me back to his place, I remember his town being more far than near. At least not in the county. There aren’t many gay guys around here so it gets tough. If he were to bring me there it would be four journeys for him all together. So we’ll do it in his car. It’s larger than most, it should be fine. 

“Turn right here and then just keep going.” 

“Alright. What do you want to do?” 

“What do you want to do?” 

“Well I’m horny.”

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Peter Murphy and Rozz Williams. Do you need a great face to be goth?

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Kim Gordon and Reflection

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It's my 4 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳 lol

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im in this one

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dance dance dance (not my image)

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My cat can only screech

He never learned how to meow

He thinks of me a cat

My cat can only screech

He wishes I would screech back

He wants to hear from me

My cat can only screech

He will never hear a screech back

He will never hear

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Я люблю кошки

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Me

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Anyone else writing a book?

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38 years from Sunday