‘Habit energy is there is all of us in the form of seeds transmitted from our ancestors, our grandparents, and our parents, as well as seeds created by the difficulties we ourselves have experienced. Often er’re unaware of these energies operating in us. W may want to be in a committed relationship but our habit energies can color our perceptions, direct our behaviors, and make our lives difficult.
With mindfulness, we can become aware of the habit energy that has been passed down to us. We might see that our parents or grandparents we also very weak in similar ways. We can be aware without judgment that our negative habits come from these ancestral roots. We can smile at our shortcomings, at our habit energy.
Perhaps in the past when we’ve noticed ourselves doing something unintentional, something we may have inherited, we’ve blamed our individual, isolated selves. With awareness, we can begin to see our actions have deeper roots and we can transform these habit energies.
With the practice of mindfulness, we recognize the habitual nature of our desire. Mindfulness and concentration can help us look and find the roots of our actions. Our actions may have been inspired by something that happened yesterday, or they may have been inspired by something three hundred years old that had its roots in one of our ancestors.
When we’re able to smile at a provocation or direct our sexual energy toward something positive, we can be aware of our ability, appreciate it, and continue in this way. The key is to be aware of our actions. Our mindfulness will help us understand where our actions are coming from.
If we aren’t able to transform that habit energy, we will come out of the prison of one relationship only to fall into the prison of another. It’s common practice, when we encounter difficulty and suffering with our partner or spouse, to think we need to separate or divorce. By getting away from the other person, we think we’ll have freedom. We think that person is the cause of our suffering. But the truth is that even though we may feel freer right after the divorce or separation, we often get entangled immediately with someone else. We mat stick to this new person, but we end up acting just like we did with the last one. We are the victims of our own habits. The way we think, speak, and act has not changed. What we did to cause suffering to the first person, we now do to cause suffering to someone new, and we create a second hell.
But if we are aware of our actions, we can decide whether or not they are beneficial and if not, we can decide not to repeat them. If we’re aware of the habit energies in us and can become more intentional in our thoughts, speech, and actions, then we can transform not only ourselves, but also our ancestors who planted the seeds. If we are able to do that, it means our ancestors are also able to smile at what is provoking them. If one person keeps calm and smiles at a provocation, the whole world will have a better chance for peace.’
- Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts.
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