My ongoing chronic illness has left me unable to earn much, if anything. If you have enjoyed my stories or podfic and want to help pay for podfic hosting or for other things in my life, this is a way you can do that <3
Ko-fi link
Example monthly expenses I am struggling with:
Podfic hosting ($10)
Cat health insurance/vet expenses ($92)
Cat food ($120)
Car insurance ($110)
(my wife is covering my groceries and housing at the moment, and my health insurance is covered by the state, thank goodness)
I just had a random thought that it would be incredible to read a snippet/ one shot of Sirius when he left the shipping lanes and tried living on land for a little bit.
(I was eating bland chicken and it made me think of Sirius and his chicken of the sea - I have no idea why!)
Did you ever think of writing about this time? I think it could be so interesting, I'd definitely read it. Even if it's just the bloopers of him figuring out being human, rather than horrible side.
Oh noooo, it would be so depressing!! Or at least the way I imagined it, it was like half a day of trying to be human and then getting gay bashed and giving up. Your version sounds way more fun though!
I am brainstorming a Mer AU story about Regulus where he ends up forced onto land for a while. I'm not sure it's got any fun bloopers either though, oops. He has a lot of stuff to deal with. (Sirius and family would be included just a short cameo at the end).
For the record, it's always okay with me if people want to write with my AUs, especially if you tag as "inspired by" on AO3. :D
Hi, I just wanted to say that I recently discovered your works on ao3 and I have really been loving them (I am Oh_Ophelia87 :D)! I love your writing style, the way you narrate, everything is just perfect ahaha. I'm really excited to start listening to the Mer AU once I have more time in my schedule! And in the meantime I'm slowly making my way through the rest of your works (and relistening to some of them lmao).
I'm so sorry to hear about the health issues you've been dealing with, chronic illness is just the worst and I'm so sorry that you've been unwell. I sincerely hope that your symptoms will improve soon, and that you'll have more time and energy for hobbies and fulfilling activities. I'm sending you the best of wishes and vibes, and hope that your day goes well!
Hi wonderful person! My health is a bit the same-same, but I am getting more used to it. There are positives to not being able to participate in capitalism properly as well as struggles.
I'm glad you are enjoying the stories!! I do love the mer stories. I just checked out about a dozen books from my library on whales...
Hi, I just wanted to send you a quick message to let you know I adore your fics. I have only read a few so far, but can't wait to read more of the works you have on ao3. I read on here that you have not been doing well health wise and I wanted to say I wish you more stable health and I hope you'll find some things that help manage everything. Anyways, thank you for sharing your work with all of us. I will be leaving comments and kudos on ao3 as well on the stories I've read so far. Wishing you all the best.
Hello and thank you!! I am so glad you are enjoying the stories.
Summary: Ten years have passed. Remus, now a successful artist, needs to visit Monterey Bay to install a mural at the local aquarium. Sirius decides to come along, both for the company and to explore the bay’s diverse marine ecosystem. As it turns out, this trip to the world of humans is more challenging than either of them expected. A fish out of water tale featuring kelp forests, whales, otters, tuxedos, and love triumphant.
Author’s Note: This story was posted...a while ago. The podfic is finally done!
Hello lovely chickadees. I have one exciting update...the podfic of Of Aquariums and Humans is COMPLETE and will be posted to AO3 later today. I hope you will enjoy!
I am not well enough to record or write at the moment, but once I am, these are next:
Recording
Love in the Time of Sunflowers - This 8k story is written, edited, and has cover art made! I am looking forward to recording it, and because it is such a gentle, slow story, it will hopefully be less challenging on me to do. This is a Lie Low At the Lupins story about gardening, rebuilding an abandoned cottage, and learning how to be happy again that I wrote to help me cope with life and all.
Quiet Rebellions - I am not actively podficing this one yet, but it is on the list! (Quiet Rebellions is a 180k dark/slavery AU fighting its way into happiness and found family.)
Writing
Return - Currently at 112k and projected to finish around 125k. (Return is the sequel to Go East, a Howl's Moving Castle/Wolfstar AU.)
As always, you are welcome to (nicely) poke me about stories you are excited for. I am very slow and not able to control that, but the appreciation helps. <3 <3 <3
Lastly, a little health update below the cut:
My chronic illness continues to get more, not less, impactful on my life. I have people trying to help me, and I hope to see improvements this year. I am currently very weak after my first COVID infection on top of it all. I can sit and stand for small amounts of time each day, but I can't leave the house or work at the moment. I have cognitive impairment from both the chronic illness and COVID. Writing feels impossible, I think partly because it feels so vital that I spend any moments my brain does function doing things like applying for disabled parking and figuring out how to pay my bills. One of my goals this year is to reach some balance with that, so I can spend at least a little of that very limited time doing creative things.
I'm grateful to everyone who helps support the fundamentally broken medical system so I have access to things like vaccines and the 6+ different medicines I needed to go from coughing up blood on day 3 to surviving COVID. It's not just the flu, especially for people like me, so please tell your friends!
Hi, lovely! First off, I want to say that you have become one of my favorite voices in podfics and I SO enjoy getting to listen and relisten. Your mer fics are my absolute favorite, but my partner and I recently book-clubbed Go East together too. ❤️ I just wanted you to know we've been keeping up with your updates and are very excited to hear your Of Aquariums when it's complete! I think I love it even more than the first one. I know you've been unwell and things have been rough, and this is not a "when is that happening?" ask at all, but a want to let you know: "You're awesome, please know that we support you and can't wait to listen to more, but also, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and I hope you get to feeling well soon." ❤️ I have a chronic illness myself and frequent, painful flare ups; I'm not sure what you're fighting, but you have all my empathy and support and affection! You're awesome, thank you for sharing your works with us, they mean so much!
Thank you for your lovely words!! I’m not sure what I’m fighting yet either, but I am engaging with our dear medical system to try to find out, and I have supportive people around me. Capitalism hates me, but overall I’m coping all right. It’s unlikely I will be well soon, but I look forward to I being able to write again when it’s possible.
If/when I do feel better, I can edit Of Aquariums and Humans, record Love in the Time Of Sunflowers, and write Return. In the meantime I am spending a lot of time thinking about a new story in the Mer AU, which will be Of Outcasts and Orca. Someday!
I am always grateful for nice notes! It does help.
Fun fact, in the book, it's explicitly stated that Sophie is a wizard like Howl and has a magical gift for speaking things into existence. Wish they added that into the film bc it explains SO MUCH and adds to the theme that her thoughts were shaping her reality.
There's one scene where she's fixing Howl's jacket and says it looks like it's built to attract ladies. And then SUDDENLY women are swooning over him.
hello!! new anon here<3 just finished my bimonthly comfort reread of go east and wanted to let you know how excited i am for return - your writing has such a beautiful comforting feel to it and i can’t wait for more of it<3 take care xina!! <33
Than you so much!
I have not been well, so I haven't made any progress. Hopefully soon I will find a helpful treatment and things will turn around.
I'm so grateful people like you can enjoy my stories in the meantime! <3 <3
I want to preface this to say that I am not trying to hurt you by sending this, especially when you have other fics that I have enjoyed (Truly I really loved Of Barnacles and Mermen). Unfortunately though, I have to say that I was disappointed when I read this, as an Australian.
Aside from the glaring everyday inaccuracies (the social comparison bias is offensive in itself) some parts were genuinely culturally offensive.
Without comprehensive research on other cultures or countries, and without someone from that culture or country to confirm that you have it right, or at least not offensively wrong, it’s best to just… Not. Write what you know is such a common phrase, no?
If you’ve made it this far, I imagine that you actually care about not offending people from other countries and of different cultures, and I really appreciate that.
This anon is not to publicly shame you by the way— this is 100% intended as a private anonymous message. It does not require a response. I’m just trying to help. If I had gotten a depiction wrong to the point of offence-I would want to know.
So first, not the end of the world, but if you’ve looked closely at a map of Australia, you will notice that our red desert is central. Do you know what else is central? Nothing. There’s nothing there. ->You will only find red sand in the desert and most of the desert is not suitable for populated habitation- which brings me to my next point.
Zoo’s require funding and a steady stream of income from visitors to function. There are no Zoos with the kind of wildlife in the kind of setting you have depicted— not in the desert where the red sand is, anyway.
Fun fact: Most Australians will never see red sand unless they travel many, many kilometres inland. I’m talking over 15 hours from your nearest capital city by car. Which also- an Australian will never use miles to measure distance. I don’t even know how many miles are in a kilometre.
Here’s the hard part— POC. It’s especially important when depicting people of colour not of your own culture and experience that you are very careful. When it doubt, leave it out.
If Sirius is South East Asian, it’s highly unlikely that he has light eyes. Not impossible, just unlikely. It’s also unlikely that he was a darker skinned SE Asian with the kind of education that allowed for the cursive habit you mention. SE Asian is just very vague- idk it was distracting. I’m all for Sirius as POC but it has to be done right.
Honestly the most offensive thing is Remus asking Sirius if he has considered going “walkabout.”
Mate, I’m actually begging you to remove the entire mention of it. “Walkabout” is a right of passage for Indigenous Australians. That’s it. No one else. There are exceptions in sharing culture, but that’s not up to us, that’s up to the community and the elders, and Sirius wouldn’t qualify.
It’s all well and good to have POC in your fic but you need to be careful with culture. Aboriginal culture is all but eradicated, and where it hasn’t been, there are other social issues that are trying to kill it. It’s absolutely gut wrenching and inaccurate depictions do not help.
The fact that we don’t really go much into James as a character is for the best, especially if you aren’t going to do any research. It doesn’t make sense for an Indigenous Australian to not have a very active role in a position like his. With the animals, with the land. He would have to be very deprived of his culture to just. Run a normal ass Zoo. There’s not a single mention of a native Australian animal?
I will be here all night if I try to explain every detail that was off the mark, and I don’t think I need to keep twisting the knife. I appreciate that you tried, and I can see that lots of people seem to like it which honestly, is sad for Australians when there are so many of us in the fandom and you know. Just in the world. We have so much culture and so much content and idk the blatant Americanisation from someone who is so popular in the fandom just ends up feeling like erasure. I’d rather no Australian AU’s than one I couldn’t even share with other Australians because it was so offensive.
Sorry I’m really not trying to be a dick. But I don’t know how else to explain why it was a problem.
Hi to this person and to other cool people reading this.
I am very ill and have to portion my energy carefully, so I did not initially respond to this anon comment. After getting a much less constructive comment from this person on AO3 (deleted), I have decided to respond in the hopes that it will prevent further energy expenditure. I have also made both my tumblr and AO3 unavailable for anon comments for this reason. I am always open to specific constructive feedback and new information about the way minorities are portrayed in my stories. I may not always have the spoons to respond or make requested changes.
Dear anon,
Thanks for taking the time to write this comment. I did do research for this fic. I researched selective mutism, sign languages, if African animals are kept/can be safely kept in zoos in the hot & dry parts of Australia, and about Aboriginal culture and the practice of walkabout. That doesn’t mean there weren’t things I missed, of course.
The geographical stuff is one thing I did not research. I did not choose a specific real-world location for the zoo. I hear what you are saying, the location I described doesn’t seem like realistic geography. I guess that is just an error in the story.
I don’t always bother to convert distance labels (miles/feet/etc) in my stories, just like I don’t always bother to use British spellings. I see this broke the immersion for you. I was not aware that it was considered offensive.
I made Sirius a POC but kept his trademark light colored eyes. I have two SE Asian sensitivity readers, both of whom confirmed for me that while unusual, the way Sirius is described is a way some people look. Besides, if I had a penny for every romanced character in fics/books/movies with unusual physical features, I would have enough money to sue JK Rowling. Sirius’ racial heritage is something Remus assumes/uses as an approximate descriptor but is not otherwise a part of the story.
The reference to cursive handwriting comes directly from one of my Australian sources. Cursive was mandatory in public schools during this era (or at least it was where she grew up). It may not be any more, so perhaps there is a generational difference in knowledge. Also, you seem to be implying that it’s so unlikely for a SE Asian with dark skin to have a fancy education in Australia that it is offensive to you for this to happen in a story. That bothers me, and frankly made the SE Asian sensitivity reader who I showed your comment to hopping mad. Sirius’ birth family circumstances are not described in detail in this story, but usually the Blacks are wealthy in fic. If even public school kids were forced to learn cursive, it is completely realistic that Sirius would know how to write it.
I hear what you are saying about the eradication of Aboriginal culture. I would not want to participate in that. I can’t quite see if or how I have from your ask.
Sirius brings up walkabout because he wants to talk about James’ experience with this rite of passage. Remus asks if Sirius has ever considered doing it, and Sirius laughs this off. This is all very realistic. Not all people of aboriginal descent like James do walkabout, but it is still done, and I believe the little I wrote about it is realistic. Sirius has been adopted by an Aboriginal family. If he had been younger when adopted, I can only assume that it would be appropriate for him to do what his brother did. But he was a teenager, so it was ridiculous to even consider, which is why Sirius reacted the way he did to Remus’ question.
I’m not sure why you think James doesn’t have an “active role” at the zoo. I would say as someone running a small zoo, he is pretty involved and “connected to animals and the land.” But it’s also just a normal kind of job and one he inherited. I don’t think it’s realistic or respectful to expect all aboriginal Australian characters to be cultural liaisons or preservationists for their jobs. And I don’t like the idea that someone having a “normal” job means they are deprived of their culture. People can have strong cultural connections without that being their job.
It would have been nice to have a native animal, I agree. I’m sure the zoo is full of them, but I didn’t mention them. Please keep in mind this story has only about five scenes. A longer story would have shown more of the zoo and people’s racial and cultural backgrounds.
My impression on reading this is that you would have liked to read a story with more overt themes about aboriginal culture. That sounds like a nice story, but it just wasn’t the one I thought of to write. Good representation involves lots of kinds of stories, including ones where culture is a background element instead of the main stage. Therefore, I see no reason to, as your AO3 comment demanded, take the story down. It would be nice to edit the setting of the zoo to be more realistic, as this is the kind of detail I also appreciate, but I just don't have the physical capacity to make that big of a change to an existing story.
Also, regarding me, in your eyes, apparently having more responsibility to write a certain kind of story because I am “so popular in the fandom,” I don’t even know what being popular means in this sense. As far as I know, my stories have a lot of kudos mostly because they have been around a long time in one of the most popular pairings in one of the most popular fandoms. I’m not active on basically any fandom platform except for posting writing updates here on tumblr. I’ve been ill for years, so I’m basically not in fandom at all. I'm really too sick to even write any more. When I do write, I do it because I enjoy the stories, and I don’t control what expectations other people might have.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to try to stick up for a minority group. I hope this clears some things up for you.
I find the traditional kind of meditation (control/count your breathing, FOCUS ON YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW, DON'T STOP) is really not very relaxing for me. One of my workbooks for autistic folks says this is apparently common for non-neurotypical people and suggests that there are lots of ways to be "mindful" and soothe your nervous system. That and some ideas from my therapist have led me to come up with at least one Extremely Chill Experience from each universe I've written for, because making it fanfiction makes it not boring (seriously, why would I imagine I'm meditating at a beach if there aren't any gay mermaids there).
Most of them are themed around rest, as that's something I have to do a lot and really don't like. Many of them are for falling asleep to, like the Sleep Stories on the Calm app.
Examples so you know what the heck I'm talking about:
Remus from Go East lies on the ground in the forest near Star Lake pod-transformation, feeling his magic refilling. Nice Sirius/Padfoot cuddles.
Sirius from the mer AU swaying in the kelp of Monterey Bay.
A whale hangs out with you at the drop-off of the coral reef in the mer AU to share its superb sleepy vibes.
A whole lot of nothing happens, just comfort/relaxing/recharging/resting. They would lightly adhere to the universes of my fics but might have some differences. Some of them might even be reader POV, which I can't really handle normally but makes sense for this purpose.
Would people be interested in these kinds of "fanfic/podfic?" Do people ever put these on AO3? Surely I'm not actually the first person to think of doing this thing.
I've made a bit of progress on my story things lately, so here is a WIPs update!
Art/Post-Production
Of Aquariums and Humans - Recording is complete and there are 1.5 chapters left that need audio editing/mastering. I'm thinking this might be done soon! (Of Aquariums and Humans is the 36k sequel to Of Barnacles and Mermen.)
Recording
Quiet Rebellions - I am not actively podficing this one yet, as it's still pretty hard on my stamina to record, but it is next up! (Quiet Rebellions is a 180k dark/slavery AU fighting its way into happiness and found family.)
Writing
Love in the Time of Sunflowers - Currently at 7k and projected to finish around 9k. This is a very gentle Lie Low At the Lupins story about gardening and rebuilding an abandoned cottage and learning how to be happy again that I wrote to help me cope with life and all. It's almost done and should be quick to podfic and art once it is!
Return - Currently at 112k and projected to finish around 125k. This one feels like a live wire right now because I wrote around 3k yesterday. For perspective, that is more than I have written in all my stories combined for over a year. I'm feeling so good about it! (Return is the sequel to Go East, a Howl's Moving Castle/Wolfstar AU.)
Plotting
These are stories that are spinning around in my head at the moment (there are dozens more that have stopped spinning, for now, so I'll just list the big ones). They may or may not ever get written down, who knows!
Be Gay, Do Crime (Do Me) - Remus and a team of awesome HP characters plot to steal from Black Crystal hotel and casino in Las Vegas. Remus is the face, aka the pretty one that distracts the powers that be from what is going on. Sirius is the powers that be.)
Mer AU story about Regulus - Title TBD. It will feature Regulus separating from his birth family and Remus and Sirius' mer baby. I might even do a spot of Regulus POV, which would allow us to experience some arctic marine life.
Dragonriders wolfstar story - Inspired partly by this story by @mostlyoptomisticdinosuar, I have little bits and pieces of a dragonrider AU floating around in my brain, only it would probably be more like Anne McCaffery's dragons of Pern than Naomi Novik's dragons. It's just pieces right now, but I like the pieces very much :)
Rest Stories - this is a whole new little series I am thinking about doing but it's maybe...not something people usually put on AO3? I'll put details in another post and see what you all think.
As always, you are welcome to (nicely) poke me about stories you are excited for. I am very slow and not able to control that, but the excitement helps. And if you are also a writer and want to do sprints sometime, send me a message <3 <3 <3
Hi Xina, i love your writing so fucking much. I volunteer with the Marauders Audio Project, and we're looking to partner with writers. We make full cast audiobooks, and we're also working on a charity foundraiser, would you be interested? I think the way you bring queer stories to life can make an impact (it certainly did on me) and that your writing, if you're willing, would be perfect for what we're trying to do, and i, for one, would freak tf out if i was able to play a Sirius written by you.
hiiiiiii you seem like a really cool person doing a really cool thing! Can you tell me more about it? I am not quite sure what you are asking me to do. Is it to write a new story, or are you asking for permission to voice a story I have already written?
I did bind it!! Thank you for writing such an amazing story!! I love it so much!!!
okay okay okay I have not been on tumblr in forever because of Feelings and I SAW your ask in my email but it IN NO WAY INDICATED that there were pictures and so I felt like, just a lil bit sad cause of course I wanted to see and then I actually come on here to check my shit and
IT IS SO PRETTY
Ugh, I know very little about this process but you seem to be a master?? Love the fin on the back. The foil detailing, I LOVE IT ALL.
I love it so much. You literally made me cry because it’s just that pretty and I love it and you and maybe also the universe???? So thank you.
Gosh, i love fanbinding SO much. It makes a story easy to read and shows how much you love it but also the rebelliousness of it, like, fuck you, this CAN be a real book. Ugh. So good.
One of my life goals is to someday get all my good stories bound and have a very nice shelf above my desk with all of them there, and then whenever I feel sad, I can just look at them and have THIS feeling again.
YOU ARE THE LEGIT BEST.
Hi Xina! How are you how’s life going,, give me ALL the updates I MISS YOU
I am going to try to do this!! I am sorry for the super long hiatus, honestly when nothing creative is happening with me, it just feels sad to make updates. But I feel good about things, so I will make a post <3
I hope you know it took me a good 30 minutes to figure out what the fuck this meant but I did figure it out and THANK YOU, YOU SWEET THING
Guys, I haven’t been around but maybe I should be. I have been writing and doing stuff! I will try to post an update.
Hello! I was wondering if you were ever thinking of adding a fourth work to the Silencing Sirius Series? Specifically what’s coming to mind is Sirius running downstairs to tell James and Peter in way too much detail about both his experiences with Remus after the end of A Continuation Involving Powdered Donuts and Fits of Erotic Panic because I genuinely would kill to read that, but honestly I love that ‘verse so much I’d read anything you were thinking of adding to it. No pressure at all, of course, I’m just curious, I’ve really been enjoying rereading them, recently.
Wow, what a fun continuation that would be! I like the way you think ;D
Honestly, I think I’m done with adding to that series for now, but I love that you love it and have these cool ideas. I think you should try to write it yourself! Even if it’s just a little scene. You can list my stories as connected works and go for it! <3 <3
