Lan Xichen jumped off Shuoyue, trying to get down where he had seen the flash of gray amongst the green forest as soon as possible.
"Nie Huaisang?" The younger Sect Leader was curled up, breathing heavily like he had been the one fighting off the yao instead of Lan Xichen. He whined, and Lan Xichen dropped onto his knees to gather him in his hands.
How could he let this happen to A-Sang?!
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Nie Huaisang whined, folding into himself as if he wanted to take the least amount of space he could.
"No, no, it wasn't your fault! I should have paid more attention to you!" He pulled the younger cultivator closer, warming up his almost frozen body.
"I can't do anything right," Nie Huaisang sobbed. "I'm sorry, I ruined- I'm not worthy- I... I'm sorry!" The young man in his arms looked so pale, so distressed, it broke Lan Xichen's heart.
"What? No! A-Sang, you are so good! It is my fault for not paying more attention to you! It is my fault that I took you here instead of staying in your room as I promised you!"
"You don't mean that," Huaisang sobbed, "I don't deserve you, I don't deserve to be a Sect Leader, I don't deserve anything good! I always mess up everything! Da-ge's right, I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough!" He tried to move, he tried to hide, but Lan Xichen didn't let him go. There was no way he could let him go.
"A-Sang," the Lan Sect Leader whispered, heartbroken and desperate. How could he think like this?! Nie Huaisang was so precious, so lovely and the only person the Nie Clan would ever accept as their Sect Leader after Nie Mingjue. He was loved and adored and they - all of them - did something very wrong if he thought otherwise.
"Nobody wants me, nobody even likes me," he muttered, miserable.
Lan Xichen was shocked. He never- nobody who knew A-Sang and wasn't jealous of him ever thought of him as unlikable. He had some difficulties with accepting his new role after Nie Mingjue's sudden death, sure, but he was so good! He knew when he needed support, and he helped his people so much! Knowing how to delegate was an important part of being a leader, and even if he couldn't handle things himself, he chose the right people to do in his stead.
He was liked. He was loved. He was wanted.
"No, A-Sang, that's so not true!" He slipped an arm around Nie Huaisang, ready to carry him home. "You are loved. You are loved so much, and I'm here to tell you. Always. I've got you," he murmured into A-Sang's ear. The younger cultivator was whimpering, eyes moving rapidly behind his eyelids, and Lan Xichen was afraid that the gas the monster spewed affected Nie Huaisang more than "just" bringing forward his fears.
"'m not...," the Nie mumbled, his bottom lip trembling, tears sliding down his cheeks. Lan Xichen wanted to kiss them away, he wanted to give the world to Nie Huaisang, but first, he had to take them home, safely.
Standing up with his precious cargo in his arms, protected and loved, he said, "You are so good! This is only the monster's power talking. You are loved and I will do anything in my power to show it to you how much people care for you."
The fierce protectiveness he felt towards Nie Huaisang was nothing new. He adored him ever since the first time he saw the tiny little boy with huge eyes peeking out from behind his much bigger Da-ge, so cute and curious. He loved him since the first time A-Sang dragged him to his aviary, showing him all the pretty birds he patiently cared for. He had been in love with him since his first time in Cloud Recesses, where he had been so lively and mischievous, always getting up to no good, yet always managing to avert the attention from himself. He had been protective over him ever since they were children, and he knew it was never going to change. Not his want to protect him, nor his need to make sure nothing and nobody could ever hurt him.
He softly crooned as Shuoyue flew them towards the Unclean Realm, until the sobbing stopped and Nie Huaisang's breathing evened out. It didn't take long to reach the fortress, Lan Xichen hurrying to make sure his beloved was safe amongst his people, warm and comfortable in his room.
"I have you. No one can hurt you, not anymore. I will protect you, I will keep you safe," he promised to the sleeping man, his fingers tightening on the slack body.
"L'Huan..." Nie Huaisang mumbled his name as they finally arrived to Nie Huaisang's room with the help of the worried Nie disciplines who made sure they would get to there uninterrupted, trusting that Lan Xichen would protect their leader.
"Sssh," he shushed the sleeping man, "I'm here."
"Don't leave me," he whined, his slender, yet strong arms dragging Lan Xichen down into the bed, so he could cuddle up to him, while still sleeping. "Love you. Please, don't leave me alone. I'm so lonely."
The confession broke something in Lan Xichen. He stared at him for a while, his previously abandoned wishes and ideas came back with tripled force, knowing that what he was going to do was selfish, but he didn't care. He only cared about Nie Huaisang. And if he wanted Lan Xichen to stay with him? He would stay with him.
"I love you too, A-Sang. I love you and I'm not leaving you. Never again."