Misery Business.

Well-off 24yr old, middle class, heterosexual male with a penis and whom is totally comfortable with having said penis; I also have no self-esteem issues. Just dodged a crazy Bitch on 12/23/2016

[fancybroom]

Me: I’m not going to turn into a hand made clay jug tonight !

Me after 7 tequila shots:

[sprachtraeume]

I wanna move abroad so bad to the point that I sometimes feel like it would solve all my problems, as if I would not be just as lonely and unloved but in another place

[sprachtraeume]

[shaxaphone]

cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar  2. honey  3. flour  4. egg  5. 1/2lb butter  6. stir  7. pour into pan  8. preheat to 375°

[maralie-deactivated20211111]

business email glossary

[teenscoolest]

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think

[theshitneyspears]

Too real

[womaninthehighlands]

It took me a solid 3 minutes to process this venn diagram and I loved every second of it.

[stefani-germanotta]

vine compilation #2345346234 (feat. vines i haven’t really seen in other compilations)

[kiango]

[art-woonz]

Art By IG: @floortjesart

Instagram: @artwoonz

[xncoeoshan]

You’ll see me again.

No worries.

[lolfactory]

[garbage-empress]

cowboy advice

be rootin

be tootin

and by god be shootin

but most of all

be kind

[ex0skeletay]

Van Gogh Mario by sagittariusgallery

[drinkpisspissblood]

probably my favorite thing abt being a millennial is that i can lie on my resume abt shit like being proficient in excel bc i have the common sense to just google anything i dont know how to do which gives me a giant fucking edge over gen x in the job market bc somehow that strategy never occurs to employers and my underqualified ass looks like steve jobs every time i use a youtube tutorial to make a spreadsheet

[jadelyn]

Everyone in my office sings my praises for what I can do with excel for this exact reason, even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my grandboss commenting on my excel skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with excel that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us [the other 5 ppl on my team are all mid-40s and up] can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

[snagerdragon]

top tier search skills: finding the source of a rare meme

[thegreendiamond]

[lake-erie]

watch the so-called ‘tolerant left’ ignore this

[xncoeoshan]

Clearly you’re not who you pretended to be.

I just wish you didn’t have to discover that at my expense.

[catchymemes]

[skyakafreckles]

He surely doesn’t

[txztxz-deactivated20200602]

Fort worth, Texas 2017

[hex-objekt]

Direct Action in front of the Panda Express

[jaded-not-tragic-mulatta]

I heard Hank Hill’s voice while reading that.