I wanted to explain why I suddenly left my main Twitter account and expressed my emotions about feeling sour. I realized that being vague and moping over how uncomfortable I've become with PaRappa-related media on my other socials doesn't make sense to most people.
To be completely honest, all these negative emotions towards PaRappa and the consideration of deleting everything I've built were due to the drama with choco, and other people who decided to join in the hate. I won't go into detail here, but you can find the events yourself and educate yourself on what happened over the past year. Ive had and sat through people detailing their harassment and their mental health dropping, and hearing horrible things said about me and other artists. It all added up, creating a snowball effect that disconnected me from my love for PaRappa to the point where I didn't even want to be associated with him.
I'm glad it's over, and I sincerely wish the individuals who took part in such events would better themselves and grow. I do not wish for others to see this statement as grounds to harass people, which is never ok. I only want to talk about my personal feelings.
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I've been told I should have been angrier because I wanted to hide, which was true. But I'm still afraid that by speaking up about my emotions, I'll just be labeled as "trying to start more issues" or be told to get over it. Though, I've already tried so much to ignore it, even while it was happening, I said nothing. And even after I've been staying silent in fears of such things. There’s nothing more than I want then peace , drama is the last thing I need. No one needs that, especially in this smaller community.
I've considered writing a goodbye letter, but I'm not sure if I'll go through with it because part of me wants to continue despite it all. For now, the after effects have drained me of all my passion and caused me to run away from something I used to love dearly.
I'll try my best, but I write this in hopes that people will understand and respect my feelings. I deserve to express myself, and you all deserve a proper explanation instead of radio silence. This fandom has brought me so much joy and support;——I've heard that my artwork has helped people and even impacted this fandom, which is hard to believe. Nevertheless, I've met kind people and amazing artists. I hope to get better from all this mental mess, and that I can get stronger from this negative experience. I hope you all are willing to stay for what I create next.
-xochi
