warning for sh!!
can we get ur view on lohen's self destructive behavior it needs to be more represented!!! (+ i wanna see him suffer /j)
hey!! of course <3
sorry for the late reply, tho. i had to think about it because this is such a huge topic..................... and i have a lot thoughts about it
TW: different forms of self-harm
personally, i think lohen's self-harming tendencies began right after his kidnapping, when he realized that if he wanted to survive, he had to stop being the prey and become the predator.
back then, lohen didn't think of it as a way of coping with his trauma. he only learned that years later and would probably laugh at the idea because, i'm sorry, but lohen really gives off the impression of someone who absolutely does not believe in therapy and, on top of that, thinks he doesn't need it whatsoever, and that what he did/does is NOT a coping mechanism!! (he's delusional).
going back to it, i think it all started pretty typically with building up his pain tolerance. from his voicelines we already know he has an incredibly high tolerance for pain, so i imagine that ever since he was a kid he:
got into fights (and lost most of them),
provoked animals (as in, letting cats scratch him, letting dogs and snakes bite him. in more extreme cases he would even provoke foxes, boars, etc., but if things got out of hand, he'd kill them with his bow),
intentionally injured himself using fire, corrosive substances, and similar methods.
lohen was never on the verge of death, but he broke bones countless times and suffered some genuinely disturbing injuries.
moving on, once he became a teenager, he tried drugs for the first time, which eventually developed into an obsession with poisons:
intoxicating substances — lohen wanted to build the highest tolerance possible in case he was ever kidnapped again. he almost burned his throat beyond repair because of it.
cigarettes, weed, recreational drugs — same reason as above, but without consequences that severe. he never became addicted to anything.
abyss energy — this is where his journey as an adventurer begins. lohen desperately wanted to develop something similar to what the traveler has, but for "ordinary mortals" that's practically impossible, and i think this was the beginning of his frustration with being human.
i also think lohen broke the law countless times on purpose, just so he'd end up in prison with other criminals and learn different fighting techniques and methods of committing crimes. i think this also helped him immensely later on after becoming vice captain — after spending time in several prisons, he ended up with a surprisingly solid understanding of the criminal underworld.
as for present-day lohen... i think his biggest struggle with self-harm started after his fight with rerir, specifically:
dermatillomania — compulsive skin picking. in lohen's case, constantly reopening wounds and tearing off his own bandages.
in his sq, lohen immediately threw himself back into another fight against rerir without a second thought, so i think after that he once again started picking fights with opponents far stronger than himself.
fits of rage/manic episodes — lohen enters a state that's incredibly difficult for him to snap out of until he literally collapses from exhaustion. depending on where he is, he'll either throw himself into relentless combat or destroy everything around him, including himself.
there is probably more...... but i don't want to delay this inbox longer;;</3
drew this when Lohen came out, but I never got to finish it
but I've been showing my sister some recent-ish rough n unfinished drawings i did and she asked why don't I post it,,,
tbh I often forget to post because work occupies most of my time and I've had little time for art, so this feeling of not being good enough and it's not pretty and such insecurity keeps me from showing even the bare minimum haha
I want to feel more free to post and show what I like and such things, but its a slow process that I'm trying to learn and not forget as often as I'm used to
now after this long rant that I'm not sure anyone will read, I hope all Lohen Wanters became Lohen Havers(even tho im quite late for that fsfds) can't wait for the new version hopefully I'll have the time and motivation to draw somethin and post again
tho i might also post other stuff, eh who knows what will happen
lohen/childe fic where theyre both stationed somewhere near each other (unknowingly) and are taking out the local hilichurls to stay sane, but childe keeps getting to them first.
without a "healthy" outlet, lohen starts to lose his sanity and starts to feel like it must be on purpose. he decides his new target is whoever's pulling this crap and stakes out some hilichurl camp overnight to catch him in the act (maybe he suspects it's diluc or varka) and is surprised to see a stranger in a fatui uniform he hasn't seen before, and he stalks childe long enough to figure out he's a harbinger and gets really excited about it.
queue a long drawn out game of cat and mouse, and is lohen the cat or the mouse? who knows, but they definitely try to kill each other multiple times and both are highkey into it ((battle?)sexually)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
yeah so um. i was super into genshin for the past few weeks and i was grinding primos like a madman to pull lohen and then. yeah. this fic also happened.
i just saw someone on twitter mention that childe and lohen would be freaked out together cause they both love fighting and i was like "hmm" and started brewing. so um,,, varka is also there and he gets jealous or something idk,,,
my bf is lowkey obsessed w lohen tho. not just cause he's a bunny boy but cause he relates to his character. i relate to his character as well (not just cause he's a twink...). but maybe i will yap about this later
Lohen knows it's his own fault. He has no real reason to get jealous. She's his subordinate, they've been sent to work an undercover mission at a gala together, they're acting, that's all it is.
It's stupid.
He'd thought it was funny, at first. They'd gotten to their hotel, and the receptionist (a young woman, probably barely out of her teens) had been friendly. A little too friendly, Andromeda had pointed out without really meaning to.
"That's hardly professional," she'd muttered under her breath.
At first, Lohen barely acknowledged it, until he fully processed the underlying meaning. "Eh, they're probably understaffed, just hiring any- oh, hang the fuck on, mutt. Are you jealous?"
He'd said it with an incredulous grin, and yep, there she went. Eyebrows knitted together in fury, face already going red... "Why would I be jealous? I'm just saying, it could pose a problem to the real couples here."
He'd snickered, an odd little flutter in his heart. Probably nothing to worry about.
...And then they'd finished getting dressed.
They hadn't communicated what they'd be wearing ahead of time because, well, why would they? It's just a mission, and it's not like Andromeda partaking in a simple outfit change would suddenly scramble his brain like an egg.
...Except, as she stepped out in the tiny burgundy cocktail dress, her heels shaped like little golden daggers not unlike the one hidden and strapped to her thigh, that's exactly what'd happened.
...And now, it seems like it's scrambling the brain of every man in their proximity, too.
The event itself doesn't even start until 8pm. It's barely 6; they'd mostly decided on leaving their hotel room early to scout things out. But the minute they get to the venue, Lohen is absolutely seething before he even realizes why.
They aren't walking terribly close together, and a tall man in a very expensive looking suit graciously holds the door for her, eyes looking her appreciatively up and down as she smiles (a bit uneasily, Lohen notes, not like this idiot would recognize it), thanking him. There's more than one man who politely catches her attention to pay her a compliment, telling her she looks positively lovely, ravishing, asking if she's "here with anyone this evening"...
Lohen slips his hand around her waist without thinking. "Oh, she's here with me." a bone-chilling smile spreads across his lips, and its less than thirty seconds later that the man finds something more interesting (and safe) to focus on.
Eyes darting around, acting like he's simply looking for vantage points, he mumbles out a "We should have gotten rings."
"Wha..? Rings?"
His eyes flit to her for a second and he smooths it over with an excuse. "To make it more believable. Unless you want to have drunk men fawning all over you all night."
Andromeda shudders a bit. "Not particularly, drunk or not."
That settles it, then.
Lohen sends her to a much less crowded area to see if she can spot anyone connected to their target, and says he'll be back shortly. When he does return, hair a bit mussed, he looks rather disgruntled as he tells her, "Put out your hand."
"Hm? Why?" she asks, but does it anyway, extending her right hand.
"No, other one."
She obeys, blinking curiously, and her breath stutters in her throat as he slips a delicate gold band around her ring finger. "...Vice c-?"
"-This should keep them away from you. A little, anyway," he interrupts her, speaking a bit too quickly. "And just Lohen tonight. Staying discreet, and all."
She looks at him for a moment too long, and then nods. "Right. Do you have one too?"
Lohen wordlessly raises his fist to offer something up to her, and drops a silver ring into her palm. She inspects it for a moment. "Pretty." She looks up at him again with that 'I'm flustered but trying to act mad' expression as something clicks. "Hey, why the hell do you know my ring size?"
"Hm? Eh, don't worry about it, I made an educated guess, that's all. Anyway, hurry up."
She huffs, and slides the band onto his finger. "Creep."
"Is that any way to talk to your loving husband?" he grins, letting himself lean into the role, teasing her because it's a lot easier than looking whatever strange feelings a (fake) wedding ring on his hand evokes.
She rolls her eyes, personality slipping back into something a little more familiar, a little more Andromeda. "I can call you worse."
Lohen laughs, glancing around casually, before he takes a step further into her space, and leans in close to her ear. He takes his sweet time gently nuzzling at her neck, properly flustering her and sending a shiver up her spine before speaking in a low voice, "Target in the tacky blue suit at your 8 o'clock, sweetheart."
He leans back, and predictably, she looks like she could kill him, face flushed hotly and lower lip wobbling. Perfect. Anyone seeing them will just think they're another love struck couple, flirting out in the open. He beams back at her, doing his best to brush off the rush it gave him to call her something so... intimate. To see her react, too, knowing it gets to her...
He offers his arm. "You should probably hold onto me tonight, too. Make sure we don't get split up."
"You suck," she spits out quietly, but reaches out and takes his arm anyway, a delicate ringed hand holding onto his bicep.
When she's not looking, Lohen makes sure to shoot a snarky little smirk at every man who'd been eyeing her up.
areudirty
yousharknotpass
amandla
gummygunk
germansingergirl
