Propagandist @xramyeonz - Tumblr Blog

CRUSH - lhs part1

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Synopsis: you never even had a crush before but when you try to cover up for your friend, you end up trapped being seen as a crazy girl who has a crush on Heeseung, your brother’s bestfriend.

Word count: whole thing: 36k

word count part1: 12k

Warnings: embarrassing situation, yn is gaslighting herself, you’ll throw up at the pet names, fluff, fake angst, kissing, mention of other idols, they drink alcohol at some point, cheesy stuff and cringe nicknames

n/a: guys idk if this is good enough but I’m fed up with this fr I’ve been writing it for MONTHS I came up with TEN DIFFERENT VERSIONS and I still doubt about things but if I don’t post it I fear I’ll start another version and I can’t afford it my sleeping schedule is messed up and I think about it in my dreams, I even messed up my exams because I was more worried about finishing the ff than my grades. Anyway I hope you’ll like it the other parts are coming quickly I swear.

part1 part2 part3

Never being in a relationship may have fucked up your perception of love. You were born a hopeless romantic, as far as you can remember you have always been waiting for that day where you would fall in love and never let go of this person.

You really wished it happened but years passed and still there was no one. You debilerately didn't date at first because no matter how much pressure your friends used to put on you during your school days there was no way you had a boyfriend at the ripe age of 8 (that and also Adam was really bad looking). Anyway at 8 you weren't interested in having a wedding during play time with some guys you were sure you would be ashamed of later.

When you hit middle school you were still reluctant of this idea, it's hard for a teenage girl to grow properly if she has to deal with a man. And guys are so annoying at 14 years old, let alone how bad looking they are, no it wasn't for you. At 14 guys were discovering sex and they would have made you like some kind of slut anyway so there was no way.

During highschool you weren't against experiencing love, at this point you had seen "to all the boys I loved before" and you were secretly wishing Peter Kavinsky would find you somehow (the Peter from the first movie not the one that wasn't waiting for Lara Jean in the hot tub duh).

You were only disapointed when you realised boys were still not to your liking, and still annoying, and Peter Kavinsky wasn't real. But also, they weren't looking at you. To be honest you were never the center of everybody's attention but you weren't left aside that much. But highschool turned things, you never realised how much more beautiful your friends were until the moment it hit you. Guys were all over them while no one looked back at you, not that you would have looked their way, but still you realised that maybe, guys found you ugly.

And this is how you ended up still lonely, unloved and virgin at 23 years old. Sure 23 isn't old, you're still so young, but every time you tell someone that no, you had never been in a relationship, no you were never in a situationship, no you never reached the "talking stage" with anybody, they always hit you with the "No way you're lying" or "You're not missing out on anything don't worry love only hurts" and even worse "You'll see, love will come when you least expect it" as if you were expecting anything anymore.

Like your bestfriend would always say, you're the ultimate virgin: no kiss, no hook ups, no relationship, not even a crush (celebrity crush doesn't count since they are out of reach anyway).

However being born a hopeless romantic you had to somehow fill the empty void in your heart, that's how you ended up watching rom-coms, romance anime, all sort of drama, your favourite songs were all about love, you began to read romance books, manhwas, romance mangas, and the devil itself: fanfictions. You were something like 13 when you discovered wattpad and fanfictions, you couldn't believe what you discovered that night. You had to put an all nighter to process everything, it was like the pandora box, there was so many love stories for free, you rushed to read as many as possible, always waiting for updates to your favourite stories. This is how you discovered what they called lemons at first, the smut, you would've never imagined that at 23 you were still reading about it and still wonder how it really is.

This made you who you are today, the quiet single girl, reading things on her phone. Everybody around you knew how single you felt inside, claiming either that you would end up alone anyway and that no man deserves you or even that you're still single because it meant that you would end up with the sexiest, prettiest, loveliest, richest most perfect man on earth (stay delulu).

And you think about your prolonged celibacy when you see two person kissing right in front of you while you're waiting in line to get cookies for you and your bestfriend, and with Juno by Sabrina Carpenter playing on the background you swear that if those two motherfuckers in front of you don't separate asap you'll start throwing hands.

"Stop hating on them I can see the daggers your eyes are throwing." Kazuha said, walking toward you.

You sighed, "I can't take it anymore, one more couple and I'll just kill myself." You mimicked beheading yourself with your thumb as if it was a knife.

"It's the campus couple's dating place, what were you expecting?" She whislted a laugh, replacing her hair behind her ears while looking at her phone. She was right, what exactly were you expecting, it's always like that, people are always eating each other's face as if they wished to swallow the other one right in front of you. No you're not jealous, you just wish they were more considerate of other people around them.

You practically ran back to your class after eating outside just to be back in the anxiety of university courses, what a delight. Kazuha followed you, amused and just plopped on the sit next to you, the auditorium wasn't full, you still had time before the beggining of the next lecture and Kazuha took advantage of it to show you all her campus crush's pictures.

He is known among every student for being one of the hotest boys on campus. There was a day when you and Kazuha were trying to find a vending machine and you randomly crossed his path, it was the day Kazuha developped sort of a crush on him after he smilled in your direction.

By sort of a crush what you really mean is that she began to call him her husband everyday and sending you pictures of him on her secret twitter account. You don't know where she got all those thirst traps of him but there sure is a lot and you can't deny the fact that he is good looking.

What you find weird is the fangirling, she doesn't know him, has never heard him talking or do anything else than walking on campus or posing on those pictures? The only thing she knows is that his name is Lee Heeseung, he is 2 years older than you, he majors in sociology, he likes playing basketball and he is popular for his doe eyes.

But for her knowing that little about him is making all this "campus crush" thing funnier as she says. She treats it like a celebrity crush, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him but she enjoys the view of him and the excitment whenever she sees him on the other side of the road.

Sometimes she forces you to follow her, making a detour just to cross his path and giggle when she realised that you walked right in front of him, always claiming that she sweared he looked at you or that he seemed geniunely curious about you.

No matter how awkward it was you had to cope with that crush thing, you were the only follower to that secret twitter account she had and where she posted all of her crushes, from Lee Heeseung to Zayn Malik, each time she came across a picture of one of her crushes she just had to tweet about it, and to be honest it was really funny to witness, every off putting comment about how she could die for the man on the picture or how she deserves to be their wife made you laugh, some innocent freakyness never hurt anyone.

"Oh you should take a look to the last picture Carlos Sainz posted on his instagram he looks sooo yu-"

"What the-" You suddenly heard the group of girls on the row in front of you laughing louder, cutting Kazuha's fangirling session. They all turned toward you two, eyes wide on shock and mouth covered by their hands as they where giggling and whispering to each others.

You shoot a glance at Kazuha who wasn't understanding either what was their problem. You knew those girls, two were Kazuha's roommates, they weren't close friends but they got allong well so such weird behaviour was really surprising coming from them. After a minute of incomprehension, one of Kazuha's roommate turned around with her phone in hand.

"Kazuha is that you?" She handed you the phone and you gasped in shock, a shock that was nothing compared to the terror in Kazuha's eyes. Automatically her eyes found yours, it was unthinkable but her secret account had been discovered. The tweet Yuna was showing you was one of the numerous pictures of Heeseung where Kazuha commented "looking so fine and for what?".

Everybody's eyes inside the auditorium was on you, regardless if they heard what was happening or not, if they knew what was happening or not, everybody had their eyes on you and Kazuha who probably wished to disappear right away.

"W-well I-" she stutters, searching for something to say just to make this whole thing less embarassing but it was too hard to witness. You've never seen Kazuha so embarassed before, you could only guess what was going through her head. These four girls knew who Heeseung was. You were already imagining Kazuha's distress when she would just be inside her dorm whith her roommates also there, just talking about how Kazuha was a weird fangirl.

"It's not hers it's mine." You blurted out without even thinking.

All eyes shifted to you, the shock on their faces only growing because everybody knew you as the no boyfriend girl. Even you were shocked about what you just did, you sacrificed your whole social life in order to protect Kazuha's reputation.

This whole discreet attitude, you always did your best not to attract unwanted attention, all this work was long forgotten now. Kazuha snapped her head toward you, the fear inside her eyes was now mixed with incomprehension. Why would you even do that?

You were already regretting that dumb decision your stupid mouth made by itself. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for the worse time of your life, far ahead of the day you had your wisdom teeth removed.

"So you have a crush on him?" You saw one of the girls ask and you knew she had something in mind while asking that. The mission was clear right now, you had to limit the damage, by all cost.

The thought of it made no sense to you, no you couldn't possibly have just a slight crush for him. But for Kazuha's sake you had to put on the act of your life.

"He is good looking, is it that shocking?" the nonchalance in your tone was crazy, somebody give you an oscar right now because you're giving the act of your whole life.

But after all you didn't lie, you found the man good looking.

"No it's just that... I wasn't expecting you out of all people to have such account..."

As you were about to answer, the teacher came in and started the lecture right away switching everybody's attention to whatever he was saying, even tho you still saw the girls stealing glances in your direction. This was incomparable to the day you got your wisdom teeth removed, it was way less painful back then.

"Thank you..." Kazuha whispered, making you sigh.

"You owe me for your whole life now girl..."

By the end of the week you knew everybody knew about your secret fan girl twitter account, you were suddenly the centre of everybody's attention, people shooting glances at you every now and then. After the incident, you made sure with Kazuha that she DELETED that stupid account before even more damages were made (even if you deeply knew it was too late).

You were suddenly glad that you weren't in the same major Heeseung was in, at least you would not be running into him randomly. There was still a very thin chance that he would never hear about that fangirl account or something and this is quite litteraly what you were wishing for.

You had to wait for a week before you stopped hearing whispers whenever you walked by (it's hard to think that you're in university and not highshcool with how people reacted to this whole drama...) the storm was now behind you (or so you like to think because in reality it didn't stop at all), you just had to go ahead, and by going ahead you really meant anywhere but near the sociology major zone, out of fear that you'll run into Heeseung.

That's why when Kazuha asked you to go to a party you refused, knowing that it's always one of Heeseung's friends throwing parties, and you weren't taking that risk.

But of course you never refuse anything to Kazuha, it's just how you show your love to your friends -even though sometimes you wish your love language would've been words of affirmations and not give in to whatever your friends want- and one thing lead to another you were ready, in front of the house where the party was being held. It was the -huge- house of one of the guys in the same major as Heeseung, but Kazuha swore to you that he wasn't going to be at the party because he was busy, it was Kazuha's roomate that told her that and (it helped Kazuha getting what she wanted: you going to the party).

The sight of the house left you wordless because you weren't aware at all that someone that rich would be studying in the same university as you.

The house was so impressive it got you stuck in front of the doorway, staring at it while considering if you were dressed well enough just to step inside and the answer obviously was no. You were just wearing a cargo pant with a crop top and a leather jacket, of course you weren't wearing someting good enough for the house.

"I can't..." you said to yourself, turning around. It didn't matter that you just texted Kazuha to say that you arrived, you were ready to run back to your place and you really would've done it if it wasn't for the man you bumped into.

"Are you running away?" A soft chuckle leaving his lips as you shifted your gaze to his face, only for you to recognize Lee Heeseung.

The first thing you thought about was the LIE Kazuha had told you, the man was right in front of you in the flesh. For a "too busy to be here" man he seemed very present, relaxed and free.

It was far from your first time seeing him this close but for a second your breath was cut, your body stiffening as if you were caught red handed doing something bad.

Either it's the shame of getting caught chickening out of a party, the guilt of knowing that you -kind of- stalked him for the past year because of your best friend, or the overwhelming embarasment of the possibilty of him knowing that you were the one managing a fangirl account of him even if it isn't really you...

You quickly tried to regain composure from the built embarassement inside of you before answering him with some poorly faked nonchalance, wondering where your acting skills had gone "I just don't feel like going anymore, I think I'm sick or-"

His laugh echoing in your ears and his hand on your lower back stopped you from talking. He used his unexpected grab on you to turn you around with one hand on your shoulder, the other still well placed on your lower back. You then felt him leaning toward you and the heat of his breath dying close to your ear as he told you: "C'mon let's have fun inside."

You gasped.

The man didn't give you a single chance to escape, he was pushing you toward the doorway no matter that you gave him a desperate look or that you shook your head, he seemed determined to take you to that party.

If it was somebody else you would have taken their hands away from you an maybe you would've even scream at them, but there was something with Heeseung that stopped you from doing so, a supernatural force that just broke your ability to talk and disconnected your legs from your brain leaving them on auto-pilot, forcing you to follow Heeseung's lead.

As he pushed you inside, you realised that being impressed of the doorway was stupid, you should've guessed that the inside would be worse.

The entry was huge, so was the garden and the pool inside of it. There was people everywhere, music blasting (not that you just discovered it, you just didn't pay attention to it when you were in front of the house), even the lights were set in a cool way, there was colorful neon around the place maybe to give a more partyish vibe and it worked just fine because for an instant you thought you were at a fancy party that Jackson Wang hosted like in every single fanfiction.

After a few seconds of being impresed by the place, you realised that Heeseung's hands weren't on you anymore, taking it as your sign to finally run away from here but the man was still paying attention to you and once again stopped your from running away.

"Stop holding me hostage and let me go home please." You pleaded, both your hands joined in prayer sign with the best doe eyes you were capable of.

He lifted the hand that wasn't busy keeping you from escaping the party and moved his pointing finger from left to right, shaking his head along to say no, he wasn't letting you go home.

You sighed in defeat, maybe this was the universe's way to tell you that you had to stay here, and at least you'll have some tea to spill when you'll fid Kazuha amongst the crowd of the party.

You'll tell her how her campus crush hold you hostage and made you move around inside the house with his arm resting around your shoulders- When did he put his arm on your shoulders?- Once again your body was moving alone, following Heeseung inside the house, toward the living room where his friend group was settled. When you realised the arm on your shoulders you pushed it gently, you were uncomfortable with this and he understood it, immediately taking it down while muttering a slight "sorry", he still kept pushing his hand on your lower back to lead you toward one of the free couches.

As you pop down on the leather sofa, you realise that Heeseung dragged you far enough so that people will not give attention to the both of you and you let out a defeated sight. You tried so hard not to get involved with him.

"Why would you come to a party just to renounce last minute?" Heeseung asks you, his tone seemingly geniunely curious. You can't tell what it is but something in his demeanor is telling you he will not let you go so soon. His body is fully turned toward you, his crossed legs touching yours, the slight friction making you contract your legs' muscles each time.

"My friend asked me to come but you know... I just don't like parties..."

"Why isn't your friend with you? They chickened out as well?" He jocked. He doesn't believe you, either because he thinks you're a loser and you don't have any friends or he knows. For your own well being you'll think it's the first option.

You gave him a side eye, making him smirk. Oh he shouldn't be giving you that look, you're not really in the mood to get teased by him. "No, she must be somewhere in the crowd, I texted her that I was here a minute ago so-"

"-Let's wait for her here then."

The mood suddenly shifted into one that you couldn't quite describe, it was just the way his eyes wouldn't let go of your figure... What was his problem? Maybe you looked really bad? Or funny?

Or he knew...

"I really don't think I'll enjoy the party... let me go please." you whined once again, maybe you'll end up having what you want if you ask non stop for it.

For the nth time you looked at him as he shook his head in disaproval "There is no going home, I'll help you enjoying tonight don't worry." The same smirk sticking on his face as if it would kill him to just not look at you as if he was permanently teasing you.

"I'm your shining armor knight, here to help you have the night of your life baby love." A scoff escaped your lips because of how cheesy that line was, and you almost threw up because of the emphasis on the cringey nickname he gave you. He did it on purpose because he knew how you'd react to it, espacially to that specific pet name, he knew you too well.

"Heeseung..." you grouched, eyes fixed on his while he looked at you with a slight pout on his face, he was mocking you, giving you false pity. You knew from the beginning it was useless to try to escape from him if he caught you.

Heeseung and you knew each other since you were 10 and him 12. Your older brother had a huge group of friend -unlike you- and Heeseung was one of them.

You never paid attention to your brother's friends. Why? Because you were uninterested in them to the point it was hard for you to remember some of their names. If your brother was a social butterfly and tried to befriend every human being it wasn't your case, plus you had enough friends on your own to try to befriend his. That was until Heeseung.

The first time you saw him he seemed shy, when your brother opened the door wide and declared that you had to let them use the big tv so they could have a smash bros tournament Heeseung seemed uneasy with that idea. You remember it because when you took your stuffs to leave -while rolling your eyes and giving the biggest attitude to your brother- Heeseung excused himself for disturbing you.

That is how you ended up remembering him as the polite one. Since he was the polite one, you were cool with him. You learned his name fast as he was often going to your place to do whatever teenage boys like to do and that you're not interested in. And at some point you began to chit-chat with him learning things about each other and he ended up opening to you. And it was the moment you learned who really was Heeseung.

Of course he was well behaved, his parents taught him well and they had a beautiful son. At some point Heeseung became such a regular at yours that you weren't even surprised when he walked inside your house, you recognized him when he knocked on your door - five very recognizable firm knocks spaced by several seconds each to make it dramatic - in the end he was really nice and for once you could understand what your brother saw in him, he was fun to be around, a good friend.

But this was hidding his real true identity, there is a reason why he became friend with someone like your brother, if they clicked that well it was because they were similar in some aspects.

Heeseung was popular, you would've never guessed it based on how he behaved at home but he really enjoyed it. Back then you were kind of unaware of his and your brother's popularity, unaware that the attention your brother and Heeseung gave you would soon become the worst thing to deal with ever.

At first they treated you as some sort of mascot, each time they walked past you they would scream your name, make you name the one you liked the most -nobody was surprised when you always answered Heeseung-, they forced you to walk with them to go home, dragging you around with them each time they crashed at the town's old soccer field until late.

And the rumor got spread way too easily that Beomgyu's sister was in the building and that she always spent time with his whole friendgroup, but especially with Heeseung.

Your friends found it very cool but you didn't. Older girls began to walk to you, taking you away from your friends to talk about your brother and Heeseung, always and suddenly everything began to be about them. What was Heeseung like when not at school? What was your brother's favourite tv show? Have they ever talk to you about girls? Who?

After you explicitely told them that you didn't wanted to talk about them those same girls that treated you like a friend became hostil to you, glaring at you each time your brother or Heeseung would walk past you and tease you about something casual, some even began to create sort of a competition of who is closer to the boys even if you never agreed on participating.

You hoped it would stop after they left middle school for highschool. You had a break for two years. Nobody was triggered by your interractions with them. People had nothing to add fuel to their curiosity about your relationship with Heeseung and you finally were at peace. At least at school.

At home, Heeseung began to add to your brother's bullying. They would always tease you about everything, it was armless nothing really deep but it was unwanted attention from them and you were short tempered so they just had to annoy you for the sole fact that it was easy. The main topic of their teasing being your non existent love life, while they had a list of persons waiting just to be looked at by them as long as the Burj Khalifa.

You were suddenly the bitchless loser of the house, reading about romance all the time but never being the one living it.

Then you went to highschool. And they were there.

For a whole year they made sure to drive you crazy. Encouraged by your brother, Heeseung began to call you by every pet name known to mankind, just because they saw one when they stole one of your books. Boo, sugarplum, cutie pie, darling, honey bear... you had no break. His favourite one was baby love, you almost threw up every time he called you that but it made him so happy to see your constipated face whenever he called you that in public.

On the bright side since your first middle school year you were more brave and even tho people knew something was up between you and those two, no one really went to you to ask about it, the glares remained but at least they were silent.

When they graduated and eventually went to college it stopped. Heeseung wasn't around that much anymore and he seemed to be busy. Maybe it was college that kept him from visiting or whatever but it made your life way calmer and god how much you liked that.

The few times you saw him it was brief but he never missed a chance to tease you with the pet name you couldn't escape from, baby love. It was just so stupid but it sticked. Even your own parents began to call you that and you almost became crazy.

Every time they called you that, you thought about Heeseung, cursed at him for being the reason your whole family refered to you as baby love, and more because if someone should be calling you that it should be only him. After all he was the one who made that pet name up, not the others.

When you moved to uni you knew Heeseung was majoring in sociology and that your own university was providing a sociology major, you just didn't know where he was studying but the chances for him being in the exact same university as the one you wanted was so low that you went there easy minded. When you realised that you should have asked your brother where his bestfriend studied it was already too late, he was on campus, on the first day of class, his eyes as wide as his smile.

You don't have no superpower but you knew what he was thinking, he wanted to jump on you and celebrate your reunion. But before he embarassed you in front of the whole campus you ran from him. You decided that instead of asking him to leave you, you would ignore him. But of course you can never escape forever, reality always punched you in the end, you couldn't stay away from him forever.

"Why are you even doing that?" you asked, in reality you knew he just missed teasing you and a part of you missed him too because, if he was mainly annoying he wasn't always a nuisance and sometimes you had really good conversations with him. But you were stressed out regarding a certain twitter account, but he hadn't say about it yet so you were starting to assume that maybe -just maybe- he didn't know.

"Because I caught you running away."He giggled.

You rolled your eyes, before looking back at him deadpan. "I didn't try to run away."

"Yes you did."

"Ok I did."

He laughed, easing the tension or whatever was making this situation feel somewhat heavy. You were glad because you couldn't bare the creeping hotness on your body that -you were absolutely sure- made you flush. Hopefully the dim light had your back hiding your red face from him.

You also hope the faded lights were hidding your secret glances at him. You didn't know where to look at, because looking at him seemed too much for you but there also was the fact that your eyes were just attracted to him.

You wanted to detail him, look every detail of his face, understand how he parted his hair or witness for yourself his famous bambi eyes that you avoided for so long but that you really liked in reality. It had been so long since you've seen him this close, you felt like getting back you favourite old teddy bear.

But you couldn't, the only thing you allowed yourself to look at without too much shame were his clothes, you were surprised to see that you somehow matched tonight, he was dressed in the same colors as you, that made you smile.

"Now that I caught you Y/N I had a question..."

You humed a quiet "hm" while nodding, if he wanted to kow why you escaped from him you knew that you will have no shame telling him that he was as embarassing as an intrusive parent and that if he wanted you to behave otherwise than you've been, then he had to stop the pet names and everything else, just drop the teasing.

"Do you really think that I'm breedable? And agonizingly good looking?" He finally asked, on a teasing tone pressing his lips together on a line to prevent himself from laughing at you

If he had the decence to keep his calm, you didn't. You blurted out a laugh before even thinking of restraining yourself, regaining your composure and seriousness. Kazuha...

Why would she say some mad things like that? Your eyes met his, he had let go of his stiff composure to chuckle along with you, dang, it has been a while since you last heard him laugh like that.

You ignored the weird feeling inside your chest that made you shake your leg out of anxiety and tried to get back in character. You had to make him believe it was all a joke. "I mean, it's not like you're the only man that got praised on that account."

The simplest way to survive this discussion was to just let him think that it was banal, something really not that deep and that he should be laughing about. But you were internally screaming, it had to be him, the only man you really know on campus. After that you were sure of one thing, you would never talk to him or talk about him ever anymore because of how awkward the situation was.

"Yeah but I doubt that you'll ever cross Charles Leclerc's path." His hand reaching for your knee to stop it from constantly shaking, but you had to express your stress because you weren't expecting that the man knew more than you thought about the tweets.

"Well destiny is a curious thing you see..."

"And destiny made us meet tonight, isn't that crazy?"

You chukled, destiny made you meet him at 10 and what did you get out of it? The more embarassing moment of your life? You're litteraly melting on the couch, not feeling any air coming inside your lungs. Maybe you'll die soon.

"Listen." He put his hand on your head, gently touching your hair. "We both know this is really out of character of you to do this. And I find it extremely hard to believe this is actually you behind that account..." You felt the weight of his gaze on you, he was analysing you while you were pondering what would be the best option between telling him the truth, that no it wasn't you saying all that about him, or if it would be better just to let him think that it was you because you felt bad for Kazuha.

"You're not really the one behind all this right?" His smirk was nowhere to be found. That casual demeanour of his was long forgotten, remained only the ghost of his touch on your head when he stared at you, almost worried about your answer. "This can't be the reason why you've been avoiding me, right?"

The ease you usually felt beside him disappeared instantly, adding to the feeling of embarassment, you were sure you had to tell him the truth but there was still Kazuha in your mind. She would die of embarassment if you told him the truth.

But the way Heeseung's body stiffened after he asked, as if he wanted to get reassured, to know that no, you don't have feelings for him, it made you suffocate. He wasn't being the one you knew, his usual self, so warm and teasing, no. His hand patting on your hand was so obviously meant to put you back in place, to remember who you are, his bestfriend's sister. Suddenly you realised he turned into a cold and distant person and you hated it.

You were rejected even before you had feelings, and it hurted. Your face showing an obvious frown, you swayed internally in your mind between loyalty and your ego.

You would never be able to look at your reflection in the mirror or at Kazuha if you told him the truth but you would never be able to face him ever again if he thought you had feelings for him.

"Finally I found you!" Says a just appeared out of nowhere Kazuha. Her eyes switching from you to Heeseung, probably trying to read the room.

Heeseung's eyes detached from yours, letting you breathe again as if you had been drown under water until now.

"Kazuha right?" Heeseung said while getting up. Her confused face couldn't process the fact that Heeseung knew her name, and so were you because you never told him about her. "Y/N told me a lot about you, I'm glad she has a friend like you." He smiled at her while tapping her shoulder while you couldn't refrain your eyes from rolling. "Well I'll leave you girls. Have fun?" He said with a smile before walking away to a couch full of people who must be his friends.

You felt so relieved to see him go away that your eyes began to get wet, it was too much to handle for you and your nerves were giving up, the tension was too much to handle.

"Care to give me context?"

You sighed, voice trembling "I'll tell you everything, let's just move away from here I'm suffocating."

You two traveled inside the house, searching for drinks in the kitchen before finding a cool spot by the pool. There you had to share everything with Kazuha starting from the first thing you never told her: you actually knew Heeseung personaly.

The shock on her face being evident as she slapped you when you told her that while she was fangirling over the man, you were spending afternoons with your brother and him. All that behind her back.

You had to justificate yourself for a good 5minutes for it, if you hadn't told her in the first place it was because you never expected her to end up being your bestfriend and after because you just brushed it off, yeah she was fangirling over him but it would've made her uncomfortable to know that you knew him so you just kept it to yourself.

And even tho it was hard to convince her it was for the better she ended up forgiving you for the sake of the rest of the tea. She was mad at you for not telling her but she was more curious about how you ended up trapped with him than anything else.

And by the time you told her everything about the bad school memories, the idea of ignoring him, the moment you decided to endorse the responsibility of the twitter account for her and Heeseung's sake and the whole kidnapping thing, her jaw was on the ground.

"Girl I'm jealous I want that kind of story in my life."

You chuckled "No you don't I feel terrible now! You clearly haven't seen the fear inside his eyes. If I really liked him I would've been crying ugly on the ground by now!"

She gauged you before tilting her head "Whatever, no more hiding things please I feel mortified now, I said crazy things about him."

"Yeah talking about that, when did you call him breedable?"

She smacked her hand on her mouth before laughing hysterically.

Tonight ended up being way funnier than you thought. After the confession session, you and your friend ended up dancing with some of her friends that enjoyed your company, even Yunjin (your colleague) joined you she was the one hypping you up the most.

You even forgot ever drama that happened before you tried at least), you just enjoyed your time for once and by the time you got home you realised that you did well by going to the party. For once you went out and -even tho you wouldn't go partying every night- you thought that you could do it more often.

After all the drinks were good, the house was crazy, people had some good vibes and dancing messily with people you appreciated was stress relieving. You then settled the idea that as long as Heeseung wasn't going to the party you'll seriously think about going there.

Working during the weekend isn't something you enjoy, but it's something you need. As much as your parents help you with your financial situation they can't pay the rent instead of you, you were lucky enough that they were friend with the landlord that agreed to lower the rent just for you.

You began to work to save up a year before you moved in, on your first year at uni, you found a cozy little café not so far from your place or the campus, the place is nice, the boss is very kind to you and you met two friends by working there, Yunjin and Sunoo. The first is two years older than you, she majors in psychology and the second is the same age as you, he majors in comms.

They are different but you really like them both. They are always smiling and lighting up the mood, so much that working with them doesn't feel like working at all.

"Oh my god girls you'll never guess who just ordered a mango smoothie." Whispered Sunoo walking toward youn his hand covering his mouth in shock. Your eyes met Yunjin's, trying to guess which of your unofficial celebrities just walked inside the place.

It's something that got developed without you realising it, one day you were gossiping about some clients the next they were celebrities in your eyes just because they were the subject to every small talk between you in the café.

"Is it Karl?" Said Yunjin, as the souvenir of the unkown man came back to you. You named him Karl because Sunoo sweared it suited him, he said it was because of his orange suit or something like that. And since Karl is a regular in the café and he always wears clothes with colours that are armfull to the human's eye it sticked out.

Sunoo shook his head as he moved toward the blender with the mango slices. "Better!"

You had to think hard about it, the celebrities were numerous but the ones that are better than Karl aren't that numerous since he is the main attraction of your days (you alway bet on the colour he'll wear). "Oh my god is it sponge bob?" you said, remembering the man with the big gap between his front teeth that got dumped two weeks ago because he cheated on her -now ex- wife.

The boy frantically nodded, both you and Yunjin gasped. Making sponge bob's order while discussing. All three of you agreeded that if you were dumped publicly like he was that day, you'd never show up to the cafe again.

But there he was and as Sunoo walked back to the counter to give him his drink, you and Yunjin peeked at him curious about the new girl he was bringing today that Sunoo told you about. She seemed way younger than him -you all assumed that bob was about 50 years old- and the girl couldn't speak english at all.

Sunoo small talked with sponge bob, trying to look friendly when in reality he was trying to know what was their relationship, while in the back you and Yunjin were speculating about them.

Sunoo greeted them one last time before both clients left the café with their orders, leaving the place empty with just you three inside. Sunoo turned back toward you before he exploded in laughter.

"What? What is it?" asks Yunjin, eager to know what was so funny and so were you.

Sunoo barely could stop his laughter. "I asked him if she was his daughter because well..."

"Yeah she seemed about our age..." You said, cleaning what Sunoo used to make bob's order, waiting for him to answer.

"Well in fact she is his wife apparenty."

The loud gasps you and Yujin let out after this shaking revealation made Sunoo's laughs resumed with renewed vigour. It's not without being interrupted by giggles and disgusted faces that you learned that sponge bob and his new girl got married after they met at work which was weird because he was married to a white women two weeks ago.

And you discussed the matter for a long time, examinating the matter for long minutes and turn by turn making up stories before you came with a conclusion.

"Met at work and got married? That's exactly what I would've said if I bought someone!" You blurted out, causing another erruption of laughter inside the café, all three of you folding because of the intensity of your hysterical laughter, leaning on whatever was near not to fall.

"Who bought someone?"

You all turned in shock that you didn't even heard the person standing behind the counter entering (before Yunjin exploded once again, not controling herself for a bit).

Heeseung.

Sunoo squeezed his lips together, trying to appear normal in front of the client while you felt like you were melting just like a Mii in tomodachi life after you gave it something it hated to eat.

You had been avoiding Heeseung like a madman since the party incident. You never gave him an answer and you were persuaded he believed that you were the one behind this accout and the idea of it was unbearable.

What was even worse than him thinking you were his fangirl was the souvenir of his tensed cold figure beside you that night, you swore that nobody would ever see you in that position again no matter what it cost.

Only a few days went by but the change was there, wherever you went you were extra careful about who was there and if by misfortune Heeseung happened to be there you ran away before anyone could lay an eye on you.

But there he was, in front of you, in the café you worked at. You shoot a quick glance at your laughing friends whose demeanure was crumbling, Yunjin lauging on the ground with tears droping from her eyes and Sunoo visibly shaking because of his giggles, hidding behind his hands.

You were the only one able to take an order and you hated sponge bob for it, if he never bought that woman you wouldn't have to talk to him.

"I'm sorry you heard that..." You calmly excused yourself, setting behind the register in full work mode.

Heeseung smiled at you, it had you wonder if the cold man from the party was really him because how could someone act so unbothered after being so distant. Still there was something uncomfortable in the air. "No it's funny don't worry. Just remind me to never walk here accompanied by a foreign woman."

You snorted, your muscles loosening a bit. "What can I get for you?" you gave him your best commercial smile, looking up at him only to meet his warm gaze on you.

"Do you only do take outs?"

"What would be these tables for if we did?" you couldn't help being sarcastic, showing him the whole room where chairs and tables had been carefully disposed and settled for customers.

Heeseung snorted at his own question, understanding how stupid he sounded. Somehow these few words exchanged eased off the odd energy between you. Sunoo and Yunjin weren't laughing anymore, or you couldn't hear them, seeing that Heeseung was looking at the menu you turned around just to be sure your colleages weren't dead because of how funny you were but thankfully they were still there, regaining their composure by drinking water and drying the joy tears on their cheeks.

When you turned back toward Heeseung he wasn't alone anymore, three more boys were there, probably his friends, the only one you seemed to recognize was Jake, he was Sunoo's senior and according to your friend he was the personification of the golden retriever man. You assumed the other two were in the same major as Heeseung since you could recall one time or two when you had caught a sight of them when stalking Heeseung with Kazuha.

You were ready to work and take their orders when you saw the face of one of the two you couldn't name change in surprised before he pointed a finger at you -very polite thanks- his mouth taking an O shape.

"Hey isn't that the girl from that Twitter account?" The man asked as if you weren't just in front of him.

"Oh my god no way! Heeseung you finally meet your fan!" Jake exclaimed, giggling as if it was the funniest thing on earth when it really wasn't. You had to fight your innerself not to jump at him and force him to take back what he said. Fortunately for your job's sake you didn't, keeping a straight posture while your eyes drifted slowly to Heeseung's uneasy face.

This is so humiliating.

"Been knowing her for a while actually." he let out between fake giggles.

"Wait seriously?" His friends turned toward him with wide eyes, as if they made the discovery of the year.

And there you remained, unmoving behind the counter, ready to just do your job with a constipated smile plastered on your face while they talked about you like you weren't just there in front of them.

"Yeah we've been friends since forever basically, right Y/N?"

Was he trying to clear your relationship by saying this? You had no idea, what you were sure however is that it was the last time you had to endure that, next time -if there is a next time- you'll just cuss them out, all of them, including Heeseung, and then you'll just move out of the country just to be sure you'll never have to deal with them again.

"Yup." Agreeing is the only thing you can do right now because you somehow feel trapped by all thoses eyes on you, even worse when one of these googly pairs are Heeseung's.

His lips curled up a bit more but you barely noticed it, you're mad at the man right now.

Thankfully for you, god felt your pain and soon after they ordered and went to sit at one of the tables far from the counter. It seemed they were about to spend a fair amount of time in the café because as soon as they sat down you saw them take out books computers and pens. They were having a studying session at your work place and you just hated it.

"You good?" asked Sunoo in a low tone while you were cleaning.

You side eyed him, displaying all the anger bottled up inside of you because you were incapable of lying to him about your mood. It made him snort a laugh before he peeked at the four men sitting across the room by the window. "It's not like he is the only man you praised..." mumbled Sunoo.

"Right?! Why are they even mentioning it?" added Yunjin visibly as pissed as you about the interaction you had with the men. You were glad they were on your side and not judging (at least not in front of you).

You like how after that they changed the topic, not asking further questions about your relation with Heeseung or the Twitter account. They never did. When it was announced that you were the crazy fangirl they straight comforted you, asked if you were okay and basically helped you not to die of embarrassment.

When the boys left they all waved at you good bye claiming the place was really good and that they would be coming back soon but you hoped they were lying because if it meant having to deal with their insufferable giggles and glances then you'll just jump from you window tonight.

Only Heeseung gave you a tight smile to which you didn't answer, you were too pissed anyway, you know you are responsible for the situation and he doesn't like the idea of you liking him -you don't like it yourself- but it doesn't mean he can let his friends just embarass yourself like they did.

You'll always be thankfull to your friends for their help to just make you forget your worries because this night, after work Sunoo offered ice cream for the three of you, you had another great laughing session about sponge bob between times where they tried to poison you with their attrocious mint choco ice creams.

They even walked you home and it was the sweetest thing ever, but once you were alone in your appartment you couldn't refrain your rage anymore, you took your phone and just spammed Kazuha with bad words about Heeseung, telling her that she shouldn't have a crush on an asshole like him.

The following days were strange, you usually don't see Heeseung so often on campus but it seemed that things move fast. From seeing him whenever Kazuha asked you to take a detour just to catch a glance of him, you began to see him everywhere, at the library, near your favourite restaurant or even at the park near your place, he was everywhere.

Making eye contact with him was always brief and awkward, you aknowledged each other's presence but never did anything further than that, probably to create more space between you, to deepen the gap between you. You would've never imagined things turning that way with Heeseung but here you were.

People still stared at you when you walked down the hallways of university, their loud whispers coming to your ears was unbearable and if it wasn't for Kazuha's AirPods you would've probably ripped your ears from your head several times.

You spent so much time planning your peaceful uni-life and it got snatched from you with just a little lie to protect your friend's reputation. You talked about the issue a lot with Kazuha and Sunoo, because yes you ended up telling Sunoo all about it, Kazuha did. You told her that the fewest people knowing about the truth was the better for her but she insisted in telling him because according to her, getting an outsider's point of view was the best.

When he learned the truth Sunoo immediately called you stupid for ruining your own peace like that (which wasn't really helpful but true), soon after you began talking about ways to make people shutting their mouths about you and the twitter account, disappearing was apparently not an option even tho it was the best one in your opinion.

You debated about it for a long long night at yours when they came with their brightest stupidest idea: you had to start dating someone so people will understand that you moved on from Heeseung.

Easier said than done. You loved the idea of love, so finding a partner like that in a hurry and hang out with just some guy whom wasn't making you act stupid because of the attraction was just a no to you.

You deserved the whole meet cute thing, you wanted the magic feelings those that send butterflies inside your stomach, make your legs weak and your tongue dumb.

But you had no choice, Kazuha and Sunoo did the most disgusting thing you could ever think about, they signed you up on a dating app. You hated it, really, so much that they were the ones doing the swapping, finding the perfect bachelor for you and once they did they spent the rest of the pajama party texting him, trying to get you a date. And they succeeded.

That's how you ended up at a fancy Italian restaurant even tho you craved Mexican food, you've been asking to fill your stomach with enchiladas for two weeks but still they choose to send you eat pastas. No offences, you love Italian food, every Italian dish is a masterpiece, but you were hoping to eat something else than an overpriced bruschetta.

The man in front of you wasn't bad looking, if you were 100% honest he had good facial features, he seemed nice, tried to engage the conversation as much as he could and everything, but you couldn't get into it. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't help but feel drained by this date, your first date ever.

You hated it, because this wasn't what you planned inside your head. Your first date was supposed to be with someone you felt connected to, not just some random guy your friends forced you to hang out with for the sake of your tranquillity, claiming that you would click well with him. It was impossible for you to see him as a partner, you felt nothing, as usual.

The coversation was flowing but mainly because he was the one making the talking, not you. You were kind of just there, wondering why you ended up here, paying attention to what he said just enough so it feels like you're involved, that was until he told you he had other options but decided to hang out with you.

Were you supposed to thank him for his generosity? At this point you figured out that tonight would be terrible and you prefered being laughed at until the end of your time in uni than live something like that ever again.

This must be why people always say to never lower your standards, because if you did you'll be disappointed as hell and end up wishing to spend the rest of your life with cats and not men just like you were while leaving the restaurant.

In front of the place your date stopped before you, showing you every single teeth inside his mouth with how wide his mouth was open. Maybe he wasn't showing that much of what was inside your mouth, maybe you just over analized everything he did, maybe because he wasn't giving you thrills all over your body just by looking at you, you were growing less and less into him, maybe yes, but anyway everything he did was giving you the ick.

By the end of dinner you thought you could escape from the man but you couldn't, Kazuha and Sunoo planned carefully the date and right after you left the restaurant your date drove you both to a party because you apparently said you wanted to dance with him, you cursed at Kazuha and Sunoo for that line, a hundred, no a thousand times because you really hate the idea of dancing with that guy.

When you arrived at the party you fell trapped, you knew nobody, absolutely no one. He was studying in the same uni as you but he was from the other side of the campus, the side you were avoiding. He dabbed up a lot of person, you following him like a lost puppy -or more like a sad stuffed toy dragged around by its owner- while he introduced you to his friends as his date and gosh you hated that, couldn't he say your name instead of deshumanizing you the way he did?

After he greeted the entirety of the people in the small appartment, he let you plop down beside him on a couch, his arm casually landing on your shoulders making you gasp.

This isn't a trap, this is a kidnapping, this is torture, you needed to puke, or to breath, or to get drunk, maybe everything at once? No that'll be too embarassing, there is too many people around and the last thing you want is another label on your name along with the "crazy twitter fangirl".

"Can you get me something to drink?" You asked instead of embarassing yourself.

He smiled at you, something snarky behind his smirk that you decided to brush off because if you dig deeper you're scared you'll be labeled as a hysterical girl as well. He agreed, leaving you alone on the couch and you were so glad he did.

While he was gone you felt the fresh air filling your lungs, you saw the charm of the appartment and even appreciated the music. People were dancing and laughing. Maybe you would find Yunjin here, she loves thoses parties it wouldn't be out of character for her to be here.

Your eyes landed on a small group of people dancing, searching for your friend amongst them, when you felt the couch sinking beside you. You looked over your shoulder, ready to see your date but to your biggest surprise you didn't see him but Jake, Heeseung's friend, giving you a bright smile as if he was the happiest person on earth just because he saw you.

He dabbed you up, and you didn't move, letting him do so without figuring what was happening at all, you're not close with him so there is no reason for him to act that way. "Didn't know you would be here!" He happily said loud enough for you to hear him.

"Yeah it kind of happened..." you nodded mechanically, not really sure if you should talk to him as a friend or as the jerk that humiliated you a few days before at your work place.

His lips never went down, he kept staring at you with that same weird smile of his but it was actually better than having your date beside you so you just decided not to make him leave, maybe he will left by his own initiative...

"Hey Heeseung told us about the Twitter thing, sorry for last time, I was rude." He ended up saying, a bit embarassed.

You sighed, of course he brought that up. At least he excused himself and...

"He did what?" You asked, genuinely curious about it because Heeseung does not know anything about the truth behind your supposed Twitter account.

Still acting shy, Jake rubbed the back of his neck with one hand as if to get the awkwardness away. "Well he told us how you just made those posts to tease him but it leaked..."

This isn't what happened at all. It was sooo far from the truth that you even snorted out a laugh, Heeseung wanted to chase away the idea of you just crushing on him so bad that he lied. Is it so shamefull to have you having a crush on him? Like what is so wrong with you that he has to tell his friends a lie that would make you not crushing on him? "Did he tell a lot of person?"

The boy beside you pursed his lips, thinking about it. "Just us and people who run their mouth about it..."

You nodded absent-mindedly, at least he found you an excuse for people to stop thinking you were his fan. It hurted to know that he found you so not deserving to be on the list of girls that once had a crush on him that he lied, but you had to see it on the bright side, you now have an excuse, and this is actually way better than going on a date with someone you're not even a bit interested in.

"You know I'm actually disappointed." The aussie accent took you away from your thoughts before you could sink in them, you gave him an unsure look, tilting your head in confusion. Why would he be disappointed? Seeing how you absolutely didn't understood why he said that, the look on his face changed to a more amused one. "I ship you both."

"You what now?" You blurted out, almost offended by what he just said. Heeseung may be a beautifull man that can be nice from time to time, it doesn't erase the fact that he is one of the biggest opps in your life.

Jake had to hide his smile behind his hand because of how hard he began to laugh, soon you joined him, laughing as well.

"Don't laugh!" He said, pushing your shoulder.

"Sorry but it sounds so ridiculous!" You giggled, brushing off the idea of being in a relationship with Heeseung by waving your hand.

"It's not tho!" Jake retorted, seemingly comitted to the idea. "Like it could be like one of those cheesy romcom you know!"

But you knew the romcom better than he could, there was no way something like this would make a good plot.

Like come on, the brother's bestfriend is such a basic plot seen again and again, and this one would lead nowhere, like none of you is attracted to the other, your chemistry is crumbling due to the Twitter situation and you already know that next time you'll see Heeseung face to face you'll probably die of embarassment. "You should go see him! How come you never talked to each other on campus despite being chilhood friends?"

You snorted, looking at the ceiling, yeah Heeseung told him that you knew each other really well, you almost forgot it. Then your eyes landed back on the man beside you, waiting for anything that would come out of your mouth. "When people know I know him they harass me to help them getting closer to him. I wanted to be free for once."

Jake's mouth took an O shape as he nodded, he was understanding your point. "So you were jealous that other girls wanted him?"

He did not understood your point. You shook your head, taken aback by his remark as you breathed out a chuckle. You were about to say something back to this weird australian by your side when your date came back, he basically chased Jake away to take back his spot next to you before giving you one of the cups he had in hands.

Jake's eyebrows went strangely high when he realized you weren't exactly alone, you had a man by your side tonight, realizing your situation he didn't argue and left right away, excusing himself after dabbing you up as a goodbye.

After Jake left, your date didn't ask about him, he just went back to your date and came back along with him the stifling air of his presence beside you, Jake wasn't a welcomed guest but he ended up being fun at least. Your date on the other hand just seemed to slowly make you lose your temper, leading you to crazyness.

Your disappointed eyes followed Jake's motion as he walked away from you to get to a small group of boys, that's when you realised amongst this group was Heeseung, sat on a high chair on his own. He was already looking at you with the pout he always had on his face when he didn't like something.

His eyes drifted away from you when Jake told him something, making Heeseung frown and turning his back to you. Wrinkles slowly drawing on your face because why the hell would he act like that after seeing you? He could at least wave at you?

Blinking once, your eyes drifted on Jake who, with a boyish smile, gestured to show you Heeseung, as if to remember you what he said.

He ships you with Heeseung.

You shook your head, hiding your growing smile with your hand to him and your date.

What a stupid nonsense night.

You expected your social batteries to run low before your date decided it was time to leave, but your tried your best to be nice with him, dancing with him even if it was the last thing you wanted, feeling his touch on your hips was too much to handle but you still said nothing. You were so brave but couldn't grow the balls to tell him you wanted to go home so at some point you decided to just sat down on a couch, telling him that you were tired, and hoping for nobody to look your way.

If only things were that simple, your date followed you, he stayed by your side and talked again. You were so tired of everything that you couldn't pretend anymore, you were silent, way more than before, only answering him by smiling or nodding to keep things polite because if you listened to the voice inside your head, you would've yelled at him to leave you alone.

At some point you decided to ask him to get you something to drink just so you could chill out and relax. As soon as he left, you massaged your temples, the music made your growing headache unbearable and you hated you for agreeing to that stupid date thing.

"Come on Y/N let's go home."

You turned around, eyebrows frowned when you saw Heeseung standing near you, offering you his hand.

"I can't I'm with someone." You brushed off the idea, your hand still. You might be desperate to leave you're still well educated.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, looking around, his hand stil standing between you. You didn't understand that it wasn't an offer you could turn down until you felt his hand grabbing your wrist pulling you closer to him. "Let's say goodbye and leave then."

If you weren't so drained maybe you would've fought back to stay but you weren't in a state to fight, all you wanted was to find back the peace of your quiet home. Heeseung dragged you around to the kitchen where you met your date, he looked surprised when he saw you with Heeseung and even more when he noticed the hold of his hand on your wrist.

"She's tired, I'll get her home." Heeseung said before leaving right away, your date couldn't even say anything back, he just stared as Heeseung dragged you out of the party.

The fresh night air brushed your cheeks and suddenly you could breath again. The music wasn't destroying your brain anymore and you already felt the goods of leaving the party. Heeseung opened his car for you to get inside and you did without a word, the car's seat was comfortable, so much that you knew you could've slept on the spot.

"Ready?" Heeeung asked, his face relaxed compared to when he was inside the party but still holding on an incomfortable frown on his eyebrow. He handed you his phone for you to enter your adress and when everything was ready, you left, the engine's sound lulling you.

"Who was the guy?" he asked casually.

"My date..." You answered, closing your eyes with how sleepy you were slowly getting.

Heeseung snorted, something between annoyance and amusement. "Yeah I figured out with the way you smiled at him..." you smiled? You barely could endure the man's presence how could you smile? You opened an eye, lazily looking at the man in the driver seat with his eyes fixed on the road.

The darkness gave him a mysterious look, he looked cool, as if you were in a movie, the street lights hitting his face in angles that made his face even more ethereal. "Not like you can't date or anything but...." He stopped talking for a second, shooting a glance in your direction, almost catching you admiring him.

"Like..." His eyes drifted away, too bad you closed your eyes, if not maybe you would've seen the nervousness on his face or the blush slowly covering his ears. "Weren't you supposed to have a crush on me? And knowing how you're never interested in nobody I'm just surprised that you know... you're interested by him as well."

You sighed a laugh, he addressed the elephant in the room and only with the sound of his voice, the uncertainty in it, you could feel the awkwardness of the man.

He hated that situation even more than you.

But right now, with how he brought it up just because of your date, if you didn't know he was giving everything to get you out of your supposed crush for him you could think that he is jealous. "He is good looking..."

"Right..." He sounded off, but everything sounds off ever since he learned about the twitter account. You hope that he'll stop thinking that you crush on him even tho he isn't stupid and probably know it's a desperate attempt to close mouths around.

The car stands in an awkward silence for a bit, with your eyes squinted you steal glances at him, he looks uneasy and you hate it.

Then you think about it, the lie he told his friends, the same lie that Jake told you about during the party.

"By the way Jake told me something, did you lie to your friends?" You had to ask because you couldn't not think about it, you were offended that he had to lie to take the idea of you cruhing on him far from him, but in some ways Heeseung was helping you getting away from the weird treatment people were giving you.

You had to hear him confirm it, confirm that he did that to help you and maybe ease his mind too. He deserved it at least.

"Yeah I saw how embarassed you were last time. And that way people can shut their mouths about it..." The explanations made sense but most of all they comforted you. He wasn't doing it only to get rid of you but also to help you.

"I figured people knowing we are friend was better than them bullying you because of your crush on me."

Maybe you overdid it when you decided to completely ignore him after you learned that you were in the same university.

You should've treated him as a friend at least because that's what you were, maybe it changed, maybe not because in the end, even with these unspoken words about the mess you're trapped into, you were still feeling at ease with him beside you.

You should be avoiding the subject of the Twitter account around him, you should be embarassed but you still feel the need to clean the air, make things less awkward for good.

"Thank you." You said, meeting his gaze in the rearview mirror.

The corners of his lips faintly lifted in satisfaction."You're welcome."

Silence settled back, still not easy or comfortable. His fingers were brushing the wheel nervously, his pointing fingers tapping on it to the rythm of the song playing inside the car. The weeknd had been one of his favourite artists for a while but he didn't seem to enjoy it right now, like he had too many things on his mind.

"What was your first thought when you saw that account?"

He turned his face toward you for a second, probably thinking wether he should lie or not, but you really hope he won't. The only thing you have in mind after asking it is to get things back to normal, or at least to a more casual status where both of you can live without dying of embarassment.

"I won't lie I was..." He started, his lips pressed in a thin line as he was searching for his words. "I was surprised, it's not everyday that I get called agonyzingly handsome." You feel the hint of a joke in his tone, and you really hope youre not misinterpreting things.

"Then I was shocked to know it was you, I never figured you out of all people would have that kind of account..." he sighs, probably hoping that the memory of you being the owner of the account would die with it. "But at least it wasn't someone I didn't know taking pictures of me while hiding in the campus bushes."

You're watching at you hands, you don't know hat you should be the more uncomfortable about, you were openly lying to him pretending you were the owner but just like you thought, the fact that it was you made it a little more acceptable for him. "I never wanted you to feel embarassed."

He shoots a glance at you, a reassuring smile on his lips. "I know, but to be frank my spot isn't the worst, I kind of feel bad for you now. I know you hate unwanted attention."

"Yeah..." You sighed while remembering how the past weeks have been for you, full of weirdness, awkward walks around campus and stares.

Silence lingers in the air a bit longer, both of you unable to say that talking about the issue is really making it easier for you. You've always heard "communication is key" but it's only now that you realise how rigth it is.

Now the air feels lighter in the car, you could even swear that Heeseung's frown had disappeared completly. It just needs a little something to be perfect. And that little thing you got it immediately, snapping your head toward him with a determined face.

"But just so you know, I don't think about you before I get in bed."

He bursts out a laugh, probably surprised that you just said it like that, but it's exactlt what you wanted, breaking the ice for good, having him laughing about it with you, realising that it's not very deep and things finally going back to normal.

"You don't?" He said back, his teasing smile was finally back, the one he whore while he made fun of you. You would've never guessed that you'd miss it that much, but it felt like your whole body was happy when you spotted it.

"You're good looking but you'll never have that spot Lee I'm sorry."

He shakes his head in fake disappointment "But out of all the men you posted about I'm the only one you know in real life."

"Yeah but I think we're good as friend."

This is it, the moment when you're back as the Y/N he knows. You see his innerpeace being back for good after you rejected the idea of a "you plus him" happenning right in front of him, you renounced the idea for good and maybe it had always been that simple.

He rejected you without you being in love with him and you rejected him without him having feelings for you.

"Yeah?" His eyes drifted toward yours, as if to seek for your sincere disaproval of whatever he thought you wanted.

"Absolutely."

"So..." Heeseung's sweet voice took you from your thoughts. "We cool now?"

There wasn't anything to hold grudges about after all, yeah he despises the idea of you having a crush on him but you don't have one, and you did enough by ghosting him from your life during the past years, you have to be cool with him, you owe him that at least for causing him so much trouble. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Then let's have some beers yeah?"

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