Unconditional Love

Sometimes loving someone else is just as hard as loving yourself welcome to my blog where when times get hard you can come here for some unconditional truth and love.

[xsinfullove]

You deserve someone who will look at you and know that you are good enough. Someone who will not let you struggle on whether or not you’re worth it, because you are. How people see you or label you doesn’t add, change or deduct who you are. You deserve someone who will never require you to change in order to fit other people’s standards. Because they understand that our eyes see things, places, and people out of our own perspectives and lenses. That in actuality, we don’t see all these by what they are, we see it by what we really are – a reflection of our heart and soul. You deserve someone who will stay with you during the stormy days and assures you that there will be a rainbow somewhere along the way. Someone who will inspire you, encourage you, push you beyond your own limits. Someone who will trust your talents and abilities even when you can’t trust your own. Someone who will love you at your most critical moments, even those moments when you can’t even love yourself. You deserve someone who will see you with your bad days and also with your good days. Someone who will see you in your most despairing moments and also in your joyous ones. Someone who will see you from flaw to flaw and embrace every single thing about it. Someone who will see you at your ugliest and bitchiest moments, someone who will see you at your worst and will STILL love you for it. You deserve someone who will see an intelligent human being even when you don’t make any sense. Someone who will see a genuinely happy person even when you’re being too foolish. Someone who will see the smiles, the misadventures, and the facades, but more than that, will see your real substance. You deserve someone who will never give you shit talk about who you are nor lectures you to change. You deserve someone who will be there for you. Patiently loving you for every good and every bad part of yourself. Constantly understanding that this is who you are, and as long as you don’t overstep your boundaries and you respect the people around you, you’re good. You deserve someone who will see you and know that you are worth so much more than meets the eye. You deserve someone who will love you in your entirety.

[xsinfullove]

When you love someone, you shouldn’t hold back your tears in order to seem like you’re fine. You shouldn’t avoid talking about serious topics because you are worried about sparking an argument. You shouldn’t bottle up your emotions because you are nervous to tell them what you want from them, what you need from them, what you expect from them.⁠⠀ When you love someone, you have to be blunt with them. You shouldn’t give them the silent treatment until they guess what is bothering you. You shouldn’t expect them to read your mind. You should sit them right down to talk out your feelings, to express what has been going through your mind, because they are never going to guess. Playing games is only a waste of your time. It will only prolong the argument. It will only give your anger a chance to build and build until you explode.⁠⠀ When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is make them feel bad about themselves, but you have to let them know when you are upset with them, when you are angry with them, when you are annoyed with them. You have to give them the truth even when it hurts — but do so in a mature, respectful manner. You shouldn’t start screaming at them. You shouldn’t start making accusations.⁠⠀ You should aim to get your point across without acting too combative, too stubborn, too passionate, because they probably never meant to hurt you. They probably didn’t even realize you were hurt until you said something. That is why you have to speak up. You have to be upfront about your emotions.⁠⠀ If you pretend everything is fine when you are secretly annoyed, then your person will never realize they’ve done something wrong. They will continue to make the same mistakes again and again because they won’t realize it was a mistake.⁠⠀ You might think you are helping the relationship by letting problems slide, but you are actually doing yourself a disservice. You shouldn’t hold back your emotions because you are worried about causing drama or starting a fight. You should release those emotions in order to improve your relationship, in order to grow stronger as a team.⁠⠀

[xsinfullove]

You wanted to try again with him, and what happened? Did things change like he said it would? Did he change like he promised he did? Did being with him again bring you the happiness he made you hope for? No, none of those things happened and once again, you're back to arguing with him, you're back to being disappointed because of him, and you're back to hating yourself for trying to see the good in him. I know that being with him feels comforting, I know being with him feels right, and I know being with him is something your heart wants, but the reality of your relationship with him is it'll never get better and the more you expect it to get better, the most hurt you'll be when everything keeps getting worse than it already is. He's only everything you need him to be when he loses you and once he gets back you back, he falls right back into mistreating you, not appreciating you, and being ungrateful for you. The cycle starts itself all over when he'll eventually lose you again and then he'll beg for you to come back and when you do, all of this happens again. Aren't you tired to coming back just to leave again? You've been weak and vulnerable for too long when it comes to him and it's time for you to be stronger for yourself. You're only in this position because you've allowed yourself to be. You need to wake up and see that he is only breaking you and you've put yourself back together too many times for him to just break you again. The next time he loses you, make sure he lost you for good.

[xsinfullove]

It's easy to run back to someone who you're comfortable and familiar with because that's who you felt safe with. It's easy to fall back into the same pattern and routine with someone because that's someone you're used to. It's easy to get back into that endless cycle of the same useless and stupid arguments over and over again with someone because that's someone you've already come to fully accept. It's easy to take someone who's hurt you and doesn't deserve to be with you back because that's what love does to you. What's hard is starting over with someone new where you already have someone who's always been there. What's hard is getting to know someone new when you already have someone who knows you inside and out. What's hard is opening up to someone new when you've already let someone else in. What's hard is giving everything to someone new when there's already someone who's taken everything away from you and hasn't given it back. And because you want someone who deserves you, but you're not showing people you deserve better because you've settled for the same thing for so long, you think that is as good as it's going to get for you and you know what? Maybe it will be if you keep yourself trapped with them. Let's be real. Moving on is hard. Getting over somebody is difficult. The whole process will hurt and it'll keep on hurting. Just know that it won't hurt forever and in time, you'll be okay. You can't be weak and give into those feelings that'll just bring you back into a toxic relationship and make you more miserable than happy. If you're going to start over with that someone, then do it right. Don't just get back together and damage each other even more. Give each other time and space to figure out what's best for you. But if not, then just be in a relationship with yourself and make yourself happy. You got this.

[xsinfullove]

The idea of dating is finding a human being to just vibe with romantically & sexually. Someone you could laugh, with, share a dark history with & ultimately, look forward to a better future with. You both know that maybe it won't last forever but you both enjoy it until it's over. We don’t got time for that cheating shit or to be lying to eachother, let's start having healthy breakups. Instead of regrets, let's look back on a relationships & say, "yeah, I'll do it all over again" The point of relationships is to vibe until whatever happens... It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

[xsinfullove]

How to survive a break up

https://prezi.com/view/tCkdHZW9aTfwBKj5ZlTs/

[pisces-amor]

"You've actually got to choose yourself before other people, because no ones got a heart like you."

[xsinfullove]

Beware of the day she gives up because that means she’s reached her boiling point. It means that she’s been holding on and trying for far too long. It means she’s tried all the tricks in the book and she’s finally realizing that this is who you are and this is who you’ll always be. It means she’s finally quitting you and winning herself back.

Beware of the day she chooses herself because that means that she won’t accommodate your games anymore. It means that you won’t get away with another mistake. It means she won’t believe another lie. Beware of the day she decides to treat you the same way you treat her because that marks the beginning of the end.

Beware of the day she takes all her love back because it simply means that she’s not scared of losing you anymore. She’s not afraid of letting you go. Because everything she’s ever done was an attempt to keep you. Everything she’s ever done was her way of trying to hold on for as long as she could because she knew that if she reached that moment; there’s no turning back. She knew that if she starts to look at the red flags she once ignored, she can’t unsee them. She knew that if she probed your relationship further she’s going to find more emptiness than depth, more lies than honesty and she’s going to figure out eventually that your love was fake.

Beware of the day she finds out that your love was fake because that day will be the day you lose her forever. That will be the day where every single attempt to win her back will fail. That will be the day that all the fighting in the world won’t bring her back. That will be the day you’ll know for sure that she ran out of chances to give you, that her heart ran out of forgiveness, ran out of love, ran out of trust and ran out of patience. That will be the day she warned you about one time and you took it lightly and it will be the day that will haunt you every time you remember all the times you let her down, all the times you didn’t treat her right almost certain that she’ll never leave. Beware of the day she leaves, because it will be the day when you least expect it to. It will happen so quickly that you won’t even have a chance to say goodbye.

[xsinfullove]

One day, if you haven’t already, you’re going to meet someone and immediately realize that you’ve found a soul friend. She’s the friend that you can message at any time of the day and you’ll surely get a reply. She’s the friend that will leave you a random message saying that you should make sure not to do anything too crazy and that she’s always there if you need anyone to talk to. She’s the friend that will tell you to text her when you get home so she knows that you arrived safely. She’s the friend that lets you gush about the guy you’re crushing on, but laughs at you because you two have never even spoken. She’s the friend that reminds you that you can do anything as long as you have the guts to go for it. She’s the friend that you can talk to about your dreams. She’s the friend that will laugh at you when you fall but is also the first one to pick you up. She’s the friend that will tell you that she’ll punch the air out of the boy who keeps on hurting you. She’s the friend that will tell you that it’s all going to be okay. She’s the friend that always says she loves you and shows it with every action. She’s the friend that knows everything you’ve been through. She’s the friend that knows your deepest, darkest secrets but never judges you. She’s the friend that reminds you that you deserve so much better. She’s the friend that always says, “I got you,” and actually means it. She’s the friend that tells you that you are strong and that she believes in you. She’s the friend that reminds you to eat when you’re too busy to remember on your own. She’s the friend that tells you that true friendship can’t be measured by how long you’ve known each other. She’s the friend that made you believe you can do anything. If you’re lucky enough to have this person in your life already — thank them, for it makes growing up and getting hurt and falling in love and simply just being, so much easier, so much more manageable, when you have someone like that by your side.

[xsinfullove]

Never settle for someone who treats you like a backup plan. Someone who puts you second instead of making you the first priority. Never settle for someone who picks and chooses when to answer your texts. Someone who makes you wait for a reply. Never settle for someone who tells you how much you mean to them, but never proves it. Someone who says all of the right things, but never does the right things. You should never be treated like a second choice. You should never be a part of the background. An afterthought. You should be the first and only person they think about when they wake up in the morning. You should be the person they can’t wait to see, the person they’re eager to text back. Wait for someone who shows up on time. Someone who follows through on their promises. Wait for someone who calls you up to deliver good news, because you’re the first person they thought of telling. Someone who makes an effort to include you in their life. Wait for someone who has an actual interest in what you have to say, not someone who wants you to be quiet so they can talk about their day. Not someone who is secretly thinking about other things while you speak. Wait for someone who makes it clear they care about you, that they’re willing to commit to you. Someone who lets their friends, their parents, and their Facebook/Instagram friends know that you are their person, forever and always. Please, never settle for someone who puts you second, because you deserve to be the first priority

[xsinfullove]

A soulmate isn’t someone who completes you. No, a soulmate is someone who inspires you to complete yourself. A soulmate is someone who does not judge you for your flaws. A soulmate is someone who sees your jagged edges, who sees the parts of you that have been weathered by love and my life, who sees the wars that you fight, and who chooses to stand beside you. A soulmate is someone who watches as you confront your scars from the inside; always encouraging you to heal on your own time, in your own way; always encouraging you to keep going. A soulmate is someone who challenges you to challenge yourself. Someone who sees the potential that courses through your bones, and who lets you know exactly what you are capable of. They help you to open your eyes, to come to terms with the fact that you are powerful beyond measure. They see you in ways that you have never been able to see yourself, and they are not afraid to inspire you until you finally see it too. See, a soulmate is someone who is not afraid of your growth. They do not feel the need to close you off, to protect you from becoming as big as you were always meant to be. They do not feel inadequate when they see you soar when they see something new within your spark. A soulmate is someone who will never vilify you for changing, for doing the things you have always held yourself back from doing because a soulmate knows that you are building yourself into someone you are proud of, and that is so beautiful to them — that is what they have always hoped for you. So no, a soulmate does not complete you — they inspire you to complete yourself. A soulmate is a person who supports your direction, who motivates and encourages you to stretch, to change, to reinvent yourself until you are happy. A soulmate is someone who loves you with so much conviction, and so much heart, that it is nearly impossible to doubt just how capable you are of becoming exactly who you have always wanted to be.

[xsinfullove]

And I know. I know how difficult it is to move on, to heal. But I promise you — you are going to survive this. You are. Little by little, a gentle light will begin to replace the darkness. Hope will override some of the shadows. You’ll start to enjoy being with your friends. You might even laugh. You won’t be so afraid of spending time alone, because you won’t be so scared of your own thoughts. You’ll start to trust yourself again, and trust your heart again. And then you will begin to understand. You’ll playback the memories in your mind, and you’ll actually start to see some of the flaws and glitches, the moments when things were not right. You’ll see the messiness. You’ll begin to understand that the heartbreak was already there, and you’ll understand why there could not have been an alternate ending. Though it hurts, you will begin to realize that this ending had to happen exactly how it did and when it did. This is how it had to be. You will mourn the loss and the absence of someone you once cared for, and maybe you still care for, but you will finally understand that what happened was meant to happen. And little by little, you will begin to move on. You will know that you deserve more. You will know that if you try to rewind the story, you will only be hurt again, by the same story. You will finally know that something better awaits you. And you will finally learn that everything you need to be able to heal is already inside of you. The courage, the compassion, the bravery, and the strength, are all within you. You will learn that being alone does not mean being lonely. And once you know this, you will begin to heal. And then, in time, the color will return to your world, and the sparkle will return to your eyes. And then, in time, you will heal. 

[xsinfullove]

No, you have to love her more. As a man, you always have to love her more. When you tell her “I love you more”, you have to be ready for what that means and everything that comes with. You have to love her more than any argument you’ll ever have with her. You have to love her more than any disagreement you’ll ever encounter with her. You have to love her more than those days where she’s indecisive and doesn’t know what she wants. You have to love her than those days where she’s easily irritable and finds everything around her annoying including you. You have to love her more than all of the hardships you’ll face together and not let it separate you two apart. By loving her more, you have to know her better than she knows herself. By loving her more, you have to bear with her while she’s learning and growing out of her toxic traits. By loving her more, you have to be patient with her enough to try to understand her opinions even if you guys aren’t on the same page. By loving her more, you have to be there for her no matter who is in the right or wrong because no problem is bigger than the relationship. That’s what it means to love her more.

[xsinfullove]

Stay single until falling in love means finding a partner, not a purpose.

Stay single until you have concrete goals, and plans, and dreams, and places you want to go. Find purpose within yourself, so that the person who one day becomes your significant other will always be a teammate and partner but never the sole reason that you have to exist.

Stay single until you know who you are outside of whoever you date.

Stay single until you understand yourself outside of the relationship you’re in – where you know what kind of person you are and what you like and what you want to spend your days doing, without needing a significant other to define those things for you.

Stay single until you love yourself enough so that another person’s love makes you joyful and happy and full, but not whole.

Stay single until your own self-love is enough for you. Stay single until you learn how to be proud of yourself when you accomplish something, and how to be gentle with yourself when you fail. Become someone who knows how to love their own company, so that you can still find joy and fullness with a significant other without ever depending on them for completeness and wholeness.

Stay single until you love yourself for the right reasons.

Stay single until you become someone who lives boldly.

Stay single until you’re someone who makes an effort to feel alive every day. Stay single until you are someone who makes yourself try things that scare you, and things that expand your world, and things that are outside of your comfort zone. Become the kind of person whose thirst and thrill and joy for life are constant companions among you, so that you never become complacent or idle or empty.

Stay single until you become someone like this. And once you do, take your time to enjoy it. Remember that you are not becoming this person for someone else, you are becoming this person for you. If a soulmate happens to come into the picture, great. They will only be bringing more joy, and laughter, and lightness into a life that is already complete, and filled, and whole.

[xsinfullove]

Successful relationships require a lot of effort. Relationships are never perfect. It's something you're gonna have to work on. This is why women observe how much effort a guy puts in for her during the courting stage. But what is the definition of effort? An effort is not taking you out to dinner and paying for it. It's not picking you up with a car and driving you to certain places. It's not even the random roses on your front door. The real effort is going out of your way to make someone feel special. It is saving up for a date to make sure it fits in his budget. An effort is keeping you company on the way home even when he doesn't have a car. It's buying you flowers with the little change left in his pocket instead of spending it on things he likes. This is a real effort. Sure, some other guy could pay for a date every night. But he's making loads of cash and he's only spending 10% of it on you. Sure that other guy could pick you up and take you to the places you wanna go but he already has a car and that's completely hassle-free. Sure he's buying you bouquets of flowers but what's that compared to the money he makes? So before you become blinded by all the shiny things he can offer, ask yourself the following question. Take away the convenience, would he still do it? True effort is not what you give. It's how much you give compared to what you have.

[xsinfullove]

There’s a difference between someone who likes you and someone who appreciates you. There’s a difference between someone who thinks you’re convenient and someone who thinks you’re irreplaceable. There’s a difference between someone who thinks you’re hot and someone who thinks you’re beautiful. There’s a difference between someone who likes you for your body and someone who likes you for your soul. There’s a difference between someone who wants to spend quality time with you and someone who’s just looking for someone to entertain them. There’s a difference between someone who wants to keep you in their life forever and someone who wants you for a little while. There’s a difference between someone who loves the idea of you and someone who’s in love with you. There’s a difference between someone who keeps showing what you mean to them effortlessly and someone who shows you only when you ask them to. There’s a difference between someone you can count on and someone who finds excuses for not being there. There’s a difference between someone who sees a home in you and someone who only sees a vacation. They both exist. They both fulfill a certain need, but you have to ask yourself first what you’re truly looking for and where this person is or where this person can meet you. You have to ask yourself if you’re asking for too much or you’re just asking the wrong person. And most importantly, you have to be honest with yourself if you’re with someone who’s not on the same page. If you’re with someone who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved. And if you know the answer and you’re afraid to make a decision, you just have to do it because nothing is worse than living a lie. Nothing is worse than trying to find love and happiness in the middle of heartbreak and chaos. You can never bloom in the wrong environment. You can never shine with someone who doesn't see your light. Because it can only be one of two things; there’s no in-between. It’s either the real deal or another fraud.

[xsinfullove]

No, he's not busy. No, his phone didn't die. No, he didn't forget to text you back. No, it's not that he hasn't been on his phone. No, it's not that he doesn't have service. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he has nothing to say to you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he isn't thinking about you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he doesn't miss you. No, it's not because he "sucks at texting back" and it's not because he doesn't call you back in 5 minutes like he says he would, but it's simply because he doesn't want to. No, it's not because he isn't receiving your texts and tells you "I never got it" when it clearly says "Delivered" right after you pressed send, but it's simply because he purposely ignores your messages and leaves you on Read or Seen. If he's not talking to you but he's able to be active on social media, that should be enough to show you that he doesn't prioritize you the way you prioritize him. Stop trying to convince yourself that you'll eventually hear from him. Stop trying to make yourself believe that there's a good reason as to why he isn't talking to you. Stop trying to force yourself to wait until he decides to make time for you. If he can't even do the little things like say good morning, ask you how your day is going, tell you about his day, and say good night to you so that you don't go to bed feeling unimportant, you need to let him go because what you deserve is consistency.