BNHA shitposts Ig

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Kaminari: *mumbling to himself* Golden retrievers don’t even retrieve gold....so why....

Mina: Are-Kami are you ok?

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Kaminari: *trying to open the bathroom door but it’s locked* ughhh seriously man?! Again?!?!

Bakugou: *has been in the bathroom for over an hour* It’s a long process to look this good Spark ass

Kaminari: *mockingly* And I thought you ‘woke up perfect’

Bakugou: *steps out of the bathroom looking like a 35/10* Oh please dumbass, that’s just something hot people say to make the extras feel inferior.

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Todoroki: Midoriya why are you still up?

Midoriya: When someone says they want to lick and kiss a person’s entire body...that includes their elbows. 

Todoroki: Babe it’s four in the morning-

Midoriya: *in tears* Why don’t you ever kiss my elbows???

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Aizawa: Ok class, what are your thoughts on evolution?

Kaminari: *hand shoots up* 

Aizawa: *long sigh* Yes Kaminari?

Kaminari: It’s how we’ve come this far in society today!

Aizawa: *mildly impressed* ok, now is this a good thing for humanity that we’ve evolved further than other species?

Kaminari: Well i think it’s a good thing crocodiles don’t have guns.

Kaminari: *quietly to himself* yet.

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Bakugou: *slams the door open* Get your shit babe we’re going on a date!

Kirishima: Awesome!! Wait..where are we going?

Bakugou: There’s a layer of fresh snow over deku’s car, get the food coloring, we’re gonna draw dicks on it!

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Mina: *grabs kiri’s face* HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING CUTE?! LIKE WhAt?!?!

Kirishima: *face all squished* uhm? shank chu??

Sero: Should we be concerned?

Kaminari: *grabbing the nearest object and holding it out in defense* Not until she comes toward us.

Mina: *turns with a devilish grin* Guess who’s next *starts walking toward him* 

Kaminari: *fear filled shrieking* 

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Midoriya: I think you’re so breathtakingly beautiful

Todoroki: First of all, thank you, and second, what is wrong with you? I look like mayo and ketchup had a secret love child. * pointed look at his smol bean boyfriend for any signs of worry* *sighs and hugs Midoriya*

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Aizawa: I’ve done it. 

Midoriya: Done what exactly?

Present mic: He has four cats, two twins that he named bread and the other two are peanutbutter and jam.

Aizawa: A hero sandwhich. 

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Kirishima: B-Babe, are you ok?

Bakugou: *on the ground with a dog on all fours, pulling on one side of a chew toy with his mouth, the dog with the other end* One sec babe, can’t let him win! *continues playing tug of war and growling*

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Midoriya: Fight me!

Todoroki: Fuck you?!

Midoriya: *blushing like a madman, heart beating out of his chest* N-N-N-N-N-NO I-I-I-I-I-I S-S-S-S-SAID FIGHT ME!

Todoroki: *unbuttoning his shirt* Well damn alright Izu, just climb into bed.

Midoriya: *ungodly squawking*

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Midoriya: Todo-kun is the cutest thing in the world!

Uraraka: Oh yeah, what’d he do this time?

Midoriya: *smiling* I was baking cookies and he wanted to help, I went to put on his apron and he thought I was gonna hug him, so he just stood there hugging me for about five minutes. *giggles*

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Uraraka: Come on Iida-kun, it’s just your costume, you look great!

Iida: I can’t believe I let you pick my costume, I look ridiculous!! Thsi is unacceptable!

Uraraka: Awhh come on *pouts* I tried really hard, and I just wanted to make you laugh..

Iida: *sighs and walks out, wearing an obnoxious sonic the hedgehog halloween costume*

Uraraka: *squeals* Awhhh!!! You look so handsome!!! I could just kiss you!! *blushes* B-But I won’t. 

Iida: *bright red* Y-Yes that would b-be unprofessional...unless?

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Midoriya: Come on Todo, let’s go trick or treating!!

Todoroki: That’s where you go up to houses and the parents give you gym brochures and yell at you for not looking strong enough to pull your own weight in the world, right Midoriya?

Midoriya: Baby...Your dad was such a horrible person! We’e going to go to people’s doors and say “Trick or Treat!” and they’ll give us candy...

Todoroki: *shocked* oh, oh I like that on much better. *smiles*

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Kirishima: I’ll beat the shit out of you!

Bakugou: Hah! Fucking try it sweetie!

Kirishima: *pissed off* Fine! I’ll beat the shit out of myself!!

Bakugou: *instant soft boi* B-Baby no...

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Kirishima: *being an adorable lil shaky boi* *giggling and blushing* 

Bakugou:

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Kirishima: *making out with Bakugou* *jumps* b-babe?

Bakugou: *smirks* 

~later that day~

Kirishima: *confused and almost in tears* He??? Bit??? My??? Tongue???

Mina: *nodding* I know baby, I know. 

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Kirishima: What’s your favorite color Midoriya?

Midoriya: *deadpan and plain faced* Void of existential anguish black. 

Kirishima: Wha-

Midoriya: *giggles* but pink is a pretty color too!