perspective

i live for misery

[xxbleed]

it all started with a "hey" now, isn't that always the story you looked at me like I'm the only thing that mattered in this chaos of a world we wanted to escape

it was the way your eyes stared it was the way your words flared but it was also the way I got caught up in your sweet sin slowly, trembling everything at once until we're both gasping for air

I wasn't supposed to get entangled but I was a rose who fell for its thorns or so I thought you played me like a fool disguised as a beautiful nightmare waiting to happen

the hardest part of it all isn't re-opening these wounds but telling myself another story of how I got these scars we lived in different realities and I lived in one where we didn't exist

i was a drug that got you off the arms that suffocate you i was a book that you wrote but never actually read i was the cigarette that met your lying lips your salvation with every breath until you were done, and i got stepped on until i was the one who couldn't breathe

and i still can't fucking breathe but i'm trying

[xxbleed]

I feel like I have detached myself from everyone and everything that I lost myself. I don’t feel “me” anymore. I don’t even know what “me” feels likes. I sometimes come across songs that I haven’t listened to in a while and I start to cry. Because for a moment there I feel like I’m that person again but when I look at where I am, I am walking to work, to a job where I feel like shit everyday. I wish I could have been more.. “friendly”, I don’t know. I wish I could have spent more time with more people. I think I just got tired of trying to fit in people’s lives and I realized they’re all doing just fine without me. Maybe if I’m actually wanted, my absence will be noticed. But that’s not how this world works. I guess I got tired of trying so hard to be a part of this, a part of that, and nothing really mattered. I really didn’t matter. I really didn’t belong anywhere. Now I’m stuck in a rot and I don’t know how to talk to people anymore. 

And I guess now’s the time I can truly say, I don’t really have friends.

It’s sucks but it’s true. Now my life is just a routine-based cycle of trying to survive. And I don’t see the point anymore.

[themotherofrevelation]

<em>Detachment is ultimately a self-defense strategy.</em>

[prospects]

[xxbleed]

No one comes here anymore so I guess I’ll just come back.

Hello again.

[nitration]

[808vibesss]

[owlskintrenary]

[love-personal]

[imalikshake-deactivated20130818]

[tamper]

[melisica]

(by Chrissie White)

[bookmania]

[nikolawashere]

[analactica]

[chrisathanasiadis]

[xxbleed]

I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.

Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers