xxvii

ONE DAY I WILL FINALLY LEARN TO STOP TOUCHING THE WOUND

[suspend]

[remanence-of-love]

[se1fcare-deactivated20170911]

[xxviixxvi]

I’m not sure if you’ll ever get to come back to this page, but I hope you do. It’s rare to find a moment where I feel like someone hears me, especially in the midst of my overwhelming loneliness. Despite my undying loyalty, I know deep down I should have walked away the moment I discovered I was pregnant and he couldn’t be bothered to join me for support at the doctor’s, choosing instead to indulge in video games.

Admitting this is painful, but my first child was a surprise, and marriage wasn’t part of my plan. Yet, I stayed, ignoring all the warning signs. Now, four years later, I feel like a shell of myself, trapped and lifeless. I desperately wanted a way out, but it feels impossible. As much as I ache for my children to have a better life, they also deserve to have a father figure present, leaving me torn between their well-being and my own despair.

I can’t keep living like this, but the thought of leaving feels like an insurmountable obstacle.

It feels as though I must have been a murderer in a past life to endure such relentless pain in this one. I wouldn’t wish this level of suffering on anyone. Each day is a battle, and I’m reaching my breaking point. I desperately need support, but it seems there’s no one around. I’m so isolated that I can’t even find someone to talk to.

[thesurfslab]

[ponchopeligroso]

every single person you know has something in their life and past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollably sobbing heap over, so be nice to each other and tell good jokes

[fairycosmos]

it's like i am literally never going to own a house or find authentic love or escape the clutches of late stage capitalism so really what am i living for

[ashstfu]

been thinking about everything too much and i’m realizing how lonely we all are and how we get up each day trying to get out of this bubble of sadness thats around us and how hard we try to ignore the fact that everything ends someday but oh despite everything there’s still love

[4x01]

saw a tiktok of a mother taking her very tiny daughter to an art museum and she’s just walking around going “whoooa” “woooaah” to everything but then they got to a marble statue of a nude woman lying on her back and the girl points and goes “mommy🫵” and i just immediately welled up with tears and all the comments are just laughing about it and of course it’s funny but how are you not insanely moved by the way art connects everyone on earth from a centuries-old sculptor to a toddler in 2023

[xxviixxvi]

Imagine i’m in my snug mushroom abode, nestled deep within the woods, with a diminutive chimney puffing hints of warmth into the air, I reside in blissful obscurity. No one knows of my existence as I craft soups in a tiny pot, relishing the freedom that envelopes me within these charming, secluded quarters.

[exactly-img]

[xxviixxvi]

Over time, you'll grasp that certain things function only under duress. Squares might slot into circles, but only if you shrink them. You act as a hammer, thrusting into spaces where you're out of place, serving those who wield you like a nail. What occurs when the nail loosens? You're left wide open—a tiny puncture in a universe that witnessed the Big Bang. Cosmic wonders fill your vision, and a yearning for approval fills your heart. Yet, you're a square, and some folks are circles. Don't diminish yourself to fit in.

[xxviixxvi]

This morning, fatigue weighed me down. In the quiet, the sun hesitated to touch my sheets. I gazed at my ceiling, as if its subtle pattern held the elusive truths I sought. But the white blurred, and I tumbled into the void. In those brief minutes, I lived an eternity, cycling through my life, each round more challenging than the last. I'm exhausted—the kind that stems from grappling with the futility, fragility, and brokenness of it all, yet unable to halt the descent.

[facinaoris]

How to Cure a Ghost, Fariha Róisín

[weltenwellen]

Hieu Minh Nguyen, from “The Understudy”

[xxviixxvi]

I hang my body on a hanger, stashing it behind winter coats. I let skin fade to bone, bone to a secret whispered behind my teeth—a name buried alongside the echoes of the past. Skeletons reside in my closet, and the irony leaves a bitter taste on my tongue.

[xxviixxvi]

Loneliness hits me hard, and I'm just done settling for it. There's a fine line between standing up for yourself and wasting your breath. I've spent way too much time overthinking how to fix things with people who hurt me. I go home, turn off the lights, and it's like, enough already.