Krista broke every mold. Every last mold. Krista was 5’6, 293 lbs and curvy as the day was long. Krista liked getting massages and her nails done. Krista liked rom-com’s and cheesecake. Krista sang with EVERY song that came on.
And Krista was the best lumberjack Forest Greene LLC. ever had. Ever. Most of the guys she worked with couldn’t stand her. Every day she chopped circles around them. They’d leave to go home, and she’d still be there, chopping away.
Krista liked chopping trees. Because each tree represented an ex-boyfriend in her life. For every man she had ever dated that hurt her, used her, abused her, she’d manifest them into a tree.
Then swing an axe at it until it cried splinters.
December 31st was unseasonably warm. Krista didn’t have New Year’s Eve plans, so she went to the site to cut more trees. She saw a patch that was close to the river bank and grabbed the axe and chainsaw (just in case) and headed over.
“Hello Justin”, she said, walking up to a particularly scrawny looking tree. She grabbed the axe and smiled. This would be so easy. Less than ten chops if she had to count.
Krista grabbed her gloves, picked up the axe and swung it hard. It bounced. It literally bounced off the tree. She picked up the axe, perplexed and tried again. Again, the axe bounced.
Even more perplexed, Krista took the axe to the grinder, sharpened it a bit, and tested it on a nearby log. With one swift stroke, she split the log in half.
Walking back over to the tree, she picked up the axe once more, and swung it hard.
“I don’t care how strong you think you are”, Krista said in between swings, “you’re going down, Justin!”
The first swing chipped away at the outside bark, leaving a nick in the wood.
The second swing hit a little deeper, taking more bark with it, and Krista laughed loudly.
“Remember Christmas, Justin?” she said, with another hit. “Remember me trying to explain my swollen jaw?”
With every chop, another part of Krista’s soul healed. But she wasn’t done. She needed to hear one more thing.
Krista picked up the axe, closed her eyes, and recited a small incantation. She picked up the axe, and swung at the tree one last time.
The scream echoed in the air, and suddenly a small face formed in the tree, looking directly at her as it tipped and fell over.
“What the hell!” the tree yelled, as it lay on the ground, looking up. “Krista?”
Krista grabbed the axe and with a swift blow, cut another chunk of tree off the trunk part the still stood.
“AAAAHHH!!!! Stop that!” Justin the tree screamed.
“Why?” Krista said, standing the axe upright, leaning on it slightly. ”You liked hitting me, right?”
“You deserved to be hit, you little…”
“Wrong answer”, Krista said, and swung the axe again into the tree bark, chopping another huge chunk off.
“Wait! Wait!” Justin the tree exclaimed. “We can talk. You like talking, right?”
“I’m listening”, Krista said with a smirk. “Go ahead.”
“I shouldn’t have treated you that way”, Justin the tree said. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“And you were good to me”, he said, sawdust pouring from the trees cuts.
“Very good”, Krista said.
“So...let’s just forgive and forget”, he said, his tree branches flailing about.
The tree breathed a sigh of relief. “Can I go back now?” Justin the tree said. “Can I go back to my body?”
“Oh, I’m afraid not”, Krista said.
“So, I just live like a tree now?” Justin the tree said, anger rising in his voice.
“No. Not live.” Krista brought the axe up and swiftly began chopping away at the remaining parts of the tree, her happy singing overshadowing his screams. When she finished, she gather the logs, and placed them in the pile over in the corner. She looked down at her watch.
“3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!” she said to herself, as she moved over to the next tree towards the bank.
In a living room, not far away, a beautiful woman silently prayed a prayer of thanks as her boyfriend Justin dropped dead in the middle of hitting her face for the fourth time.
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