Holy Jeebus!

Because I couldn't think of anything cool to do with the holyjeeb.us domain.

[yardboy]

Funny Parenting Tweets

Wife: don't forget to pick the kids up from school Me: it's Saturday, they're both upstairs Wife: it's Wednesday & we have 3 kids

— David Hughes (@david8hughes)

September 30, 2015

My wife and I have decided that we don't want any kids. Unfortunately we have two.

— Rick Aaron (@RickAaron)

February 18, 2013

"Dad, you called me my brother's name." I'm sorry *30 second pause* little dude.

— Nice Eric (@ericsshadow)

March 12, 2015

Parenting is like being a juggler except all the balls are screaming.

— Kalvin MacGhoul (@KalvinMacleod)

September 11, 2015

Movie tickets for 4: $56 Popcorn: $16 Hot dogs: $20 Sodas: $14 Candy: $15 Parking: $5 Seeing the smiles on your family's faces: $126

— Woody (@WoodyLuvsCoffee)

December 9, 2015

watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college

— Josh (@iwearaonesie)

January 27, 2014

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.

— keith (@tchrquotes)

March 13, 2016

Me: Jeez my phone is ringing off the hook. Kids: What hook? Me: I hate your generation.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35)

June 8, 2016

7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop? Me: Of course! 7 y/o: Really? Me: Why do you think they call them "Number 2" pencils?

— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski)

May 27, 2015

[soccer game] Lady: which one's yours? Me: u see the kid out there scoring all the goals? He's the one next to him pretending he's a zombie

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew)

April 2, 2016

[smokeandsong]

[yardboy]

Haha

[gifsboom]

[yardboy]

Cool

[yardboy]

Yeah, so here's the problem...

Me: Hi. I need to know date of the last time I used my card at a particular retailer. It's been several years. Is it possible to determine this?

Rep: Good morning! Thank you for contacting Card Services chat.

R: So since it's been several years, and we can only go back 1 year from now, we would need to mail statements to you.

R: Or fax.

R: What would be your preference?

Cayce Balara: Mail. Will you send me all statements with charges from that retailer, or just the most recent one?

R: If you know exactly the date then we can send you the statement or two statements for safety.

[yardboy]

Bristol Palin Whining About SNL and Tina Fey:

Bristol Palin whines about SNL and Tina Fey on her blog: "I’m sure many of you saw Tina Fey, who sounds nothing like my mom, do a skit based on my Mom’s endorsement of Donald Trump."

She sounds exactly like your mother. Exaggerated for effect, sure, because it’s more caricature than impersonation, but otherwise exactly like her.

"I don’t know about you, but hearing her fake accent is like nails on a chalkboard for me!"

Pot, meet Kettle. That's exactly how a lot of us feel about your mom’s real voice.

"Saturday Night Live and Fey have been clinging to this impersonation a little too long. It’s getting pathetic. Its been 7 years!"

Current events have always been a part of SNL. The impersonation came back because your mom chose to step back into the spotlight. And with that rambling, incoherent, nonsense salad of an endorsement speech, she pretty much begged to be mocked again. Plain and simple. 

[scorpiondagger]

[octogonal-prism-blog]

You know you’ve done it.

[yardboy]

Lana!

[yardboy]

No. Slayer is Speed Metal, which is real metal. Europe is a Hair Band, which is fake hair. And not metal.

me, explaining to wife why they’re not “both metal bands”. 

[yardboy]

Still looking for explanation of what the heights of the bars in our local news’ 7-day weather forecast mean.

[yardboy]

It's 40 squares.

[nevver]

In Jeopardy! - Where is the Daily Double?

[yardboy]

“Sarah Palin is like Tim Tebow. Her fans love her, her critics hate her, she can win a national championship in college. But to play in the NFL is a whole different level of talent.”

"Palin Is Not Really Running For President" http://m.washingtonexaminer.com/palin-is-not-really-running-for-president/article/255929

[yardboy]

The Slap. How hitting someone without aggression can be intimate.

[devopsreactions]

Pair-programming

[snipeyhead]

by g1t

(via devopsreactions)

[yardboy]

Ha.

[yardboy]

If Marriott wants its housekeepers to earn more, it should pay them more, rather than blithely suggesting that their customers do it for them

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/09/should-you-tip-your-hotel-maid.html

[yardboy]

Meet the Australian Who's Saved 160 People from Suicide

He says he does his best with each person, and if he loses one, he accepts that there was nothing more he could have done.

[fastcodesign]

10 Awesome Photos Of People Shooting Out Of Waterslides