That was all Caleb could think to say, the words choking out of him, breaking in the air between them. He had to know, before anything else. He’d had so many dreams where this had happened (albeit not in a wooded graveyard in the middle of nowhere), so many desperate wishes given form as torturously sweet dreams that had quickly turned into nightmares as soon as his eyes opened and he remembered everything.
He couldn’t bear it again. He just wasn’t strong enough to hope, to believe he was really here and then have it be a lie, a mistake. Not again. It was agony enough every single morning. He had to be sure before he went even a single step further.
“Is it really you, Mollymauk?”
The tiefling in front of him shifted awkwardly in the doorway of the tiny cottage, suddenly aware of several sets of stunned eyes on him after he’d followed the strange pink firbolg out into the afternoon sunlight and changed everything. He was thinner, somehow younger looking in his blank, wide eyed confusion and underneath the white linen shirt he wore, there was the unmistakable raised, puckered, painful skin of a halfway healed scar lancing across his chest. The coat was gone, the jewels on his horns, the huge, wickedly curved swords and wickedly curved smile. But it was unmistakably him. Mollymauk Tealeaf. The piece of Caleb’s heart that had been torn away.
His mouth had to work a while before any sound came out, it was as if he’d forgotten how. Caleb could remember how it had felt to kiss that mouth, have it open parts of him that he’d thought he’d simply hadn’t been made with. It had been weeks but he still remembered.
“Em…empty?”
The words broke his heart into pieces but the voice kept him tumbling to his knees. It was him. Not a dream, not a hallucination in the midst of a wild fit of grief, not an apparition brought on by a bard in a tavern playing a song Molly had always used to hum on the road.
He didn’t care that the others were watching, he didn’t care that they were still technically a secret, Caleb closed the gap between him and the man he’d loved and lost within a few strides and threw his arms around him.
There was a heartbeat where the tiefling stayed tense and wooden but it was gone quickly and soon he was clinging to Caleb with equal strength, equal relief. His tail moved and wrapped around Caleb’s leg, the way it always used to and his fingers fastened tightly in the tangled thicket of rust red hair, the way they always used to.
And Caleb felt like he could breathe again.
“He just turned up one day covered in soil,” the firbolg was telling the rest of them, sounding far away and distant, “All he can say is that one word but it seemed like he was waiting for something…”
Us,Caleb thought, tears burning behind his eyelids, he was waiting for us.
“Empty…e-empty…” Mollymauk rasped. It really did seem to be all he could say but the cadence was never the same, the words he wanted to say pushing through slightly like the lines of mountains on a well faded map but enough for Caleb to understand. He’d always been able to understand what Molly hid just below the surface.
I know you…
Caleb drew back and cupped Molly’s face between his hands, managing a smile. He hadn’t smiled in a long time, the muscles pulled in shock at being asked to move that way. Almost like when he’d first met Mollymauk.
“I’m Caleb, Molly,” he murmured, keeping his voice low simply because it seemed only appropriate in the muffled quiet of the grove with its hanging fronds of lichen and whispering stream, not because he was trying to hide his words from the rest of the still stunned Nein. They had gone far past that.
“You and I…I know how strange this sounds but we were…we are…I love you. I never got the chance to say it before but it’s true, I promise it’s true, I love you. I was so broken when I met you, Molly, but you helped me heal and you showed me what loving someone could be like. You made me feel things no one ever had before, you held me when I cried, you…you made me feel like I was worth something.”
Molly blinked slowly, absorbing all of that, “Empty…”
The same cadence again. I know you…
Caleb’s face split into a wider grin, “That’s right. You know me and I know you. I don’t know who decided I deserved to have you back in my life, Molly, but thank the gods for them. I’m not making the same mistake twice. I love you. I love you so much.”
The ghost of a smile flickered across Mollymauk’s face, light as a firefly, until it died away. His voice lowered, his tone became apologetic, fearful, “Empty…”
“It’s okay, Molly,” Caleb soothed, stroking a hand through his hair, “It’s okay. Whatever this is, I’m here for you, we’ll get through it. Gods know you stuck with me through a hell of a lot.”
The concern eased a little, those red eyes filled with relief and the arms around his neck grew more secure. Caleb brought his forehead to rest on Mollymauk’s, though he didn’t let his eyes close. He didn’t want to miss a second of this.
What better place for their lives to start again, for their love to bud and grow again, than the Blooming Grove where tea plants grew through the eyes of skulls and death was never the end?
Here’s how the story goes: You’re a seamstress in the village. You don’t make a lot of money, but you do well enough. Your name is Elaina, and you are perfectly content.
Here’s how the story goes: You catch the eye of an elvish ambassador. Syldor is charming and handsome and you think you love him.
Here’s how the story goes: Syldor doesn’t love you.
Here’s how the story goes: He leaves you. Nine months later, you find yourself the mother of beautiful twins; Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia. You think yourself a fool, believing that you loved him. Looking at your children, you now know what real love is.
Here’s how the story goes: Byroden isn’t a rich village, but you always make do. Your children, wild-eyed and mischievous, never go to bed hungry. Your little twin terrors explore the forest and are covered in scrapes from various tumbles, and they make your heart light. Your life isn’t easy, but you wouldn’t change it for the world.
Here’s how the story goes: Your children are ten when an elvish man shows up to retrieve them. Not their father; he couldn’t be bothered to show up on his own, but a servant, as if his children are little more than a menial errand. You don’t know what to do; Syldor’s powerful, and if he wants the twins he can easily take them. So you hug your children tightly, and tell them you love them more than the stars in the sky. You tell them you’ll see them again. They try to cling to your skirts and you fight to keep yourself from sobbing as they are hauled away.
Here’s how the story goes: You never see your children again.
Here’s how the story ends: You die two years later. A dragon’s fire burns your village, your home, you. Nearly fifteen years later, your son will avenge you.
Here’s what the story leaves out: Some part of Syldor cared. Not enough to matter in any of the ways that count, but enough to make his chest tighten when he thinks of you.
Here’s what the story leaves out: Your hands shake the first time you hold your children. You’re so afraid that you’ll do something wrong, that you can’t be enough for them.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You teach your children to sew. Vex’ahlia has no patience for it, and only learns the basics. Vax enjoys it, though, and will often sit with you by the fire while you work. He becomes quite good at embroidery, and you’re so proud your heart swells.
Here’s what the story leaves out: Your favorite part of the day is night time, when you braid the twin’s hair and listen to their stories of everything they did that day. When Vex tells you how high she climbed up into the oak tree, you braid a feather into her hair. Birds need feathers, and you know she’ll keep trying to fly.
Here’s what the story leaves out: Vax brings you crumpled bouquets of dandelions and other weeds, and you declare them the finest flowers you’ve ever seen. You keep every crushed bouquet, pressed between the pages of your favorite book.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You’ve seen a few pieces of fine jewelry in your life, but the bracelet Vex makes you out of scrap fabric and string is the most beautiful by far. You wear it daily, until it burns with you.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You were saving up money to go to Syngorn, to beg Syldor to let you see your children again.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You die on your feet, brandishing a kitchen knife and screaming at the Cinder King. You get a hit in before it all ends, and you die with a feeling of bitter pride burn in your chest.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You were so young.
Here’s what the story leaves out: As the Raven Queen guides you to the next world, she tells you that your children are special. That fate has touched them, that Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia will change the world.
Here’s what the story leaves out: You already knew that.
[Image description: A digital drawing of Beau from Critical Role. Beau is a brown skinned woman with long, dark hair that is tied back in a bun. She is naked, half of her body covered by a sheet draped over one shoulder. She is looking off to the left with a slight smile on her face, slats of light slightly illuminating her. End description.]
Sorry for the short, kinda shitty chapter. I just didn’t want you all to think that I’d forgotten this fic and really wanted to write something for it. Consider this a brief interlude before shit kicks off.
If you like this, please consider leaving a comment on Ao3, reblogging or donating to my ko-fi
Under the rows and rows of raised seating, in the shadows, it was surprisingly cold.
Caleb was grateful for that, out there under the bright lanterns and in amongst the press of their newest audience, it was stifling. How Molly could bear it, with the hat and the massive swirling coat he wore, he’d never understand.
But he was letting his thoughts stray too much. He had to be listening, he had to be ready. He had his own part to play in this and he refused to do it poorly.
Thirty seconds until Molly’s introduction. Enough time to tie his hair back and roll his sleeves up to the elbow. Enough time to centre himself, settle onto the balls of his feet, loose and ready.
It felt good. It felt right. The whole show was its own beautiful piece of music, orchestrated and free flowing, made up of so many individual melodies woven together. And Caleb had his own part, his own small piece. He was fiercely proud of it, even in amongst the nerves. They weren’t enough to reach up and strangle him, like vines in his own throat, stealing his words. Instead it was a bearable crackling in the tips of his fingers, excitement and anticipation and jumpiness all in one not exactly comfortable but stimulating sensation.
He didn’t feel like a scared child. He felt like a performer.
So it was with a small, proud smile on his lips that he whispered Mollymauk’s words along with him, as they boomed out, magically amplified, through the tent.
My, my, my. What a wonderful crowd we’ve got here tonight. We’ll have to work extra hard to put on a show deserving of all you lovely folk. But then again…
Twenty six seconds. A gasp erupted from the crowd above his head as Mollymauk stepped into the open air. Caleb had made him explain the many weights and pulleys that held the trapeze ropes and made the stunt possible, to assure him it was safe.
Five. Four. Three. Two.
He let the magic surge out of his palms. It was invisible but it felt like he could almost see it, like a wave disturbing the sawdust on the floor, rippling out, one stone thrown into a still lake that set everything in motion.
A rush of fabric. A delighted gasp from the audience. And light suddenly poured through the forest of legs, stripes of it falling across Caleb’s triumphant smile as nearly fifty dancing lights sprung into life, all different colours.
we get a few years (and then it wants us back) chapter 3
This is it, lads, the last chapter! this has been a fun little project for me this month, I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as i have! This chapter does contain smut, just as a heads up! Enjoy!
ao3 link
When Gilmore looked out the back door, he wasn't as surprised as he perhaps should have been to see his husband standing out in the grass, the shadows of dusk washing over him, leaving him beautiful and otherworldly. And if that had been all, Gilmore might have been satisfied with that. But the tight expression on Vax's face, the weariness in every line of his body as hurled dagger after dagger at the target he'd pinned to a tree trunk. On the back step, Rosie sat, knees tucked up to her chest as she watched him, cloth dragon held tightly between her hands. Her icy blue eyes followed Vax's every move, worrying her lip gently until Gilmore sighed and opened the door.
"Papa!" she turned to him, pouting as he beckoned her. "Nooo, it's not bedtime yet!"
"It's time for you to come in and settle down," Gilmore chuckled gently. "I'm sorry, my little love."
She sighed as dramatically as it was possible for a five-year-old to do, turning back to the yard and raising her voice a little. "Daddy! It's bedtime! Want my story!"
Vax hardly looked, twirling his next dagger between his fingers. "Go on and get into bed, I'll come up later."
Rosie's little frame slumped at that, but she didn't argue as Gilmore scooped her up, stroking her hair as he carried her inside. In the time it took for her to get her pajamas on and teeth brushed, Vax still hadn't come in, and Rosie's lip wobbled as Gilmore tucked her many, many blankets around her.
"Want Daddy," she sniffled, scrubbing at her eyes. "He has to read my story."
Gilmore sighed, kissing her forehead. "He'll come in soon, I'm sure. Can Papa read your story in the meantime?"
In the end, he read her three different storybooks, and every time he finished one, Rosie sat up to peek out the window hopefully, face crumpling after the last time when she saw her daddy still down in the yard. Gilmore bundled her up into his lap, rocking her and murmuring as soothingly as he could until she'd finally cried herself to sleep, tears giving way to her exhaustion. Gilmore held her for another few long moments before sighing, settling her back into her blankets and pressing her dragon into her arms when she tried to cling to him in her sleep. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead before steeling himself and leaving the room, heading back downstairs.
Robin was down in the kitchen, making a pot of tea, and he jumped as Gilmore entered the room. It was surprising to see him in all honesty, he’d been spending most of the time since Vax had come home from the hospital holed up in his room. He wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, their son, so Gilmore received a second surprise when he spoke.
“Dad’s not…he’s not okay, is he?” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he clutched his mug between his hands almost fearfully.
Gilmore sighed, reaching up to get a mug of his own. “Your daddy is working through some things, my love. It’s been rough for him.”
Robin nodded, but he still looked worried. “He’s not eating. I don’t think he’s sleeping.”
“I know,” Gilmore murmured, kissing his head. “I’m going to talk to him. Just…don’t expect a turnaround right away.”
Robin nodded, giving a tiny smile. “I’m gonna go upstairs. Love you, Papa.”
“I love you,” Gilmore smiled, watching him go.
He tried to occupy his mind with his drink, but even the delicate white tea he'd been enjoying recently couldn't settle him, and he reluctantly got up from the table, pouring another mug and opening the back door.
Vax didn't react, didn't even look up until Gilmore was standing directly behind him, giving a pointed cough. And even then, he only gave the slightest of twitches.
"Hey," he hummed, letting another dagger fly from his hand, quivering ominously in the center of the target.
Gilmore sighed. "Vax'ildan."
"Uh-oh," Vax said, fingers dancing across belt for a blade and finding it empty. He huffed, moving to pull the daggers from the target. "You sound like you're about to tell me off," he said, voice carefully light as he stepped back into his place.
Gilmore rubbed his eyes wearily. "Vax. Come inside."
"I will soon," Vax insisted. It was the same promise he'd made and broken every night that week, ever since he'd gotten home from the hospital. "I'm just really out of practice, I don't know how I let myself get so far gone." Another knife thrown. this one nicking the edge of the target and making Vax scowl. "See?" He reached for the next blade, and in that moment, Gilmore found himself moving, standing between Vax and the tree.
Vax sighed. "Shaun. Move over, you're in the way."
"My love," Gilmore murmured, reaching out to him. "This isn't necessary."
He tried to catch Vax's gaze, seeing the clear desperation and worry in his dark eyes before Vax turned his face away, tossing the dagger in his hand. "I'm just practicing, Shaun, I'll be in soon. You can go on to bed."
"Rosie cried herself to sleep," he found himself saying, and winced as, in that moment Vax tossed the knife again, and at his words turned his attention away from it, slicing open his finger as it fell from his grasp. Vax hissed in pain, stepping back, and Gilmore groaned.
"Come here, let me look at you-"
"No," Vax all but snarled, curling around his bleeding hand. "It's fine, just leave it."
Gilmore blinked, withdrawing his hands even as he saw tears in Vax's eyes. "Darling..."
"Are you...are you just trying to make me feel like an asshole?" Vax demanded, voice thick. "Just...leave it, all right?"
“Vax,” Gilmore murmured, approaching him again, picking up the dagger that had been dropped, his chest tightening unpleasantly at the sight of Vax’s blood just on the very edge. “You don’t have to do this, my love.”
Vax swiped his uninjured hand across his eyes, lip quivering. “You don’t understand.”
Gilmore stepped back, still clutching the dagger, the grip unfamiliar and odd in his hand, so long ago molded to fit Vax’s fingers. “I think I do,” he said. “I think that you’re afraid of not being able to protect us from whatever ugly thing rears its head next. I think you’re angry at yourself for relaxing and just living life for the first time in a long, long time. And I think you’re feeling guilty because our children are upset. Am I close?”
Vax’s turned his gaze to the ground, nudging a blade of grass with the toe of his boot. “I…maybe…”
Gilmore softened, turning the blade around and offering it handle-first to Vax. "Protecting us is not your job alone, Vax'ildan. We share that job. And as much as you practice, your children don't want a guard. They want their father. And," he added, smiling hopefully. "I'd like my husband back. You've been home a week and I've barely seen you."
Vax took the dagger, but his shoulders were shaking. "I-I know...I just..."
Gilmore approached him slowly, inching forward until he could get his arms around Vax's shoulders, drawing him into his chest.
"My love," he sighed, heart twisting painfully as Vax let out a little sob. "Oh, Vax, I'm here..."
He didn't know how long he stood out there, holding his husband in their backyard, rubbing a hand over his hair and up and down his back, trying to soothe him. But when it was over and Vax was done, there was a relaxed slump to his shoulders, and his gaze didn't seem quite as heavy as it had before. He drew back, wiping at his red-tinged eyes, smiling crookedly. "Messed up your shirt."
Gilmore looked down, shrugging. Prestidigitation made that easy enough to clean up, and it made Vax's smile widen a little. He cradled Vax's face in his hands, smiling back at him. "Let's go inside, darling, it's late."
Vax nodded, and with a heavy sigh, removed the belt that held his daggers around his waist. He pressed the belt into Gilmore's hand, shaking his head.
"Hang on to that for me, will you?" he asked, head tilted. "So I don't wake up tomorrow and try to get back to it."
Gilmore chuckled, nodding. "I can do that for you, little bird. But for now, can I bring you inside and take care of you for a while?"
Taking care of Vax was a privilege, something Gilmore always found a special joy in. First was cleaning and wrapping the cut on his hand, then drawing him a warm bath full of his favorite calming scents, the water magically never going cold. He could rub the ache from Vax's tense muscles, feeling Vax relax under his hands until he was practically boneless, resting back against Gilmore's chest heavily, coaxed and cajoled into sitting up enough so that Gilmore could wash his hair, using Vax's favorite shampoo and combing it out afterward, continuing to run the comb over his hair long after all the tangles were gone and Vax's hair was left silky again. Vax normally was near falling asleep by this point, struggling to keep his eyes open, but he turned suddenly, bracing his hands on Gilmore's shoulders and looking at him with wide, dark eyes.
"Vax?" he murmured, stroking a long strand of hair back from his face.
Vax swallowed. "Do you, um, do you think I've recovered enough to have sex with you?"
Gilmore chuckled, hands gliding down Vax's chest, pausing at the scar that was all that remained of the knife wound. "Well, Pike did work some serious healing magic..."
Vax leaned in, nuzzling along Gilmore's jaw gently, pressing a kiss just at the corner of his mouth. "Please, Shaun," he murmured. "I promise I'll tell you if something doesn't feel right." Another kiss, this time on his chin. "I need you," he whispered.
And how the hell was anyone supposed to say no to that?
Gilmore kissed him, the first kiss since he'd been home, aside from the light pecks he'd pressed to Vax's lips and his cheeks on the occasion he could get him to slow down long enough. He pulled him close, hands still gentle and mindful of any pain his body still held, even as Vax whined, gripping his shoulders tight.
"You're not going to rush me, darling," he murmured against Vax's lips. "You know you're not."
Vax pressed open-mouthed kisses down his neck, hot and panting and making Gilmore wonder if he was going to have to take his own words back. He groaned, head tipping back against the edge of the bathtub as Vax nuzzled along his collarbone.
"Shaun," he breathed against his skin, like a prayer, and Gilmore couldn't stand it any longer, scooping Vax up and carrying him into the bedroom, leaving a shower of water droplets behind them. Nothing a quick cantrip couldn't fix, not even taking up a fraction of his mind as he settled Vax into bed gently, crawling over him just to kiss down his chest, pressing his lips to every scar that marked up his husband's body, a patchwork map of everything he'd been through, everything that had gotten him to where he was now.
Vax moaned into his hands as Gilmore opened him up with now-slick fingers, watching as Vax's skin flushed all the way down to his chest, until Vax had had enough and was reaching up to clutch almost frantically at his shoulders. Pressing into him felt like the most natural thing in the whole world.
It was hard to believe how desperate a week apart had made them, how greedy, Vax muffling his noises in his hands. For someone who had made an art out of moving so silently that often Gilmore didn't realize where he was until he was standing right next to him, he was loud in bed, gasping and moaning out pleas for Gilmore to hold him tighter, fuck him harder, to never stop. Gilmore kissed him, mostly because he wanted to, but partially to make sure the kids stayed asleep and blissfully unaware.
It wasn't long before they were both coming, Vax with a high gasp of his husband's name, Gilmore silently, face buried in Vax's long hair, holding him closely. "My little bird," he breathed, pressing kisses to his skin, still damp from the bath.
"I love you," Vax murmured, hands coming up to rub his shoulders, eyes wide open and soft in a way they only ever got after they'd had sex. "Shaun, you know I love you so much, don't you?"
"I do know that," he smiled, pulling out gently and moving to lie beside him, pulling Vax back into his arms when he whined. "I love you too.”
Vax pressed a kiss to his jaw, smiling softly, resting in his arms a moment longer before pushing himself up, looking around for his pajama pants and pulling them on. Gilmore tilted his head curiously, but Vax smiled and leaned down to kiss him one more time.
“There’s something else I’ve got to do,” he whispered. “I’ll be back in just a minute, I promise.”
“I can’t promise I won’t be asleep,” Gilmore sighed, eyes twinkling at him in the dark. “Hurry back, darling.”
He was, in fact, asleep, almost before Vax had left the room. But Vax moved across the hall, pushing Robin’s door open first. His son was lying on his back, chest rising and falling evenly, his headphones still on. Vax couldn’t help smiling, moving the headphones as gently as he could, setting them on the nightstand before leaning down to press a kiss to Robin’s forehead, making sure he was covered up before leaving and heading to the room next door.
Rosie was asleep too, curled up into a little ball with her cloth dragon hugged to her chest. There were still tear marks on her cheeks, and Vax’s heart twisted at the side. She shifted when he kissed her curls, eyes flickering open.
“Daddy?” she squeaked, jumping a little.
“It’s only me, baby,” he murmured, stroking her hair. “I just wanted to come tell you goodnight.”
“You okay?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
“Yeah, Rosie,” he smiled. “I’m okay.”
“Good,” she yawned, curling back under her blankets. “Love you.”
“I love you too,” he chuckled, giving her one more kiss before getting up, moving back to his bedroom.
He curled back into his husband’s arms, grinning when Gilmore shifted over to make more room for him even in his sleep. After that, rest came easily. There would be things to work through, things to plan for. But for now? Now, he could sleep soundly.
trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat
posting this at the urging of @mollymauk-teafleak! i’m calling this the single dad gilmore au but there’s a lot more to it than that, i swear it makes sense.
ao3
"Uncle Vax," Elaina whined, holding onto Vax's leg. "Freddy keeps looking at me! He's making weird faces!"
"I am not!" Freddy protested, scowling at his younger sister. "I wasn't even looking at you, I was just thinking."
"Well stop thinking at me!" she shot back, with as much venom as her five-year-old body could hold.
"He can't just stop thinking," Johanna huffed, rolling her eyes at both of her siblings.
Vax sighed, lifting Elaina up onto his hip. "Okay, everybody. We're not here to argue. We're just getting ice cream and then going to the park, remember?"
He could tell himself he was regretting offering to take his sister's three oldest children out for an afternoon while she and Percy tried in vain to get the twins to go down for their nap. The truth was, he was enjoying this. He liked to listen to his nieces and nephew's chatter, even when they were bickering. Being back around them meant he was very rarely left in the silence that had plagued him for much too long, following him ever since he'd left Zephrah a year ago, staying with him from place to place until he'd finally shown up on Vex's doorstep again in defeat. Being around them didn't leave him much time to dwell on things he'd rather forget.
Of course, Vex insisted she was delighted to see him and had made him more than welcome in her home, even though he was looking around for his own place. In the meantime, though, he was determined to make himself useful. Hence why he had taken the three children out.
Ordering the ice cream took longer than he'd thought it could possibly take, Freddy changing his mind three times, getting that worried pucker between his eyebrows that was so similar to his father's, before Johanna pointedly told him she thought he wanted cookie dough, which he'd readily agreed to. Vax pulled them out of the line to wait off to the side, absently spinning the shaker of sprinkles that sat on the bar.
"There's Rosie!" Elaina squealed suddenly, and then she had wriggled down and taken off across the ice cream parlor. Vax groaned, shooting after her as she darted toward the door, apparently recognizing the little tiefling girl who had just walked in.
"Lainey!" Vax sighed exasperatedly as he caught up to her, taking her hand. "Don't run off like that! Sorry," he added to the man the little girl was with, hardly glancing up as he picked Elaina up again. "She just gets excited, I guess she knows your...daughter?" The hand holding the tiefling girl's were large and brown and decidedly human, and Vax felt a prickle of recognition at his mind just as the man spoke.
"Well, my goodness..."
Vax almost tripped over himself as he looked up into the face of Shaun Gilmore, a little older, a little bit of grey starting to highlight his ponytail but there was no mistaking him, he'd never forgotten that voice and those hands and those eyes.
"Hi," he breathed, and he blinked quickly, suddenly aware that he was definitely gaping like an idiot. "Um...sorry, Lainey got away from me there..."
"It's all right," Shaun smiled softly, and Vax almost smiled back before realizing the smile was for Elaina and not for him. "She takes ballet with my Rosie," he continued, rubbing a hand over his daughter's head. She beamed up at Vax, revealing a missing tooth. Her hair and her little horns and tail were pink, and they seemed to fade and marble with the bright white of the rest of her skin, and her eyes were a brilliant icy blue.
"Hi," she offered, extending a hand to Vax, and he couldn't help but grin at her as he shook it.
"I'm Vax," he chuckled. "It's nice to meet you." He glanced up at Shaun again, something in his chest tightening a little. "So, ah, is your husband with you? Or is it just the two of you today?"
Shaun blinked, looking confused for a fraction of a second before his expression smoothed out and he shook his head. "Actually, it's just me," he admitted. "Just the two of us, I adopted Rosie on my own when she was a baby."
That took Vax by surprise, but he tried to hide it quickly, bouncing Elaina on his hip. "Oh," he murmured. "Vex didn't tell me that."
Shaun shrugged. "It took a while, but I'd say she was worth the wait" Rosie giggled when he tweaked the bun her hair was pulled back into. His adoration of her was so obvious it made Vax ache, and he opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to say something ridiculously stupid, when Johanna came up behind him, tugging on his sleeve.
"I have our ice creams," she said brightly, leaning around him as her smiled widened. "Hi, Mr. Gilmore!"
Shaun winked at her as Rosie waved excitedly, and Vax found himself taking a little step back.
"We'd better go," he said, trying to put a polite smile back on. "I promised these three we'd go to the park, I'm trying to give Vex a break."
"I see," Shaun nodded, taking Rosie's hand again. "Don't let me keep you, then. I'm sure we'll see each other around."
"Yeah!" Rosie's eyes widened. "You could come to our store! Papa has everything, and I help out all the time! I could help you!"
"Could you?" Vax asked, smiling at her, even as his heart clenched at the mention of the store, of the last time he'd stood there. "I'm sure you're a big help."
"When she's not stockpiling things she wants for herself," Shaun teased gently, smiling fondly at her before his eyes met Vax's. "It's good to see you, Vax'ildan. Send your sister my love, I'm supposed to drop Rosie off for a sleepover this weekend."
"I will," Vax nodded quickly. "It's good to see you too."
The children all chirped goodbyes to each other and then Vax was back on the sidewalk, his nephew and nieces chattering around him again but he barely heard a word, answering them as best he could until they reached the playground. Johanna and Elaina took off for the swings, but Freddy sat by Vax on the bench, looking concerned.
"Are you okay, Uncle Vax?" he asked, wiping ice cream off of his chin. "Didn't you like Mr. Gilmore? He's really nice, and he knows a lot of cool magic tricks!" The boy looked so hopeful, bless him, concerned that Vax didn't like his family friend.
"He's very nice," he agreed, ruffling his hair. "I'm just thinking, honey, you can go play."
Freddy shrugged, and remained seated, leaning against Vax's shoulder. Vax moved automatically to wrap an arm around him, kissing the top of his head, and hoped he didn't look like he was upset. He wasn't upset. He really wasn't.
But. He was going to have a long fucking talk with his sister when he got home.
Caleb settles into circus life, drawing further and further away from who he used to be.
(Huuuuge thank you to my beta readers, @minky-for-short and @spiky-lesbian. please leave a comment on Ao3 or donate to my ko-fi if you enjoyed this!)
Caleb had come up with a new game.
He sat on top of Mollymauk’s wagon, legs swinging over the side, Frumpkin on his lap and watched a world he’d always read about but never seen unfold before him. Every time the large, gilded wheels would strike a dip in the road, he’d repeat his new name in his head.
Caleb…Caleb Widogast…I’m Caleb…
He was starting to get used to it, the way a pair of new boots would eventually start to soften and yield and accept him. The syllables felt kinder in his mouth, he liked the swing and slide of the soft plosive. Sitting there atop his new home, feeling a rare burst of autumn sunshine on his skin, his cat purring loudly at not having to be hidden away, Caleb could almost forget he’d ever had another name.
True to his word, Mollymauk had roused his sleepy and rather hungover crew in the early, clinging, dark hours of the morning, walking through the little village of caravans, banging his baton against a large bucket and hollering for them to get their arses up and moving. Caleb had stayed firmly in the wagon with the blanket pulled up over his head, wondering if it would have been possible to make a worse impression on his new colleagues.
But as soon as they were on their feet and had their fill of cursing Molly out, the circus was so neatly and quickly folded away it had to be magically assisted, all the floating lanterns recalled with a single whistle, the huge hall of purple silk brought down and shrunk until it was a hundredth of its initial size, all the trinkets and trappings swept safely away to sleep until their next stop. Still with his very unpopular bucket and baton, standing on top of the tallest wagon- made to house and transport the large tent, Caleb learnt- Molly had announced they were heading south, asking his troupe how they fancied a warmer clime for their next show, to general agreeable cheers.
And so they’d set off, only dozing crownsguard in the midst of their watches and a few farmers and fishermen heading out to field and lake to see them go. Caleb’s chest had been tight, almost unbearably so, until the landscape outside became unfamiliar. He’d lived in Rexxantrum and never left since he was three years old, he knew every single cobblestone of its streets. If he couldn’t recognise what was past the gauzy silk of Molly’s curtains, he was safe.
Eventually, once the day had well and truly broken, Mollymauk had returned after making a round of the whole troupe, helping with odds and ends, trading jokes back and forth, hailing travellers on the road, telling them to look out for the Fletching and Moondrop Travelling Carnival of Curiosities in his booming stage voice. He was a very hands on leader, Caleb was realising, always in the thick of things. He tried to imagine him running things the way Father did, from behind a desk, dealing only with a carefully managed stream of constituents in and out of his office. Something about that image was oddly funny, just for how ridiculous it was.
Caleb ran his hand down Frumpkin’s back, from between his flat little ears right to the tip of his tail. Thinking of Father still sparked old instincts, nerves that hadn’t quite gone dormant yet. He wondered how far they would have to travel, how many new types of flower he’d have to spy along the roadside, how many strange tongues he’d have to hear in passing before he’d feel safe.
He didn’t think he’d like the answer to that.
The wheel hit another rut in the road and he sank back into his game, letting the repetition of it soothe him.
one of these days I’m going to write a fic about keyleth, about 200 years post-campaign, where everyone is sort of starting to nudge her to maybe start dating again for the first time after losing vax. it will focus mostly on the way that she keeps on ending up in ridiculously meet-cute or romantic situations with all sorts of people, orchestrated by one beautiful big raven who really wants to see this lady settle down with someone again.
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