⎯Even after Ace's death, you keep seeing his face everywhere you go.
𝖶𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 : Distress following Ace's death; the reader and Ace had an established relationship; mentions to alcohol; a lot of angst; brief fluff moments; a small degree of acceptance on the reader's part; no use of S/N.
𝖭𝗈𝗍𝖾 : This is my first time writing in so many years, so my writing isn't that great for now. English isn't my first language! Let me know if you spot any mistakes. This text was inspired by the songs: "I Thought I Saw Your Face Today" by She & Him, and "Peito Vazio" by Cartola.
⠀⠀𝗐𝖼 : 2k
I thought I saw your face today, but I ended up looking away. It might be silly, but even after all these years, I still keep your clothes in my closet like they're my most precious treasures. I try to push the thoughts away, but the memories hit with such force that my heart does a thousand somersaults. I just… give up trying to forget you.
⎯
"Ace! Are you okay?!" — I remember shouting so loud that the birds around us flew off.
"I think I swallowed a twig." — You said, still on the ground after dozing off in the middle of our conversation and rolling down the hill, straight into the bushes.
The scene was so ridiculous that my worry faded fast, and I started laughing until my stomach hurt. Ace seemed made of iron — nothing ever hurt him — so whenever something like that happened, I'd burst out laughing. That carefree smile and those tender eyes watching me while he listened to my laughter were hands-down my favorite part of our days.
Of course I worried! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I just laughed in his face every time he got himself into some kind of trouble? But when it happened… it was pretty funny, I'll admit.
⎯
As I walk beneath the shade of the swaying trees, those silly, funny moments come flooding back, and little laughs slip out of me as I go. We used to walk through here all the time, always heading toward a small hill that was our refuge.
I don't remember exactly when I started hating this place, but my legs beg me to turn back, and my chest tightens. Still, even with my stomach in knots, I take small steps toward the spot where your grave lies, beside your captain's, hoping I'll be able to talk to you. The villagers, along with a few pirates who were friends of Whitebeard's crew, make a point of leaving offerings every month. Like the coward I am, I only manage to come here every three months (or longer…).
The last time I saw you, we were watching the ocean, sitting atop this same hill. Our little refuge. You held me in that way that made me melt and feel safe, as if that moment were eternal and would never end. Back then, I thought this place was a gift from heaven — now I just see it as a monument.
Those peaceful moments were always interrupted whenever you pinched my cheeks or did everything you could to annoy me and make me blush.
⎯
"Oh, come on! You're so cute! Why are you getting mad? It's only natural for a boyfriend to show his love for his girlfriend!" — He'd try to defend himself after waking me up by pinching my cheeks and covering my face in kisses. Ace always got a kick out of my frustrated reactions.
"Under any other circumstances, I'd gladly accept that. But I was sleeping! And you're not the least bit gentle! I thought I was going to suffocate when you threw yourself on top of me and started kissing my face!" — I'd say, laughing and pushing him off gently, since he was still on top of me.
"You won't accept my love?" — He'd press even closer, hugging me so tight I could barely breathe.
"I'll accept your love once you stop trying to suffocate me to death!" — I laughed while he planted tender kisses on my neck, still holding me tight and chuckling softly.
⎯
Sitting here in front of your grave, those little moments we had keep flooding back. Maybe that's why I don't come around this area much… everything I look at reminds me of you. But I can't help the small smile that forms on my face.
"I brought your favorite flowers, babe. And sake!" — I say softly, setting the offerings down in front of me with trembling hands. "I forgot to eat this morning, but I promise I'll try to when I get home." — I laugh quietly, a little embarrassed.
"How are things over there? Having fun?" — I ask quietly, just trying to make conversation.
I used to worry that our little adventures were boring, that they'd be forgotten quickly. It's not like we were fighting some Sea King or visiting grand islands the way you did with your crew. But honestly? It was those ridiculous moments that shone the brightest and brought us closest, and they're the ones that bloom like wild flowers in my head. Laughter that slipped out before we noticed, spontaneous fits of giggling, hugs and kisses wherever we happened to be, stealing food off each other's plates, running along the beach like two kids, conversations that stretched late into the night, the fights and arguments that always turned into happy, safe moments… By your side, I lived the dream of an unchanging love.
⎯
"Do you think I'm boring?" — I remember asking without thinking, vulnerable and insecure, after Ace brought me gifts from islands I could never visit.
"Where'd you get that from? Why would you think that? Of course you're not boring!" — Ace's eyebrows knit together and he leaned in, squeezing my cheeks and looking at me seriously.
"It's just… it feels like we're from such different worlds. You live legendary adventures. And I… I just stay here helping my mother and my aunt in this tiny village. I'm scared that… one day you'll get bored… that you'll leave and abandon me here." — I said quietly, trying to avoid his serious gaze.
Ace looked at me so intensely… as if it made no sense for me to think that way. So serious, almost offended by the thought. He just pulled me into a tight hug and said, "I love you," so quietly I could barely hear it.
⎯
"Did you know Aunt Shoko had a daughter? Yeah, so now I have a niece." — I say as I lay Ace's flowers on top of his grave. "It might be silly, but the first time I held the baby, I felt this overwhelming happiness. I found myself imagining what our own child would have been like. What do you think they'd have looked like? Probably as cute as the two of us." — I try to smile again, but it comes out forced. The weight of those words echoed in my head, and my body tensed up.
"You'd hate to see me like this… I know. I can't help it." — I murmur, embarrassed, shifting in my seat, talking to your grave as if you were sitting right in front of me. I wipe my sweaty hands on my shirt — one of yours, that I finally worked up the courage to wear.
I feel the wind gently brush my face, and for a small moment, the hat resting on your grave tips forward. I get up quickly to fix it. That's what finally makes me face your name carved into that stone — this whole time, my eyes had stayed low, focused on setting up the offerings.
"Ah… that's right… you're not here…" — My voice comes out as a small whisper.
I had never been able to look at your name on that stone. In the very spot where we used to lie beneath the grandeur of the moonlight that mirrored our love, talking about our exhausting day, laughing at the silliest jokes and the hard times we went through, your body now lies empty and cold. When Shanks and his crew buried you, I remember my legs giving out beneath me, falling to the ground. My eyes burned with tears that wouldn't fall, and the world blurred. My chest tightened so hard I couldn't breathe.
I think it took me a while to understand that Ace wasn't coming back.
I started taking the long way around just to avoid that grove and that hill. I used to wait at the pier every night, hoping that one day I'd see your little boat again. My mother kept trying to comfort me, to bring me back inside the house, but I couldn't make sense of a single word she said. I just remember staring at the sea, as if it had stolen the only happiness I'd ever had. I don't remember anything from those days. I just… shut down. My body only switched back on when the Red Hair pirates were leaving. Reality hit, and I screamed when I finally saw that Ace wasn't coming back. The tears finally came, like a restless ocean overflowing without end.
I take a deep breath, trying to set the sadness aside, wanting to enjoy a good moment by your side. I sit back down and pick up the sake bottle, opening it carefully and pouring it into a small paper cup. That smell brings back so many memories…
⎯
"Why don't you let me steal your food anymore?!" — Ace pointed at me like a spoiled, wounded, betrayed child.
"Because you ate all your food and didn't let me try what was on your plate!" — I pointed back, just as spoiled, pouting and crossing my arms.
"But I gave you all of my peperoncino noodles with Bhut Jolokia pepper!" — He whined, eyebrows furrowed, reaching across to grab a bit of food off my plate.
"That was three days ago! Today you didn't let me try even a tiny bite!" — I pulled my plate away, complaining as if he'd committed a war crime.
"You two are like children… just eat together and stop complaining!" — Aunt Shoko sighed and swatted our heads with her dish towel.
⎯
At a little bar by the beach that my family ran, Ace and I used to drink sake and eat our favorite foods together. Sometimes we'd get into these completely childish arguments over food and drink, always stealing from each other. And sometimes… it was Ace startling the whole bar when he dozed off face-first into his plate (which gave me the perfect chance to sneak some of his food). The first time I walked in alone after losing him, I saw his face everywhere, and I think that's why I started grabbing every bottle of sake I could find, trying to drown his memory in alcohol. It was foolish, I admit. I'd wake up wrecked, with an unbearable hangover, still hearing the sound of his laugh.
My mother and my aunt used to be serious, rigid women, almost expressionless. And yet, somehow, I remember those two blurry faces staring at me with pain and worry, saying words of comfort my brain refused to accept. It was weeks, maybe months, in a dull cycle — soul empty, always staring down that cup of sake I made myself swallow every time I heard your voice in my head. I don't remember why, or how it all happened. But I remember one specific moment in that bar: while I was drowning my grief in the drink, I felt your hand on my head for a brief moment. Maybe I was hallucinating, but I snapped my head up and broke into a cold sweat, stopped drinking, and noticed the two blurry faces I hadn't even registered were there, standing in front of me, trying to comfort me.
⎯
"Honey… I know it hurts… but please, you're hurting yourself in ways you can't take back. I don't know how to help you, I'm sorry. But please… listen to your mother. Please… look at me again." — I heard my mother's voice for the first time in so long, and my throat tightened into a knot. I looked away from her, and that's when I noticed the two plates I'd apparently ordered without realizing it: my favorite, and Ace's favorite.
"Take your time to heal, but don't sink into it. This won't ease that emptiness in your chest. Time will carry this pain away if you let it. Let us carry this pain too — don't suffer alone. Please, trust the two of us." — Aunt Shoko pleaded, and from the strain and exhaustion in her voice, I imagine they'd been trying to reach me for a long time.
I listened. But… it's hard to believe.
I was weak. I couldn't bring myself to lift my head and face them again. I don't remember how long I stayed there, or how I got home. All I remember is curling up in bed, holding one of your shirts, sobbing quietly. Ignoring the mess in that room. Ignoring our photos, now turned to face the wall.
I felt like a lost child again: small and alone.
"I think I'm losing my mind… talking to a rock…" — I try to make a small joke, but as expected, it turns bitter on my tongue. The wind kept brushing gently against my face, drifting over my head in a way that made me shiver. Without thinking, I raised my hand and rested it on my own head. "It's not quite the same as what you used to do." — I murmur softly, smiling faintly, without much humor.
⎯
"Don't you see this hurts me too?! Why did you do that?!" — I remember shouting in anger, through tears.
"I'm sorry, I… I shouldn't have reacted like that." — He said quietly, sadly. Ace was always the first to calm down during our fights.
"You can't be so reckless! What if something had happened to the villagers?! What if you'd gotten seriously hurt?! You can't just go around fighting bandits in the middle of the village!" — I shouted, furious and terrified. The fight had dragged on for a while, starting when Ace accidentally set a shop on fire. Even knowing he was trying to help the village, the sight of him bleeding and the village in flames hadn't been easy to stomach. And when I called him out on it, he shouted right back, and we ended up fighting.
"I'll be more careful. I'm sorry." — He always put his hand on my head in moments like that, always to calm me down and make me feel safe. It always worked.
"You… got hurt." — The words came out strained, through furious tears. Anger, worry, and affection all tangled together in confusion.
"And now I'm here. I'll always come back." — He'd hug me while giving me that reassuring smile, stroking my head. Ace's hugs were warm, gentle, and protective. They took every bit of pain out of me.
"Now stop being a crybaby and help me put these bandages on!" — Ace laughed as I chased after him, threatening to leave him even more bruised, angrier than ever.
I told you every moment of peace was interrupted by a thousand little provocations that lasted for years…
⎯
"I promise I'll come back here. I'm afraid of forgetting you. So… just give me some time, okay?" — I say quietly, vulnerable, my tender eyes fixed on the name carved into your headstone.
I get up slowly, straightening my clothes and wiping away tears I hadn't noticed falling. "I love you. It was good seeing you again — until next time." — I smile faintly, taking a deep breath, feeling my shoulders relax just a little. As I turned to leave, I felt a light push at my back. It made me spin around fast, startled.
"Am I really losing it?" — I sigh, holding back a small laugh that wants to escape.
I take one last look at the grave, smiling tenderly. My path continues, down the hill, and I catch your face among the trees in the grove.
I thought I saw your face today, but it was our beautiful memories, still alive, that make me fall in love with you again.
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