jack kellys problems

sideblog of @jackkellythecowboy for depressing stuff. call me ollie.

[yearningforanotherlife]

intro i s’pose

im a pretty chill guy. sometimes. this blog is for when im not so chill. which is a scary amount of the time.

i will have tags for certain kinds of posts on this blog.

#“parents” — my parents arent being good

#way back when — traumatic flashbacks

#just my luck — things that bother me irrationally

#normal? never — on being neurodivergent.

#other — self explanatory i hope.

#ollies not okay — vent of some kind possibly pertaining to a breakdown

#of all the people — bad friends

i may edit this list.

wishing for a different life, ollie.

[yearningforanotherlife]

hmmm i havent eaten all day yet i’m not. hungry.

and i feel shaky but i’m not shaking.

[thepoetssongbird]

EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING STUPID

[lavenderlemniscate]

feels like im always recovering. when do i get to live

[lavenderlemniscate]

"it's okay to rest for as long as you need from burnout" how long is it actually going to take though. there's stuff i wanna do.

[msby-da-cretin]

Fr

[yearningforanotherlife]

couldnt stomach a single whole meal today yay.

[disguised-offical]

WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THIS APP HAVE NUCLEAR LEVELS OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?!

[honkshoomilmilmilk]

I wish I could have just one good day. One day.

[yearningforanotherlife]

why does it feel like i want things to be worse. like i want bad things to happen to me.

maybe it’s cause then they might believe me.

[dustycoded]

“i don’t care” i say as i cry daily, look for validation in the wrong places, and relapse

[snurphlee]

if it's not that deep then why am i drowning?

[yearningforanotherlife]

it is far far too loud and overstimulating here. tempted to intentionally disassociate.

[davidmayerjacobs]

heyyyy davey, you doin alright? havent heard from ya in a bit. got ya somethin!

Hi, Jack. I'm alright. What is it?

[jackkellythecowboy]

soup :)

[davidmayerjacobs]

...thank you, love. I'll have some later. I'm not hungry right now.

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay… but you know its not good to not eat

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm aware. It'll be good for me. I won't go too far.

[jackkellythecowboy]

how ya feelin? family been treatin ya alright? everything okay?

[davidmayerjacobs]

It's nothing you need to worry about... you'd stop me anyways without a care, so...

[jackkellythecowboy]

huh? of course i’m gonna worry, i love you. and you know me, always worryin…

[davidmayerjacobs]

...I just- ... I... it's nothing, Jack, I'll just- I'm gonna head home.

[jackkellythecowboy]

ill walk ya

[davidmayerjacobs]

No need. I-I can make the trip on my own, I'm not a baby.

[jackkellythecowboy]

let me rephrase, i want to walk ya home so i can spend time with you

[davidmayerjacobs]

...fine.

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he takes daveys hand*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey grips his hand a little tighter than usual as they walk.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

…ya sure you’re alright?

[davidmayerjacobs]

Yes, Jack. I'm fine. Stop asking.

(A little later)

*he stumbles, barely catching himself.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he winces at daveys fall* woah there…

now, i’m not gonna ask but you know what i’m thinking.

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm fine, if that's what you're asking again.

[jackkellythecowboy]

sorry, sorry…

…i just worry. and its not that theres anything wrong that makes me worry. i worry about everyone!

[davidmayerjacobs]

Just-Just stop talking right now, Jack. I don't wanna hear your voice right now.

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he tenses up*

sorry…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey's breathing gets a little heavier as time goes on in silence.*

*about six blocks away from his house, he starts to stumble again as he walks.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack, still quiet, stops.*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey doesn't even notice.*

*he keeps walking until he falls face-first into the concrete and doesn't get up.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack rushes forward* davey…?

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he's barely conscious, just laying there.*

[yearningforanotherlife]

i asked you if you were alright

…when was the last time you ate?

[davidmayerjacobs]

..mh...

#wrong acc lil homie ✌️

[jackkellythecowboy]

SORRY THATS MY DEPRESSING ACCOUNT JUST RESPOND 🥹🥹

[davidmayerjacobs]

#kk bbb

...ow...

*he's barely lucid, but his clothes do seem to hang off his frame in an odd way.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, hey, its alright… lets just get ya home…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he's much lighter than usual, and Jack can just barely see Davey's spine against his shirt.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay, i love ya, but i aint gonna carry ya back no matter how light you are. cmon, ya can lean on me love…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*his nose is bleeding from the fall and he leans on Jack as if he's actively dying.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

it’ll be alright.

…do you want me to stop talking again? its- its fine if so.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey starts to cry slowly.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, we’re almost there… are you hurt?

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm sad because my stomach hurts and you stopped talking because I asked you to stop talking but when you talk I get to listen to you and now I can't but want to...

*he sobs.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

you want me to talk? i can do that if you want, but only if you want

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he wails before speaking again.*

I want my Jack back, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, please talk, I want my Jackie back, I'm sorry!

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey hey hey! jacks right here, hi. hello.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he nuzzles into Jack, still sobbing and wailing.*

I'm sorry I didn't eat your soup, I don't wanna be fat, if I'm fat then you won't like me and momma said that I'd put on a few extra pounds and I didn't wanna be ugly or else you wouldn't love me and food makes me fat and I don't wanna be fat and so I didn't eat and I'm sorry!

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey ill love you no matter hat, you know that? id rather you be the worst looking you can imagine but happy and healthy than hurting.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he just wraps his arms around Jack as they walk, eventually stopping at his apartment complex.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack sways him gently, humming softly. some tune he heard somewhere*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*Davey moves down to place his ear against Jack's chest, his sobs turning to sniffles.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay, let’s head in…

[davidmayerjacobs]

Mhm...

[jackkellythecowboy]

*they walk in and up to davey’s apartment*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey immediately walks over to the couch and passes out onto it.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

ooookay then! ill grab some crackers for when you wake up my love.

*he rummages through the cabinets and throws some stuff together before sitting down next to davey*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*after 20 minutes of sleeping, davey wakes up.*

[yearningforanotherlife]

*it’s storming out.* hey davey. feel any better?

[davidmayerjacobs]

...mhm.

...why are there crackers..?

[jackkellythecowboy]

well for you of course!

#SORRY WRONG ACCOUNT AGAIN. #sorry if i disappear im drawing :3 #but i will respond :D

[davidmayerjacobs]

Don' wan' 'em...

*he throws an arm over his eyes*

I'll get fat again...

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, no. its healthy, i promise. its healthy to gain weight.

…for me?

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'll 'afta throw it up afterwards, but I will... for you...

[jackkellythecowboy]

nnnno, keep it down, please..

[davidmayerjacobs]

I can't do that, the other newsies 'ill call me pudgy...

[jackkellythecowboy]

no they wont, and you know it. they dont do that to anyone. not even Pie-Eater

#i love pie-eater he’s such a guy

[davidmayerjacobs]

Pie-Eater's allowed to eat stuff and be pudgy, I'm not because Davey's not fat, Davey's smart, nothin' else. If you want me to eat a cracker, I'll just throw it up later.

[jackkellythecowboy]

people are allowed to be… whats the word ya taught me… multifaceted? that sounds right. im an artist and leader of the newsies, crutchie’s both sweet and pretty good at fightin’ actually. race is a good card player and funny. and everyone processes food differently. im pretty sure ya have a fast metabolism, so i doubt you’ll look different. and even if ya did, no one would say a thing.

and knowing my newsies? most wouldnt even notice.

[davidmayerjacobs]

I... I'll try three. Three crackers.

[jackkellythecowboy]

alright my dear.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he carefully eats the crackers, and looks a little sick once he finishes the third.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, i get it, just try to ignore it, okay? talk to me, or just lay with me or… anything.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he shoves his head into the crook between Jack's neck and shoulder, shaking a little.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hmmm what to do, what to do…

[davidmayerjacobs]

...jack, I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay, try to relax, but its okay if you cant.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey tries to relax as he wraps his arms around jack, suppressing the urge to gag as he shakes harder.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey there love…

#leaving for downtown chicago now so i will have to bid you farewell for now but maybe later 🤑

[davidmayerjacobs]

Ja-Jack, I- I think I'm gonna-

*he gags hard.*

#kk bbg #reminder to not share your location online dawg #✌️✌️

[jackkellythecowboy]

#its a bit of a far drive shhhh

[davidmayerjacobs]

#"a bit" #not far enough if you need to say "a bit" #AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT #👏👏👏👏👏👏

[jackkellythecowboy]

l#ike >30 minutes 💔

[davidmayerjacobs]

#I don't know math big dog

[yearningforanotherlife]

#YOU LEARN THAT LIKE 4TH GRADE????

#greater than 30 minutes.

[honkshoomilmilmilk]

Suicide mentions👇👇👇

I need to kms right before school starts I dont wanna see ANY of you fuckers and I dont wanna get older.

[davidmayerjacobs]

heyyyy davey, you doin alright? havent heard from ya in a bit. got ya somethin!

Hi, Jack. I'm alright. What is it?

[jackkellythecowboy]

soup :)

[davidmayerjacobs]

...thank you, love. I'll have some later. I'm not hungry right now.

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay… but you know its not good to not eat

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm aware. It'll be good for me. I won't go too far.

[jackkellythecowboy]

how ya feelin? family been treatin ya alright? everything okay?

[davidmayerjacobs]

It's nothing you need to worry about... you'd stop me anyways without a care, so...

[jackkellythecowboy]

huh? of course i’m gonna worry, i love you. and you know me, always worryin…

[davidmayerjacobs]

...I just- ... I... it's nothing, Jack, I'll just- I'm gonna head home.

[jackkellythecowboy]

ill walk ya

[davidmayerjacobs]

No need. I-I can make the trip on my own, I'm not a baby.

[jackkellythecowboy]

let me rephrase, i want to walk ya home so i can spend time with you

[davidmayerjacobs]

...fine.

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he takes daveys hand*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey grips his hand a little tighter than usual as they walk.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

…ya sure you’re alright?

[davidmayerjacobs]

Yes, Jack. I'm fine. Stop asking.

(A little later)

*he stumbles, barely catching himself.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he winces at daveys fall* woah there…

now, i’m not gonna ask but you know what i’m thinking.

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm fine, if that's what you're asking again.

[jackkellythecowboy]

sorry, sorry…

…i just worry. and its not that theres anything wrong that makes me worry. i worry about everyone!

[davidmayerjacobs]

Just-Just stop talking right now, Jack. I don't wanna hear your voice right now.

[jackkellythecowboy]

*he tenses up*

sorry…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey's breathing gets a little heavier as time goes on in silence.*

*about six blocks away from his house, he starts to stumble again as he walks.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack, still quiet, stops.*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey doesn't even notice.*

*he keeps walking until he falls face-first into the concrete and doesn't get up.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack rushes forward* davey…?

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he's barely conscious, just laying there.*

[yearningforanotherlife]

i asked you if you were alright

…when was the last time you ate?

[davidmayerjacobs]

..mh...

#wrong acc lil homie ✌️

[jackkellythecowboy]

SORRY THATS MY DEPRESSING ACCOUNT JUST RESPOND 🥹🥹

[davidmayerjacobs]

#kk bbb

...ow...

*he's barely lucid, but his clothes do seem to hang off his frame in an odd way.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, hey, its alright… lets just get ya home…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he's much lighter than usual, and Jack can just barely see Davey's spine against his shirt.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay, i love ya, but i aint gonna carry ya back no matter how light you are. cmon, ya can lean on me love…

[davidmayerjacobs]

*his nose is bleeding from the fall and he leans on Jack as if he's actively dying.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

it’ll be alright.

…do you want me to stop talking again? its- its fine if so.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey starts to cry slowly.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey, we’re almost there… are you hurt?

[davidmayerjacobs]

I'm sad because my stomach hurts and you stopped talking because I asked you to stop talking but when you talk I get to listen to you and now I can't but want to...

*he sobs.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

you want me to talk? i can do that if you want, but only if you want

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he wails before speaking again.*

I want my Jack back, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, please talk, I want my Jackie back, I'm sorry!

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey hey hey! jacks right here, hi. hello.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he nuzzles into Jack, still sobbing and wailing.*

I'm sorry I didn't eat your soup, I don't wanna be fat, if I'm fat then you won't like me and momma said that I'd put on a few extra pounds and I didn't wanna be ugly or else you wouldn't love me and food makes me fat and I don't wanna be fat and so I didn't eat and I'm sorry!

[jackkellythecowboy]

hey ill love you no matter hat, you know that? id rather you be the worst looking you can imagine but happy and healthy than hurting.

[davidmayerjacobs]

*he just wraps his arms around Jack as they walk, eventually stopping at his apartment complex.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

*jack sways him gently, humming softly. some tune he heard somewhere*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*Davey moves down to place his ear against Jack's chest, his sobs turning to sniffles.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

okay, let’s head in…

[davidmayerjacobs]

Mhm...

[jackkellythecowboy]

*they walk in and up to davey’s apartment*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*davey immediately walks over to the couch and passes out onto it.*

[jackkellythecowboy]

ooookay then! ill grab some crackers for when you wake up my love.

*he rummages through the cabinets and throws some stuff together before sitting down next to davey*

[davidmayerjacobs]

*after 20 minutes of sleeping, davey wakes up.*

[yearningforanotherlife]

*it’s storming out.* hey davey. feel any better?

[theodore5346]

[youaremyiris]

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever enjoy being alive

[squishranger]

man i just dont know why im so afraid all the time (<- has the disorder that makes you afraid all the time)