yearnstarved. selective rp blog. multimuse. a mix of canon + original characters. / an exploration of the promise of mutual destruction of love in all its forms + the collection of heartbeats as a constellation + codependency as a way for the living to haunt one another + the liminal space between the finger tips reaching out for each other.
─── ⋆ MUSE ROSTER under the cut!
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"the meeting in a dream" by jorge luis borges / doctor who "hell bent" (2015) / cassandra clare, city of bones / "hands 2 of 2" by chris schoonover / fleur jaeggy (tr. by gini alhadeff) "i am the brother of XX: stories" / doctor who "dark waters" (2014)
CANON CHARACTERS
BECKETT MARINER. lower decks canon. mariner doesn’t always believe in orders but she believes in the mission. where she was once wide-eyed with love for starfleet, serving in the dominion war left her jaded and rebellious. she finds her way into personal achievements as often as she sabotages them in favor of staying an ensign.
CLARA OSWALD. doctor who canon. Living in between one heartbeat and her last, Clara no longer travels with the Doctor. She possess a ship that can sail through time and space in the disguise of a 50’s diner. Though she’s a figment frozen in time, death has not been beaten yet. Merely cheated.
VERSES AVAILABLE | view all
Grey’s Anatomy / Hollywood / Star Trek / 9-1-1
ORPHEUS OF THRACE. hadestown canon. His voice was fated to sing of tragedies, including his own. Success and joy are not guaranteed to any mortal. Yet Orpheus tries. He hopes. Through his failures and attempts, he is heroized for his gift to see the world for what it could be in spite of how it is.
VERSES AVAILABLE | view all
Fantasy (d&d) / Vampires
ZED NECRODOPOLIS. zombies canon. the spark in the dark. zed is a 2nd generation zombie who grew up during the great seabrook divide. he currently resides on the campus of mountain college on a football scholarship. he faces obstacles with being part of the monster pilot program while failing to live up to his “exceptional” reputation. / SHIP EXCLUSIVE with Cheerfreaks
ORIGINAL CHARACTERS
VESTIR KANO. star wars OC. / BIOGRAPHY. old republic based mostly but has an incarnation in every era. Generally an abrasive person who spends every lifetime pissing people off and doing something illegal. not open to shipping.
VERSES AVAILABLE
Cobra Kai
CHANG'E. chinese deity adaptation. chang'e’s fate was rotten from birth despite being blessed with great beauty. after stealing pills of immortality, she finally escaped her destiny of being hou yi’s wife. she ascended to the sky where she snuck into the heavenly queen mother’s palace. for her crime, she was exiled to the moon.
VERSES AVAILABLE | view all
One Piece / Doctor Who
ELLY TRAN. paranormal OC. elly's greatest sin was never finding her own voice. when tragedy struck, her body was possessed by another spirit who was not as shy to take advantage of the luxuries that elly was afforded.
VERSES AVAILABLE | bio
Cobra Kai / Descendants / PJO / School Sprits / Stumble
SECRET MENU (characters I have no/fewer AUs for)
MEG MASTERS (supernatural) / LADY SIF (marvel) / IRIS WEST (the flash) / MAE-HO ANISEYA (star wars: acolyte) / MATT BEALE (school spirits OC) / NEFERTARI VIVI (one piece) / JADE RABBIT (chinese myth OC) / PRINCESS MORBUCKS (PPG) / SAM ALEXANDER (marvel) / SIMON ELROY (school spirits)
what if i chose you and i chose you and i kept choosing you. what if everything changed but not us. what if you changed and i changed and i chose you anyway. what if i chose us forever.
warning: writing with me may result in matching aus, shared playlists, 3 a.m. headcanons, and an unbearable emotional investment in two people who do not exist.
darius let the bottle fall against the steel counter with a quiet *clink , his fingers flexing once as the sting along his side settled into something almost familiar . pain rarely earned more than acknowledgement from him , a simple fact of existence rather than something worth dwelling on . " i've lost worse . " he muttered , his gaze dropping towards the wound before flicking back towards raven . " and unless you've become immune to corrosive plasma──────── … blood , i'd keep your hands to yourself . " the warning carried no real edge . if anything , it sounded almost apologetic . he was made wrong , far too wrong .
a quiet beat passed before he sighed through his nose and forced himself upright . with obvious reluctance , he crossed the short distance to the examination bed and lowered himself onto it . sitting felt too much like surrender , but arguing over it seemed far more exhausting than the injury itself .
" happy ? " he asked dryly , one brow lifting slightly . his gaze remained fixed somewhere between the floor and her boots , deliberately avoiding her eyes . " you didn't come here because of this though … " the words were quiet , spoken more as an observation than a question . " whatever happened out there … " his jaw tightened briefly , the memory of it clearly weighing heavier than the wound at his side . " … if i crossed a line , messed with your … spells , whatever , just say it . i'd rather know . "
THE TRIGGER IMPULSE panged against Raven's skull. A knee jerk "No. Not happy" was snuffed like a blown candle. She was used to how working with the usual roster felt like exhaling. Easy. Regulating. Standing on the peripherals of him fussing over himself still frustrated her, although not to the same degree as before. Even this version of Darius was easier to handle than what she felt out there. That was more than just difficult.
"You were getting in my way," she said. The words gift wrapped the extra experience into something much more palatable and polished than it actually was. She readjusted, holding her cloak closed as if driven by an instinct to not reveal more of herself than necessary. Keeping her hands to herself as he instructed.
"I am not used to being exposed to that kind of blinding rage." She spelled out carefully. Again, she offered half truths. The taste of that type of torrential anger carried a familiar edge. It wound her nerves tense like an over tightened sitar. Her eyes scanned across his body. Curiosity stirred up, wondering how many of the bruises came from her forcibly adding distance between them.
He couldn't help the cold laugh of amusement at the Moon goddess's words. If only she knew, though, then again, that had never been the point of his crusade against his family. He didn't care that the world only saw him as one of her tainted bloodline upon the world. As nothing more than just another cruel commander under her successor's control. That was the point after all, to bring down his family from within.
"I didn't mean her." The words came out as a rasp as he fought to get the panic under control. Swallowing a few times before lifting his head to lock dark hues that appeared as depthless as the void of the night sky with Chang'e's before slowly shifting his gaze to the Moon Ethereal's. "Sneaking in was the only way......to make it look like I'm gathering information."
Eyes closing, he took another deep breath, bringing the face of the very female who had saved him to mind, focusing on the memories of the light she'd brought to him in his darkest time to calm his racing heart. Reminding himself that he was here for her.
"I'm here to return one of your own." Dark hues opened once more, locking this time only with the Moon Ethereals as he continued. "She was held captive with me and died at the hands of my siblings....." Jaw flickering as he fought down the ancient fury he continued. "In her last moments, she saved my life with her reverse scale....giving me the power to escape."
Head dropping forward as his body shook from the restraint it was taking him to not fight to be free of the chains, he finished softly. "I've carried her with me since that day so that I could bring her home.....so at least in death they could never hurt or use her against her will again....."
ONE OF THEIR OWN . . . The possibility stirred up a nausea within Chang'e. The chill of failure tightened its fingers around her throat. There was no true victor in the face of war. The one who got to walk away came out with parts of themselves that they'd never recover. The void within her bloomed like bruises. Her knuckles blanched around the fist that formed. This conversation was throwing her back into a war that she thought she made it out of.
"I don't believe you." Chang'e threw out her rebuttal. Too many of Hao Tian's people perished either in defense of their home or stolen away to be harvested. Some had been part of the palace from the beginning. Great elders answered the call of the war drums. Her fury burned hot like moon fire.
"Prove it," she said, firm in her scorn. There was no room left for compassion. It took everything she had to not mistake vengeance for justice. One foolish move and the old wound between the moon and demon realm would fester again. Too much was riding on this—on her shoulders—for her to carry with grace.
"I don't care how you do it, but I'm giving you just one chance to prove you are not lying. I will not hesitate to hand you over to be executed." It didn't feel fair to have Hao Tian here as well. But this fight was just as much his, if not more so.
"ordained ?" she thought to joke about it — what about northwestern ? what about nights spent in shitty arthouse cinemas watching movies made before their parents were born ? — but frankly, after everything from body snatchers to cursed school grounds, this felt squarely within the realm of possibility.
"usually people do that to marry people," she mused. "which you could do, but it would be a lot less interesting than working with the dead." and the half-dead, and whatever they'd both experienced somewhere in-between. "you could probably get some certification for that online if you looked hard enough."
SIMON GROANED in disapproval. "Not for marriage. Code of canon 1172, exorcisms can be performed only by a priest—Well, after a local Bishop grants permission. I'm not looking to go full Ed Warren on people but I'd like to have the option in my back pocket." He shrugged.
The echoes of the concept of marriage haunted him. It was one of those milestones people clamored over. Like buying a home or going to college. He still hadn't smoothed things out with Northwestern or even discussed it with his parents. Talking about bullshit like performing exorcisms felt safer to hide behind for now.
"The whole process would be crazy, but imagine how fun it would've been getting to read verses to permanently boot Van Heidt." He placed his hand out for her trash so he could stuff it into their make shift trash bag.
❛ Sometimes life is scary and dark. ❜ from Chrissy for any of your school spirits muses!
"YEAH?" Matt responds with no particular force behind the word. Their paths only ever crossed during big events with at least five other people in the room at any given time. He never had an actual talk with her that wasn't just water cooler talk.
"Isn't support group supposed to help you all deal with that or something?" He doesn't actively attend those to know one way or another. "Sometimes scary things are worth doing anyway. Hell, we have all the time on this side to do the things we were scared to in life."
for a swimmer, matt is skilled at the art of parrying. it brings tess enough pause that she reconsiders her point altogether. in the broad swaths of time they've spent together, their deaths aren't an uncommon topic. if anything they'd land on them with quite a bit of regularity. it doesn't hurt anymore. but like some discordant musical chord, it never fails to stall her momentum.
"riddle me this," she rolls her eyes, though the fondness that peeks through is indisputable, "you've died, and i've died, but would you say we've stopped growing ?" she wouldn't go so far as to root up a flower for her example, but she continued nonetheless. "plenty of plants go dormant in the winter. bits of them die, and you prune them off, but that doesn't mean there isn't something still beneath the surface, ready to spring back, right ?"
fingers reach to brush the hollow of her ear. she reaches up to gingerly assess her new accessory, then leans forward to plant chin on her palm. "you won't have to visit them, you know. but wouldn't you want to try to find eric ?" at that, her answer comes easily. "maybe i'd finally pitch it west and see if joan was still out there."
THE WARMTH THAT REACHES her eyes fills Matt's chest with pride. It's him that pulls that look out of her and him who she reserves that sweetness for. It's enough to make his head spin and zone out on the important moral of the day she's instilling in him. He doesn't interrupt her train of thought to tell her that she reminds him of her dad when she gets like this.
Matt didn't make it to as many sermons as her parents would've liked. It didn't mean that he wasn't paying attention.
"Touché," he replies as a blanket retort to everything. "I would love to see what he's up to now. Dawn tried teaching me about the social media thing. Not my speed really, but even she couldn't find him."
"Do you think... you'll need a little company for your trip?" Hope catches in his throat like something to choke on.
"the threat of maybe still dying is what makes it better ?" question's cloaked in incredulous laughter, and the sensation makes her chest ache, like the feeling has struck something just right in her ribcage. normal. right. both deeply, irrevocably alive. she tests it once more — or at least uses the sliver of doubt left in her as an excuse to swipe the next fry from his hand.
still alive. and the bite of salt and acid on her tongue confirms that she's still there, too.
"does that mean that you're going to turn a new leaf and become a priest now ?"
DEATH TOUCHED THEM both long ago. Before they could even process their own mortality, they had to process someone else's. Knowing what awaits them on the other side now feels like clarity. Or in Simon's case, confirmation that leading with his gut has never steered him wrong. Not when every decision has led him back to Maddie.
"I could get ordained. Start a freelance business of helping ghosts cross over. You want in on this?" He grabbed her soda in retaliation to chase down the salty aftertaste with something sweet.
@yearnstarved (simon) sent: “i had it under control.”
“right, yeah, of course,” chrissy says, channeling her inner perky cheerleader, her voice going high and chirpy. “that's why you were just about to go into the mystery hole in the floor without telling anyone where you were going or what you were doing.”
she moves slightly, trying to position herself between simon and the hole. “didn't anyone ever tell you the first rule of parties? don't go anywhere alone, or at least not without telling your friends where you're going.” she gives him her best head cheerleader look, the look that scared the crap out of freshman who had had the audacity to be late to practice.
IT'S THAT VOICE that can shatter glass and make Simon's skin crawl. He's joked with Maddie that it's the cheerleaders' equivalent of a harpie screech. Good to know that it transcends time. He wishes he wasn't on the receiving end of it.
He tries to inch towards where the floorboards opened into a cold abyss below, but she's quicker than him. "Never been to a party," Simon answers under his breath. It's not completely false, knowing that their concepts of parties don't align.
"Listen, Wally knows." Sorta. "Look, everybody's so delicate with this and I understand the what happened to Quinn. Someone has to do this. I don't see anybody else lining up." He gestures at the emptiness around them.
Zed and Addison are a great ship dynamic because she always looks like she just stepped out of a glamour magazine and he always looks like he was just comical walloped with a two by four.
❛ People get built different. We don’t need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. ❜ (maybe riley to zed? in her zombies verse? she is a daywalker <3 @toxicbloodstreams )
"AH... YOU'RE SO RIGHT," Zed draws out softly as the pieces shift into place. He had been so wrapped up in getting this exchange program just right that he lost sight of the big picture. "I know Seabrook is really excited to send a zombie over to Sunnyside. After all we've done to get zombie, werewolf, and alien curriculum ported over, they expected to have to change everything... again."
