A Gentleman's Quest

[yearofthegentleman]

Mango (Selfless Love)

My friend sent me this song a few days ago and it has me wrapped up deep in thought.  How selfless is love? How many of us are willing to step away because that’s the best thing for the person we love? Is love fighting for our desires? or is giving up more beneficial? 

I’d like to think love actually is a little selfish. You’re essentially searching for a symbiosis, a self-sustaining give and take. You want to find someone that gives you what you need while you do the same for them. Sacrifice and compromise is involved, selflessness is involved but so is mutuality. 

What if mutuality is no longer possible? Is the ultimate show of love intentionally doing something that hurts you because it makes the other person happy? That’s where it gets really fuzzy. That reward-less act, that self-sacrifice after it guts you. Do you ever recover? Is it healthy? 

My final thoughts. We ought to try and make those we love happy even at our own expense. We however, need to find happiness in our choices and in our sacrifices. Otherwise, love ain’t very healthy at all and it’s not worth it. 

[yearofthegentleman]

Difference Makers

I don't want to just survive...I want to truly live.

There is an undeniable dichotomy that every human must face. The world as it is, and the world as we want it to be. I've been blessed with the ability to discern the emotions of the individuals around me and I have always felt the desire to help those who really need it. That desire has often left me feeling a sense of powerlessness or a sense of underachievement. I'm supposed to be making a difference, I'm supposed to be changing lives.

The true confusion is that at times I feel desperately in need of the help that I so strongly desire to give. This very circular fallacy drives a deep sense of loneliness which can be very difficult to overcome. There are spans when I'm able to let it drive me and it becomes the fuel of my empathy for others. There are spans when the fuel threatens to burn down everything I  am. I become my own obstacle.

I heard an interesting take on the meaning of life; that it's pointless to ask "what is the meaning of life?" We create the meaning through our actions and through the way we live. So, if life begins as this blank manuscript, an open letter upon which we pen a new paragraph every moment, then what is it that I've used my time on the earth so far to scribe? That would be by meaning...my purpose. Is what I've done so far in line with what I've truly aspired to do? The answer of course is: not quite. A purposeful mindset is one which constantly seeks to align those two. The beauty of this whole mental exercise it allows me to recommit to that pursuit. To be a difference maker.

Cheers!

[yearofthegentleman]

Good Friend Better Dan Pocket Money

Needless to say, this has been a tumultuous season in my life. I spent two months facing impending unemployment. I’ve tried not to let it discourage me, however, it has hitten me quite hard. I’ve been falling flat on the romantic spectrum of my life and everything combined has left my confidence hovering around E. The amazing thing though is that I have such an incredible group of friends that would not let me hang my head and it has driven me through this rough patch. Here’s my ode: “If you admire someone you should go ahead and tell em,  people never get the flowers while they can still smell them.”

One friend has stayed in touch on a daily basis and has held me accountable to the goals I’ve set out to accomplish. There’s a mutual understanding between us that we check up on each other and push one another to be our best selves. Even though I’ve been struggling with motivation and I’d like nothing more than to enjoy the savoury taste of escapism. I’m held to the task by my good friend and I’m better for it.

Another friend may have caught me at one of my lower points. The exterior facade of “everything is going to be alright” fell for a minute and the fear and the uncertainty found its way to the surface. This friend gave me the much-needed boost, the reminder of my qualities and the certainty of my future success. The presence of the positivity, the example by which he leads is always inspiring and was necessary for me to claw through the ever-looming fear.

One has endeavoured to stay in touch with me even though some of my lesser qualities have royally pissed her off on multiple occasions. I have a champion in my corner who not only was instrumental in getting my resume noticed which led to a job interview but also stayed up with me the night before to help me prepare. (Fast-forward two weeks and I now have gotten that job). She looks out for me like a big sister and I can’t imagine my life without her.

I have to big up the Chiney Man! He wouldn’t allow me to disappear when things got rough. He would always call to link-up and get me out of the house and keep me positive. He’s helped me stay grounded and I know it’s a friendship in which we bring out the best in each other. 

I definitely struggle to express myself and I suffer from social anxiety which leads me to feel embarrassed easily. I don’t always say how I feel. I’m glad to be able to write this down. Even happier to be surrounded by greatness. 

[yearofthegentleman]

[yearofthegentleman]

Braving The Storm

People always say that life is this giant roller coaster with its ups, downs, twists and turns. Call me crazy but I enjoy every part of a roller coaster ride. In life, however, the dips can be so unpleasant. I’ve found myself to have grown increasingly more terrified recently and what’s even scarier is I can barely admit it to myself. I’m walking around wearing the armour of nonchalance but the truth is on the inside is a deadly cocktail of fear, uncertainty, doubt and mistrust. 

My career feels like it’s in jeopardy as the plant that I’m currently employed to is shutting down operations in a few days. I’ve been on an aggressive job hunt for the past 4 months and it feels like I’ve been sending resumes into a black hole. At 31 years old I live with my parents, meanwhile, my peers have all established independence and in most cases financial stability and sound career paths. I find myself in a peculiar situation. I’m quite confident in my abilities and my intellect but I fear that my talents are unseen in this job market. 

The question that plagues me throughout this tough time is how do you best manage in uncertain times? What do you focus on when you feel the walls close in? My approach right now is to attempt to find a very quiet place amongst the turbulence and open my mind to all the possibilities out there. If I can drown out the noise, perhaps I can see what no one else sees. With that...it’s time to brave the storm. Here goes...

[yearofthegentleman]

nice guy

[yearofthegentleman]

Let it be seen. You don’t even have to talk about it.

[yearofthegentleman]

Sunday, May 27

We sometimes measure our value by the way others treat us. “what do you do when the one you want to talk to the most...goes ghost?”

[yearofthegentleman]

Chivalry is not dead...unless you choose to let it die.

[yearofthegentleman]

Friend Zone

So I’ve been thinking about the premise of the friend zone. What the hell is the friend zone? Is it like the phantom zone in Superman Lore? A prison of torture where you’re forced to observe what you care about or desire the most but are unable to interact with it in any meaningful way? They say the friend zone is a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.  What causes this to happen? This whole idea of love, relationships, friendships can be quite a complex mixture of events. There are specific qualities that you look for in a lover, there are specific qualities that you look for in a friend. Some of the qualities overlap. So what draws the line? Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes one party is already in a relationship and only has a spot open for a friend. Sometimes one party is emotionally unavailable. Usually, though, we’re looking for a spark, a standout feeling of mutual attraction. The truth is that isn’t always present. We have notions of what that will feel like; someone who undoubtedly makes their attraction and intentions towards us clear. Without that spark, that person may simply appear as a really good person to have around.

Which brings us to the plight of the nice guy. The nice guy’s biggest mistake is thinking that aggression is synonymous with being offensive or invasive. The nice guy wants to avoid making the object of his affection feel uncomfortable but in so doing he fails to show his desire in a clearly communicable way. This in-turn fails to trigger his would-be lover. Now, it is indeed a gamble and the reaction can be either positive or negative. However, the result will not be the famous prison known as the friend zone. The stereotypical nice guy has the fundamental flaw of not having any of his kindness directing inwards. The fallacy is how can you truly be compassionate without having proper regard for your own well-being? To all the nice guys out there...I implore you don’t sentence yourself to prison. Be nice! but include yourself too! State what it is that you want to be, if they’re not ok with that, it truly sucks. Feel terrible, feel disappointed and pick your ass up and don’t waste another second of niceness on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

[yearofthegentleman]

I make my own rules. You can pay for school but you can't buy class. #gentleman #indubitably #stepyourgameup

[yearofthegentleman]

Last Calendar Day

Aaah! This year I turned 31. Bittersweet to say the least. I've accomplished a lot in my young life. The things I value most still elude me and it can be unsettling. I place so much value of my love-life and the truth is for the past four years it has been nonexistent.

I sometimes ascribe this to a general lack of self-confidence combined with a crippling fear of being hurt again. It so often feels like if I get hurt again there will be nothing left of me. I'm so afraid to be vulnerable that it's preventing me from truly putting myself out there. I find every excuse not to. How do I proceed? How do I overcome my fears? Stay tuned, I will solve the problem this year.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.

Maya Angelou (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[yearofthegentleman]

Fears and Desires

As year 30 fastly approaches I am bombarded by a furious mixture of fears and desires. Fears of being behind, being an underachiever. Desires to have a house of my own, a family of my own, a career. We can be controlled by what we want and what we are afraid of. At the very least...I am.

Self-awareness is the first step to self-improvement. I will stop at nothing until I can break the shackles. I can't do it alone, and no one can do it for me. I'm ready to grow....watch me!

[yearofthegentleman]

I love my job! I finally have found myself in a situation where I can apply my unique skill set. I’m an Electrical Engineer and I work at an Industrial Chemical Plant. Anything that runs off electricity or uses electricity to communicate falls into my domain. I’ve only been here four months and I’ve learned so much and yet my hunger for more knowledge is insatiable. 2018 will be the year where I master my domain!

[purplebuddhaquotes]

[yearofthegentleman]

Enjoying the roller coaster ride! In love with life :)

[yearofthegentleman]

The Journey

2018 will make my 30th year on this earth and I couldn’t find a more cohesive amalgamation of exctiement and fear. I find myself wondering have I accomplished what I set out to do? Am I even on track? I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with the answers to these questions. I take pride in knowing that I’m standing firm and I have maintained my optimism in the face of personal tragedy. 

Life has a way of toughening you up so that you are strong enough to succeed. I feel that finally my time has come. I am strong enough to break through the cocoon and fly around blessing the world with the full extent of my potential. This year, I hope to start a business, conquer my debilitating shyness, establish financial freedom, build strong, lasting relationships, construct a wardrobe that reflects my gentlemanly nature and to develop a strong sense of consistency.

I invite you all to follow me on this journey. 2018 will definitely be the year of the gentleman.