Hello~ As I'm writing this short blog post, it's 11:17 pm and I'm sitting on my bed with my TV in the background playing the first DVD from the Memories of 2017; which, incidentally, is the final Wings Tour concert in Seoul (One of the concerts shown in Burn The Stage).
I don't know why I decided to write something about my day today, but I just had too many thoughts after watching Burn The Stage and I feel like I needed to write them out.
Just a few minutes ago, I got back home after watching Burn The Stage with my sisters. We watched a late-night screening, so the theater wasn't as packed as the other screenings were.
Where I'm from, Burn The Stage is being shown on more than 60 cities nationwide throughout four days with multiple screenings per day. I guess I was pretty luckyโI was sure that we won't be getting any dates here when the movie was first announced.
Luckily, ARMYs here immediately showed interest and started inquiring about it on a local major movie theater chain. So I guess they noticed the demand early on. I've read that there are some places around the world where it's not being shown and I feel really sorry for them. I hope they would be releasing a DVD so that other ARMYs would be able to see it too, even if a little late.
I was also pretty lucky that the screening I was on was pretty chill, save for a couple groups (seated right in front of me and behind me) who were pretty noisy and disruptive throughout the whole movie. I've heard worse stories so I'm still pretty grateful.
There was something interesting I noticed: there was one old couple who saw the movie! They didn't come with anyone else so it made me think that they actually wanted to see BTS or that perhaps they were ARMYs too~
There was also a young girl who came with who I presume to be her father, a couple of girls in their twenties who came with their mom, a small group of young children who came with who I presume to be an older sibling, and a couple of women who seem to be in their 40s.
I found this very interesting because a lot of people still look down on K-Pop where I'm from. No, actually, I think it would be more appropriate to say that the GP here mocks idols.
This is very heartbreaking to admit but if you asked me to describe my country's culture in general, I would tell you that "toxic masculinity" would be the best way to describe it.
I'm not going to talk about that any further because I feel like this short blog is becoming very long, much like everything I write. Please excuse me, it's just that I have too many thoughts right now.
I came in the theater knowing full well that I would definitely cry. There's something called a "shallow-teared" person in my language. It means a person who cries easily, which is probably the best way to describe me.
This is why I tried so hard to hold back my tears. I think there were at least ten times throughout the movie that I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Whenever this happened, I took a large gulp of Coke and tried to calm myself down.
And then that scene with Bang Sihyuk came on. I don't remember the exact phrasing, but he told BTS something along the lines of "you need to find your happiness", explaining that if they kept going as they were, he was afraid that they would become miserable. That really hit me hard.
Not that I'm anyone as important or as successful as BTS is because I'm nowhere near that but I'm in the same situation. I'm currently on my first job after graduating from university in 2016. Before I got that job, I have tried and failed numerous times to get a job. I often talk about 2017 being one of the lowest periods in my life and this is one of the reasons why.
Just as 2017 was about to end, I actually did get a job. After being in such a low place, I was so grateful. I'm grossly underpaid for the amount of work that I do but because I was actually doing something worthwhile for once, I felt that I should just be happy about it. Until a few months ago, I convinced myself that I should just keep working hard and that I should just bear the pain. After all, this was what I wanted all along, wasn't it?
I neglected myself a lot because I kept thinking that I just needed to focus on working hard and I forgot to consider that I'm also a person who have my own needs. I thought that if I didn't think about what I felt, I wouldn't sink back into depression but I guess the stress and everything else caught up to me and I got very sick not long after that.
I cried because I wish someone had told me that sooner. I wish I knew that working hard didn't mean that I had to neglect my own needs and feelings. And I was also relieved and grateful that they are working with a person who would say something like that to them, who would also value their needs as individuals.
I cried because I didn't know that such simple words were all I needed to hear to remember that I need to take care of myself too.
I just started crying again while writing this. My thoughts are kinda all over the place so I hope you understand what I'm trying to say in this messy post.
One of the things I love most about BTS is that they're always trying to work harder and become even better. You hear it all the time when they win something. At the end of every speech, they would say that they hope to show even better stages, make even better songs, or become an even better BTS.
But I can't believe it took me so long to realize that while they're all very hardworking, they've always tried to emphasize that it's also important to take care of yourself.
At the beginning of the first episode of Burn The Stage (the series), Namjoon said that they wanted to show ARMYs that they're just like us: that there are days when he didn't want to work, that there were days that he'd be reading webtoons instead of working, and that there are days when he takes a break from working.
Throughout the series and the movie, they showed us that they also get sick and sometimes their body hurts too much that it interferes with their work. And I think that it is such an important reminder thatโin a culture that glorifies overworkingโthere's nothing wrong with feeling tired, getting sick, and taking a break every now and then.
Not only that, but BTS also taught me that there's nothing wrong with taking pride in what you do. I know this sounds nothing special at all, but our culture has ingrained in our minds that we should be self-denying. I still struggle with this a lot, but I feel like I'm slowly trying to become prouder of my own work, sharing things I've written here and there and trying to believe people when they compliment my writing.
There was another line in the movie that said BTS has become artists that hold their head up high "with confidence, but not conceit", and I think that line sums up perfectly why ARMYs like myself have stood with BTSโthrough pain and hardships, through happy days and victoriesโfrom that fateful day in 2013 until now.
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