brooks isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he knows his question implies that he still has feelings for the other boy, because why else would he care whether or not noel likes him or not? the silence that followed wasn’t just very telling, but also extremely embarrassing. admittedly, he loved ‘the chase’, but noel was clearly a lost cause. the sooner brooks learned to accept the other wasn’t into him, the better it was. however, just as he was about to turn on his heels and walk away, noel grabbed him by his wrist and led him toward an empty classroom. it wasn’t forceful or rough at all, as a matter of fact, there was a gentleness to it that was making him melt inside. against his better judgement, he followed the boy inside, and closed the door behind them.
while he was confident about his looks and athletic skills, the same couldn’t be said about his academic performance. he knew how important the latter was to his ex-boyfriend, so it made sense that this was the reason why he lost interest. “you don’t have to like, sugarcoat it for me. okay, actually, yeah, that’s a lie, i’m probably going to need you to sugarcoat it just a little bit.” the boy scrunched up his face, as if he was bracing himself for the harsh words he expected would come. much to his surprise, he got a confession instead. “uh, are you trying to tell me that it’s not me, it’s you?” he squinted his eyes slightly, confusion written all over the jock’s face. “sorry, i just don’t get it. i mean, i wanted you, i chose you, so all of that doesn’t matter to me.” things were different now, though. he was dating two girls at the same time, though neither were serious yet.
“hey, don’t cry, please.” guilty pangs hit his chest when he noticed that tears were starting to well up in the boy’s eyes. brooks didn’t mean to upset him, he just wanted answers, but in hindsight, he feels like he might have pushed noel too hard. though he never met his parents, they didn’t exactly sound like the nicest people, because why else would noel be so scared to come out to them? being raised by two liberal lesbian moms, brooks never had to worry about these things, and he praises himself lucky for it. wanting to comfort the boy, he wraps his arms tightly around his slender frame, pulling him close. “i’m sorry,” he apologizes softly. it’s still not clear to him whether noel likes him back or not, but he doesn’t want to push him any further on the subject. “i guess i just struggle to understand you. you confuse me, like, a lot. i don’t know if i should stay away from you or if you want me close to you. so, please… just tell me what you want. what should i do?”
as soon as brooks wrapped his arms around noel, he immediately started crying into his shoulder. why was he crying though? this was his fault, he could still be with brooks if he didn’t screw it up. this whole situation was messy because of him, and now he was feeling the consequences.
“ f-fuck, i’m sorry, i know you said not to cry... “ he sniffled. “ i just feel bad for confusing you... it’s just, when i broke up with you, there was just so much confusion and fear, and i should’ve gone through it for you but it was my first real relationship. and i mean--i don’t know, i always told myself that if i didn’t date a boy, then i wasn’t really attracted to them. i’m sorry, brooks. i couldn’t believe you truly chose me, and then with everything else i just... freaked out and cut it off, but you deserved at least a proper explanation. “
he was rambling, but he wanted to tell the truth. brooks at least deserved that. “ i don’t blame you for not understanding me. i’m not sure if i even understand everything i do, “ he softly laughed, using his sleeve to wipe away his tears. “ god, again, i’m sorry, “ noel didn’t want to just keep crying and rambling in front of somebody he cared about.
“ i... i’d prefer you to not stay away from me. i mean, unless if you want to, i respect your decision. i think it’s justified at this point. even if it’s been unintentional, i messed with your emotions, and me still having feelings makes it even messier... really, brooks, i want you to do what you think is best for you, okay? if that’s avoiding me like i’m the plague, i’ll let you and be happy that you’re happy. i care about you so much, and i don’t want to hurt you anymore, “ he reached out a hand, wanting to comfort him somehow, but he took it back, realizing that might not be his place anymore.
