footprints,

at once a map to nowhere and everywhere

[yeunder]

from: [email protected] to: [email protected] subject: re: weekly update cw 28

ahyeon unnie,

sorry for not updating!! ㅠㅠㅠㅠ it was kind of sudden for me too, but i figured i might as well get out for a bit while i can...umma and appa are in the final stages of deciding whether they wanna get rid of the shop for good.  i guess i’ve gotten a little more attached than i thought i would but it’s up to them- i can’t stay in seoul forever. not yet, anyways.

(also, i’m not in taiwan anymore!!!)

what a busy busy bee~ but even the busiest of bees should take a break when they can! and take more showers....ㅋㅋ but i know how you feel! it was really really humid in taipei, i seriously contemplated whether i should just double up on showers x__x i’m feeding myself and loading up on drinks, don’t worry too much! although....i might be indulging a little too much...🐽🐽

(hi haeun!! in all honesty i haven’t really been looking...but i’ll keep an eye out just for you ^__^ i’ve heard i’m a great wingwoman! let me know what you’re looking for and i’ll try my best to promote you to the next promising bachelor ㅎㅎ)

look who’s having fun without me ㅎ but have fun! take lots of videos and send them my way~ it’s always fun to explore ^^ i’ll give it a listen when i can and let you know my thoughts!

i’ll be in prague in a few days- a childhood friend moved there and told me to come visit. she’s also going home (as in home home) in a week and asked if i wanted to come with her so...maybe i’ll have a pit stop in seoul?? who knows! i’ll keep you updated. i hope your news is good! can’t wait to hear from you again ^^^

love, yenny

p.s. i keep forgetting to take pictures...but here’s me trying to be chic ㅋㅋ did i succeed?!

[attachment]

[yeunder]

[yeunder]

voicemail from taipei,

@geuum​

yeeun: ...i feel like I’m talking to myself.  i guess i kinda am. 

there’s a lot of noise in the background: late-night traffic, people yelling drunkenly in mandarin, children whining inaudibly to their distracted mothers, a stray dog barking excitedly at all the ruckus.  the walls here are thinner, and the city still leaks in through closed doors and windows.  still, it’s her voice that remains the loudest.  remains anchored in.

yeeun: how’ve you been?  are you being a good student?  did you check up on my plants? i hope they’re doing okay.  i know they’re in good hands, but I can’t help it.  make sure no one bullies them.  appa’s not too fond of the cactus.

she laughs.

yeeun: i guess you aren’t either.  i don’t know why you guys hate it!  she’s done nothing to deserve this.

a pause.  the sound of a siren fades in, then out.  and then it’s just white noise, the soft indentations of her breathing.  she isn’t at a loss of words, she’s just thinking.  wondering.  considering her words.

yeeun: anyways, i guess i’m not gonna be home for a month or so.  i missed traveling.  i wanted to let you know that...but if you have time- and i know you’re busy- maybe you could come visit sometime.  wherever i’ll be.

yeeun: i miss you.

END OF MESSAGE.

[yeunder]

endless summers,

@asuraie​

through the open window, umma’s wind chimes swing in the breeze. some of the guests are wandering out on the balcony, their conversations low and indistinct, overlapping with one another. it’s just a summer day like any other. 

“oppa.”

“oppa.”

“oppa.”

that finally gets him to look up from his book and at her. the past few minutes in the lobby have been relatively peaceful compared to the chaos that had been ushered in that morning, mostly families on vacation, and some younger couples who seemed particularly endeared by their presence. now that they’d dealt with that, yoonil’s decided that his assigned summer reading is more interesting than her. which is unfair because it’s a breezy afternoon in july, the perfect kind of weather for going outside. also unfair because he promised he’d spend time with her, not ignore her very existence.

(meaning she’s allowed to be the whiny dongsaeng.)

“are you gonna keep reading that?” at his nod she drags her chair closer, promptly letting her head weigh on top of his lap. he stares down at her and pinches her nose gently. “we can do something later, okay? five more minutes.” 

“you said that five minutes ago.”

“...three?” her expression says it all. "two?” 

“hmph.” 

“i promise. seriously.”

“okay.”

“okay.”

[yeunder]

[yeunder]

with the seasons

everything happens in a blink of an eye.

she wanders around the apartment in a daze, collecting stray socks and forgotten scraps of paper. several months in, it no longer seemed barren and new. a fine layer of dust had accumulated on the window sill. slowly but surely it seemed to shed its skin. stains scrubbed clean. the fridge emptied (though not much different than it had been just a few days ago). the carpet, reemerging from carelessly strewn items and vacuumed clean. how long had it been since she’d last done something like this? had she ever really bothered? 

within hours, her parents would return and envelop her in their arms, chattering ceaselessly about their vacation and how ‘healing’ it had been, how they’d loved this and that, and that, and that. they’d talk over a home-cooked meal, discuss the shop, interrogate her about boys (’eommaaaa, please!’ ‘what? you’ve been here for months!’). soon, they’d settle back into their routine.

soon, she’d leave hers.

“i’ll be back in a few weeks.”

“mhm.”

“i will! promise.”

“come back when you need to.” she knows they mean well but for some reason it makes her want to cry. like this is the end of something she won’t realize until later. 

“don’t close the shop until i come home, okay?”

the texts go out one by one, carefully-written, all a variation of don’t miss me, i won’t be long. soon, seoul will be another destination she’ll just mark off her list. she breathes out and sinks into her seat, letting the drone of the plane’s engine gradually lull her to sleep. 

by the time she opens her eyes, she knows she’ll miss it dearly.

[luthienne]

…to inexpressibly, indescribably, breathlessly exist in the here and now.

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Ilse Erdmann, October 9, 1915 (via luthienne)

[yeunder]

@asuraie

( kkt : 철부지 동생 ) ( msg ) slow day? ( msg ) i know one ( msg ) what do you call a big tissue paper ( msg ) 휴지 ( msg ) ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

( KKT :  울 오빠 ) ( msg ) .. .. ( msg ) ( img )  ( msg ) did u think of that on ur own

[yeunder]

@asuraie

( KKT :  울 오빠 ) ( msg ) i’m bored at work ( msg ) do u know any dad jokes ( msg ) i feel like if u did they’d be funny

[yeunder]

ngl i lost track of my threads

[yeunder]

for @jaenv

peak businesstime is sometime between 5 and 6, when the last bit of sunlight falls into open windows and everyone’s hurrying home for a home-cooked meal. many are long time customers, like the constantly disheveled mister park, who always clangs through breathlessly and asks for the biggest bouquet (for his wife, who’s somehow never not cross with him for one reason or another). or the nice woman several doors down who owns the newly-opened stationary store and likes keeping fresh flowers by the window up front (자몽 tulips, sometimes yellow ones if the occasion demands it). 

yeeun’s used to seeing familiar faces, each with their own trademark greeting (for mister park-- not again, ahjussi!). what she doesn’t expect, though, is an unforgettable face to turn up at the most unexpected time.

“leo!” with the window pushed open, her arms and face peep out and straight at him. the street is relatively clear of pedestrians, so she pitches her voice louder. “hey, leo!” no sooner does he turn does she slip through the front door, crossing the street and ambling closer until they’re face to face. when was the last time she’d seen him? ages ago. years-- literally. 

she breathes in before she can help it, then smiles ruefully. funny how some things don’t change. he hasn’t. not really, anyways.

“hey.”

welcome home.

[yeunder]

“What time is it?” // from hyuck!

from here

for once, hyuck is quiet. the day has passed quickly-- her desk lamp is turned on as an afterthought, long after they’ve laid in the dark after yet another drawn-out conversation. with each subconscious shift of his limbs, the mattress seems to dip and rise, as he rolls onto his back and she onto her side. can’t ever sit still, huh? she feels a tug at her hair in retaliation and huffs out a laugh. so much for a quiet night alone. still, having someone around isn’t so bad- especially when that someone is hyuck.

if it had been anyone else maybe it’d feel different (and if it had been anyone else– well, she considers a certain someone briefly and pinches herself. don’t get ahead of yourself, go yeeun.) but with him this feels right, comfortable. even if they’re thinking of other people in this moment, she still feels his arm heavy against hers, keeping them both tethered.

when she finally turns to face him it’s the gentle rise and fall of his chest that reminds her of how easily he manages to fall asleep. cheeks puffed, she blows gently in his direction, unsettling his hair and causing him to stir.

what time is it?

dunno. too early.

he mumbles unintelligibly, groaning when she resorts to kicking his ankles lightly. are you really gonna do this to me again?

fine, fine. i’m awake.

promise?

promise.

[consilian-archive]

“Do you think we’ve met in other lives?” hyunwoo!!

from here // accepting

it’s spring and the air around them tastes like gas and forgotten memories when she opens the windows, hair tousled and a playful scoff tossed carelessly into his direction.

it’s so stuffy in here, lee hyunwoo!

he’s known a lot of people throughout his life but none of them quite compare to her and the sunshine she brings into the small space he calls his own, the one he keeps carefully tucked away from the lesser parts of the world. perhaps he is not as certain as he wishes he could be, but he contemplates this one thing often: if it’s possible for a single person to be enough, to make another remember what they used to be.

“you forgot that here the last time.”

she stretches her hands out and her demeanour would suggest impatience but her eyes twinkle and when he catches the mischief reflecting in them, it’s enough to bring out a smile capable of rivalling hers. the lightheartedness doesn’t vanish when he tosses the thin scarf at her she forgot to take with her the last time she was here with jungkook. not even when the sun vanishes behind the hills and yeeun is still telling a story about turtles and the lovely bouquet she made for a young boy attempting to impress his crush.

you should have seen it! it had every flower i could find with purple and red hues in it and his cheeks got very pink. it was really sweet.

of all the people in his life, there is a singularity to the way a girl of barely twenty-something years charms her way into spaces she has no business occupying. this is, he reasons, what persistence will grant you in the long run. this is how love unfolds and learns how to grow in a place where it would not be capable of surviving on its own.

(having yeeun around is not as distracting as it would seem, but he finds himself always a little less focused when her hands move and her feet shuffle around his place. sometimes she insists on bringing flowers to his place, although she never does. other times, she’ll bring back shells and sea glass she claims she’s found at the beach. his place has seen an increase in color and liveliness since yeeun became a consistent part of his life.)

he looks up again when he feels her tugging at his sleeve with a curious tilt of her head asking if he knows something she doesn’t.

there’s consistency with her, even when she doesn’t speak or share her thoughts the moment she goes through them. rather than that, yeeun seems to categorize them into what she wishes to ask and what she wishes to dissect for herself in silence.

- do you think people come back when they die? or do they just     disappear?- you mean as another person? reincarnation? - maybe, i don’t know.- i’ve never thought about it before. why’re you asking? - i was just wondering. where do you think all their memories and wishes and hopes and dreams go when they die? - what if they don’t go anywhere? maybe they come back as another version of the person they used to be.

her lips pull apart to reveal a smile that’s sympathetic to the idea of it. and looking at her side profile, hyunwoo is glad he gets to bear witness to such simple niceties of a girl carrying the weight of her very own world on her narrow shoulders.

- i’d like to meet you in another life. - you think you’d recognize me?

hyunwoo’s laughter comes out almost wholeheartedly when she sticks out her tongue at him.

[yeunder]

[yeunder]

“Would you come back to haunt me?”

from here

mid-winter leaves her in search of warmth.

wholly unprepared, she wades through the streets, defenseless against the flurries of snow accumulating in her hair. this isn’t the first time she’s completely disregarded the weather forecast; nor will it be her last. for a sparing moment, though, she embraces the cold with open arms. for those brief seconds the world seems to come to a halt, even as people brush past her and cars continue to pass by.

(as a kid, anything is possible.)

it’s how she can manage to weave the unimaginable into reality, disrupting yoonil’s perfectly-made bed– now an undersea cave– in search of the world’s greatest treasure. as he attempts to finish the last of his workbook problem she swipes a pillow and promptly lands it on his lap, laughing aloud when he practically drops his fistful of pens.

go yeeun, didn’t you say you wanted to study?

i did, but i changed my mind.

he can only snort, the two red pens clattering back into the container to join the rest of his things. to the left, a mug of warm water awaits her.  he’d taken a look at her and disappeared wordlessly into the kitchen, steps echoing in the empty hallway. by now, though, she’s perfectly content, bundled up in a jacket too ill-fitting to be hers.  school bores her to no end. he knows very well by now that doing homework together is merely an excuse for her to hang around him, eager for company on days where her classmates retreat into study halls and libraries.

oppa.

hm?

what if ghosts really did exist? and we turned into them once we died? all of us, i mean. good or bad.

would you come back to haunt me?

duh. you’re stuck with me for life- you know that, right?

he makes a noncommittal hum, but she can practically hear the smile in his voice.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

I want time, months, weeks—rainy suburbs without people. I want mornings with you, I want to begin the mornings with you,

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a letter to Rainer Maria Rilke c. January 1926 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[yeunder]

“I like it when the world's quiet.” // from hyunwoo! <3

from here

some things are inevitable. like the sun that rises and sets each day, or ocean waves washing ashore, irregardless of its surroundings. each element in this universe of theirs pulls their own weight without fail, each a constant even as the seasons change; as days become numbered.

she tries not to count. plucks a stray leaf from hyunwoo’s hair instead and breathes in the city air, her footsteps clumsy beside his. it’s easier at late hours because time doesn’t seem so important. the sky remains a stolid dark blue, and only a couple of twenty-year-olds dawdle far ahead.

“i haven’t seen you around as much lately.” not accusatory, merely an observation. unlike him, with his hands in his pockets, she’s got hers clutching onto her 붕어빵, encased in paper. it’s still warm, though a piece of its head is already missing. she’s still savoring the taste of red bean on her tongue when he looks down at her and nods in acknowledgement.

i haven’t been around, either.

“too much?”

i like it when the world’s quiet.

too much. yeeun’s never been able to decide whether she’d preferred seoul at its working hours, so full of sounds and people, electric with life. or whether this moment, quieter than she’d seen it in weeks, was better. after awhile it doesn’t seem as if it’s meant to be only one or the other– perhaps it’s better to dwell in both spaces.

so yeeun lets it pull her, a gravitational force of its own that allows her to continue to walk out-of-pace with hyunwoo, their shadows close and almost merging into one another up ahead.

me too.