#killthemwithkindness

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

the request had come out thoughtless, a lightheadedness from the oxygen deprivation and the rush of blood from the kiss. not that seokjin was lying. it was the complete truth, a completely innocent and naive want; to clutch onto the boy in front of him and kiss him until they were breathless, over and over again, until their lips were bruised and swollen and knew more of one another than they did of anything else. it’s hard to stop himself from grabbing onto hongbin when the other begins to shift, move away, crawling back over the bed. the matteress dipping and shuddering until seokjin was staring at the most inviting sight to him. his best friend, his long time crush, arms open on the bed and beckoning him in.

there was no need to heistate or reason to hold himself back – not anymore. his hands dug into the covers, pressing in as he crawled over to hongbin and so effortlessly places his knees on either side of hongbin’s form. his eyes lighting up, lips curving happily at the greeting and tries to forget the shudder of his heart with affection. “hi,” he replies, voice gentle and crumpling when their lips are together again. his eyes closing, body sinking in against hongbins more and his fingers grazing through the soft strands of hongbin’s hair. the tips curling, tugging gently, as his other hand mirrors the one that rests on his own waist and warm fingertips send tingles and shives up his spine. it’s perfect, the way hongbin looks so good beneath him, how he touches him without reservation or uncertainty.

his own hand curves at hongbin’s side, dragging up the fabric of his shirt until he can feel the heat of his best friends skin under his palm. breaking the kiss is almost the last thing that seokjin wants to do, but his lungs sting and he inhales sharply as soon as he pulls away. the strands of hair combed through, brushed back from hongbin’s features and seokjins impulses lead to kisses, peppered across hongbin’s cheeks, his nose, and back around to the corner of his mouth. his heart beating, fluttering in his chest, and he coughs up a soft laugh. “my hearts beating so fast,” seokjin confesses, cheeks prickled with embarassment. still, he reaches for hongbins hand and guides it brazenly higher, over the burning heat radiating from his skin and over his heart. “can you feel it?”

Feeling Seokjin’s hand against his own skin is enough to send shivers up Hongbin’s spine. His chest is heaving as his best friend breaks their kiss and he looks at him with curiosity, wondering why he is pulling away, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it because soon his face is being peppered with kisses and he starts chuckling, though his heart skips a beat when he hears Seokjin’s revelation. He likes the way Seokjin guides his hand further up until his palm is resting over where Seokjin’s heart is supposed to be. The skin is warm and Hongbin’s fingers spread almost instantly. Then he can hear it, the fast thumping of his best friend’s heart.

“I do,” he confirms in a soft breath, but then he moves to guide Seokjin’s hand up to his own heart and he looks at him. “Mine is the same,” he tells him with a somewhat shy smile. His hand is still pressed against Seokjin’s chest and suddenly Hongbin wants to see his best friend without his shirt on. He has seen him without a shirt countless times over the years, but he has never allowed himself to stare, too afraid to get caught by his best friend, but now that their feelings are out in the open, he wants that shirt to be gone and he wants to stare at his best friend’s body and map every muscle, every crease, every line, every beauty mark with his mouth and his fingers.

He inhales sharply and then boldly moves his hands so they are grabbing the edge of Seokjin’s shirt and then he’s tugging the garment up, pulling it away from Seokjin’s body until his best friend is exposed in front of his eyes and Hongbin feels his breath catch in his throat because Seokjin is gorgeous. He has always known that of course, but to have him so close like this, Hongbin cannot help but marvel. His fingers slowly brush the exposed skin, thumb accidentally rubbing against one of Seokjin’s nipple and Hongbin is glancing up at his best friend. “You’re gorgeous,” he tells him, because Seokjin needs to know. Hongbin wants to attach his mouth to his best friend’s body and hesitantly moves to do just that, glancing up to see if the other is going to stop him before tentatively pressing his lips, then the tip of his tongue against the warm skin.

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

[...]

the connection was softer than the first time, something sweet and tender in them. seokjin’s eyes slipping closer, his hand tenatively finding place on the curve of hongbin’s waist and fingertips curling into the fabric of his shirt. this was what he wanted; how their mouth moulded together like they were made to, how the tinge of heat burned in his cheeks, how his hand slipped into the curves of hongbin’s body as they were meant to – as he imagined. he’s desperate not to pull away, leaning in closer and claiming the others lips with a quiet plead not to break away. not yet, just a little longer, just until his lungs stung for air and he breaks away with the soft gasp. his nose grazing against hongbin’s, his eyes peeking open, his lips still parted; lingering over the soft pink of hongbins.

“do we have to talk? can’t i just kiss you like this forever?” seokjin asks, timid and childishly; forehead dipping forward to press against hongbins. “that’s all i want.”

The kiss felt different now that they knew they had feelings for each other. Last time, Hongbin had liked the feeling of Seokjin’s lips on his, but his heart had not been able to enjoy it as much as he should have since he was convinced that his best friend was in love with someone else. Now though, none of them are willing to pull apart and the kiss keeps going until Seokjin is pulling slightly away to catch his breath, which Hongbin is silently thankful for because he is pretty sure he had forgotten to breathe through his nose at some point and was grateful for the air suddenly filling his lungs.

A soft, breathless laugh escapes his lips when he hears Seokjin’s request and he can’t stop smiling. “We can do that, let’s just make ourselves more comfortable first,” he says as they are still sitting on the edge of his bed, awkwardly turned toward another and Hongbin feels like there is still too much space between them. He moves away from Seokjin, crawling further on his bed until he is comfortably lying down on his back. He then motions for Seokjin to come closer before opening his arms wide, hoping that his best friend will get the hint and crawl between them.

Once Seokjin has joined him, Hongbin grins up at him and teasingly says “hi” before leaning up for another kiss, and this time it feels much better because Seokjin is against him completely and Hongbin can feel all of him, his weight keeping him pressed into the mattress and he hums softly, moving his hands until they find Seokjin’s waist, the edge of his shirt and they slide underneath, meeting warm skin. It anchors him, makes him feel like there is no way either of them can get away, not that Hongbin wants to.

#sxokjinnie #!you'rehome

kongsook

hongbin in shangri-la

#!bin

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

[...]

it’s difficult to deny the burn in his eyes as he shakes his head. “bin.. the guy i like is you.. that’s why i kissed you..” his voice trembles this time as he speaks, leaving him swallowing down and trying to find a grip on himself. everything was worked up, bundled with emotions and nerves and shock. “i though if i kissed you, you’d.. figure it out.. “ seokjin laughs, dryly and bitterly; as if he can’t believe this at all and he lowers his head, leaning forward to press his forehead to hongbin’s shoulder. he needs his support, feeling as if he might be swept up or fall over. a shudder running through him as he inhales deeply, for what feels like the first time since he entered hongbin’s room and shakes his head in disbelief. “i thought you were about to tell me you found someone else… i wanted to cry..”

It was nerve-wracking to wait for Seokjin to say something, but when he finally does, Hongbin feels a whirlwind of emotions at once that leaves him unsure of what he’s feeling. It’s a mix of relief, disbelief, joy and warmth spreading all over him. When Seokjin moves to lean his forehead against his shoulder, Hongbin lets go of his best friend’s hands and instead wraps his arms around Seokjin’s wide shoulders, one hand going to the back of his head and holding him closer for a moment. He snorts when his best friend tells him he thought he would figure things out.

“Well clearly, I am not the brightest crayon in the box,” he says with a chuckle, before apologizing again when Seokjin adds that he wanted to cry. It had never been his intention to make his best friend cry, but surely by hiding his love for him and rejecting the kiss when it had happened, he had most certainly caused him pain and if there was one thing he would regret in his life, that would surely be that.

He moves his head to kiss the top of Seokjin’s one and then slightly pulls away so he can cup Seokjin’s face between his hands and make him look at him. He smiles, thumbs running over Seokjin’s cheeks. “How about we try it again? I promise not to pull away this time? And after we can talk more…if you want.” He looks straight into the other’s eyes, seeking approval even though he doubts Seokjin would push him away at this point, but one can never be too sure. After a few seconds, he leans in and presses his lips to Seokjin’s ones and they feel as good as he remembered.

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

[...]

it’s difficult not to notice that hongbin won’t look at him, and he remembers now. he remembers the thing that hongbin needs to tell him, that he came all the way to the airport for, that was pressured in his voice and left panic in seokjin’s heart. the necessity to know becomes great, floods in over him as he bite the inside of his lip and exhales the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “you wanted to tell me something, binnie. i’m surprised you haven’t burst yet, you seemed so excited,” and seokjin doesn’t know why excited stings at the edges of his heart. as if there were something more interesting to his best friend now, that boy that hongbin likes, the one who might steal him away from him. “come on and tell me.”

He nods when Seokjin tells him that he doesn’t need anything because he already ate in the plane. Hongbin still opens the fridge to retrieve the pitcher of water that’s inside and he moves to the counter to pour himself a glass. He’s an only child, but he has spent enough time at Seokjin’s house to know what the other is talking about when he tells him about his younger brother. “They never listen,” he says as he glances over his shoulder and smiles at Seokjin before moving to return the pitcher to the fridge.

He grabs his glass as he walks by and over to where Seokjin is standing. That’s when his best friend chooses to remind him of why they are here in the first place. Now that it’s time for him to talk, he’s not sure he wants to anymore. Maybe he could just come up with a lie and pretend that he was excited over something that had no link whatsoever to his feelings for Seokjin. But Hongbin had promised himself that he wouldn’t lie anymore, at least not to the person he was the closest to, so he takes a sip of water, to ease the tightness of his throat and he hopes that his best friend won’t notice the shake of his hand.

”Ah, yes…I did…but not here, let’s go to my room.” He rapidly walks away from Seokjin and heads in direction of his room, climbing up the stairs to the second floor. It’s just an excuse to give him more time, for him to organize his thoughts one last time. He pushes the door open and steps inside, walking over to his nightstand to set his glass of water down. “Can you close the door behind you please?” he throws over his shoulder, still not looking at the other male and he knows he has to put a stop to this. That the more he doesn’t look at his best friend, the more the other probably worries that something is wrong. You can do this Hongbin he tells himself in his mind before whirling around to face the other boy.

He walks up to him and reaches for his hands, taking them in his and tugging gently so Seokjin follows him while he walks backward until his shins meet the edge of his bed. He sits down and makes Seokjin sit down next to him, turning slightly to face him and pulling his legs up and crossing them as he does so. He takes a deep breath and briefly closes his eyes, needing one last moment to calm himself down before throwing himself into the lion’s den.

”When you were gone,” he begins as he reopens his eyes, “I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things.” His gaze is fixed on their joined hands because he needs the reassurance of Seokjin’s touch and therefore didn’t let go of his hands. He’s also not ready to meet the other’s gaze, not yet. “I thought about how long we have known each other and about all the things we did together. You’ve always been in my life, from the day I was born until now. There are a couple of things that we’ve experienced on our own, that we didn’t talk about until recently, but other than that, we’ve always been together. And I think a part of me took it for granted? I thought that, as long as you would always be by my side, everything would be alright, but then…when I caught you…before the holidays…things were so strange after that and I didn’t know what to think.”

He pauses and takes a few deep breaths before finally lifting his gaze to stare right at Seokjin. “I told you that nothing would change, but the truth is…I don’t think things can ever be the same again. I told you that I thought about a lot of things while you were gone and I’ve made some decisions…and that’s what I’ve been wanting to tell you. Jin-ah, do you remember when we went to that underground bar and I read a poem that I wrote and after that I told you that I like boys?”

He waits for a sign from his best friend, something to encourage him to keep going and he knows that this is it. After he goes past this point, there is no turning back. “The poem was about you. It was for you.” He bites his bottom lip and chews on it briefly. He feels his hands shaking even though they are still holding on to Seokjin’s ones. “I like you, like…I want to date you and kiss you and do other things with you. That kind of like…and I am sorry I pushed you away last time, but I was very confused and I don’t think I’m the one you like, so I am sorry if me saying all this is burdening you, but I had to be honest with my feelings because I am so tired of lying to myself all the time, of hiding who I really am…I am Hongbin, a guy, and I really love you.” The last part comes out as a whisper because now that the words rushed out of his mouth, Hongbin feels drained. He’s terrified if he has to be honest, but he can’t run away, he has to stay here and wait for Seokjin to say something.

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

suddenly he can only breathe when he’s walking towards his mother, the woman handling his siblings with ease and in the middle of a phone call. it’s a brief conversation, one of him asking if he can go with hongbin and come home later. a smile on his mothers lips as she tries to straighten out strands of hair on his head and nod in agreement. ‘don’t come home late’ mouthed to him as he’s turning away; unsure if he’s happy with the answer or scared of it. hongbin’s words bouncing around inside his head with no ability to decipher what they mean. it makes him nauseous when he returns to hongbin, his bag still hung on his back and swallowing the lump in his throat.

“she says its fine, of course,” seokjin’s voice is dry, harsher than he expects it to be; as if he hasn’t talked in days and he wets his lips with the dash of his tongue. one hand tugging at the strap of his backpack, glancing at the flowers that were for him, and the boy that he wish was his also. “so where did you want to do?”

While Seokjin is gone, just a few meters away, asking his mother if he can leave with Hongbin, Hongbin takes the time to think about what would be the best place to go for a talk. He is torn between a public space and his own house when his phone vibrates in his pocket and he rapidly pulls it out to see that his mother has just sent him a text message.

Hongbin-ah, I’m going out to spend the day with some friends. Your father is at work and I am planning to surprise him later and ask him if he wants us to go have dinner somewhere. So, the house is yours if you need it. Hwaiting! Mom loves you, you know that right? ♥

He bites his bottom lip and quickly replies to her with a Thank you mom, you’re the best. He’s just pressed send when Seokjin reappears and informs him that his mother agreed to let him go with Hongbin. “Ah, well I wasn’t too sure where to go at first, but my mom just texted me to say she was going out with friends and I could have the house to myself so…if you don’t mind coming over…we can just go to my place?

He feels so unsure, afraid that Seokjin is going to refuse his offer. He’s nervous because when they parted ways for the holidays, they were still uncertain about where they were standing now and so things were still slightly awkward. This was one of the reasons Hongbin wanted to have this talk with Seokjin as soon as possible.

Thankfully, Seokjin agrees and Hongbin lets out a breath of relief before grabbing Seokjin’s luggage and leading the way out of the airport and toward the bus terminal. During the bus ride, he tries to keep things light. He doesn’t want to dive instantly into what he’s been wanting to talk about. So he asks Seokjin about his trip and the things he did there and he listens to everything with undivided attention, secretly wishing that he could have been there with his best friend so they could have experienced everything together. He wonders if Seokjin ever thought about wanting him to be there. He doesn’t dare ask.

Soon, they end up at Hongbin’s house and he unlocks the door for them, motioning for Seokjin to go in first before stepping inside after him and closing the door behind himself. He puts Seokjin’s luggage aside before taking off his shoes, unwrapping his scarf and putting his coat away. “Is there anything you’d like to drink? Or are you hungry? I’m sure we must be having snacks somewhere….” He’s stalling and he knows it. He knows what he wants to say, but he feels like he could use more time to prepare, as if he didn’t have enough time while Seokjin was gone already.

He also can’t bring himself to look at Seokjin now that it’s just the two of them. He’s afraid of what might happen if he does, even though he knows that he will have to look at his best friend once they sit down to talk. But right now Hongbin’s heart is beating too fast because his mind remembers the way his best friend looked at the airport, replaying the images over and over and reminding Hongbin of how much he had wanted to kiss him and tell the world he was in love with this boy. He’s afraid that if he looks at Seokjin, he’ll just grab him and kiss him, which he is not sure would be a good idea….at least not before they talk.

#sxokjinnie #!you'rehome

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

[...]

“who is this for?” he asks, unable to even consider that they might be for him. it was clear. it had been clear. hongbin had made it clear that he didn’t like him. not like that. not like seokjin liked him. but he still swallowed down when he reached out for them, as if this were different than reality. that when he’d kissed hongbin, the older had willingly kissed him back, claimed the heart that’s been hurriedly trying to catch up to him and steal his attention for years, and this–these flowers–were for him.

no pain prickling up into his eyes as the soft petals touch his fingertips and he has to ask. “are they for my family?”

Hongbin doesn’t know how to explain the feeling he gets when Seokjin pulls him into a hug. It feels warm, and like he’s finally returned home, as if his life has finally gone back on track and now everything is going to be okay. It’s also terrifying because he doesn’t think that the state of his life or well-being should all rest upon Seokjin’s shoulders, but he also knows that it’s not exactly that. That it is more. Seokjin is part of his life. He has always been. Hongbin doesn’t want him to not be a part of it anymore.

The poor flowers get a bit crushed between them, but it’s not something to get upset about. There are more important things in life, like the way Seokjin’s bottom lip is slightly trembling and how handsome he looks even after spending hours in a plane. Things more important like the fact Hongbin’s best friend has finally returned and Hongbin’s love for him has just suddenly slammed against his heart and it leaves him with warm cheeks and a sudden desire to announce to the world how much he loves this boy, but he’s trying to keep a certain control on his feelings because they are in public and he doesn’t want to cause a scene. At least not a bigger one than the one they are currently causing.

It would be so easy to say that the flowers are not for Seokjin and that they are for his family. Hongbin had actually considered it earlier, when he had been debating whether bringing flowers had been a good idea or not, but now that he sees the way Seokjin is looking at them, fingers gently brushing against the petals, Hongbin knows that the only thing that will be coming out of his mouth will be the truth.

”No,” he says as he slightly moves his hand so that Seokjin will take the bouquet. “I bought them for you.” And maybe more red appear on his cheeks after he says it, but he’s glad he didn’t lie this time around. He bites his bottom lip and glances left and right before reaching for Seokjin’s free hand and pulling on it, tugging him slightly to the side so they can be away from his family, but not too far so they don’t leave without Seokjin.

”Look…Jin-ah…I know you just came back from your trip and you are probably tired, but…I needed to see you because I have a lot of things to tell you, but I don’t want to tell you here so…I don’t know if you want to go home first and meet me later or just…come with me somewhere else right away, but I just…I’m really happy that you’re back.” The words come out rushed, and he knows that he’s just dumping all this on his best friend who just arrived back into the country and is probably lost as fuck as to what is actually going on (and Hongbin certainly isn’t helping). He hopes Seokjin will forgive him his impatience.

”Sorry…I got a bit carried away…” he continues sheepishly.

red handed.

#!redhanded #(End?)#You can reply if you want to :3 #sxokjinnie

sxokjinnie:

[...]

“i’ll keep your career advice in mind, binnie,” he comments as he sits up higher, trying to avoid any unnecessary contact; the kind that involved hongbin’s thighs and his own, hongbin’s backside and his crotch. only his hands were given permission for contact, fingers and thumbs finding hongbin’s shoulders to begin with. seokjin is careful, attentive to every muscle and every knot and strain that might be within them. a natural and learned skill that he’s thankful for as it’s so easy to slip into focusing on hongbin’s body, the reactions, where he needs to be touched and how firmly, how softly, how long. he’d given hongbin so many of them through the years.

“you must have trained hard, binnie,” are words easily spoken, said a hundred times instead of anything else seokjin’s had on the tip of his tongue.

As soon as Hongbin feels Seokjin’s fingers working on undoing a knot he didn’t even knew he had in his shoulders, he felt himself turn into goo. It was easy to forget about what had just happened between them and just focus on the tension slowly leaving his body. He thought that training was supposed to keep your body in good shape and get rid of the tensions, but he must have been more stressed than he had thought because this massage was feeling so good.

He tried to stay conscious though and to keep up a conversation with his best friend. It wouldn’t be fair to fall asleep on his best friend after he so kindly offered to massage him. “I always train hard,” he replies, moving his head to try and see Seokjin over his shoulder, but it was impossible to see him unless he twisted his whole body and Hongbin felt too much like pudding to do that. “I train for the team…and then I have to do a different kind of training…” he means to say ‘for figure skating’ but the words don’t leave his mouth, even if Seokjin knows about this secret of his and has seen him practice more than once.

”But you do too. You’re a good player.” He hums softly and buries his face into Seokjin’s bedsheets after he feels a sudden pressure in his shoulders disappear and it’s enough to make him groan from th relief he feels. After that, maybe it’s because of the comforting smell of his best friend’s bed sheets or his magical hands, probably both, but Hongbin fell himself relax until eventually, true the words he had spoken before, he ended up dozing off. Oh he tried to fight it at first, but eventually it became too hard to keep his eyelids open and he drifted off to sleep, completely relaxing under Seokjin’s touch.

you’re home (to me)

sxokjinnie:

[...] a weak unsteady breath on his lips as he pulled the carry-on bag down for his brother, and then his own. two steps in the back as they headed through customs, followed in a trail behind his mother and his older siblings until they’re greeting the heated air in the airport. in his mind, there’s a moment of fear that he won’t be there, and then there’s the anticipation again, leaving him nauseous as he glances around the faces, searches for the only one he’s wanted to see since he’d left seoul, comic book in hand and a promise that he would text him when he could.

text through a screen was never close enough to satisfy seokjin. but sleeping in the same room was never close enough either. his teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he heard his mother voice in the periphery of his mind, telling him something that he likely needed to know.

( there was only one thing–one person–that he really needed know though. )

Hongbin couldn’t stand in one spot. When he woke up that morning, he basically shot out of bed, wide awake and ready to tackle his day. He had showered, pulled on some sweatpants and ran downstairs to the kitchen where he scarfed down his breakfast and gave his mother a good morning kiss on the cheek before running back to his room to get dressed.

”Be careful and have fun!” his mother called from the living room doorway, a steaming mug of tea in her hands, as she watched her son zooming by and stopping in the entrance to put on his shoes. Hongbin had put on his coat and quickly wrapped a scarf around his neck before leaving. He had made a short stop at a store before taking public transportation to the airport, a soft smile never leaving his lips.

This time spent away from his best friend had been agony for Hongbin. But it is also thanks to that time away from Seokjin that he had been able to figure out a lot of things. For example, if he felt so….miserable without the other boy around, even after all those years of friendships, then it meant something. Well, Hongbin knew exactly what it meant, but it was still hard for him to admit it out loud.

He had not told Seokjin that he would go see him at the airport when he would return. It was a decision that he taken last minute after debating whether it was best to wait until Seokjin got home and had a bit of time to unwind from the trip back home, but eventually he had decided that going to surprise him at the airport was better. It’s always nice to return from a trip and see people you care about waiting for you.

Now that he was at the airport, waiting for the passengers to leave the plane and go through customs, Hongbin started feeling nervous. He glanced down at himself for the hundredth time, making sure that his black Chelsea boots were spotless, that his jeans had not ripped during the bus trip, that his black sweater was pristine and that his white coat had no stain. He tugged at his scarf and carefully unwrapped it from around his neck before looking at the flower bouquet in his right hand.

This was probably what he was the most nervous about. It had been a decision made impulsively. He had thought that it would be nice to give flowers and had went to buy them, but now that he was waiting, he could see people glancing his way and whispering, wondering if perhaps he was waiting for his girlfriend, or a fiancée or maybe his mother. What would people say once they’d realize that these beautiful flowers were meant for a guy? A guy who was just as beautiful, if not more, than these flowers (or at least that’s what Hongbin thought).

He was pulled from his thoughts when the glass doors slid open and people started walking out, pushing trolleys with their luggage or tugging suitcases behind them. Hongbin instantly pushed himself up to the tip of his toes (not that he really needed to as he was taller than most of the women standing near him), and he waited, and waited, until he spotted him, Seokjin, who was looking around, searching for something and obviously having not noticed Hongbin yet.

”I’m sorry,” Hongbin said softly to some people as he tried to squeeze between them so he could make his way toward his best friend, careful to keep the flowers out of harm’s way. Eventually, he emerged from the crowd, feeling a bit disheveled (was there an idol on that flight or what? So many people waiting…), but Seokjin was so close now…

”Jin-ah!” he called out, carefully holding the bouquet against his chest while he waved with his free hand. A wide smile spread on his lips as he watched his best friend’s head turn in his direction.

Longing.

Hongbin lets out another sigh as he looks outside from his perch on the sill of the living room bay window. He's been sitting there all afternoon, reading at first, then listening as his mother decided to play piano, but now it is silent again and he is watching the snow flakes fluttering down and blanketing everything in white. He sighs again and startles when he hears a chuckle at his side. His mother is looking at him with an amused smile that turns fond when she reaches over and gently runs her fingers through Hongbin's hair.

"I am about to start making dinner. How about you come help me? Your father will be home late tonight." She doesn't wait for his answer before turning on her heels and walking away, humming softly to herself.

This is one of the things Hongbin loves about his mother. He has been doing the same thing for almost 2 weeks now and she has not asking him what has him feeling so down. He has a feeling that she somehow already knows anyway. But he knows she is waiting for him to be ready to open up. It has always been like this, as far as Hongbin can remember.

He unfurls himself from the window sill and makes his way toward the kitchen, carrying the empty mug of hot chocolate he had drank earlier. When he enters the kitchen, his mother's body is mostly hidden behind the refrigerator's door. He leaves his mug in the sink and joins his mother.

"Ah! There you are. Take these and wash them before cutting them please," she says as she hands him some radishes, herbs and more vegetables. He carries everything over to the counter while his mother retrieves meat and other things from the confines of the fridge.

He does as he was told and prepares the vegetables, picking the right quantity before taking them to the sink to wash them. He hears his mother taking out pots and pans from the cupboards and he glances in her direction when he opens a drawer to get the chopping board.

They don't say anything until oil is sizzling in the pan and Hongbin has finished cutting a carrot into julienne.

"I miss Seokjin," Hongbin says out loud, keeping his eyes on the knife in his left hand and the fingers of his right hand, currently holding a small bouquet of coriander. His mother's reply doesn't come right away. Hongbin doesn't know what kind of expression she is making, but he's not going to turn to find out.

"It's the first time you boys are spending so much time apart so I am not too surprised," she finally says as she places a slice of meat in the pan. Hongbin hums as silence settles between them again. He continues chopping vegetables for a few minutes before suddenly turning around and leaning against the kitchen island so he can see his mother's back as she cooks.

"Something happened...before the break and it wasn't anything bad like...we didn't fight or anything, but I feel like that changed things between us. Our dynamic feels different. It feels like we're both pretending that nothing has changed so we're trying to act like we've always done, but it doesn't feel right anymore? I'm not sure how to explain it."

His mother turns to look at him and finds him with his gaze resolutely fixed on his socked feet. She doesn't miss the pink on her son's cheeks.

Hongbin-ah, if you feel that something has changed, then why are you pretending that nothing did? Is it because it feels easier and safer to pretend?" She sees him nod and she sighs as she briefly turn to flip the meat in the pan. "What do you think will happen if you talk to him about whatever it is that happened between you two?"

"I'm scared that he won't be my friend anymore." As he says that though, Hongbin knows that it is a lie. Seokjin had told him that he would always be there for him, no matter what and he's sure that his best friend wasn't lying when he had told him that.

Hongbin's mother lets out an amused snort. "Oh my little bean. You boys have been glued at the hips since you were born. I don't think that Seokjin would stop being your friend even if you were to kill someone."

"Mom!"

"What?" she chuckles, clearly amused by what she had said and by Hongbin's reaction. There is a pause and then,

"You're probably right though," Hongbin mutters. He glances up and meets his mother's gaze. They suddenly both start laughing.

"You should talk to him soon though. That's my advice. Important matters shouldn't be ignored. It's important to confront them and sort things out rapidly so that you can move on. Ignoring things will simply continue to make them awkward or "not right" like you said and I'm sure that's not what you want."

Hongbin knows that his mother is right. He sighs and goes back to chopping the vegetables. He wants Seokjin to return and he wants to see him so much, but he also knows that they will have things to discuss and that's something he's not really looking forward to. He's pulled out of his thoughts by his mother.

"Now come here and give me those vegetables so we can finish this," she tells him with a smile before adding, "don't worry too much about it Hongbin. Things will be okay."

#!selfpara

poetryandthesea

The things I would give to have you lying next to me under a christmas tree, soft lights illuminating our bodies and fairy lights on your skin. To have you drinking cheap wine with me while we’re singing along to our favourite songs and those we only listen to because of the other. To listen to you talking about everything and anything, slowly drifting off to sleep only to be woken by soft lips on my forehead or gentle fingers on my back.

// everything j.d.m. (via poetryandthesea)

❄ ❄ ❄

#!bin

red handed.

sxokjinnie:

[...]

“it’s nothing weird,” he promises, lips rising in their corners and arms tucking behind his back as if to prove that he had no ill intentions; or weird ones. they both played hockey, though seokjin’s reason sat in front of him with no idea of it. “you should get one after exercising, so you won’t hurt much tomorrow and.. it’ll help you relax before you sleep.” he peeks at the hongbin and sighs. it was weird, he was weird; hongbin probably thought he was trying something. that he was trying to set up some weird sexual fantasy now to get into his pants. “you don’t have to. it was just.. a thought.”

( and maybe deep down, seokjin had some hope it was exactly what he was trying to convince himself it wasn’t. an excuse to touch hongbin, to hear him groan, to feel him breathe. )

He glances at Seokjin with an arched brow when he feels the other's fingers closing around his wrist. The sudden offer for a massage makes him blink. He doesn't have much time to think about what this could possibly mean or not before Seokjin attempts to justify his sudden offer. That causes Hongbin's chest to squeeze painfully. The fact that Seokjin felt the need to justify himself made Hongbin feel like something had already changed between them and it hurt.

"Are you sure?" he asks, not because he doesn't want to, but because he is very aware that he interrupted Seokjin earlier and that his best friend had not finished his business while in the bathroom. As if that wasn't bad enough, all those revelations about Seokjin's sexuality had followed and finally there had been the kiss, which Hongbin is still thinking about. Surely after all this Seokjin must feel as tired as Hongbin does if not more.

"You don't have to. You're probably tired too," he begins, but then he bites his bottom lip and thinks that maybe it would be good to let Seokjin touch him so the other knows that Hongbin doesn't mind keeping the closeness they have been sharing all their life and that he isn't weirded out by the kiss (even if it caught him off guard and still puzzles him).

So h moves until he is lying down on his stomach on Seokjin's bed. He thought about moving to his own bed, but decided against it. The sheets smell a bit like Seokjin and Hongbin finds that very comforting. "But if you want to, I'll gladly take one. Should I take off my shirt?" he asks as he slightly twists to glance over his shoulder. "By the way, I might end up falling asleep. You know how I am. Plus, I swear you have magic fingers or something. Your massages are the best. If you first career choice deosn't work out, I'd consider massage therapist as a second option if I were you." It might sound like he is buttering things up, but his words are sincere and there is a playful glint in his eyes when he smiles at Seokjin, waiting for the other to put his hands to use.

#!redhanded #sxokjinnie

red handed.