( pretty boy ) @yfxtaemin - Tumblr Blog

( sms ; 공주 ) i'm probably the last person you want to hear from and this message is being sent on impulse ( sms ; 공주 ) i don't know what to say. ( sms ; 공주 ) does the world ever slow down for you? ( sms ; 공주 ) i'm going insane and i need to be ( sms ; 공주 ) shaken back into reality. ( sms ; 공주 ) anyway, good luck on your exams, jung.

( ` past midnight, these texts are inevitable. it is a habit, more irritably, it’s his habit. lee taemin has made a habit, a godforsaken routine, out of contacting her when inebriated—krystal guesses it’s inebriation, because despite herself she knows him and his vices and his mannerisms too well—through texts and the occasional voicemail. of course, she doesn’t make a habit of reading all of them, but there are instances in which she’s unable to help herself. in which the distraction that is taemin manages to seep through the cracks of an otherwise well formulated fortress of cold indifference and here—here, she is chapters deep into her review for exams and on her second glass of devil’s sin. here, she can’t fucking help herself. )

( sms → lee taemin ) and what? i’m supposed to do that for you?( sms → lee taemin ) welcome to reality, lee. where you and i are no longer on a close enough basis for texts like these.( sms → lee taemin ) get your shit together.

yfxtaemin

( * you’d think he would have learned from the last time he had decided to message the younger girl. he had been left without a cellphone for weeks after his unfortunate tantrum and for any other teenager that time would have been disastrous for their social standing, risking to fade into obscurity. but let’s face it, lee taemin and his reputation were currently minimal, thrown into the abyss without care. he was nobody and the sad part of it all was that he was indifferent to it all. now he had no expectations whatsoever when he messaged his ex-girlfriend since more often than not he was ignored or blocked. they weren’t even acquaintances or closed as she pointed out but she knew him quite well, possibly more than his own family knew him. a faint smile tug on the corner of his lips as he responded. he was amused contrary to the annoyance his messages portrayed. )

( sms ; 공주 ) well, fuck. ( sms ; 공주 ) you do know how to kill my mood. ( sms ; 공주 ) and that is easier said than done. we can’t all have our shit together. someone has to be on the bottom rung for you to shine. ( sms ; 공주 ) consider me your sacrificial lamb.

#; lt:cp #yfkrystal

pyrrhickid

impeccable ;

@yfxtaemin

( • had it not been for the fact that he was in shock, he would’ve shown her the way out himself. the faint smell of expensive cologne mixed with her usual, as strong as it had always been. he never liked it, shitty quality for a hell of a lot of money. that’s all she was, good money and low quality in everything she strived to be. of all the things she had committed, this was by far the lowest of them all. )

i paid them, it held up my campaign a little. but i paid them, they did exactly what i told them to do. and – and i had no idea, you would go this far.

( • you had to go this far. you are the source of my problem. these words served as a mantra to the patter of his bare feet on linoleum. each muscle forced another to tense, his teeth dug into skin. his knuckle still couldn’t bleed, he looked at the wall and hesitated – leaving his hand to tug at his hair – god his hair, so unkempt and long overdue he wanted to pull it out. he wanted momentary wreckage, secondary severance, some kind of relief. )

( • his hand holds porcelain, soil taints that knuckle before it’s flung at a wall. a loud crash sounding before he turns regardless of the pain in his chest. the throbbings on either side telling him he’s done it again, gone too far. he turns his head, his neck stretching to its furthest angle when he sees Taemin. but he has no reaction, he just smirks. a small smile like a warning, as if to say he could break once more. his cheeks wet, his neck pulled taut, and his knuckle is still not fucking bleeding. )

yfxtaemin

( * for the past few days, he has visited the hospital and passed by the hospital room multiple times, never finding the courage to go in but he does however request updates, which he doesn’t receive but nonetheless he knew daehwan was stable and recuperating from what he hears from their teammates. he spends about half an hour conjuring a message but words don’t seem to surface and he is left in a state of annoyance as he grabs his jacket. today was the day, he had decided. )

( * had he known he would have visited at an impertinent time, he probably would have stayed in his dorm holed up. but he was there and he wasn’t turning back today. he was determined to at least catch a glimpse of daehwan’s face. he stays in the hallway for what seems to be a short period of time before she appears, walking past him. he does turn to her and greets her with bow, no words. his mother had taught him manners but he rarely showcased them and when he did, it was a pleasant surprise to most but goes completely unnoticed by the older women. )

( * he moves to stand at the doorway, his arm outstretched to knock gently on the door to announce his presence but his action is halted as he watches the other fling across the small porcelain pot to the wall. the display of anger is not directed at the ugly furnishings of the hospital but rather applied elsewhere than the source. he has been in that place more times than he could count. )

I’ve come to rescue you but seems the poor plant was the one who needed rescuing from you.

( * a soft chuckle escapes his lips and he steps forward, pulling the other male in a tight embrace. his fingers curl into the soft fabric of the others’ shirt and his injured hand rested idly by dae’s side. )

#; lt:i #yfxjeon

생일 축하

"You could pretend that you are excited to see us, y'know?"

"I've had enough pretending this year." For once his response is honest and he feels like is he looking at himself from an outsider perspective as if he is not himself, a mere skeletal of his old self still thriving on conserved energy.

"It's your birthday and you're wailing about." He hears his other brother as he appears from behind them, gripping his shoulder and shaking him gently. "Also, your semester is almost over and that's a well enough reason to celebrate."

"Do we ever celebrate birthdays?" It wasn't even a question as they all knew the answer. "Everywhere else in the world it's a joyous occasion but in our family, our shortcomings and weaknesses are thrown in our faces as a gift." He doesn't want to be there and since his parents weren't present at the moment, he could complain to his heart's content. Jaebum had promised to be present at the dinner and his eyes constantly scanned over the entrance of the door expecting him to walk in at any given moment he heard the hostess greet arriving guests.

"You get your car back at least." He is reminded of the only reason why he showed up in the first place. He didn't care about pretenses or keeping up the charade that he was in fact on the same level as the rest of his family members. He was the fucked up son of two reputable members of the government and was falling short to the expectations his older brothers had no problem fulfilling.

He stops listening to the conversation as his attention shifts to his new cellphone, which he had recently gotten after his emotional meltdown resulting from a conversation he had initiated with his ex-girlfriend and his cellphone had resulted in the lone casualty. His leg shakes underneath the table as he awaits for a text message from his bestfriend explaining why he is yet not there. But he doesn't receive that text message and in fact receives a message that blurs his vision.

He would have dismissed the message as an unfounded rumor and denied, denied, denied until he himself didn't believe any word had he not witnessed multiple times the odd fascination that the older male had when he glanced down at the bottle of pills, that never saw the light of day with others and rather he should have never known as well since he personally had intruded those moments. But 'Jeon Daehwan' and 'suicide' resonated with him.

It was more than believable.

And he didn't need to see the pictures of the ambulance that some asshole had taken to believe it.

"Hyu-" His voice cracks by the sudden anxiousness that looms over him and he is unable to formulate a sentence as he pleads for his car's keys. His fingers tug at the other's shirt and he feels like a child without a sense of direction or a coherent thought when he receives the keys. He doesn't answer any of the questions that follow and he sprints towards the exit, past the valet station and searches for his brother's car.

He arrives shortly at the hospital nearest to the school and is immediately questioned as to what his relationship with his friend is. He answers truthfully seeing as he couldn’t exactly prove they were family or indispose Daehwan’s mother if she was requested to the front desk.

He receives an apology and a deadpan expression follows from the male nurse attending the front desk.“You are only allowed in the medical wing if you are a patient or immediate family, which you are neither. You are welcomed to wait in the designated waiting area.”

Anger supersedes the anxiousness he had felt prior to arriving at the hospital. As usual, his impulsiveness dictates his actions and he lifts his fist enough to slam it full force on the desk, enough to bruise, enough to break. Pain shoots up his arm and his non-injured hand moves to wrap around his wrist.

“I am going to need help filling out my paperwork seeing as I can’t fill it out on my own.” He sneers, eyes shifting to the doors nearby. He is shortly guided by another nurse towards the emergency care but he deviates from her, eyeing the chart. His eyes scan quickly for Daehwan’s name and he is relieved to find him near the top.

He finds the hallway ignoring the nurse’s soft voice pleading for him to follow her to get medical attention. His steps come to a halt as he notices a fellow classmate in front of the room. He slides down the wall, his head tilting back. He doesn’t have the courage to ask or even see the older male in a medical bed.

He wants to scream.

His throat is dry and he feels hopeless. But all that manages to reverberate from the back of his throat is a sob and tears stream down his face.

Jeon Daehwan,

you fucking asshole.

#; lt:solo #yfxjeon #tw: attempted suicide mention

fivegems

#; lt:v #( would taemin even get into stanford )#( applies as a joke )

yfkrystal-blog

( LONG WAY DOWN )

there is fire, with him, it’s always fire. bitter is scalding on her tongue, molars grinding together with mounting indignation as sharp eyes remain fixated on the older man, wishing as if she could set him aflame with her gaze alone. but lee taemin remains, a glaring reminder of everything she hated about last year, everything she could hope to keep buried for the rest of her life. and maybe she’s slipped up, maybe once again his influence has gotten the best of her.

of course, he’s always loved to dig.

“good.” she has to bite her tongue, aware of the feeling that rises to the surface, one she’s quick to snap her jaws around and tear, deeming it otherwise unfit. there was no gain in reverting—to take steps backward from the path in which she’s come, they’ve come.

it wasn’t as if they could go back.

“there’s nothing romantic about you, lee.” krystal allows a sneer to slip past, eyes like a hawk as she scans his features for signs of any twitch of emotion, anything that’ll sate her irritation with lee taemin as a general entity she’d love to end. “i would have thought that you’d let me be,” her lips press together, tongue dancing behind her teeth, aching to say things krystal knows isn’t worth saying—not to him, not in public.

“that you’d follow last year’s example and leave me the hell alone.”

yfxtaemin

#yfkrystal #; lt:i

So are you single or?

“Why? Are you asking for an imaginary friend?” He inquires, humor as dry as ever and he tilts his head to look at the other, leaning back against the bricked wall behind the gymnasium. He doesn’t understand the sudden interest of his love life, considering his love life was seen as bleak and non-existent. He wasn’t afraid of commitment but most of his relationships were brief and fizzled out as quickly as the fire was ignited, which was why he was never inclined to yell from the top of rooftops that he was in a relationship. He had been the sole reason why his relationship with Krystal had failed miserably and he deserved every ounce of disdain from the younger girl. He wasn’t one to regret and wallow in old memories but the younger girl had plunged a dagger into his heart, which for whatever reason he enjoyed provoking her into her fingers wrapped around the dagger once more to viciously twist deeper. You could say the two were too perfect for each other, reveling in inflicting pain to each other and understanding what made the other tick. Following her, he had a brief affair with a much older person and resulted in nothing but hatred on his end. If there was one thing he succeeded in was his exes hating him at the end of the relationship and for some reason, he wanted for his next relationship to be much different than the ones in the past. Perhaps, it had to do with the person being who they were since he was still the same. “But as far as title goes, I’m going to let the girl decide. I’m not much for titles but whatever she wants me to be, I’ll be.”

#anonymous #( I have a solo in drafts maybe I'll upload it later on in the day )

Does your muse

eat pizza bites while they’re hot OR wait for them to cool

come to a complete stop at stop signs OR does a california roll

set their alarm clock for the time they actually will wake up OR set it early and hit snooze a bunch

fall asleep on their phone/laptop OR stop using electronics an hour before bedtime

floss twice a day OR only floss the week before they go to the dentist

hold their jacket in their lap until everyone is boarded OR put it into the overhead compartment right away

run straight into the ocean OR slowly let their body adjust to cold water

run marathons OR marathons TV shows

consider french fries to count as a veggie OR make sure they have something green on their plate

set a timer when cooking OR constantly check and taste until it seems good

#( let's all be glad taemin doesn't cook )

loeysenpai

#; lt:v #( alright brb )#( real soon )

lostcap

you're an angel

so was Lucifer.

#; lt:m

What are some of the nicknames you give to people? Whether they know it or not.

“I’m not someone who regularly gives out nicknames. I don’t even think I’ve ever given one out to Jaebum. Hakyeon, to me is Haninozuka. Don’t ask me how that came about but the point is that he is incredibly adorable to me and sometimes I feel like I have to protect him even though he doesn’t request it. Also, Nahyun is Megara. She thinks that I don’t remember this but I tried going out of my way to help her out with some equipment and she blew off my favor. I don’t remember giving anyone else a nickname..”

#anonymous #; lt:re #( he also refers to krystal as 'princess' but he is not publically admitting to that )#( he prefers living and a lot of people call her princess too so )#( krystal the princess )#yfxhakyeon #yfxnahyun

herewegobebe

Taemin — 160625 — ELLE Japan snapchat update

#; lt:v #( hiatus is almost over )

Something you are looking forward to for this summer?

“There is nothing exciting about summer to me or something that I would be looking forward to…” He told the other, crossing his arms as he thought about the upcoming weeks. He had plans which were rather vague considering his parents loved enforcing internships and volunteering work as punishment. His birthday was coming up as well and he hoped everyone was too busy to remember because the last thing he needed was attention on him during finals. “Perhaps, being able to use my car again even though that means I have to spend time with my grandfather. I think Nahyun said she wanted to visit a museum. I don’t recall which one but I’d like to take her to at least one. Also, I may or may not want to go to Denmark but I have to persuade Jaebum to go with me. But who knows, summer never go as plan.”

#anonymous #; lt:re #( replies will come later )#( my job hates me )

shineelove5

#; lt:v

theliteraryjournals

What if I slept a little more and forgot about all this nonsense.

Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

#; lt:m

What makes you feel at peace? Regardless whether it be a place, a thing, or a person.

He glanced down at the paper in front of him, which had been handed to him by the receptionist when he entered the office. He was on a first name basis with the receptionist and even knew that she disliked cherries or that the current guy she was dating drove a Lexus, which according to her he brought up all the time in conversation. He didn’t remember how that was brought up but from then on she occasionally told him stories he wasn’t interested in hearing but her stories served as entertainment while he waited for his appointment.

He had left most of the questionnaire empty as per usual and at this point was to be expected from him. However, his therapist was relentless and believed he would one day crack. He didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was wasting a good amount of hope on him where he could be wasting it somewhere else. World peace or aliens if he believed in the possibility of them, which no he did not believe in them himself. He heard the receptionist call out for him from across the room and he stood up, grabbing the paper without care and leaving the pen sitting upon the seat next to him.

He sat down in front of the desk instead of the couch, fingers running over the wooden arms of the chair. The chair in the office was much softer and comfortable than the one in the receptionist area. He handed the paper to the older male who perused over his answers and received an exasperated sigh in no time.

“When are you going to take therapy seriously and not waste each other’s time?” He heard from the older male, gaze currently on the new picture frames sitting upon the desk, perfectly angled and seemingly similar space between each other.

How anal.

“I’m not wasting your time.” He said, eyes narrowing slightly at the other. “My parents are and they pay you to pretend you actually give a shit. You should pay me for the down time I give you.”

The older male didn’t respond verbally but one of his eyebrows rose and there was a faint smirk upon his lips. It had been six months since they had met each other and if there was one thing he had gotten used to was the younger male’s inability to feign respect for the sake of appearances.

Lee Taemin wasn’t one for appearances except the charade or façade, that he himself has conjured up and he refused to let go even in a stable, judgment free zone. But even then that appearance had been reflected on him solely by him and everyone around him had accepted it without questioning or intervention. He manipulated your view about him to the point that seeing any other side of him was quite the let down.

“Looking at the questionnaire you’ve answered ten questions out of fifty-five.” The older male pointed out, leaning back against the leather seat and adjusting the rimless eyeglasses he currently wore. “And there was one question in particular that seemed you started answering but didn’t quite finish.”

He shifted in his own seat, debating whether or not to stand once again. After not much thought he did and made his way toward the bookshelf that possessed numerous books of varying subjects. He had found a comic book once tucked away behind a medical book.

“What makes you feel at peace?”

His answer had been nothing but a pen mark and he wasn’t surprised that the therapist had noticed. He was very perceptive, he would at least give him that. The question had relinquished any motivation he had at the start of he questionnaire and he had found himself, fingers curling on the top edge of the paper. He didn’t remember a single moment which he would have deemed peaceful at least not in the present.

“Regardless whether it be a place, a thing, or a person.”

His thoughts were constantly being drowned out by too much noise similar to the way music blaring in the car drowned out any conversation that could have been held then.

It was futile, completely pointless.

But he knew a particular moment where he felt at peace and that answer he wouldn’t dare reveal especially to his therapist who was desperate to flag anything in particular he deemed precarious.

He had accepted his uncanny and completely toxic relationship with pain, whether the pain was emotional, mentally, or physical but pain was pain nonetheless.

The question in particular had triggered what he had tried to so hard to push back into his subconscious but he had only been able to subdue his thoughts into a nagging headache.

“I don’t know.”

His voice was low, no longer had an underlying bite to it or even laced with sarcasm.

But he did know.

#tw self harm #brief mention #; lt:re #; lt:solo #( what the hell did i write )#( what do you mean i have replies to do )#( slightly hoping my anons slip on the anon button so i know who you are )#( squints )

kaiotxc-deactivated20170319

#; lt:v

what did you think was going to happen?

He was amused.

Had her own rules ever applied to her? Not in the slightest. Which most likely was why he had a hard time following her carefully constructed set of rules. He wasn’t much of a fan for rules regardless but the only one that they had agreed upon was that they should not be seen interacting with each other for her sake, her reputation because he could care less about his own.

“Nothing.”

He should have walked away, ending whatever rise she wanted to get out of him this time. But when had he ever done what was expected and best for the both of them? If he was gasoline, she was the one holding the match between her slender fingers, always flirting with the idea of releasing it.

“I don’t think much about you.” But he had that afternoon when he had seen her on the streets of Seoul and he didn’t understand why he had been compelled to talk to her. His body had gravitated towards her first and his mind followed after a momentary lapse of confusion. “What did you think was going to happen? I didn’t take you for a hopeless romantic.”

#yfkrystal

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

( pretty boy )