to be thin

ht:5'4/cw:130.8/hw:163/ugw:105

[blackcoffe8-deactivated20230225]

you made me fat because “you wanted me to be healthy” and then left me.

lesson learned.

[yikestheclownus]

Life Update?

TW: depression, SI, grief.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I have a boyfriend, and I love him so much. He loves me too I think. We’ve been dating for just about 8 months now. I just feel bad. He shouldn’t have to put up with me. He shouldn’t have to deal with me. All I do is make everything worse for everyone around me. I just don’t want to be here anymore. Literally nothing helps. My grandfather died just over two months ago. I miss him so much, but I know that if he can see me he’s looking down so disappointed. No one can ever love me as fully and unconditionally as he did. I want to be with him again. I want to tell him how much he meant to me; how much I loved him; and how much I miss him. It’s gotten so bad that I have to drop out of college. I can’t keep my grades up. I can’t bring myself to show up to class.  I’m worthless. I’m far behind my peers in everything. I can’t leave my house without having panic attacks. I feel so alone and so unloved. No one listens to me. I feel like I have nothing and no one. I don’t know what I’m fighting for and how much longer I can fight for.

[yikestheclownus]

My boyfriend knows about my eating issues. He's so sweet about it. I just feel terrible because I know that all my habits worry him. I thought i wanted people to worry about me, i dont.

[yikestheclownus]

I feel like I’m breaking everyone around me. I feel like everything is crashing around me. I desperately want to be different, but at best I’m still me. Everything is my fault. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting. I cry at everything. I keep breaking down. It’s not fair to everyone around me. They’ll be so much better off when I finally am able to leave them. One way or another.  

[yikestheclownus]

College has been so so so good for my ed. No one tells me I have to eat, no one has to know if I eat anything or not. If i skip out on going out to dinner everyone assumes it's just cus I'm a broke college student (which i am). EUPHORIC

[abuelitalesbiana]

i wonder what its like to get upset without getting suicidal

[dainteababy]

w h e w

[pretty-boy13]

Wait a damn second…

shit

[yikestheclownus]

Tell me how my entire family has an eating disorder lmao

[yikestheclownus]

Fuck, I've been binging since Saturday. As soon as my meal plans go out the window for a day, I turn into a mess

[yikestheclownus]

Why THE FUCK do eating disorders have to ruin everything. EVERHTHING

[yikestheclownus]

Can't wait until I'm skinny enough for my eating disorder to be taken seriously.

[yikestheclownus]

Anorexic panic. I'm going to C R Y

He is so sweet though.

[ohnoregrettio]

Restaurants Safe Foods Masterpost

Food from my master post, this is just so you don’t have to scroll through the whole thing if you didn’t want to on my masterpost

A&W

Applebees

Arbys

Bojangles

Burger King

Bj’s

Carrabas

Cheddars

Chick-Fil-A

Chilis

Chipotle

Chuck E Cheese

Cici’s

Cracker Barrel

Culivers

Dairy Queen/Orange Julius

Denny’s

Dominos

Dunkin Donuts

Fire House Subs

Five Guys

Fuddruckers

Golden Coral

Hard Rock

In and Out Burger

IHOP

Jasons Deli

KFC

Krispy Kreme

Little Caesers

Krystals

Logans Road House

Long Horn Steak House

McAlisters Deli

McDonalds

Movie Theaters

Olive Garden

Outback Steak House

Panda Express

Panera Bread Co.

Papa Johns

Papa Murphys

Pizza Hut

Popeyes

PF Changs

Red Robins (yuUUMMM)

Ruby Tuesday

Sonic

Steak and Shake

Subway

Taco Bell

Texas Road House

Tim Hortons

Waffle House

Wendy’s

White Castle

Zaxbys

[yikestheclownus]

I'm driven by everything that isn't inside

Defining my worth by every half calorie I bite

Dragging blades along my size 6 thighs

Because they aren't pretty enough

I'm not sick enough

If i lose 50 more pounds

Maybe I'll finally deserve to be loved

[yikestheclownus]

He said I was his world. How do I tell him my world revolves around an eating disorder and not him?

[yikestheclownus]

Started showering with my clothes on again

[bonesbabee]

It's disgusting that I actually feel healthier starving myself than I do when I'm eating. This disorder is literally hell.

[anotherskinnymess]

Weird anti-binge tip

whenever I feel I’m about to binge, I take a small sip of chilli sauce and immediately feels like not putting anything in my mouth, except for tons of water. You always can buy a little flask, and keeping it in the kitchen where you can see it. 

I have been told many times that eating anything hot or extra spicy, kills cravings and can actually help with weight loss. So this is on of my weirds tips. 

[boymadeofglass]

SOMEBODY PROMOTE THIS SHIT CAUSE IT’S TRUE.