Ylka wrytes!

But 'cher, what if you fly?

[nostalgiaishere]

[ylkawrytes]

He found me.

[resqectable]

“You need someone that loves your soul more than your body”

— Unknown

[ylkawrytes]

I think I found him.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— unknown (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[ylkawrytes]

I hope we'd never hurt each other. Ever.

[ylkawrytes]

I could be dust,

Photo by Saber Hitchcock *** I think.

In a thousand years or less, I could be dust. I could be stardust if my stars don't fuck up their job. I could be everyone's anchor and no one's harbor if I so wish. Or I could be gone unless God decides differently. I could be anything.

You, too. You could be the brightest star in someone's sky if you so wish. You could be the best summer someone has ever had, the liveliest fireworks in a bottle, the fiercest blue lightning in a star decanter, the only spoon in a world of soup where everyone else is a fork, the leatherbound book that keeps growing a new page after the reader reaches the end; or you could be the reason someone decides to keep living. That they think the world is not such a bad place after all. That there is some good in it for them to suffer through because you exist. That you are worth a lifetime of longing for that promise of eternity. That you could mean something.

You could also be a lighthouse - guiding your significant someone home every single time they stray. And maybe you already are. Maybe she, too, has found sanctuary in the warmth of your soul. Maybe both of you are already homes for each other. Maybe that would even last forever if you so pray.

You really could be anything.

And when you have enough magic to be anything, would it make sense for you to consciously choose to be ordinary?

To live ordinarily?

And to perhaps, die too, ordinarily?

[mournfulroses]

Albert Camus, from a letter to María Casares featured in Correspondance, 1944-1959

[ylkawrytes]

Demam. Penat.

Tapi ada Wafi.

♥

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— @eternaldroplets on x (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[ylkawrytes]

Probably the Lighthouse's thoughts when Frieren's at work.

[ruhaniya]

I'm too exhausted to explain my soul to someone again.

[ylkawrytes]

He doesn't seem to need much explanation, though. It's like he knew us from way before. Maybe he did. Maybe we both did.

[surqrised]

“Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.”

— Unknown

[ylkawrytes]

He's probably already here. He's been around for quite some time now that I think about it. I just wish some things were different.

[ylkawrytes]

A glimpse

***

is all I will ever be. But that's OK.

[ylkawrytes]

Lost and refuses to be found.

Photo by Ruxanda Photography

***

You will never find me. And I hope you shatter because you deserve it.

[ylkawrytes]

Without colour;

Photo by Pixabay

***

Life is like a flower;

without colour;

without you.

Happy Mother's Day, Maak.

Take care.

[ylkawrytes]

Chosen.

Photo by Monstera Production

***

What's easy is telling people, 'Choose the people who choose you.' It's a simple statement, no frills and no embellishments, it says what it means. What's not very easy is doing exactly that; choosing the people who choose you. Because sometimes we don’t get chosen by the people we choose, too, so we keep making wrong choices out of spite. Life’s like that. You win some, you lose some more. Sometimes you even lose everything.

But the heart wants what it wants. It chooses blindly, without judgement, without prejudice. That’s the tricky part of having one. It will crave the most toxic and lethal thing from the most treacherous source and you won’t know what’s killing you until it actually does. I guess a lot of us are just built that way. Sometimes you realize that you’re self-destructing, so you get to save yourself in time. If you’re lucky, you’ll get help from your chosen people who also choose you while you do. Sometimes you know that it’s poisoning you but because it doesn’t cause immediate pain, you just ignore it. And sometimes you’re caught off guard because you didn’t know it was poison.

I was caught off-guard yesterday; discovered that I had been walking on eggshells for no clear reason, realized that I was never able to properly comprehend a certain person despite having the best of impressions of him, found out that you can mean no harm but people will get hurt, anyway; that you can’t decide who feels offended over what, finally learnt that it’s worrying to be that worried over something I don’t have enough information of and also accepted that if something drains you, then it’s not for you because some people can really say anything without meaning a single word. So many lessons learned from one incident. So many kind words from the chosen people, too, who somehow found it within them to have enough grace to kindly point me in the right direction.

I guess this time I chose wrongly. I should have known better. Should have taken my own advice. Should have loved myself more every day. Should have been kinder to myself, too. It wouldn’t have been this unfathomably chaotic if I had put myself first as I’ve always done before this.

Do I thank God that whatever this is, is short-lived? I think I do. I did.

I think I found myself again, too. The me I actually respect. I hope I won’t lose her to anything else in future.

She has never been very easy to find every time she goes rogue. So yeah I hope she’ll stick around longer this time.

Fingers crossed.

[ylkawrytes]

Blooming

Video by Efrem Efre

***

shouldn't be a privilege for a selected few. It should be everyone's right to bloom and be their best selves. If you ask me, everyone should be granted a time in their life where everything finally goes right for once and maybe for always - after they have given their all surviving the world and its madness and not giving in to them.

Yeah I think that. I think everyone should bloom after they have suffered enough. I think everyone who gives their all deserves that.

[ylkawrytes]

Reunion

***

These two have my whole heart OMG. Their reunion is all I want, a happy ending for both of them. Maybe we could keep Paimon, too, if she's not the Primordial One. But truly, the traveler finding their twin is the only conclusion I will be able to live with; their happiness takes top priority - everything else be damned.

My fingers are crossed.

Nothing else will make sense.

The twins MUST find their way back to each other.

Because if it's not happy, it's not yet the end.

[ylkawrytes]

Perspective

***

When they say the human brain is not designed for omniscience; I couldn't help but wonder just what kind of dark revelations have they witnessed, that brought them to the conclusion - raw and unfiltered as it may be?

[ylkawrytes]

Horizon

Photo by Anastasiia Chaikovska

***

Sometimes in my dream I run across a field, looking for something, or someone. It's vast. There aren't any trees nearby. No shades. The sun shines but it's not blisteringly hot. It also never sets.

Silence is everywhere. The only whispers I hear are the winds. They greet me once or twice in my journey but that's it. The horizon seems far but it's visible so I keep running. But I never seem to get closer. It feels like I'm chasing both something and nothing at the same time. Like I'm chasing hope and despair in the same moment. And since it's a dream, it doesn't get tiring. But it eventually gets exhausting (mentally).

Yet somehow I know I'm not meant to stop. The me in my dream believes in that horizon. That one day she'll reach it. She doesn't know if anyone or anything will be there but she knows she has to arrive at it and that she will.

So for now she'll just keep running. There isn't much to do there anyway.

[ylkawrytes]

I wanna go back.

Photo by Alina Vilchenko

***

I stopped devouring fantasy adventures for escapism in the 4 years I was doing my master’s degree because I had to focus on academic journals. It’s been quite a while since I graduated and I still struggle to go back to saving the world; fearlessly wielding a reforged legendary spelled blade while riding a millenia-old dragon who speaks fluent sarcasm - setting an entire city of enemies aflame - vengefully. I miss finishing a whole book in one sitting and going up Goodreads to write a biased review. I also miss trolling other readers who don’t like the books I love. And I miss anticipating installments in series I follow. 

Sigh. Years have gone by and I could still only read short pieces. I guess my attention span kind of died on me in that 4 years. But in my heart I know it’s there somewhere, lying dormant like an ancient powerful magic; weakened and almost forgotten but hopeful and breathing, waiting to be revived with some ridiculously random sacrifice. I just don’t know what it wants. Yet.

My Kindle could be one of the things needed for the ritual but that’s about the only thing I can think of now. I’ve finished a few titles on it, which is good, and that’s it. Nothing close to magic has happened so far. Currently reading The Dark Forest by Liu Cixin but other titles have been sabotaging my progress it’s getting frustrating. 

I really need to go back to filling my reading journal because as far as I can remember, writing book reviews was one of the strongest motivations I had back then. I was pretty much unstoppable. I read as much as I wrote, or was it the way round? But yeah, those were the really good days. Journaling was probably the best thing humanity ever came up with after storytelling.

I feel like sighing again but once is enough -

So yeah I think I’ll do that.