I am at home in Cagayan after three long months.
This is the first time that I went home and was very reluctant. For me, going home in a home where I am treated like a visitor rather than a resident is quite new for me. Also by the state of our house, where I was attached emotionally, this isn't it.
See, since moving out of Cagayan from July of last year, I was in constant transition and transformation of what it is that makes a person especially after leaving the places they lived in.
From 2019-2023, I tried to fit in this household yet in this community, I did whatever it took me to just feel the belongingness or the acceptance of the transformed me, an idealist, a pessimist, and a critical person of systems and relationships that surrounds me. I even made an organization just to emulate the notion of what I always hear in LB, that the organization is home and it is what makes you go back home, but it also failed to make me feel home.
Now, I am in my room where I held meetings, facilitated discussions, worked with a lot of jobs just to make myself feel of being relevant and accepted here, because eversince I left Cagayan in the year of 2015, I was apparently a stranger to my own home already.
Now I am itching to go to Manila, to resume my life there as I already accepted the fact that being born there dictated my life and fate already, I am meant to be different, to change a lot of things, and to impact, but my heart, it is nowhere situated, it just needs to be it.
