Quarantine, Parents, & Self-care
It is now the 8th month of quarantine period.
Go home and reunite with your family during this hard situation, they said.
But why do I feel hesitation about this?
Most people are in the same situation as me right now, going back to their parents' house (or any family's house), enjoying the home-cooked food, chilling with their loved ones while staying safe from the outside world.
Yes, I do experience all these things, but why I don't feel comfortable mentally?
One of my favorite lyric from Greenday maybe can explain this:
"They say home is where your heart is, but what a shame, cause everyone's heart doesn't beat the same."
Yeah, maybe my home isn't the one people said to me?
What if my 'home' is different than a family's house or the presence of my parents?
No, I do love my parents. A lot. Making them proud and happy is my one life goal.
But one thing I realize during my 25th year of living and still trying to deny this is, I don't feel comfortable going home to my parents anymore.
I don't like how everytime I went home, they are always argue about something and they tried to involve me in it.
I don't like seeing the house turned out right now. And I still try to ignore it since I don't have the 'power' to decide on things in that house.
I don't like the way my Mom always acts like she can micromanage me, deciding on every little thing that I do. I think when being 25 you can cut the ketchup pack correctly, but according to my Mom, I was wrong! Imagine how crazy that is.
There are times when I got so annoyed and frustrated, I tried to clear up my mind and think about it. Maybe she does meant something good. Maybe she is trying to make me a better person. Maybe I already being comfortable of living alone, not care of anything else and here is Mom who tried to fix everything. But again, I'm 25 I think she really needs to move on being a Mom to a 5 year old because... We're not that young kid anymore.
Anyways, being here does make me feel stressed out more. I lose my self care time to do some reflection, workouts, etc. Right now I might feel frustrated, not knowing what to feel and what to do. But I like to think it's worth it since I'm spending my time with them.