are the Cadillacs ever Not on fire

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$LAYYYTER
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@yonwdturbo
are the Cadillacs ever Not on fire
bringing yet another culinary horror from the russian internet here
3_rublya, well, i wanted to bake a duck for New Year. Just before the New Year’s Eve it suddenly turned out that there are no whole ducks in the store, just the parts. I made the strategic decision to buy a bunch of duck parts and cook them. At home, I got upset that I won’t have a whole duck, and I tried to restore the duck from breasts and legs by sewing them together. At this point it turned out that each tray I bought had not two but three legs, so overall there were six, five of which were left ones. While I was sewing the duck together, I stained it with the food dye my sister spilled while making pryaniks (the pryaniks were good, by the way), and the duck started looking like it has gone moldy or expired. I couldn’t stand for this injustice and entirely covered it with dye to hide the stains. And then I also shoved some celery and oranges up its ass, just because I could.
Written by zapivaet i zaedaet, today at 15.28
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inspired by this tweet
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as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi
can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it
you had to be there
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