A year ago.
But it wasn't the last time I said I was sorry. I hurt people a year ago. The blunt way to put it was, I lead two people on. Which is a garbage thing to do. Though it was not the way I was seeing it at the time. I was blindly trying not to hurt anyone by not saying yes or no honestly to relationship oriented questions and in doing so made chaos. I say that vaguely because honestly I don't remember what I said. I didnt have an agenda to hurt the people I did. I didn't go out of my way to set years of time and dedication on fire for kicks.
I have more screen shots and conversations of making up, of trying to be a bigger person. I'm not going to bother posting more, this is more than enough for me and anything the public needs to know. Conclusions were made and the problem stopped there. Or so I had thought.
I've made changes in my life. Have grown have learned that being honest is truly the best policy. I have strived to try my best in every situation I could. I tried to remain and wait for change. Though as I changed the world around me didn't. Everything stayed static. I got harassed, attacked and even though I'm not the same person I was a year ago...I still accepted that I did wrong. I still accepted that my actions caused harm to those around me.
Do I deserve to heal? I don't think so, but I do believe that I'm trying to do my best to not make the same mistakes and so far I've kept that.
I'm not going to fight in this. Because I simply just don't see the point. Though I will not let someone stand by and say I haven't changed...that I'm not trying when I've been doing nothing but that for a years time.
The only thing that I haven't seemed to do was stop saying sorry. Though after all this time it doesn't even make a difference.
None of this is worth it anymore.
