Today I started mentoring with E-! :) As always, I was nervous and not the best at talking wholeheartedly, but God helped us take the first step toward a mentorship that will last for years to come! :) It was especially hard to talk around the subject of my father. Which is okay! But one part stuck out to me and it was when we were talking about me being saved in NC, and she asked me 'was was it that made you turn your life over to Christ? Why did you become Christian?'. The answer immediately popped into my head, but I didn't have the courage to brave it and instead babbled on about some other stuff. But I've thought about it more and know how to put the memory, reason, and answer into words! The answer that had popped into my head was actually a memory - the memory of being saved by Jesus. It was when A- was holding my hands and told me that when my father died and was standing at Heaven's Gates, God would be before him, and He would ask my father of his sins and if he lied or had one trace of anger, anguish - evil - in his heart God would send him away. God forgives all sin, yet hates sin; He forgives sinners, yet hates their sin; He loves us and makes us new, and until we go and honestly lay ourselves and all our sins down before the cross, God won't settle. He is good, and pure, and He loves me. He will make my father pay for his own sins, I do not have to. He (God) is my Father now, and He will *never* abuse His power or put impurity in my soul. He has fixed my heart. I am loved and forgiven. Always. It is SO hard for me to say I am pure, so hard, but in Christ, I AM PURE! He is sorry, so I don't have to be, but I am. Because I feel fault and guilt and fear and responsibility. I did when I was saved, and I do daily in life. Still, when I worship My God, those feelings are gone and He is sorry. Not because He pities me or feels bad, but because He feels goodness and has been there holding my heart in His my entire life. He is sorry the Devil ever had a grasp on my heart, but He knows He has no fault. God is sorry in a way no-one else is, because He is sorry and will make my father pay when his time comes. That's what I mean by that! I digress. With that memory, and those reasons, I give my answer: I gave my life to Christ because He needs nothing more from me than myself to love and fill with His goodness. He love me, forgives me, stands by me, believes me (and in me), always. I am Christian, always. I am loved and forgiven. I am a Christian. I am no longer indebted to my fathers sins or my broken family, only to My Father (the King of Kings) and my broken heart. He is my home. In Him I find peace. In Him I find hope, and love. In Him I find myself. God finds me enough, and though I am not worthy, He gives me worth. I am old, ragged, and bruised. I come with a lot of baggage. I am a Christian. God makes me new. I am loved and forgiven. I am a Christian. I am Christian because He loved and forgave me, and that is more than I could ever ask for. :)