You wanna go where it glows. @youbabearerocksolid - Tumblr Blog

Sometimes I get so tired of holding my emotions so close to the chest so no one else has to see or feel them.

Sometimes I’m very aware that I overextend myself for others so that I don’t have to be in my own head.

Brain Dump-ish

What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me?)

But really - what is it? Sometimes I feel settled in my life and sometimes I feel like I’m settling.

Imagine if we communicated verbally as much as we do physically. Does it cheapen the value of sex as intimacy? Maybe. Let’s not discredit though the way in which two souls can fully align together without needing to speak.

I wish you’d take me to bed. I wish you’d whisper secrets about yourself confidently in a dark room. I want to know you. I wish you’d let me.

#brain dump

Imagine a place where the moon doesn’t have to work so hard to breathe light into your spaces.

Imagine a place where the silence is a comfort and not an itch beneath your skin.

Softly.

Slowly.

Inch by inch, I want to be seen.

Layer by layer, I want to be loved.

I want to be loved.

Openly.

Obsessively.

But no amount of love could fill the spaces between the thoughts that threaten to tear me apart.

I’m feeling stressed. Stress and anxiety make me sick. And when I say irrational things, I fall into this deep irrational spiral where i tell myself “you’re crazy” “you’re dramatic” “why do you do this”

I’ve been working so hard in therapy. And I’ve been feeling so much better. But this last week has been so hard. And i think it’s the separation. It’s just too much. Combine that with a jarring conversation with my Mom. That once again reminded me of the very event that my therapist says caused some PTSD. But god dammit. Why do I feel like this? I hate set backs. They feel like failure. When I thought I was on the right track. I carry things around like weights. And I don’t tell anyone until it’s too late. The panic has already settled in and made a home in my brain.

I’m just scared I didn’t find the answer. And I’m gonna have to switch meds again. This is just too mother fucking hard and I’m tired of it. It’s been over 3 years. I know there’s other factors at play. I know. But it’s almost midnight and I’m usually asleep by now. But I can’t sleep. I’m basically causing myself to be more upset than I need to be. I do this.

Fuck.