I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT OH MY GODD
Except I can never NOT parse the āhieroglyphsā on the far right as reading āI dig that ass.ā Which still works, TBH.

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I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT OH MY GODD
Except I can never NOT parse the āhieroglyphsā on the far right as reading āI dig that ass.ā Which still works, TBH.
A vanilla soy latte is a type of 3-bean soup.
It has come to my attention that Aquaman (2018) is just a shameless ripoff of the Mattel classic, Barbie: A Mermaid Tale.
We have the child of a mermaid queen and a regular human guyĀ
who was brought up in the human world as a free spirit,
who talks to sea creatures,
who is fated to take over the throne of an underwater kingdom (where all the buildings are round and mushroom-y)
which is currently being occupied by an evil, power-hungry relative
with an army of sharks
And their unique position, straddling the human world and the underwater world, is at first a burden but ends up being their greatest strength
⦠Iām just saying
So what youāre saying is, basically, Aquaman is a Barbie Princess. Fair enough.
I will be participating on a guacamole contest tomorrow at work. My objective is not to win, but to make every single one of the judges cry.
I will add every single chili I am able to find at the store, all of them.
All the chilis I could find at the store⦠i wonder if it will be enough :P
Ready for the judges!!
So updates after the contest! I didnāt win.
This guacamole had the talent that when you take the first bite of your chip it isnt that spicy, but after a few seconds the feeling starts to spread. The judges bravely took a bite and were all happy and as I walked away from the table they started to gasp when the full force of the 6 different types of chili hit them at once.
People were free to taste it afterwards and every face of first surprise and then pain filled my heart with happiness.
I have never seen so much people enjoy suffering tho, because they finished everything so fast I even got time to make a second batch before the winners were announced.
Overall this was great and I had lots of fun making others suffer :D
Concerning Julietās age
I find a big stumbling block that comes with teaching Romeo and Juliet is explaining Julietās age. Juliet is 13 - more precisely, sheās just on the cusp of turning 14. Though itās not stated explicitly, Romeo is implied to be a teenager just a few years older than her - perhaps 15 or 16. Most people dismiss Julietās age by saying āthat was normal back thenā orĀ āthatās just how it was.ā This is fundamentally untrue, and I will explain why.
In Elizabethan England, girls could legally marry at 12 (boys at 14) but only with their fatherās permission. However, it was normal for girls to marry after 18 (more commonly in early to mid twenties) and for boys to marry after 21 (more commonly in mid to late twenties). But at 14, a girl could legally marry without papaās consent. Of course, in doing so she ran the risk of being disowned and left destitute, which is why it was so critical for a young man to obtain the fatherās goodwill and permission first. Therein lies the reason why we are repeatedly told that Juliet is about to turn 14 in under 2 weeks. This was a critical turning point in her life.
In modern terms, this would be the equivalent of the law in many countries which states children can marry at 16 with their parentsā permission, or at 18 to whomever they choose - but we see it as pretty weird if someone marries at 16. Theyāre still a kid, we think to ourselves - why would their parents agree to this?
This is exactly the attitude we should take when we look at Romeo and Julietās clandestine marriage. Today it would be like two 16 year olds marrying in secret. This is NOT normal and would NOT have been received without a raised eyebrow from the audience. Modern audiences AND Elizabethan audiences both look at this and think THEY. ARE. KIDS.
Critically, it is also not normal for fathers to force daughters into marriage at this time. Lord Capulet initially makes a point of telling Julietās suitor Paris thatĀ āmy will to her consent is but a part.ā He tells Paris he wants to wait a few years before he lets Juliet marry, and informs him to woo her in the meantime. Obtaining the ladyās consent was of CRITICAL importance. Itās why so many of Shakespeareās plays have such dazzling, well-matched lovers in them, and why men who try to force daughters to marry against their will seldom prosper. You had to let the lady make her own choice. Why?
Put simply, for her health. It was considered a scientific fact that a womanās health was largely, if not solely, dependant on her womb. Once she reached menarche in her teenage years, it was important to see her fitted with a compatible sexual partner. (For aristocratic girls, who were healthier and enjoyed better diets, menarche generally occurred in the early teens rather than the later teens, as was more normal at the time). The womb was thought to need heat, pleasure, and conception if the woman was to flourish. Catholics might consider virginity a fit state for women, but the reformed English church thought it was borderline unhealthy - sex and marriage was sometimes even prescribed as a medical treatment. A neglected wife or widow could become sick from lack of (pleasurable) sex. Marrying an unfit sexual partner or an older man threatened to put a girlās health at risk. An unsatisfied woman, made ill by her womb as a result - was a threat to the family unit and the stability of society as a whole. A satisfying sex life with a good husband meant a womb that had the heat it needed to thrive, and by extension a happy and healthy woman.
In Shakespeareās plays, sexual compatibility between lovers manifests on the stage in wordplay. In Much Ado About Nothing, sparks fly as Benedick and Beatrice quarrel and banter, in comparison to the silence that pervades the relationship between Hero and Claudio, which sours very quickly. Compare to R+J - Lord Capulet tells Paris to woo Juliet, but the two do not communicate. But when Romeo and Juliet meet, their first speech takes the form of a sonnet. They might be young and foolish, but they are in love. Their speech betrays it.
Juliet, on the cusp of 14, would have been recognised as a girl who had reached a legal and biological turning point. Her sexual awakening was upon her, though she cares very little about marriage until she meets the man she loves. They talk, and heĀ wins her wholehearted, unambiguous and enthusiastic consent - all excellent grounds for a relationship, if only she werenāt so young.
When Tybalt dies and Romeo is banished, Lord Capulet undergoes a monstrous change from doting father to tyrannical patriarch. Juiletās consent has to take a back seat to the issue of securing the Capulet house. He needs to win back the princeās favour and stabilise his family after the murder of his nephew. Julietās marriage to Paris is the best way to make that happen. Fathers didnāt ordinarily throw their daughters around the room to make them marry. Among the nobility, it was sometimes a sad fact that girls were simply expected to agree with their fathersā choices. They might be coerced with threats of being disowned. But for the VAST majority of people in England - basically everyone non-aristocratic - the idea of forcing a daughter that young to marry would have been received with disgust. And even among the nobility it was only used as a last resort, when the welfare of the family was at stake. Note that aristocratic boys were often in the same position, and would also be coerced into advantageous marriages for the good of the family.
tl;dr:
Q. Was it normal for girls to marry at 13?
A. Hell no!
Q. Was it legal for girls to marry at 13?
A. Not without dadās consent - Friar Lawrence performs this dodgy ceremony only because he believes it might bring peace between the houses.
Q. Was it normal for fathers to force girls into marriage?
A. Not at this time in England. In noble families, daughters were expected to conform to their parents wishes, but a girlās consent was encouraged, and the importance of compatibility was recognised.
Q. How should we explain Julietās age in modern terms?
A. A modern Juliet would be a 17 year old girl whoās close to turning 18. We all agree that girls should marry whomever they love, but not at 17, right? Weād say sheās still a kid and needs to wait a bit before rushing into this marriage. We acknowledge that sheād be experiencing her sexual awakening, but marrying at this age is odd - sheās still a child and legally neither her nor Romeo should be marrying without parental permission.
Q. Would Elizabethans have seen Juliet as a child?
A. YES. The force of this tragedy comes from the youth of the lovers. The Montagues and Capulets have created such a hateful, violent and dangerous world for their kids to grow up in that the pangs of teenage passion are enough to destroy the future of their houses. Something as simple as two kids falling in love is enough to lead to tragedy. That is the crux of the story and it should not be glossed over - Shakespeare made Juliet 13 going on 14 for a reason.Ā
Romeo and Juliet is the Elizabethan equivalent ofĀ Ā āwonāt someone please think of the childrenāĀ Ā itās a romantic tragedyĀ Ā not a romanceĀ Ā romantic in that itās a love storyĀ Ā but not a romance in the sense that it is supposed to be emulatedĀ Ā and is likely a social commentary of something happening at the timeĀ Ā whether it was ongoing religious feudsĀ Ā which did tear families apartĀ Ā uprisings across the countryĀ Ā or just general malaise with how the world was going in the 1590sĀ Ā itās also worth noting that R+J was based heavily on a poem writenĀ Ā some 30ish years priorĀ Ā by Arthur BrookeĀ Ā known as The Tragical History of Romeus and JulietĀ Ā which in turn was based on the work of Matteo BandelloĀ Ā who supposedly based most of his work on real life eventsĀ Ā making his association to Lucrezia GonzagaĀ Ā an Italian noblewomanĀ Ā who was married off at the age of 14Ā Ā likely to solidify some sort of alliance during turbulent timesĀ all the more poignantĀ Ā Shakespeare was and never has been the reserve of the intellectual and eliteĀ Ā that we are taught his work without historical contextĀ Ā robs us of the true value of his workĀ social commentaryĀ Ā and this social commentary would like to have a few wordsĀ with your false ideas of āhistorical accuracyāĀ (via @thebibliosphere)
I saw this in my emails and couldnāt see why Iād been tagged in it (all the while nodding vehemently along) and then I saw my tags and ah. Yep. Still forever mad at how badly Shakespeare is taught in most schools.
Wait but then why does Julietās mother talk about being already married younger than Juliet currently is?
Likely because her match to Julietās father was an arranged match to solidify family names and houses in order to avoid conflicts or to establish wealth. (It also serves to denote the tragic undercurrent of the play ie love is secondary to wealth and power.)
It wasnāt so uncommon for children of royalty or nobility to be betrothed from birth, or even symbolically married, in order to make alliances. But that doesnāt mean they were engaging in the kind of adult relationship we envision when we think of marriage today.
Which isnāt to say some people didnāt buck the norm and do horrible things Margaret Beaufort is a prime example of this, which the Tudors would likely be aware of. Her first marriage contract actually happened when she was one year old. It was later dissolved and she was remarried at the age of 12, and her second husband, Edmund Tudor, did in fact get her pregnant before dying himself. She was 13 years old when she gave birth, and it caused major health issues for her and nearly killed her. When she survived it was considered miraculous. Which should tell you just how not normal this kind of thing was thought of even back then.
I agree with absolutely everything in this thread of discussion. Even so, my long-standing fascination with both Shakespeare and late medieval / early renaissance history makes it impossible for me to to reblog without throwing in my extra few cents:
I. Margaret Beaufort
In my mind, there are few cases that better demonstrate the tensions between medieval norms and medieval realities than that of Margaret Beaufort. Like many other women of her time, she had only one child surviving to adulthood: Henry Tudor (later Henry VII and the founder of the Tudor dynasty). In that, Margaret wasnāt so remarkable: infant mortality made this a common enough outcome, though undoubtedly a tragic one.
Where Margaretās case was exceptional is that Henry was also her only known pregnancy, without so much as a stillbirth, infant death, or even another pregnancy ever being mentioned in connection to her. In her own time, it was commonly assumed that her experience of childbirth at a very young age was what accounted for her barrenness, and even to us today, it doesnāt seem implausible to assume some kind of physical trauma that prevented later pregnancies from taking place, given all the medical knowledge weāve accumulated about the risks of childbirth at either extreme of age.
But there was more to this. The vast Beaufort estate that came with Margaretās young hand were so valuable that, to 15th/16th century English minds, it perfectly explained Edmund Tudorās motives for having been so reckless with the health of his wife: having an heir of his own would ensure that her lands would stay with him, in the name of any children they might have together, whereas the lands would pass to someone else if she should die before having a child. Of course, most men in that situation would have waited anyway, as a child whose mother died in childbirth was much less likely to survive anyway, so contemporaries portrayed Edmund Tudorās actions as short-sighted and foolhardy at best, amoral and cruel and worst. But Fate must have a sense of irony, because Edmund died before his son was even born, while Margaret lived, and as aristocratic women tended to do in those circumstances, she was remarried to Henry Stafford, 1st Duke of Buckingham.
Since Margaret was Staffordās first (and only) wife, he would have depended on her to give him any heirs at all, to whom he could pass on the lands he already had, let alone any of Margaretās own (and it would be logical to assume that the Beaufort inheritance would have been no less tempting to Stafford than it was to Tudor). He must have at least hoped for children from her, and at the time, there wasnāt any reason to expect she was totally barren either: there was the traumatic birth to consider, but she was more physically mature when she remarried, and there was room to hope that widowhood had given her time to recover. And yet, despite all this, it seems few people (if any) were surprised that Margaret did not bear any more children. It didnāt seem to doom her relationship with her second husband either: on the contrary, Margaret enjoyed a happy relationship with Stafford for well over a decade until his death, so if there was any bitterness on his part over his lack of heirs, he must have managed it well. Even in the contemporary sources (who donāt tend to be charitable towards female figures), any blame for her barrenness is laid squarely at the feet of the various men who were her guardians in her early life, who clearly abused their authority over her for their own benefit, rather than to safeguard Margaretās well-being as guardians are supposed to do (one of them being Edmund Tudor himself⦠he wasnāt supposed to even be in the running for her wardship, but Henry VI actually outright broke a promise he had made to Margaretās father to let Margaretās mother be her guardian in the event of his death).
This indicates to me even more strongly that late-medieval / Tudor people would have not only been sympathetic towards what Margaret and women like her had suffered, but also understood that neglectful attitudes towards the health and happiness of dependents have consequences. Shakespeareās own words make this clear, at the beginning of the play:
Paris: Younger than she are happy mothers made. Capulet: And too soon marrād are those so early made.
Tudor audiences would have understood these lines as the words of a benevolent father protecting his daughter from the advances of an overeager young suitor, invoking what seems to have been a Tudor-era trope that early marriages do not make for happy endings⦠not for the woman, not for her family or husband, and certainly not for the children she might otherwise have borne. Because Capulet came off as the āgood fatherā in the beginning of the play, it makes it all the more shocking when his attitude changes and he becomes the all-too-familiar figure of the cold, uncaring patriarch who regards his children only as pawns*. I imagine the juxtaposition would have invited Tudor audiences to feel Julietās sense of betrayal as if it were happening to them.
* Jane Grey, the famedĀ ānine daysā queenā was also rumored to be such a victim of her parentsā ambition: they also saw fit to force her into a marriage that she seriously objected to, and historical records point a fairly consistent picture of their callous disregard towards her wishes and genuine happiness.
II. Consent in Medieval Marriages
Twelve and fourteen are actually also important numbers in their own right, and Shakespeareās choice to place Juliet between those two ages has an important symbolic meaning. Late medieval Catholic doctrine defined marriage as a sacrament, like the Eucharist (Communion), or Holy Orders. Many of the sacraments require those who receive them to understand what theyāre getting into for the sacrament to have the desired effect. To guarantee understanding (at least from a theological perspective), you would have to be above āthe age of reasonā, the age at which you were considered to be able to think for yourself. Conservative definitions of theĀ āage of reasonā sometimes defined it as the age of fifteen or fourteen (or older), but was later fixed at twelve. Since marriage was one of these sacraments, a marriage where both spouses had not fully and knowingly given their consent was no marriage at all.* Therefore, twelve was considered the absolute lower age limit at which a person could marry without compromising the very spiritual foundation of the marriage itself, while fourteen was considered a safer age at which to assume the person had full control of their reasoning capacities.
The other side of the āconsentā coin when it came to marriage was that consent wasnāt just a necessary condition to finalize a marriage, it was also sufficient condition. If a man and a woman had given their knowing consent to marry one another, and if they had intentionally verbalized this promise to one another and consummated their marriage, then no earthly power could invalidate this pact for any reason (outside of a few very specific ones, like incest) without risking damnation. Witnesses were convenient as a way to prove that the marriage had taken place, if a family member or some segment of society disapproved of the match, but they werenāt needed in order to make the marriage spiritually valid. Basically, the Catholic Church at this stage somehow ended up putting the idea of consent at the very heart of the idea of what made a marriage valid or not, and this had consequences not only because of the threat of hellfire, but also because Church law was secular law when it came to domestic matters like marriage and divorce. And then it came to pass that the English Reformation left this specific area of the doctrine mostly untouched, so the Tudors would have had similar ideas surrounding the question of consent and marriage as did their late medieval forbears.
This theological point is not only the whole raison dāetre for the most central plot device in the play, but also adds an extra note of pathos to Julietās situation and an extra layer of moral judgment towards Lord Capuletās behavior. If she did not insist on keeping her marriage vow, or if she married Paris knowing full well that she had already been married, both of those would be mortal sins for which she would risk damnation. And by extension, because he used duress against Juliet to try to make her comply with his sinful wish, Lord Capulet has also damned himself (albeit unknowingly, but even so, the narrative clearly presents forcing his daughterās marriage as something he should know better than to do, anyway).
Until this point, Julietās marriage is characterized as an impulsive decision such as only foolish youth could make, but ironically, in that confrontation with Lord Capulet, this slip of a young girl is now portrayed as conducting herself with far more spiritual maturity and grace than any of the adults around her. Her parents are failing in their duty towards her by putting their dynastic concerns ahead of her health and happiness (when itās been made clear they already know this is a Bad Idea), and her Nurse, who actually knows about the secret marriage and all the reasons why it cannot be taken back, is actively pleading with her to just forget it and pretend Romeo never was. Julietās choice here is monumental, because it involves not only disregarding her parents, but also an active decision to completely break with the woman who has been with her for literally everything in her life up to that point, a break so thorough that even Nurse herself doesnāt know that itās happened. This dramatic turning point is a bittersweet portrait of the girl losing her innocence and growing up into an adult, from one angle, and from another angle itās a paean to the pure-hearted idealism (different from the limpid innocence of childhood in that itās willful and risk-taking, and fiery in quality) that can only be found in the young. Either way, it does Julietās character AND Shakespeareās dramatic talents a massive disservice to portray her situation as something so simplistic or reactionary as lovelorn pining after an absent boyfriend, or rebelling against her parents, or āstaying true to her own heartā.
This wasnāt just a plot device for the stage: many real-life lovers leaned on this feature of the Churchās teachings, when faced with the opposition of their families and communities, and in many cases, the Church was indeed forced to side with the couple, however reluctantly. Margery Paston, the daughter of a genteel landowning family in the 15th century, and Richard Calle, the Paston familyās longtime housekeeper, were one such case of a real-life Romeo and Juliet: they mutually fell in love, and married in secret when they came up against heavy opposition from Margeryās family. The Pastons responded by separating them, firing Calle from his job and having him sent to London, while Margery remained in Norfolk under house arrest. There, she seems to have been subjected to ongoing and intense pressure to walk back her marriage⦠if the couple had been married formally in church, this would not have been possible, but secret marriages were vulnerable to challenges like this because they were secret. A witness would have helped her and Calleās case and made it more airtight, but even if the couple had had any, apparently the Pastons had succeeded in intimidating them into silence.
But even though the Pastons seemed to be winning, itās hard to believe that bystanders wouldnāt have objected to at least some of what the Pastons were doing to try and get their way. Otherwise, Calle could not have written Margery in 1469, during their separation, saying āI suppose if you tell them sadly the truth, they will not damn their souls for usā. Their situation was objectively quite bleak.Ā For the months they were apart, it was made very clear to both Margery and Calle that, if the couple continued to insist on their marriage, the Pastons would disown Margery and throw her out of the house, therefore leaving her with few options for survival, let alone to find her way to Calle over a distance of a hundred miles. He mournfully acknowledges that their gamble might fail, and their worst fears might come true, but there is also defiance in his resignation, as he concludes, āif they will in no wise agree [to respect our marriage], between God, the Devil and them be it.ā
Margery, for her part, was no less determined. When Margery was finally brought before the local bishop, he turned out to be sympathetic towards the Paston family, and gave Margery a long speech about the importance of pleasing her family and community (so much for the theological importance of consent, but then, clerical hypocrisy was nothing new to medieval people). But Margery remained steadfast (in fact, I am inclined to think from her next words that the bishopās words only goaded her to greater resolve) and when she spoke, she not only continued to insist that she had said what she had said, but according to her mother sheĀ āboldlyā added, āif those words made it not sure [ā¦] she would make it surer before she went thence, for she said she thought in her conscience she was bound [in marriage to Calle], whatsoever the words were.ā Her wording left absolutely no room for doubt in the mind of even the most flexible theologian. And when Calle was cross-examined and his testimony found to match that of Margeryās, the bishop of Norfolk had no choice but to rule in the coupleās favor.
Margeryās mother did indeed make good on her word: she did both disown Margery and throw her out of the house. She seemed to have done it more to save face, however, than to actually punish her daughter, since she does seem to have made arrangements behind the scenes for Margery to stay with sympathetic neighbors. In the end, Calle was right, the Pastons were not willing to risk their own souls. Margery and Richard Calle got their happy ending, and had at least three children (and we know about them because we know Margeryās mother left them money in her own will).
* This also meant that Edmund Tudor actually would have been Margaret Beaufortās first husband, not her second. It was true that she had already been āin a marriageā before being married later to Tudor, but strictly speaking, it was only a precontract (what we today would think of as an engagement) with signficance limited to the secular realm; there are a lot of reasons this would not have really been considered a marriage at the time, but the most theologically pertinent one is that the brideās consent could not have been involved, because she was too young to be able to give it. Consequently, this paper marriage was easily dissolved as soon as her guardians thought it more politically expedient to marry her to Edmund Tudor. And for all intents and purposes, Margaret Beaufort herself considered Tudor to be her first husband, not John de la Pole.
tl;dr: the study of Shakespeare cannot be separated from historical and societal understanding of the times he lived in, and frankly, itās a terrible shame that English classes donāt emphasize this more, because then youāre throwing out about 80% of the meaning his works actually hold.
Sorry to keep reblogging this long post but holy shit this is an excellent addition. Thank you for taking the time to write all that up.
I canāt believe they oblitered straight men like that
@tabbran please add lemon man story to this
PRESENTING LEMON MAN
That was a wild goddamn ride
god this was worth the read
Took a while to read through but had me thoroughly tickled
wife is pregnant, due any day
suddenly the contractions start
āCANāT, WONāT, IāM, HAVENāT, DONāT, ISNāT"Ā she says
ādoc, it appears the contractions are worsening,ā the nurse says.Ā
in between breaths, the wife gasps and screeches,Ā āYāALLāDāVEā
I would have a LOT less anxiety about responding to emails if all email interactions were like this
š SOURCE šæ
Some wholesome content to cleanse your TL today. ššš
headcanon: since meeting ant man, no one dares to fuck with spider man cause they think he can control spiders and fuck that tbh. he defeats villains by threatening to order spiders to infest their house,, his success rate is 100%, new york is crime-free in less than a month,
antman:
villain: what you gonna do huh? steal my picnic food? lmao lemme get the magnifying glass
spiderman:
villain:
villain: ill just turn myself in,
Um actually,
it was bold of me to assume he wouldnt actually do this in canon,
sometimes i just sit and think about ways a genie can grant wishes.
Mood swings suck.
Honestly, I was having a great day and then right at the end, I lost confidence in myself. I began questioning every single decision Iāve made today and how others saw it. Was I pushing my limit? Was I overstepping my role? Was I making poor choices that Iāll regret later? I just became so scared in what I do that now Iām scared of tomorrow.
I donāt even know if Iāll be ok tomorrow. I just need a hug...
Colorful Creations by Adam Hillman.
please watch jenna marbles fuck around with a green screen im literally pissing myself
Moisturize me