𝐿𝒾𝓁𝒾

Eli/Lili Chronically online💔

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

Oh and yes intro things again yadayada

You can call me Lili or Eli !!

My birthday is the 20th of february and I'm a pisces(if that matters idk💔).

I'm 5'3. Idk if I'll grow anymore probably not tbh. But yeah.

Uhhh I'm mostly gender neutral? Idm pronouns but mostly they/she/he pronouns I suppose, I'm not too strict with them.

I really really like jellyfish and all things marine, oh and plants, I really like how pretty they look but I'm not like plant smart, similar with astronomy.

I hyperfixate on stuff for yearssss, it kind of annoys me because I find it difficult to concentrate or study for stuff if it's not one of my hyperfixations. But I take 4 science subjects in school!! I'm doing pretty good with them? I really like doing titration in my chemistry class, and studying biology it's just..fun.

I don't really have gender preferences for my partners, though I only just very very freshly left an abusive relationship so I'm not really open to anything. I do engage I'm flirty friendships though, I'm an incredibly affectionate person towards close friends.

I have a tendency to ramble on or yap a lot, so if it's bothering you idm you saying it, I'm not very good with social cues TvT.

Uhhhh I also tend to forget stuff easily? I can remember really small details about people, but when it comes to myself or even trauma related events I just forget they happened.

I want to study microbiology when I'm finished school !!! Microbiology or Marine science, or Botany, something science related because I'm very into it all.

I currently have two cats, Remi and Romeo and I adore them.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

Kinda might be rebranding?? I guess. Talk abt what happened underrr the cut.

I'm not in contact with many people I was when I started posting on this account, uhhhh specifically my darling, well past darling. We got into an incredibly huge argument that ended up physical, and I ended up going to court and getting a restraining order against him due to the constant abuse I was suffering.

I'm better now ish, mostly as in I'm not..as actively suicidal as I was, the thoughts are still there but the attempts have stopped. And I'm surrounded by better people.

I'm happier.

Or well I'm getting to the stage where I'm happier, one of my friends is supporting me through bassssically everything, and I appreciate it so fucking much like holy. This guy is literally amazing.

I'm also kinda of(?) learning portugese, by that I mean I've started on duolingo a while ago, and I'm also listening to portugese songs, some shows and also a lot of my YouTube and tiktok for you pages now have portugese videos so yippee!!

I still miss the mindset though. Yes the unhealthy one, idk it was familiar and something I was in for literally 3 years of my life so it's just...weird knowing it's now a was and not an is.

It's weird idk. But I'm on my healing journey that probably will be more me suppressing my mindset than getting rid of it yay!!

[ad6ration-deactivated20260219]

my head hurts so badly i need to engage in an extremely codependent and abusive platonic relationship that blurs the lines between romance and friendship to make myself feel better

[frstbitten-deactivated20260110]

I'm impatient but I'll find the patience for you. I'll wait as long as I need to.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

Sometimes, I wish I could just ghost everyone and kill myself in some secluded part of the world i know I won't be found in.

[daddystinygirll]

being self-aware doesn’t stop the spiral, it just means i get to watch it happen and hate myself for it.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

The rot of you aches beneath my skin, bursting beneath my flesh, perhaps in another life i can wake beside you, dreaming of a happy life. That day will never come unfortunately my dear, for in this life you were simply not made to be mine as our heavens have decreed.

Perhaps when I am deceased shall those beautiful may flowers you love bloom? The earth sullied by the love I hold for you that all it can bloom is such.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

Should I truly bless thy? I walk to you, grovel to you, yet I receive only emptiness from the gaze above me, yet I'm expected, always expected, to kneel, to obey.

If I were to refuse what would they say? How would I be treated for disgracing you? Our God in human skin..

I must purge such thoughts, such agonising ideas of a freedom away from this all. Perhaps I shall purge myself? No, it is not asked of me so I shan't.

Another time, another time and another life would I be a traitor to my own blood. In this life, my ties hold too strong, wrapping and twisting in my arteries, burrowing into the bone marrow were soon only rot will lay.

When I decay will I be called a sinner? A saint? I heed not such knowledge of my own future failings.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

You've dined on me my dearest, poured me apart and picked at your will, how do I remain as anything but a ghost of what I was before? How do I close my heart off only to open it again should you seek me to?

I know that won't happen, yet I remain haunted by the ghost of you, of our memories.

My dearest Eliza, why must you have gone?

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

In the shadow of our past I shall remain, bathed in the light of the hollow feelings you've left behind.

Perhaps once I truly get rid of the space you devoured and settled into my heart I can be free? No, freedom doesn't suit such things like me.

When has it ever? When has freedom ever granted its merciless gaze towards me? I shall refuse it if such, I am not worthy of these chains to be broken.

[yourdoomedlilyofthevalley]

Are we ever truly free from conflict?

I think not, even walking past a tree is there conflict between the inhabitants. Humanity is loud, so loud, and conflict is something that springs amongst us so frequently I doubt people even consider things as 'conflict'.

I feel oddly poetic today, I shall share some I've done as i already have them copied to show my darling, most of the time I tend to think as I type/write, so many of it doesn't make any logical sense. Also idk why the formatting is off, hopefully it eludes Tumblr as it has not in my dmss.

The next 5 posts should be one small poem each. They aren't my best works either.

[venom-ofgod]

anxious, but i'm the type to reciprocate. you want to display my name? i'm displaying yours. you want to tell people you're obsessed with me? i'm telling people i'm obsessed with you. matching pfps? anything you want, my darling. matching statuses? anything, anything, anything for you.

[divenlydecayed-deactivated20260]

"you're so sweet!" thanks I'm obsessive and have abandonment issues

[wordsnstuff]

Resources For Writing Sketchy Topics

Medicine

A Study In Physical Injury

Comas

Medical Facts And Tips For Your Writing Needs

Broken Bones

Burns

Unconsciousness & Head Trauma

Blood Loss

Stab Wounds

Pain & Shock

All About Mechanical Injuries (Injuries Caused By Violence)

Writing Specific Characters

Portraying a kleptomaniac.

Playing a character with cancer.

How to portray a power driven character.

Playing the manipulative character.

Portraying a character with borderline personality disorder.

Playing a character with Orthorexia Nervosa.

Writing a character who lost someone important.

Playing the bullies.

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How to portray a sociopath.

How to write characters with PTSD.

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How to play a serial killer.

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How to play the stalker.

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How to play a character with social anxiety.

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How to play someone creepy.

Portraying sexually/emotionally abused characters.

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