Twisted Aphrodite

When you can stop, you don't want to, and when you want to stop, you can't. Luke Davies

[yourfleshispoetry]

[yourfleshispoetry]

[yourfleshispoetry]

Love is quixotic.

I'm the background on his phone,

But

You're the background on mine.

[yourfleshispoetry]

So many people fear death.

I don't, but I do fear going into the afterlife and never finding you.

Death isn't cruel.

Loss is.

[yourfleshispoetry]

Welcome back to Thursday night failure.

Hump day started the downfall of a week on a roll.

I don't think I'll ever fall in love again. I think I've wasted everything on you and your passing.

Im so numb when I dive deep. I've healed the surface enough to be on display, but if I go beyond, I'm missing parts of everything.

You knew the parts of me to love.

You knew how I ate a BLT, how I put my right shoe on before my left, and how I drank my tea.

I didn't have to explain anything to you.

But here, the world has changed without you in it....

So, I stand between the lions. Scattered brain and boggled mind completely winded and unamused by the circus with no purpose in life other than to be a low hanging fruit.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

There she stood, in the middle of fondling and abrogation, spilling out onto a sleeve that rolled up edges long ago.

Sewn with so many sob stories and whodunit mysteries. A few scratched vinyls and an ex that wants to have her just so he can win.

Like she's the pawn he never saw or the ace he never played. A sidewalk character in his cracked grin. He wants to spare her out of revulsion, writing her red ink stain on the pages of his blacklight diary.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

When was the last time you held freedom?

It was me.

[yourfleshispoetry]

All those flashbacks appear year after year with your name and a heart at the bottom. Sometimes a long-lost comment.

It's the kind of relief that offers a double-edged sword of remembering.

The line between-

" You were once alive, and now you're being kept alive."

It's impossible to distance myself from the before and after of you.

You can never be ready for everything to be taken without your permission .

Whether in death, life, or the in between.

Written by:

Yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

I once loved a man.

I've asked myself many times what that means.

Definitions are confined to an individual climate.

He was sweet, exciting, warm, supportive, yet indulgent and emotionally complex.

He knew me, completed my thoughts.

I traveled for work, and a day without him was purgatory.

Yet, he assembled oppositional worlds while I was gone.

World's that i couldn't give him, and I developed a complex that didn't serve either of us in his wonder.

No matter what or who he held while I was gone, our eden prevailed.

He wanted marriage, I declined.

He wanted a consistency from me while he failed himself and our relationship.

He couldn't be loyal to either.

If you can't be loyal to the woman you love, then what can you ask of her to reserve for you?

It was tumultuous, defiant, painful, and toxic, but for me, it was undeniably.... love.

The sky cloudy, the waters turbulent, and the flights filled with angry babies.

We survived it all to be bed warm.

We survived it all....To be with each other.

And we were together until the end.... against all odds.

I'm not sure if that's love, but i know after 3 years, he still haunts me.

And I'm nothing without him.

Every day that ends , I want to lay in the spot he held only for me.

At least, that is what i tell myself.

Written: yours truly.

[yourfleshispoetry]

I want to explain to myself how life without you can go on...

Despite my refusal to watch movies released in 2022 because I'm reminded of 2 things:

Life before you and life after you in that year.

I have this feeling inside, and it doesn't leave.

It's a parasite that crawls from my veins to the orifice of my being...

You were stillness, and I sat inside you, where nothing else mattered.

Nothing evolved or changed. It was evident that every function of existence was held by us being together.

I begged the gods for you.

I tried to resist. I truly did.

I held as tightly in the substance as closely as I held you in the obsession.

It didn't make sense at the time.

It barely makes sense now.

All the things in retrospect I would've done differently...

I'm trying to conquer like a bull in a China shop while drinking Courvoisier to erase the feeling of feeling anything at all.

I loved you before the happiness faded, and I loved you after the exactness of disappearance.

I'm hoping that love will soon wake me or destroy me because of the life imploring me to participate without your presence in it.

I stand firm every 15 minute break of day screaming,

"I don't want to live without you anymore!"

But...

You're on a different path, not listening.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

It's funny.

I once thought it all mattered.

Life was important.

People were significant.

Then.... you died.

And the idea of "being" had never been so irrelevant.

Written by; yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

I once thought he mattered.

He was a constant in my life of inconsistency.

Until one day came and erased the facts that had become false

And curtsied on stage in front of all my demons.

Reality is subject to its adversary, the imagination.

At this point, I don't recall which one you were for me.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

I caught a glimpse today of satisfaction. It wasn't mine, but I noticed....

The way it looked.

The way it felt to those involved.

The way it made a difference in those who saw it.

And i missed you,

Because we once were..... the way.

[yourfleshispoetry]

Aragon or Legolas?

[yourfleshispoetry]

He was high school musical and you were vampire diaries.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

DYING TO MISS YOU:

I want to die most days. Just let go of everything that used to be anything.

I don't care how I go.... I could be tied to a mattress starving, spontaneous combustion, or staring at the ceiling until it catches fire, and I fade out with the smoke and flames...

The same as I do now, every time I remember you, and right before the world rushes in to extinguish the best part of my day.

Written by: yours truly

[yourfleshispoetry]

I understand now. It was a 14 year age difference you couldn't place in your existence. Let alone beyond. Yet, I'm still here and you are wishing you still were.