sexdrugsrock&roll;

hollywood hills & suburban thrills.

[yourjles]

DW;

I can't believe you actually did this to me again. After saying "respect and communication are most important" to you. After expressing how you have the highest amount of love and respect for me. To the Death Star, right? I can't believe you sat there and talked about how bad T was, how you didn't understand how he could do that to me, yet here you go. I have never felt so disposable in my life. You took advantage of me in a sensitive state and knew you'd get your way. Honestly, you're just as bad as he is. And then you lie to the one person you could've been honest with.. Maybe think next time before you put it in text messages. You asked me if it was worth it, and if I had known you were going to just throw me away AGAIN like I was fucking nothing, the answer is no Dean, you will never be worth it. You will never be satisfied or happy in life, you will never be the person you preach to be. How can you even look in the mirror and be proud of the person you are? I regret ever telling you how amazing of a man you are because you are the furthest thing from a man, and I truly hope your son becomes nothing like you.

[yourjles]

here we are again;

well, i always love writing a random tumblr entry every 5 years or whatever. happy 2025. im 35, im single, i thought i found my forever person and he just lied and lied and lied. moved across the world with our entire apartment (that i mainly paid for) only to break up with me over a text 3 days later. yet we just cried and held eachother at the airport.. make it make sense. id like to believe he loved me at one point, maybe, but who knows. i always thought we were worth fighting for, that he wanted to change and better himself for me. i went through verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and, honestly, which ive never really shared before, physical abuse. he never hit me, or punched me, or slapped me, but i would tell him how much doing something would hurt, and he just kept doing it. like he enjoyed bringing me pain in all ways he could. he wanted to hurt me, maybe i was just weak. i wanted to make it work so bad that i excused cheating, i excused paying for prostitutes but then he'd complain when he had to spend money on me, and by the way, he made a hell of a lot more money. he would never watch my favorite movies with me, he would never hold me in bed, but in public we were normal. he would always hold my hand, we would usually sit next to each other, but at the end of the day, i wasnt who he wanted. i wasnt thin enough to have sex with, my teeth werent white enough, my hands werent soft enough, i wasnt quiet enough, i was embarassing, the quote i continue playing in my head is "you are everything i wanted in a girlfriend and partner, just the weight was an issue." i lost one of my best friends because i took anger out on him, i let myself be manipulated into believing he was trying to fuck me over. i think about my best friend every single day and it is so hard not having him to talk to in all of this. but im also okay, im on antidepressants, but today is a day where i just feel depressed. probably because i got into something deep and now he is barely talking to me. its a long story, emo boys you know? at least im at a job i love, and ive lost 60 pounds. i am happy, i love my friends, i love my life, but im also just sad that this happened to me again. what is wrong with me?

[yourjles]

you're simply the best;

hi tumblr, me again. god I loved him. and he broke the fuck out of me. my heart, my soul, everything. he got me real good. my friends. my family. fooled us all. ill always hate rachel greene now. I feel like ill hate a lot. we had it all planned, it was all perfect. but I always knew there was another girl. it was always there, when we slept, when we’d wake up. I just knew. after all the promises. up and down swears, all bullshit. thats all, im tired and overly self medicating. 

[fairweathermyth]

[yourjles]

everything and more.

[staypozitive]

Let’s connect on Instagram @staypositiveblog. We follow back <3

[yourjles]

So brown eyes i'll hold you near;

I am so happy its disgusting. For someone who was depressed for so long, it’s pretty great how quick that can all change just by altering life and having new people enter it. Like for starters, I have a boyfriend. Me! A boyfriend! Who ever saw that coming? We didn’t even but it’s been lovely and he makes me smile every single day. I started going to school again so I can finally be able to work at a label. I never thought I would actually get through college and get a Bachelor’s Degree but this place is amazing. Los Angeles Film School majoring in Entertainment Business. I’m obsessed with Bastille. Easily one of the top 3 bands to enter the industry within the last two years. Next to Haim of course.. Number 3 is debatable.. I really enjoy 5 Seconds of Summer too. Like they just don’t give a fuck and want to play rock and look like rockers and it’s fucking beautiful. Plus “Amnesia” is like a platinum song in my mind. Magic too. Please don’t have them just be a one hit wonder.. I want Sonic Highways to come out already.. Finally going to see them live. FINALLY. Ugh I want to intern at Capitol Records so bad. Okay let’s party and smile. 25 has been a great fucking year.

[yourjles]

I just wanted to give an update to this. I am now 30, five years later, Michael just started dating some thing, I am unhappy, alone, and a label has still not hired me even though I got my Bachelor’s Degree. But I am alive and I am breathing, so I guess that is all that is good going for me because everything else fucking sucks.

[yourjles]

What The Fuck;

Jesus I read what I wrote below and I don’t even remember that person. I love how much I liked him though, like wow, I fell that hard? Impressive. A big post is coming, I need to write out my feelings. But I will leave you with this, I love you, and I let you go.

[yourjles]

why men great till they gotta be great;

I havent been able to really let anyone into my life since October. I’m not going to say that I haven’t tried, but I haven’t tried. I didn’t feel comfortable, I didnt want any man touching me. When I first met him, I felt nothing. I wasn’t attracted to him and then he got me. And man did I fall. I fell and fell until finally I hit the ground so hard that everything in me feels like it just shattered. 

I have never been vulnerable because I am insecure and feel like no one will ever love me or want me because I still have the mentality that only skinny girls win. But I decided fuck it, based off of some peer pressure, I caved and confessed my feelings for the boy who has stolen my attention and cell phone battery every day for the last 3 months, literally to this date. Wow only 3 months? How has it only even 90 days? I feel like its been years. Anyways, I confessed and got shot down. How? Like what? I don’t get it either but I mean, like my best friend said, the best thing he couldve done was be honest with me. I was broken. He said he was sorry for breaking my heart. This is someone I never thought I would ever be interested in but it is true, I think he is so incredible. He makes me laugh when im sad, and now he just walked up.  

I am tired of people asking me if I am okay because I am NOT okay. How can I be okay? This fucking guy is acting all normal when I am literally dying inside. I don’t want him caring about anyone else. I want him caring about me. I don’t know what else to say. I guess I did the right thing and for that I will thank you one day but right now, just let me be. Let me cry. Let me hate you. But I couldn’t hate you even if I tried. One of these days, I hope to find out why. Not why I wasn’t “good enough” for you, but why you did this to me every single day for 3 months and not feel a fucking thing. It makes no sense and I can’t believe I am getting rejected by another fucking dude who played LOL. The first one was a piece of shit though, obviously. Maybe I need to stay away from gamers, after all, they’re the best at playing games, right?

[horrifying]

via weheartit

[yourjles]

For fucking real.

[earth]

[myutsuumoved-deactivated2014052]

[yourjles]

DEAR FRIEND;

Isn’t that how Charlie started every letter in Perks? So friend, I decided to type this out because you were in my dream last night. Remember when we saw each other and talked almost everyday? Remember when you were my go-to for everything? Remember when I liked you and you had sex with my best friend? Remember when she “stole my phone” to ask you if you would hook up with me and you said no? #loltobeingyoung I cried a lot, and Vegas sucked too. I didn’t want your friend. #sorry. #hairgrabs. Oh and that night at your house.. God that was miserable. Remember when I literally would do anything for you? Remember when everything went to absolute shit and only I got the bad end of it? Remember that same night when we um... You know, the part that wasn’t seen. Remember when I thought everything was fine? Remember when you proved me completely wrong? Remember when you stopped giving a fuck about me and our friendship? Remember when you couldn’t accept the fact that you fucked up and didn’t stand up for me? It has been over a year. ONE YEAR. Remember when you had to text me happy birthday, not even on my birthday, because god forbid anything is seen on social media. Remember when I didn’t wish you one? You know it used to be me that was there and I miss those late night conversations when we couldn’t sleep. I miss being able to talk to you about anything, I can’t do that with all these other guys. Remember when you called me out of the blue and I cried in the Cloud 9 parking lot because I thought everything was going back to normal? You know, I say I don’t like her because she won’t let us be friends.. But why hate her? The person I should hate is you. You for not being able to just say no and that you will do what you want. Remember when I wanted you to meet the person who was making me happy? I don't even care anymore. I really don’t. I let go a long time ago but I had this stupid dream last night and typing is a good form of therapy. No one follows me on here or knows about this, except a few friends, but who cares. I have thought about you all day. Sometimes I will look at your social media just to see what you’re doing because I can honestly say, I have no clue what your life is like now. I have no clue what you're doing daily, or when you last went on a trip. I miss you, and I probably always will. Remember when you were my best friend? Do you ever miss me or want to see me? Do you ever check my stuff or care how I'm doing? And while I am starting to get emotional typing this, I won’t let myself. Because it is what it is, and nothing is going to change. PS, this isn't a love letter so don’t come at me with daggers. Someone recently told me to just let the hope of us being friends go, and she is probably right. “The only people you need in your life are the people who need you in theirs”.

I hope you are happy and living life to the fullest capability.

[yourjles]

I feel sick right now and kind of feel like dying. Why does this always happen? What do I do wrong?

[yourjles]

sometimes i wish i had a perfect ass.

.

[iheartallofit]

[kaylenajane]

[naughty--couples]

i cant wait to be married and to come home after a long day and curl up next to my favorite person in the whole world and fall asleep

[yourjles]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ mike32142