When you’re just a child, self hurting isn’t something that you do to yourself, it’s something you’re driven to. A child will not try to cause repeated pain to themselves unless they’re absolutely miserable and have no other way to lessen their inner pain. Self hurting comes from hatred that children are forced to internalize, punishment they’re brainwashed to believe they deserve, and pain and rage so intense that makes them feel like they will explode unless they get a relief. It’s also a symptom of brain addicted to pain, something child couldn’t possibly do to themselves. It means they’ve been put thru shock of fear, pain and shame so often, so intensely, their brain could no longer produce chemicals that make them relax, and only way to get those chemicals is now to receive another shock of pain, another dose of fear. It means their brain has been damaged by the trauma and now they have no choice but to hang onto pain in order to keep living. Nobody can do this to themselves.
Self hurting is not an act of a person’s own will, it’s an act against all their will, act they’ve been fighting to refrain from, struggling to resist. It’s an act of complete desperation and lack of alternatives, and it would have never happened in a world where this person isn’t tortured and cornered. Humans do not act against themselves, and neither did you. Do not take the guilt from hurting yourself, and do not feel ashamed. You were driven to it, every single time. The blame is not on you. Whoever kept pushing you to that point has your blood on their hands.
its my parents and this fucked up world that makes me not wanna live