Youtuber Memoirs

Memoirs for YouTubers for when they eventually leave YouTube as submitted by you all

[youtubermemoirs]

Maybe it's silly.

I've been a longtime fan of Cryaotic - aka Cry or ChaoticMonki - and he's had an impact on me for sure.

First and foremost, he started me on the journey to learning more about and accepting a part of myself - my sexuality.

For context, I was born and raised in Singapore. A very, VERY conservative country when it comes to LGBTQIA+ stuff. So since young I've grown up in a country with basically no education on such things before I came to the Internet. And, y'know, I was a lot of the things that kids often are in such environments - mildly racist (to Indians and Malays especially, a common problem in Singapore), and very homophobic. Using gay as an insult, that sort of thing. I'm not proud of it.

As I grew older, I grew out of those horrible parts of me that I absorbed from the fellow kids around me, but was ultimately still very uneducated about LGBTQIA+ stuff - back then, things were just straight, bi, gay for me. I didn't even really know anything about trans people.

So one day I was watching a video by a gamer YouTuber who I had come to like a lot - Cry, obviously, but shoutout to PewDiePie for being the one to introduce me to him through their collabs.

It had been a sort of Q&A video, I believe. And someone asked Cry what his sexuality was, or something like that. The details are a little fuzzy. But I remember his response was "pansexual". When I first researched the term I was grossly misinformed and thought that meant being attracted to anything, animals and objects included. Yikes! I know better now, of course.

And while I started off being so grossly misinformed, through my time on the Internet and more proper research I discovered what it truly means to be pan - being attracted to all genders/regardless of gender. (I know definition is a little blurry and honestly I myself am a little unclear about it)

And when I found that out I was just... struck by how much I felt like that applied to me. I'd never felt quite right using the term bisexual. But now with the label 'pansexual' I felt... more at peace in my own skin. Like finally finding a way to put a name to this part of me made me more *me*.

Beyond Cry helping me to find my sexuality, there's the little things. Cheering me up with his videos when I'm down. Introducing me to games that I now adore. Helping to lull me to sleep when I had trouble doing so - his voice, so soothing and by now so very familiar, brings me so much comfort.

Nowadays I find myself too busy to watch him as much as I want to. But at least I'll always know that I have what feels like an old friend, almost like home, waiting to comfort and distract me from life when I need it most.

Thank you, Cry.

[youtubermemoirs]

Why Dan and Phil are so important to me

What do you do when you are spiraling out of control with no way to pull the brakes? Abandon ship, right? Well, I’ve been through a lot and have come close to abandoning the ship a few times, but have since realized that abandoning ship is never an option, all thanks to a few people, namely, Dan Howell and Phil Lester. I’ve dealt with an alcoholic mom and step dad, that I live with (I’m a minor I have no choice but to live with them) who despise my very existence and verbally abuse me, who used to sometimes (my step dad at least) even resort to physical violence. Two people who I considered family committed suicide, and one I felt–and still feel–personally accountable for. I’ve gone through depression and anxiety and one day where I got very damn close to ending my life. I’ve had to work ever since I was capable because my mother refused to and the meager wages my step dad was earning wasn’t enough. I have zero self respect and confidence and hate absolutely everything about me being me. I’ve dealt with my panic attacks alone late at night and cried myself to sleep more times than not. Recently, I’ve shouldered an eating disorder that I don’t even know how to label. I heard about Dan and Phil before I got into them and dubbed them stupid, but when a Tumblr post directed me to a video, I found myself relating on a personal level to the two men behind the screen. Their jokes made me laugh when nothing else could and slowly, very slowly, they made me feel less alone even though they had no idea I even existed. I still don’t know how they did it. I’ve taken inspiration from Dan and his transformation from his 2012 self to his current health and have used that inspiration to take steps to save my health while I can, and I watch their videos now as a sort of therapy. A therapy to know that I am not alone. Since I started watching their videos I’ve made considerable progress, and think that I may be able to piece myself back together one of these days. Dan and Phil helped me more than my own family has, and for that I am grateful. Some of my problems have been solved without them, namely my anxiety and depression, which was the result of the music from the band Black Veil Brides, and while this story of mine is not intended for me to play the victim card, I just want people to know that I owe a lot to those two British dorks and wish to thank them as best as I can. Thanks to them, I may be struggling to keep my head above water, but there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

[youtubermemoirs]

How Dan and Phil changed my life

At first, I thought they looked really stupid. I saw people posting pictures of themselves wearing the whiskers, posting pictures of them, and I thought they looked like the stupidest people ever. Then, one day, out of curiosity, I watched Pinof 6. And there started a spiral of obsession.

I began to love them around January 2015, and at that time my mom was dating a guy with two daughters. The oldest, who was 15 at the time, used to verbally abuse me, and my mom didn’t believe me until she witnessed it for herself. I began to self harm.

In mid-April 2015, early in the morning, I woke up to my brother’s now fiancé pounding on the bathroom door, begging him not to kill himself. I live with my dad, and he had night work at the time. It was just my brother, his girlfriend, and me.

The next day, we had found out my brother was addicted to heroin and was going to a rehab facility. Over the next two years, he would overdose twice, once on a prescription drug called Percocet, and another on heroin, and would be in and out of rehab.

My mom broke up with her boyfriend, and I haven’t seen his daughters since.

I have since stopped self harming, and have been two years clean this past May. All because of Dan and Phil. They have helped me in so many ways, they are my rocks, my coping mechanism. I have diagnosed anxiety and panic disorder, as well as depression, to which I have to see a therapist for once a week.

This past Playlist Live (Playlist 2017) I had the opportunity to meet them, and I was able to share my story. They were so attentive and sweet, and appreciated everything I said to them. They said “thank you” to me, even though I was the one thanking them.

Dan and Phil have changed my life, and changed my life for the better. They never fail to make me happy, and my life is so much brighter because of them.

[wispyphil-deactivated20200622]

Reblog if Youtubers have made your life better

[youtubermemoirs]

How Youtubers changed my life

Countless of youtubers had an influence in my life.

One of them is Zoë. Just like her I have social anxiety disorder. Even though it’s not as much worse as it was before, I still do have awkward moments that makes me anxious. Through Zoë I’ve learnt that something like this shouldn’t stop me from being myself, because there will always be someone who will accept me for who I am, even if I say “sorry” multiple times a day. It’s an ongoing battle with yourself and if you have breakdowns sometimes, that doesn’t mean you’ve lost. She inspired me to try harder everyday.

Another youtuber I admire is Ryan Higa. I’ve been a long time fan and I really appreciate him being consistent in his video contents. I have a lot in common with Ryan, I suppose. The main reason I admire him is that he is not afraid to be himself. People might make fun of him because he has “small eyes”, he’s a “geek” by liking animes and kpop, he’s “uncool” for being more on the conservative part and I’ve been called all those things before. But still he is one of the most succesful youtubers out there and also, probably, the main reason a lot of really great youtubers decided to start making videos. He helped me realize that being myself is not something wrong or that I should be ashamed of. It’s being myself something I should be proud of. After all, being asian is not wrong, having a hobby is not wrong and specially having higher moral principles than others and not just following trends because they’re trends is so not wrong.

I’m very thankful to a lot of youtubers, trying to inspire others and always encouraging them to do our best in anything. I really appreciate the hard work and time they put into their videos. Some people may say it’s only for fame or money and I do think that, for some, it is true, but still for a few of them, I think they genuinely love what they do. After all, it all started as hobby.

[youtubermemoirs]

YouTubers have changed the lives of so many people.

People making videos on YouTube have inspired countless people to follow their dreams, be themselves, and enjoy life just a little bit more.

It breaks my heart to say this, but most YouTubers will eventually quit creating content in order to focus on themselves, their lives, and their relationships.

This blog was made for people to share their stories about how these amazing people have changed them for the better.

Submissions are now open!