like if you read

personal blag. idc who reads it but please follow if youre going to regularly and like any posts you see. i really dont care if you find the content relatable and reblog it.

[yr1996]

now i’m listening to al green on her alexa. my gf is literally the best. how’d i get so lucky?

[yr1996]

had some funky dreams last night only i don’t think they were rly last night they happened in the like. three hour span of marj leaving for work n me waking up again.

1. i remember we kept hearing the keypad to unlock our door beep beep beep over and over and over as if someone just kept pushing it and after a few minutes dad went to check it out. i was expecting him to open the little door wothon the door to peer out first but he just opened the door which made me a lil scared. two neighbors stood there, a man and a woman, and they left as soon as we opened the door. it was rly something.

2. i saw marj’s best friend but she didn’t remember me at all. like she knew of me bc of marje but didn’t remember meeting me in high school or college? but it was rly nice! i was like “oh nws we have met but u were at evergreen and i know ur so passionate abt ur studies and i rly love that abt u! i don’t expect u to remember me” and then she helped me unload the dishwasher but she didn’t kno where anything went and also it kept hurting me for some reason? the process of unloading the dishwasher i mean. also i went to text ceridwyn somethin and i already had her and her brothers numbers?

2b. ceridwyn’s brother posted online that he doesn’t like his gf anymore and i texted him some advice. i remember the second piece of advice kept seeming too close to the first one. i think i was like “well try to rly get to know her and relearn what u love abt her, or try rly hard to see why u love her” idk they seemed too similar it was weird. and then i had to frantically text him again later like “OH OR BREAK UP thats an option if ur not happy!” but i think i moved onto another dream before i had the chance to say that??

[yr1996]

i just upped my dosage of my antidepressant and its been making me v sensitive and i’ve been cryin a lot. happy cry sad cry frustrated cry. its so much and i hope my meds settle down soon. i’m rly lucky i have a good support system and my partner is so nice to me.

[yr1996]

it’s just really hard when you make me feel soooo loved on tuesday but as soon as we aren’t physically together anymore it falls apart. and like. things have actually gotten a lot better in that regard, which is really good. but it’s just hard when i can tell words aren’t a huge love language for u but they are for me and they’re the only love language that can really persist when we’re not physically together. and i know i’m supposed to know you love me but i still need to hear it! and it just rly hurt earlier when like. all i wanted was to hear that you love me (especially before two job interviews when i roy need some support) but even when i told you that i didn’t hear it and it just makes me feel powerless. like i get that we don’t always get what we want but saying “i love you” seems like it shouldn’t be too hard to do, especially when someone who works so hard to make you feel loved asks for some in return. and maybe it feels inconsequential but it rly matters to me that you say it in the contexts of the times i said it yesterday bc both are times where its gonna be a while before i get to talk to u again and ending on “i love you” is very reassuring to me.

also. can u please work on getting me ur weekend availability sooner?? it just feels like there’s this power imbalance wherein i’m stuck not being able to make plans with anyone else because i prioritize seeing you but you don’t tell me when you’re free until the last minute and it feels like i’m prioritizing you and you’re putting me on the back burner. and i get that u have responsibilities and family stuff but i just need you to communicate better between me and them because id like to be able to plan my weekends without saying “maybe” to every plan until i know when i’m seeing you and then everyone else has decided to make other plans since i couldn’t commit.

[hellhouns]

[zombehleader]

[yr1996]

god i’m so excited to see my girlfriend and fucking make out with them sgalasfbrkel

[yr1996]

im so grateful and happy to have such wonderful people in my life.

i am so in love with the person im with and they love me too and i cant believe how good it is. they're so good to me and good at making me feel good.

my friends are fantastic and i feel like i have a really solid group of friends with room to grow and make more friends? which is wild and i love so much. and ive made several other really good connections with people that i know are gonna last beyond my time at psc.

i just feel rly good for once i love it

[yr1996]

please im begging you just give me an ounce of attention

[yr1996]

im tired and sad and i have no idea where to turn for validation and im just. rly fuckin lonely

[yr1996]

drunk: broke

high: woke

[yr1996]

drunk: overthink everything, get sad, havin a bad time, amplifies whatever im already feeling

high: rational thought, social anxiety severely lowered, helps me process my feelings

[yr1996]

drunk: broke

high: woke

[yr1996]

i dont think id choose to spend time with you as a friend

[yr1996]

appreciate my butt

share common interests

share a sense of humor

touch me

kiss me

tell me you love me

the thumb thing?

appreciate me

soft

gentle

kind

[yr1996]

i feel lonelier with you than i ever did by myself

[yr1996]

why do i still feel so alone

[yr1996]

idk the kind of person that asks "do you really have a cassette player" or "do you even have a vcr?" is probably pretty boring

[yr1996]

why am i acting the way i am feeling the way i am hurting myself the way i am