The oddity and sensation of having people there, but when
something truly goes wrong, they don’t seem to be there. It made
him wonder if such friendships were friendships at all or was it
merely a figment of his own imagination. Overwhelmed by the
feeling of constant loneliness. It’s so easy to pass it off as
something he was used to, since he grew up doing things on his
own...but everyone had their limitations right? Was this why so
many people are selfish? Because they didn’t want to deal with
the idea of being alone at such a vulnerable state...? He didn’t
have any clear answers. All he knew was the...nights like these
where he’s staring up at the stars and turning the gears in his
own head was the hardest. It’s easy to second guess. It’s easy
to wonder if he actually mattered.
Maybe he could just end it? It was laughable really,
since he would simply be called a fool for conducting a
permanent solution something temporary as they put it. But to
him none of it felt temporary. What was he supposed to believe
when this had been going on for as long as he could remember?
Humans were always such simple creatures. They could easily
say something, then do nothing to back their words. So in the
end its empty. Even if the person doesn’t desire much, people
aren’t willing to give. Companionship was always a fools game.
It started to feel like a delusion to him. None of it felt real. They
always say the same thing. ‘It’s alright to want attention.’ or
‘You don’t deserve how you’re being treated.’, but the humor
spills out with the fact that they simply treat you just as poorly.
He didn’t ever have the heart to speak up about the
thoughts that ran through his head day by day. What was the
point when nothing could be done? Humans are stupid
creatures. The underlining greed will always be there, he
concluded. It’s easy for people to say he will be remembered,
though there was hardly any truth behind it. Life moves on,
freezing for no one. In truth, maybe it’s just better this way?
Humans will always live in the moment and the minute something
happens, temporary compassion appears. The idea of not
knowing what you had until you lose it, isn’t completely true is it?
Someone would have to genuinely care about the other person
for it to be valid in some way... Could that be the case for him..?
He would never truly know, since he wouldn’t be around to find
out. People were fools, but he was the biggest fool of all.
Zen shifted his gaze from the stars back down to his feet
that were dangling off the side of the building. It looked like a far
way down, but maybe if he’s lucky he’ll be able to see the stars
one last time... He inched closer and closer to the edge until--.