Regarding Touji and Megumiâs Early ChildhoodâŚ
I really think that a lot of the fandom doesnât fully realize or acknowledge that Megumiâs mother died âsoon after he was bornâ and Touji was left not only devastated by the sudden loss of âthe person he devoted himself wholly to,â but with a baby he was not properly prepared or equipped to care for and raise either physically, mentally, or emotionally by himself. We donât get any details on exactly what happened, how Touji dealt, and what Megumiâs infancy and early childhood looked like up until he is about six-years-old and we get some flashbacks and narrative exposition (mostly from chapter 59) in the manga. Gege-sensei said that without Megumama, Touji âended up like this,â which is described as âwandering from woman to woman due to not having much moneyâ (Gege specifically calls him âa pro at freeloading off womenâ), and âearning lots of money with one job then spending it until itâs goneâ (which includes gambling as shown in chapter 67) - so what exactly did that look like for Megumi? Probably a lot of Touji being away on said jobs and being left in the care of Toujiâs current girlfriend/fling or a hired babysitter/nanny.
And plowing straight on ahead with headcanons, I think itâs very likely and probable that not only did Touji not know how to properly care for and raise baby Megumi, he also lacked the strength and willingness to really try and learn due the trauma of his own upbringing and the loss of Megumama. At the same time he canât/doesnât bring himself to fully care for and love Megumi as his son the way he would have with Mamagumi by his side guiding him - the way she would have wanted him to even without her - he canât/doesnât just abandon Megumi either, because thatâs the child, the little blessing he had with the love of his life (and quite possibly the only person who ever truly cared for and loved him in return), and it was her dying wish that he take care of their son.
So hereâs 24ish-years-old Touji, spiralling after the loss of his love and struggling to provide proper - or at least adequate - care for his infant son when he canât even properly care for or about himself, let alone be responsible for raising a child. But he is, and he does try, sort of. I think he walks a line between not knowing how to form an emotional connection with and personal investment in his son - and being too hurt and overwhelmed to try - and feeling the need/responsibility to known and ensure that Megumi grows up - perhaps âhappilyâ is a bit beyond what he can (or thinks he can) manage, but at least physically safe/healthy and not being outright hurt and abused in the sort of obvious ways that he was as a child. Because Touji was abused as a child (the exact extent to and details of which arenât shown specifically), and it was this abuse which shaped Touji as a person and led to many of the problems/struggles he faced and the life choices he made, from his spending habits, to his use of and relationships with women, to his inability to fully connect with and care for his infant son without the guidance and support of Megumama.
So Touji wanders around with baby Megumi, grieving his love and struggling to care for a baby. He hooks up with various different women in order to receive help with caring for this infant he doesnât know how to deal with and to have someone he can trust with Megumi while he works jobs - primarily bounty hunting and assassination, I assume - to earn money to provide necessary resources - as well as to fund whatever it is he does whenever he takes a break to try and cope with his pain/stress. Touji is frequently absent from Megumiâs life and emotionally distant when he is present. There are lots of different people - mostly the women his dad dates or has flings with and various paid babysitters or childcare workers - who take care of Megumi from infancy to the first five/six years of his life, some decidedly more caring than others no doubt.
Touji wouldnât leave Megumi to anyone he thought would endanger him, but Touji also doubtlessly didnât have high standards when it came to childcare given his own past/experiences. For some, taking care of baby or toddler Megumi might have been something they liked and wanted to do, whether as their job or as a young woman happy to look after her boyfriendâs baby; for others it may have been an unwanted or begrudging task - which is definitely something he would have picked up on, even at such a young age. Bottom line: Megumi does not have a stable parent or parental figure during the earliest years of his life, and he is subject to repeatedly changing conditions and environments. A lot of it he wonât explicitly remember, but even what he doesnât remember will have still had a formative impact on him as a person.
Somewhere in this period Touji acknowledges that he cannot (or at least wonât sufficiently strive to) provide the care and connection Megumi will need as he gets older. He knows that he is distancing himself from Megumi and that he canât (or again wonât) be able to form a proper relationship as a father or guardian with or raise Megumi: so now itâs his responsibility to find someone who can/will. Which is where the deal to have the Zenin take Megumi into the clan after his cursed energy/technique manifest comes in. Now, Iâm definitely not saying that I agree with this decision, but I donât think that it was made out of Toujiâs own self-interest, i.e. the monetary exchange, at Megumiâs expense. Rather, I think Touji was taking the course of action he thought best for Megumi - and let me explain.
The fact that the Zenin agreed to pay such a large sum of money means that they wanted Megumi. As mentioned above, I believe Touji knew he was not suited to raising Megumi and was looking to find someone who could do a proper - or at least better - job. The thing is, letâs say he does find a suitable third party to take in Megumi: what happens as soon as Touji entrusts him to them and leaves? The Zenin swoop in and just take him. Touji likely anticipated exactly that happening, which is why he bartered with the Zenin in the first place - to see how much they wanted Megumi. And the huge chunk of money they agreed to pay confirmed that they very much wanted Megumi.
So now, Touji has two choices: either stick with and watch over Megumi for the rest of his childhood/youth and/or until he is capable of avoiding or fending off the Zenin himself (or possibly deciding he wants to join them), or let the Zenin have him, whether directly or indirectly. Since Touji has already made up his mind about him not wanting/able to be a proper father and raise Megumi, heâs already pointed towards the second option; but, can he really allow the Zenin to have Megumi in good conscience given what he knows about them and his own personal experiences as a kid? Well, hereâs my thoughts:
Touji knows full well what kind of people the Zenin are and all the ways the abused him personally as a kid. Was he really going to condemn Megumi to that just to be rid of him? No, I donât think so. As mentioned above, Touji looked after Megumi largely in part to it being what Mamgumi asked of him before her death, but he knew that the wasnât a good father to baby/toddler Megumi, and that he couldnât/wouldnât fulfil all the additional responsibilities and care that would come with Megumi growing older and being a kid/teen - which is why heâs now seeking this third party to take over from him. And I donât believe he would let the Zenin be that third party if he truly thought they were going to treat Megumi the same way they treated him as a child. He does care about Megumi - both as his son and in respect to Mamagumiâs wishes - even if he hasnât been able to develop the normal intimate and emotional connects parents and children normally have.
Touji believes that Megumiâs circumstances with the Zenin will be different from his own due to his shamanic potential, which is pretty much all the Zenin care about. He states as much in the manga (cannot find the exact chapter, sorry). Does he believe the Zenin will be a good family to Megumi and that heâll be well loved and cared for and this is the best path for Megumi and what Mamaguro would have wanted? Absolutely not, but he genuinely thinks that this is the best possible option he can give Megumi and that Megumi will be safe from horrific abuse by the Zenin. The fact that he considers this the best/only option rather than raising Megumi himself is a testament to both how heâs been traumatized and damaged by the Zenin and how that trauma and abuse warped his world view and emotional/social/mental capacities/ability.
Also around this time Touji marries Tsumikiâs (also unnamed) mother; itâs unclear which came first, the marriage with/meeting of Mamatsumi or the deal with the Zenin. We know that the marriage takes place when Megumi is in first grade - so about 5 or 6 years-old - and that within about a year of this marriage Touji and Mamatsumi both disappear (Touji having been killed by Gojou and Mamatsumiâs whereabouts unknown). So Megumi and Tsumiki have been step-siblings for less than a year when they are orphaned and then (semi unofficially sort of not exactly sure) adopted by teenage Gojou. By this time, Tsumiki had already become the most important person in Megumiâs life, as evidenced by Megumi not caring what being taken in by the Zenin would mean for him, but only whether Tsumiki would be happy.
What was this first year together for Megumi and Tsumiki like? Iâve already gone over what Toujiâs parenting was probably/possibly like based on limited canon info, but we really have nothing of any substance - or just anything at all, really - on Mamatsumi. Personally, I imagine she and Touji got married for the convenience and benefit of their respective children, not romantic desire or attraction. They probably got along - or at didnât actively dislike each other - and likely had a more casual relationship and camaraderie as partners of sorts (and they quite possibly had a sexual aspect side of the relationship too). They got married to take advantage of the legal benefits and pool their resources together; to the benefits of themselves personally but much more so for their kids.
As for what kind of person Mamatsumi was and her relationship with Megumi and her daughter I canât really say. I canât find/remember anything reliable giving us any more information on her, so, uh, sheâs just a bit of a blurred out figure in terms of canon. Nothing regarding the relationship between Touji and Tsumiki either (at least as of yet, though probably not ever). We then get teen/young adult Gojou through the rest of Megumi and Tsumikiâs childhoods and early teen years, though we donât really know much detail with what that looked like or how it worked either; really, just that one panel from recent chapters and whatever we can infer or glean from how Gojou and Megumi interact throughout the story.
I am super interested in that: Megumi and Tsumiki growing up together with teenage/young adult Gojou - whether we get more canon information/focus on it or not. Have you guessed that I really like the âfound familyâ or âfamilies of choiceâ tropes? At the same time, Iâm also super interested in Touji and his time with baby/young child Megumi and their relationship. Yay character dynamics!
