Here’s Looking At You, 2017.
It’s that time of year again. Of reflections and resolutions.
2017 sure was one hell of a ride, and in my humble opinion, had helped me grow into a calmer and more forgiving person (both to myself and to others).
The year started just the way any other ordinary year before this usually begins. Or so I thought. And then came loss, grief, and a whole array of emotions that I’ve never had to deal with before. A painful process for me, but I’ve learnt how to cope and make sense of my thoughts and feelings a lot better since. I don’t think I’ll ever wholly be the same person again, but hey, that’s what growth is about right?
All my other struggles this year have had a silver lining to them. One of which was plunging into a new work environment – with a different nature of work, new practices, a sped-up tempo, higher expectations, and so on. I’m half-a-year in now and I’m relieved to say that I’m finally getting the hang of things. Though I think I am still a work in progress, and have such a long way to go before I’ll ever be satisfied with myself on this portfolio. Each day, I count my blessings for the tasks assigned to me, because it means I am privileged enough to be given the opportunity to try. Here’s to hoping that I continue growing as a staffer, and never forget this heart that wants to serve.
And on the family front, it has been daunting watching my grandma age and cope with the issues that come with old age. There’s also the dreaded C word (cancer) that’s a huge undercurrent in our lives lately. We aren’t tackling it head on, because we would very much like her to live out the rest of her life in a happy and comfortable space. What this has done for me on a personal level is to understand mortality a little better, and to appreciate life as it is right now. And on this note, I pray for faith and strength for my grandma, and that she is clouded with everlasting love.
So through it all, I heal, and I shall continue healing into the new year.
I have also been very fortunate to have travelled extensively and explored so much of the world in the 27 years of my life. This year was no exception, though my travelling style did change with me revisiting places (which was what I disliked doing when I was younger). The focus of my three trips this year (Indonesia, South Korea and Australia) was simply to find peace within myself and clear my mind. It was no longer about conquering as much ground as possible, but more of experiencing life as it comes at me. I will also be eternally grateful to the friends who hosted me on my trips this year. Those precious moments are treasured infinitely; there’s just something about being with people who care about you - unburdened and unguarded, away from home.
And my last topic to reflect on is the beauty of friendship. This year is the year where I realised that friendships have buoyed me up and helped me to coast along in life way more than I ever dared to imagine. With the solidarity of friends, we were able to grieve together. With the support of friends, I was able to be myself and be comfortable with who I am. With the presence of friends, I am able to love and be loved. Today, there’s also a deeper connection with a lot of my long-time friends, perhaps we’ve also grown through the years together and have reached this almost perfect balance of understanding one another’s souls.
I don’t like making concrete resolutions, because I believe in the fluidity of life. But I do hope to be at peace, to be kind, to love sincerely, and to take on things with fervour and enthusiasm. And should I hit a rut in life, that I never let it overcome me.
Bring it on 2018. I’m ready for my 28th year in life.