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@yuzu-ideations
"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.
#looked up and thought ‘that can’t be hard’#and then my eyes widened with horror as I realized the sheer number of rectangles everywhere#I’m . I’m horrified
It's a good shape!
nothing really matters
Being a crafty person and making a bunch of things often prompts people to ask "oh wow did you make that?" And like, the short answer is: yes I did, but the long answer is: well, no, the pattern isn't mine, but I did choose and buy the fabric/yarn and sewed it together/crocheted it/knitted it myself. I used a reference for that drawing/painting, I didn't come up with it myself. That ceramic piece was insired by a poem and a painting made by different people. What I'm trying to say is, everything I make requires other people to make their own thing first, and then I get inspired by them to do my own thing. So I can't really call anything truly mine, because really it's just a bunch of inspirations and experiences of others (and me) put together by my hands. Does that answer your question
ALL ART IS IN CONVERSATION WITH ITSELF AND NOTHING IS ORIGINAL BECAUSE NOTHING IS MADE ALONE AND THAT'S A GOOD THING AHHH
they should normalize saying "I'm thinking of you fondly but don't have much to say and frankly I don't even really want to talk rn but you have appeared in my thoughts and it's nice"
sometimes abuse victims will think they were/are not being abused. sometimes abuse victims will think it's okay they were/are being abused for whatever reason.
sometimes abuse victims will insist to others that they were/are not being abused. sometimes abuse victims will insist to others that it's okay they were/are being abused for whatever reason.
in fact, leading a victim to believe that what is happening is normal and fine and even good or righteous for whatever reason is a common feature of abuse, whether the abuser did it on purpose or not.
if an abuse victim in your life...
questions whether they were abused
goes back and forth about whether they think they were abused
tells you they weren't being abused, and then later says they were
...these can all be very normal parts of living with abuse trauma and don't mean someone is lying or exaggerating about being abused.
^^^ These are all things I struggled with for years! Still sometimes I have days where I think "it wasn't THAT bad" or "I had it coming" or "but they're not bad people"- but it was still abuse! It still happened, and it was still bad, and even if I DID do something annoying or bad to make them WANT to treat me badly back, that doesn't mean it was okay!
It's difficult to accept, but impossible to move on without accepting.
I will forever maintain that genuine fortune-telling and psychic medium junk is a load of bull, but as a person who owns tarot decks and regularly uses them as a tool for self-reflection I also have to admit that it does kind of work for that and it's very very funny when it does
Once I laid out some cards before I left the house and couldn't figure out an interpretation of the symbolism that made sense outside of "stop focusing and pay attention", which was of course absurd, so I was puzzling over that all the way to my bus stop and was so distracted the whole time that I walked face-first into a massive fucking spiderweb
It always hits so good
related to my previous post: this is my POV on the eternal "it is/n't that deep" debate always going on with everything, as someone who now just goes "cool okay whatever" and leaves when something disappoints me instead of wasting time raging about what went wrong or waiting around for it to get better. i think it's good to have all those crazy what-if thought experiments, but i also think you need to make sure you're not setting yourself up for heartache! be nice to yourself and be nice to other people (as the moral so often is...)
“bits to use in everyday conversations”
i wish people would stop romanticizing not eating breakfast and not getting enough sleep and being dependent on coffee to function and always being in a bad mood and treating yourself poorly because that behavior is very unhealthy for you
He’s right.
as a younger person I'd sometimes get overwhelmed with the violence of the world, not just human violence but the violence done to animals and by animals, the innate violence of being an animal. because an animal is, by definition, an organism that must consume other organisms to live. and this would lodge in my spiraling young adult mind, the tragedy that to live, to be a creature, is to cause harm. that life is sustained by consuming life.
eventually I got older (and medicated), but in the meantime spending time in woodland really helped. it comforted me to be around plantlife, which feeds not on life but on sunlight, and therefore causes no harm.
anyway now I'm reading The Hidden Life Of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (incredible book) and it turns out that was a big fat LIE. forests are violent as FUCK
life as a tree is fucking BRUTAL. ok no they don't actually eat each other (well, not until they've been broken down and digested by microorganisms first) but competition is FIERCE. sunlight and water are finite resources. survival rates are dismal. a tree can release a million seeds in a lifetime and have only one offspring live to maturity. some species evolved ways of stealing sunlight from trees who got there first, bidding their time as a sapling then shooting out from under older canopies to hog as as much light as possible. next-door neighbors? fuck em, let em starve.
then you get shit like epiphytes that decided to just grow on top of other plants. strangler fig vines, for instance, which decided well fuck, im just gonna cling to this tree trunk and let it do the support work. maybe entangle our roots and envelope my host completely over time. oopsie my host died? that's ok I'll just cling to its corpse for eternity
equally horrifying is the honeysuckle, which preys on young trees boa-constrictor style, squeezing the life out of saplings, which grow with permanent deformities before dying prematurely (makes for a neat walking stick though)
then you get out and proud parasites like mistletoe who are happy to attach themselves to tree canopies and suck their blood extract water and nutrients. so yeah some plants do eat each other actually. gives ya some perspective on the old christmas tradition of hunting mistletoe with guns (yes that's a thing, shooting them down out of trees like squirrels. yes, unlike squirrels they deserve it). as for the romance angle, who doesn't want to kiss a lover beneath the dying corpse of a parasitic trophy kill? sexy as heck.
in conclusion, PLANTS ARE VIOLENT AS FUCK, and that's not even getting into the eternal chemical warfare they are forced to wage against insects, fungi, microbes and other enemies.
one day soon the forests will turn on us, and when that day comes I'm cheerfully betraying humanity and skipping away to cross enemy lines 🫡
kofi
to those who thought this post was heading in a heartwarming direction, i do NOT apologize and i DO hope the forest and its creeping mycelium tendrils crawl their way into your nightmares
she's a style icon. she's a weeb. she hates school. she's effortlessly smart. she throws up from anxiety. she loves to run. she's an annoying little shit. she's the friend group peacemaker. she kins judas iscariot. she has flower symbolism. she thinks everything is temporary. she has a sensitive tongue. she's a self-proclaimed coward. she's a self-fulfilling prophecy. she's cat-coded. she thinks her existence is a burden. she hangs out on rooftops. she has bad luck in gachas. she's agnostic with catholic guilt. she's transgender. and she's even pink.
She's a lesbian who has probably never kissed a girl. She's a deer in headlights. She covers her face when she's emotional. She craves warmth and closeness. She runs away at the first hint of it. She's cast out by society. She casts herself out of society. She's extremely beloved by anyone who gets to know her even slightly on a personal level. The confidence and light she exudes melts snow and shatters ice. She breaks like a glass at any perceived stress. She's not just pink, she's a pink thing that has the blues
〖My friend requested〗
Kanade Yoisaki stimboard & divider
Images from Pjsk Wiki
Divider by me
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Like/Reblog not required, but highly encouraged
i keep laughing at the way that eridian culture in the movie and eridian culture in the book are not contradictory at all, if you accept that movie rocky is just a total FREAK
grace: boy i sure can't wait to meet other eridians haha! rocky, putting on a shirt for the first time in four years: rocky has something to tell grace but does grace promise not to be mad, question?
I can't leave this in the tags lmaooo
Oyster mermaid~
ah fuck, so sorry ma’am-
sometimes people think I am on Mad At Them Island, when in fact I am far more often paddling around in the waters of Slightly Annoyed With Their Recent Behavior Bay, or perhaps on the beautiful Peninsula of Get Well Soon But I Will Not Be Engaging With All Of That
something about love makes you look at things differently. the really important part of this is that any love will work. if you love blue you will see it everywhere. if you love soft things you will note the cat and the thread count and the moss. you will find your best friend in ugly greeting cards and haunted dolls and terrible fanfics and since they remind you of her they will be beautiful.
so you will love the world differently for having loved someone else. you will love a certain cereal or pokemon because of your brother. you will hear your favorite band's song playing in a random store and the love of it will make the whole world a little more golden. you will read a poem so many times the words become their own creatures. you will find you cannot listen to certain music without thinking of your favorite show.
this velveteen rabbit transformation occurs. the love does not stop, it echoes.
in my fics, i often have mizuki refer to ena as her “compass” and that’s bc i genuinely think that is ena’s purpose in mizuki’s narrative in canon. I have talked extensively already about how ena is so often portrayed as mizuki’s light in the dark, the light that will illuminate her path and guide her home, from the winter wasteland mizuki is shunning herself to and back to the light of spring, under a shower of cherry blossoms. the cherry blossoms of new beginnings, the ones she always hated and thought she’d never see again with niigo. the ones she will chase down and bring ena to see for her birthday.
within the narrative in canon, ena shows mizuki the way so. many. times. ena teaches mizuki, through her insistence and her devotion and determination, what it means to be a friend, what it means to trust one another without reservation. despite being shown as particularly dense when it comes to understanding other people and being there for them emotionally (she has the grace of a bull in a china shop), ena always, always, always knew mizuki was pulling away, getting ready to ghost them all. and she never gave up. she invited mizuki on little dates all the time. she invited her on a picnic w/shizuai. she texted her in private to make sure she wouldn’t skip niigo’s celebrations. she skipped her own previous engagements if mizuki invited her out and lie to her about being free, actually (like that time she blew her mom off to go shop with mizuki in footsteps). she used all and any excuse to see her (eg “will you fix my clothes uwu? let’s go to the sewing lounge uwu?”), pull her back, bind her to herself and the rest of niigo. when she realized that she was maybe pushing too much, she immediately shoved her own feelings aside, to ensure she wasnt making mizuki uncomfortable, or hurting her. some of ena’s key traits are that she’s impatient and rash and impulsive, yet she seemed to have no issues immediately stifling her nature so that she can tell mizuki “it’s fine. you dont have to tell me. i’ll stop pushing. i’ll wait for you. just promise you’ll tell me one day. i hate waiting but i’ll do it for you.” with no hesitation, she puts a hand to her chest and promises mizuki forever – a forever mizuki does not believe in. a forever she is getting tempted to believe in, and the only way she can see “forever” as a possibility is by lying to ena. “i thought we’d be together forever, if i never tell her.”
mizuki is so good at hiding her feelings. apart from yuuki and rui, who have known her pre-transition at her lowest, no one can rly tell when mizuki is putting on a front. bc mizuki hates making herself vulnerable in front of others. for one, that’s dangerous – you never know whenever someone you trusted will think you weird or disgusting. moreover, she sees her own vulnerability as a burden on others. she sees herself as someone who simultaneously has too little to offer and is also too much to handle. and she deeply resents this inherent “being too much” – it’s unfair. she just wants to be. but everything is always so complicated just bc she’s trans and she’s tired and bitter and has grown jaded. she believes all she can do is try and enjoy the present by being unashamedly herself and avoiding doing/thinking about anything that causes her pain. avoidance is a double-edged sword – it keeps her alive, yet robs her of her future. she’s passively suicidal after all. until after ena5, she refuses to think of her future. all she has is escapism through her hobbies and no hope in any kind of future.
and if all she has is a bittersweet, hypocritical carpe diem attitude, then she has to make herself as fun as possible and the least cumbersome she can be. hide hide hide. yet, when no one is looking, her mask sometimes slips. she looks bitter, or heartbroken, or hopeless. “there’s no such thing as forever.” “we will never truly be friends.” “im awful, im just worrying ena.” but the beautiful thing about them is that ena is always, always looking at her, especially in these moments, when mizuki thinks no one is looking. when mizuki thinks she’s safe and alone, ena is there. just like in her 4* card for secret distance. ena is peering into mizuki. she sees her loneliness (osamu dazai’s an urgent call anyone??).
in my fics and analyses i also often talk of a “leap of faith” on mizuki’s part when referring to the events of ena5, and that’s exactly what it was. because ena gave her the chance to leave. she gave her a way out. for ena wishes for nothing but mizuki’s happiness, even if that were to mean her own unhappiness. ena wants to be with mizuki. she states it clearly. she doesn’t care about people talking behind their backs. she says nothing would compare to the pain of losing mizuki, and yet still tries to set her free at the end. because mizuki might be happier that way, because ena sees her suffering, and only wishes for her peace and happiness. mizuki can run. ena cannot even physically chase her anymore – she’s collapsed.
and mizuki looks at her – her smile and her tears as she falls to the ground, trying to set her free. i think we give mizuki too little credit for falling to her knees in turn and admitting she wants to be together. “even if it’s a bother, even if i hate, i want to start believing like it’s always okay to be together.” that took such tremendous courage to admit. a courage that i believe she was able to build thanks to ena’s constant, compass-like guidance – from secret distance to wounded hands. all the small moments of companionship they spent together, all their bickering, all their laughter, the teasing, the all-nighters they pulled together. shopping trips, study sessions, being there for kanade and mafuyu and creating together. all of it has been leading up to mizuki finally and permanently bound to ena.
IT IS A LEAP OF FAITH.
mizuki’s fears run so deep and are so nuanced and some are bound to materialise, even – of course someone might assume ena is trans herself (again). talk behind their backs. there could be moments where ena might say smth she would have mindlessly said bf finding out and realize she needs to be more careful after mizuki’s coming out (in their confrontation ena says it might be selfish of her, but if she says smth wrong she wants to know, she wants to apologize and do better even if mizuki is uncomfortable with it). mizuki will have doubts – is it rly okay for someone like mizuki to want to preserve and maintain these female friendships she believes she has no right to experience? is ena still comfortable going shopping together? letting mizuki fix her clothes? spend all night together? ena says nothing in her perception of mizuki has changed, but she might just think that because they havent met since, right? YET MIZUKI TRUSTS HER. BLINDLY, ALMOST.
it’s almost like free fall. and she falls into her arms. bc of course ena catches her and comforts her and takes care of her as mizuki sobs her heart out. so much love. trust. acceptance.
“thank you for telling me.”
“thank you for accepting me.”
