fault lines

“i’m in love with cities i’ve never been to and people i’ve never met.”

[gholdenhoney]

[8-bitfiction]

[dont-give-a-fuck-club]

yes i’m a cry baby and a bad bitch

[dobladim]

[get-with-it-or-get-out]

I’m the kind of girlfriend that’ll rub your back until you you fall asleep and keep rubbing it just because I love the feel of your skin at my finger tips.

[ouc-h-deactivated20180811]

being called baby?????? holding hands????!? being KISSED?!!!?!???????

[yves-chanel]

December 16, 2020

I’m writing this as I’m in bed and thinking about us and how amazing I feel with you. We are quickly approaching Christmas, my birthday and our anniversary and unlike last year I have less anxiety and just more happiness. I guess I had anxiety because this is my favorite time of the year and it was the first time I was actually sharing it with someone else. I was anxious about our anniversary just because it still didn't feel real that you were still here for that long. But this year not only am I excited, I’m way more excited and happier. Even though we cant do much, just being with you in this milestone makes me so happy and excited. 

Everyday you have made me happier, when at this point i didn’t know it could happen. The last few weeks you have had made an effort to come over on Sundays and spend most of the day with me. Not only that, since you started your new job we haven’t had a lot of time to talk, which I totally understand. You're busy at work and so am I. Then when we get home we have a small window of time to talk before you fall asleep considering you sleep VERY early now. Now not only do you always answer my facetime calls, if you miss them you always call back now. For me, just because I don’t get to see you as much as I would like and again we don’t t talk as much as we do before; just being able to hear your voice and see you for five minutes makes me so happy and I really do appreciate it. 

With the little pregnancy scare that we had this week as worried as you were with the crazy idea of a child, you were calm. Thank you for trying to calm me down and just talking to me while I waited. I know if you could, you would be there. 

This past weekend you got little more drunk than usual, but you were so happy. I haven’t ent seen you that drunk in a while, but there was something different. Even Alison and JR saw how happy you were. That night with your friends we just made it about the 2 of us. At one point we were in our own little world just talking and laughing about nothing and everything and I don’t  think thats happened in a very long time. You were telling me how much you loved me and I would never know how much you do. You briefly danced with me to Niall after forgetting my beer. You even tried to convince to finesse shots out of a few guys at the bar when I was forcing you to go home. Arguing with you that night felt like how I argue with Mateo. Trying to convince you I was fine, then it was to take you home and to get you in the car. You we were very drunk considering in was 12:30, but once I dropped you off, you called right away making sure I was okay driving, Again to my surprised not only were you up at 9 am, you facetimed me telling me to wake up and wondering when we were leaving to go to my place. 

You have been filled with surprises the last month and literally have been surprising me with not only your words but actions as well. I can fully say that I have never felt more comfortable and more secure in our relationship and I didn’t think I can love you more than I did before, but I do. Everyday its more and even not being together you still manage to put a smile on my face somehow. 

[yves-chanel]

December 7, 2020

As the year gets closer to the end I start to reflect on us. We had one of our biggest fights and I was on the edge of calling a quits with you. I was just so done being put second and feeling unloved. I needed action than words. Since then that is all I’ve been getting from you. The last few months has just been filled with your effort and I just feel it getting stronger. With all the death and life experiences this year in general we have gotten stronger. 

The last few weeks, you’ve put in more effort and have opened up more and this was all I was really asking for this entire time. Just yesterday you came over even though being hung over and we laid on the couch and watched football for a little bit. I babied you a little with cuddles and food. But as we laid there having my music shuffle and played all the perfect songs for the moment. It made me think that I can have this forever. I just wanted to stay there, laying with you and having your arms around me. It’s where I feel the happiest and safest. Since you went out the night before I was worried you weren't going to show up, but to my surprise you were up earlier than I was. 

It took a while, but I think we’re finally in a spot in our relationship where we need to be. Do i wish I can see you more like how Alison and Caity see their boyfriends? Obviously, I would do anything to wake up to you and go to sleep with you all the time. But I always have to tell myself that they all live in a 5 minute drive from each other and its not that easy for us. I do feel bad that you hav e to come up here more to sleepover, but it doesnt help that your mom comes home on the weekends and thats the only time I would most likely be able to come over without my parents knowing. 

“Love of my life” is a strong name/ title. I’m very hesitant to say it out loud, but can call you that in my head all the time. Idk why I cant say it, but everyday that feeling gets stronger and I believe it more and more. 

[animatedtext]

[thecommonchick]

“Anyone who truly cares about you will always find a way back to you.”

— (via tanyatanyadang)

[melisica]

[hellish-daddy]

[babypetals]

[alloku]

Yes. This setting right here. This will do just fine.

[yves-chanel]

I was not privileged to know him as much as the rest of the guys, but I’m happy I got to meet him once. To see how happy you were with him. He’s your ride or die, the person you went to when you needed to vent to. I am so sorry you had to lose the two most important people in your life this year. My heart breaks for you and it pains me just as much knowing you hold everything in. I always tell you I got you, and you know that but I cant imagine what and how you are feeling. The people you need the most aren't physically here for you, but they will always be. It’s an absolute shame and I will never forget the night it happened. I can only try and hope I can keep you up like they did. 

The bright side of this, if there is any he is no longer hurting. I know you are now, but imagine him in the last 3 weeks. He’s happier and at ease. I know when he comes home it will break you and im so scared. I’m terrified, but I believe that I was brought to your side for a reason and we will get through it. Even if I didnt spend them time, I love him as much as you do. rest easy kal. 

[yves-chanel]

July 26, 2020

This is more less about the boys than you this time. This weekend made me realize how much the guys actually care and how the dynamic worked. After being together for 2 years I knew, but last night made me love them so much more. More recently I have gotten closer to quick and alison. But last night was a little different. Mitch and I had a little talk and told me how much the guy will ride and die for you pretty much and said that I’m family now and will ride and die for me too. When I first got there Alan was on the other side but walked all the way over to me to give me a hug. I’m just walking around feeding the guys all my snacks from my purse. Dolan and I were in a corner talking about Europe and Seen came up to me and asked for me to come home for his birthday. Right before I left I gave them all a hug and Will told me he loved me and Joe called me “naynay”. 

Coming into such a big group of guys is incredibly intimidating, but now I have never felt more comfortable. I have them coming up to me asking me where you are at parties while youre playing bags. Before you’d come up to me often seeing how I’m doing, but now youll be gone for hours and I can hold my own just talking to all of them. Dont get me wrong I still get a little quiet but its so much better now. I love every single guy just as much as you do. You guys will do anything for each; good and bad and to be accepted in such a support system makes me feel loved and cared for. 

at this point im dating you and the guys and saturdays are for ALL OF US now. 

[yves-chanel]

2020

Theres no doubt that 2020 sucks, but June alone had to be the hardest month of my life thus far. The amount of death I’ve experienced is more than anyone wants to endure. But thankfully I have you as my rock. We’ve both are having the worst year and we are getting through it together. Yes there are times where we wanted to kill each other, but at the end we came out stronger. Last night was something we both needed. Thank god for Alans family annual summer parties. Not only did I miss hanging out and drinking with you I was finally with the boys who can make me laugh till my stomach hurts. I love your group of friends just as much as I love you.

We both as just as hard headed and stubborn, but also very closed people. It’s hard to open up to one another and it’s something we both need to work on. Last night we finally talk through everything that has happened in the last few months and I feel so much better. Not only that it made us a whole lot closer. Everyday I wake up and I’m excited to talk to you, every time I see you its like the first time hanging out and thats what I love about us. You make me so happy I don’t even understand it. How can one be so happy to be with someone for this long? Then we fight and sometimes I want to give up, but I’m reminded on how much you are there and how much you love me .

All the girls , mainly Dorothy and Maddie are all about us weirdly enough. And Dorothy kept telling me to stay with you and that she sees us getting married at one point. Even when you had your time with Alan and his brother when you disappeared on me for like an hour, Alan told me you had to make sure I was okay, while you guys had your moment. I know you worry about me, but the fact the guys know that makes me feel like you really do. 

I don’t know if it is the alcohol but every time we hang out with your friends I’m reminded of so many things: 

1. How much I love you

2. How you really do feel

3. That I can actually see a future with you 

I want the best things in life and when Sarah and I talk about random things like weddings, I always wanted a big wedding. But when I think of it with you, and the possibility of it being ours. I don’t care for a big wedding, yes I want a party but as long as I have you I’m good. You simplify me in the best way possible. You bring the best out of me. When I’m with you I’m happier and confident.

You are the best thing thats walked into my life and I couldn't ask for anyone better.  

[mandypierce]