Julian had long since forgotten his initial shame for his work study, but allowing Zahra to believe they were the same was easier than letting her know the truth. Would she think less of him if she knew? Or would she still claim to understand? “For what it’s worth, I never thought you would tell anyone,” he confessed, an admission of his former trust in her. Things with his sparring partner was more often than not unspoken, because she was one of the people he was most comfortable around. Even in beginning before they talked, he had found comfort in the familiarity he saw in her. With Zahra, Julian didn’t feel like he needed to fill up space to prove himself.
He listened to her explanation, studying her face for any indications she was lying. Not knowing how much he could trust her anymore sucked, but what hurt most was the realization that their predicament was exactly what Orson wanted. “Well, it looks like we’re in the same boat,” he commented cheekily, a subtle reminder her leverage meant nothing more than mutually assured destruction for them both. If only he could laugh at the situation at hand, because of course Zahra would have the notebook, the very item he needed to crack the cellphone. “I took a photo of the notebook in your room. Do what you will with that information,” he shared. At the time, he had taken a picture to confirm his suspicions later. Orson had particular taste, which no doubt included stationary.
When it was his turn to tell his story, he glanced at the phone in her hands, his personal reminder of that night. “I want you to know I can understand why you did this so I don’t blame you,” he started. He could forgive, but he would never forget. It had always been easy to understand her, he thought. Sometimes too easy, almost like that’s what she wanted from him. Yet, a part of him hoped that wasn’t true. “Remember how I was late for the cast party last semester? I was cleaning The Castle and that was where I found his phone. I didn’t think much of it then, but I guess he left it here after seeing Chandler - ew. When I arrived at the party, we started doing shots so I forgot about the phone in my pocket. Giving Orson back his phone didn’t seem like a big deal, because I thought I could just give it to him later, you know?” Now, the real challenge approached - why? Why did he still have the phone? “Then he died, and I had to think about how it would look from the police’s perspective. I found his phone the night he was murdered and forgot about it till I was doing laundry a week later? Who would believe that? Now, I’m stuck with it until I can think of how to get rid of it. Even turning it on might risk alerting the police.”
I never thought you would tell anyone. Did he intend to hurt her this much? It was surprising how much that admission meant to her, whether it was true or not. She wanted it to be the truth, wanted to believe that Julian still thought of her as someone worth trusting even after discovering something so unseemly about her. It’d be something for her to hold onto, proof that he saw something good in her before she showed him how wrong he was. Maybe she ruined it all, maybe they could never go back to how they were before, but at least she had those seven words.
One thing that hadn’t changed: Julian was forever a worthy opponent. Taking a photo of the notebook complicated things further. Even if Zahra finally decided to get rid of it, there’d still be tangible proof that it existed at all, and that it was located in the Castle after Orson’s death. Fuck.
“Maybe I shouldn’t believe you, but I do.” Julian’s story complicated things, too. Just like hers, it’s too convenient — how he just happened upon one of Orson’s possessions right before the director died. And like Zahra, Julian’s had time to come up with a story to cover her tracks. Zahra has no reason to believe him any more than he does with her. But Zahra still believes him, because this was Julian. The man who saw her skill when everyone else saw her pretty face. Even now, as she held the weapon of his demise in her hands, he still said I can understand why you did this.
It truly would be a tragedy to have him out of her life. Zahra decided then that she’d rather have him as her adversary than not have him at all. But he said, I don’t blame you. Did that mean they didn’t have to be enemies? Zahra wouldn’t allow herself to get her hopes up, but that didn’t stop her traitorous heart from pounding furiously.
“So you haven’t even turned it on?” That’s what she should be focusing on, instead of her own foolish desires to stay friends. As if it were even possible, right? “You’ve had it this whole time and you didn’t even check to see what’s on it? You have some self-control — I wouldn’t have been able to resist.” Her finger hovers over the power button, but she doesn’t press it. Did Julian even know that Orson wrote every single one of his passwords down in his notebook? Did he discover that while tucking in her sheets? Or was he completely in the dark to Orson’s secrets, while Zahra only knew a fraction of them? The rest of it had to be on the phone. "If you’re going to risk everything holding onto this, wouldn’t you want to know what you’ve got?” With that said, she drops the phone back on top of the suitcase and stands up to properly face Julian. “But that’s your problem to deal with, I guess. Because I won’t say anything about this if you won’t.”
