"If you think you're faking, you're not": the predatory nature of the online system community
Disclaimer: if you're going to take this personally, please scroll away. These are my personal observations and experiences. I do not believe that the majority of this behaviour is intentional, I think it's the result of loneliness and echo chambers. I know this doesn't go for everyone, I know a lot of people with DID doubt themselves, I know that system positivity posts can be really helpful, and I'm not saying to stop. I'm just asking for people to be listened to. I'm asking for people to not have to go through what I did.
Another really good, shorter post about this topic.
For the better part of a year, I spent my time logging and decorating Simply Plural profiles, dating a partner system with individual relationships between alters, posting with my typing quirks and aesthetic dividers, making rants about syscourse and building a headspace. I also heavily doubted my experiences. So I reached out to other systems, asking if this symptom and that symptom could be DID, trying to seek validation for myself. Responses ranged from "you're damaging other people by considering other possibilities" to "anyone can be a system!". I don't have DID. I may have BPD, C-PTSD, and ADHD. I have never had DID. But I have more than enough experience with grooming¹ online to make this post.
DID tends to be oversimplified online. If you think you're faking, you're not. Faking is intentional and you can't unintentionally do something intentional. Except, that's not what people mean when they make those posts. What they mean is "do I have imitative DID? could this possibly be something else?". But the lack of knowledge on these topics is taken advantage of. People are told that their doubts have no ground, that they are definitely a system if they're experiencing this and that, don't even bother thinking about other possibilities. People aren't encouraged to explore other possibilities. This creates an echo chamber where people are actively discouraged from seeking out or researching other possible causes of their symptoms.
When a person is lonely, or struggling with their sense of self, it might seem appealing to have friends in their head. To be able to connect with other people by bonding over their experiences with a mental disorder. To be able to express their creativity. But people aren't shown the shitty parts of that. So they get really into it, and they start partaking in the behaviours I spoke about above.
And then if doubt starts seeping in: don't doubt yourself, that's harmful! You are a system! Look, this TikTok video has 5 signs you might be a system and you meet them! Trauma is different for everyone! Sure, why not, it's fun.
Even more dangerous, in my opinion, is when people don't doubt it. They never escape the dangerous cycle, they could go through their whole lives believing they have a disorder they don't.
Nobody owes anyone information. I understand that. Only wanting to post about your silly experiences online is totally valid - I don't want to talk about how awful my autism makes my life to anyone happening to scroll the autism tag. Those aren't the type of people I'm talking about.
r/systemscringe doesn't help. Hell, I hate to say it, but they make really valid points sometimes. I hate the premise of the subreddit, I hate that they can post vulnerable people on there and make fun of them for what they basically view as the greater good. Just to clarify. But when you're doubting yourself, you might turn to that for a different perspective because you don't know where else to go. And then back to system communities, anybody who thinks they're a system is one.
Instead of going to safe places for research or a different perspective, they go to very potentially harmful subreddits like that, because the echo chamber can drive people crazy. Jeez, where can a guy find someone who doesn't recite the same 3 phrases?
Sorry, I know this isn't properly structured. It's a thought dump that I hope will encourage people to be safer.
"It's okay to be wrong". Yes, so true, but this is never used in the way it should be. It shouldn't be it's okay to be wrong so throw yourself into the system community and see how you feel, it should be it's okay to be wrong so don't be afraid to back out and look at other possibilities, take your time. The phrase is used to push people further away from their doubts rather than towards further research. Hell, I had someone tell me that there was "no harm to indulge in it", it being thinking I'm a system.
God, I wish people would seriously consider the long lasting effects of this shit! Of the devastatingly exhausting recovery path, the way it can destroy your sense of self.
I know I'm getting a bit heated there. I think I deserve to, a little.
I could most definitely say more but I want a snack. And in case you're wondering, everything quoted or mentioned here took a part in my false belief of having DID.
Eat, drink, and for the love of god read the disclaimer again before you reply to this please.
¹ "when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can make them do what they want and abuse them"
PT: Radqueers and TransIDs DN. Intended to say DNI, but the website was being funky.
Shout-out to aromantic people whose lives are so fucking busy that they periodically forget what day of the week it is. today is Wednesday, June 5th. Happy Aromantic Visibility Day.
if you're in the stages of Good (Omens) Grief, can we call this post a group hug? a mug of tea or cocoa, whether for warmth or just something to look at? I am sending so much love to you, wherever you're at.
Its just...maybe I was naive, maybe I should have known better, but I didn't know how much I needed the finale to be okay.
like, not even great, not even good, but just okay, just safe, sad that it was over but happy that it happened, a closed book with a happy if mediocre ending.
and then it wasn't, and it knocked me entirely off kilter, and the worst part was it completely blindsided me, it wasn't just mediocre, or rushed, or boring, or disappointing.
It was all of those things and also tragic. It made me sad.
and the thing is...before that, I never could have imagined that Good Omens would make me sad, would have me break down in tears inconsolable days afterwards, it never even occurred to me as a possibility.
It was one of the few things I had that kept me safe inside my own mind, it was a talisman against sadness, it was where I walked when I needed sanctuary, and now it feels like there is a giant pit in the middle of my former haven that I have to worry about falling into and being trapped.
because Good Omens made me a promise, as a viewer and a reader 7 years ago, that the world is saved because it is worth saving, that everybody lives, everybody, even telemarketers.
That Anti-Christ's grow up with their best friends in their Kingdom of Tadfield because that's enough of the world for them, that Witches fall in love with Witchfinders, that Prophetesses make their own destiny, that Death and all his friends will ride motorbikes to the end, but not today, no not today.
Due in very small part, really just moral support, of a Demon and an Angel who wanted to stay, just a little bit longer, maybe another 6000 years, go for a picnic, dine at the Ritz.
That promise was broken, if this is the legacy that they want to give Sir Terry Pratchett I would say its as bad as spitting on his grave.
does anybody remember the s1 exchange between aziraphale and crowley where crowley was like what do you mean god is going to drown everyone even kids you can’t kill kids and then aziraphale was like it’s ok god is going to create a rainbow at the end :))))) and then the gomens finale is like god kills everyone but it’s ok bc there’s 1 gay couple at the end :)))))) anyway,
I wish people treated queerness as breaking the rules of the dominant cis-hetero patriarchy so you can authentically be yourself. Instead of adhering to a new slightly less restrictive set of rules which you will deride other people for not following (basically whatever label discourse is now flaring up)
