vent blog

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talk about your feelings go ahead! but dont vent dont be vulnerable dont complain dont have any problems dont have any bad moments dont talk about youre anxieties dont dont dont

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it honestly sucks trying to gel with a group i keep trying to engage and it feels like everyone is so unresponsive and i cant help but feel deeply ignored

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lowkey nobody gaf about anything i say or do

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generally not afforded the kindness of others

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it's like. OK i am trying to engage but i get no response and then when i attempt to talk about my stuff nobody responds they just redirect to their stuff so idk what anyone thinks im supposed to do

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cant help but feel like im being ignored more and more lately

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its kind of insane that i get stuff that i say regurgitated back at me word for word day in and day out but the second i point this out im the crazy one

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like idk maybe if youre complaining abt someone all the time you need to accept that people around you are going to think you dont like that person

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i really might actually kill myself

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truth is push comes to shove i genuinely think people do not care about or like me that much

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to ppl with lesser known or less "acceptable" ocd themes: i love you

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i wanna kill myself

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i genuinely hope i die i can't keep living in this constant loop

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everything is falling into place i used 2 FORCE myself 2 fantasize abt women and indulge intrusive thoughts, felt anxious and uncomfortable, assumed that was arousal bc i have never had any sort of comfortable sexual experience with anyone at all OR i felt guilty for being uncomfortable bc that meant i was homophobic somehow and i was disappointing my friends (which like. girl what). all the while i had no way of ever discerning any of this bc my friends had me convinced i was bi and were constantly putting me in sexual situations and environments i was not ready for or comfortable with and telling me i needed to loosen up. I WAS CONVINCED I WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE I WASN'T AND I WAS IN CONSTANT DISTRESS OVER IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BC WOMEN SEXUALLY GROSS ME OUT. i still find myself constantly questioning my own attraction to the point of obsession bc i was that desperate to fit in w ppl who did not care about me or my well-being at all

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these ppl did permanent sexual damage to me and i still feel guilty about not hanging out with them