I must be joking

25 EN(T/F)P Aries/Scorpio/Sagittarius nonbinary demisexual Flint, Michigan U.S.A.

[infectiondefective]

I can’t finish this. My hands are shaking. Someone else do it

[z-nogyrop]

[infectiondefective]

Thanks

[infectiondefective]

Wait a minute

[just-shower-thoughts]

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

[blogtitletaken]

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

[castiel--for--king]

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

[sonneillonv-deactivated20220218]

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

[nonlinear-nonsubjective]

consider the coconut

[bemusedlybespectacled]

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

[kascaban]

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

[heartgemsona]

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

[baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This post is a journey

[virtuous-thing]

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

[dovewithscales]

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

[eldbitch-horror]

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

[dovewithscales]

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

[hyratel]

I MEAN where’s the lie

[dovewithscales]

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.

[shadow-of-a-whisper]

Poor Australia

[214-thotline-bling]

melanie martinez deserves the exact same treatment as every other sexual predator exposed recently for their crimes. don’t excuse her just because she’s a woman. she sexually assaulted someone (her best friend) and that’s all that needs to be said.

[krxs10]

in case yall been sleeping here’s a reminder that we just shut down Mall Of America, the largest mall in the USA, to protest the wrongful deaths of young black men by police. #blacklivesmatter

[ottermatopoeia]

“the practice of capitalism and the greatest commercial holiday of the year are more important than your right to a peaceful protest”

[thepeoplesrecord]

They shut shit down.

[oozmart]

[zeddzz]

I’m so sorry.

[glumshoe]

From here on out, to avoid confusion, I am going to end any joking statement I write on tumblr dot com with a large, high-res photograph of a clown, to indicate that it’s written in jest.

[thatll-do]

you’re joking, right?

[glumshoe]

Do you see a clown?

[rarabro]

siri read a message from my mom (2017)

[harlequinesque]

i think we’ve gotten as close to a real life Howler as we can get

[discogolfmagazine]

this is literally the funniest thing Ive ever seen in my life

[thatsoundssoaddy]

I cant stop listening to this.

[zeddzz]

I just went into a coughing fit after choking on my own fucking spit because of this omgg

[glumshoe]

Binding is not safe. Long term, it is detrimental to your physical health. While the social and psychological benefits might outweigh the physical risks for many people, the choice to bind should be made with the understanding that the risks cannot be eliminated even with great care to ensure good fit and avoid overuse. Tightly compressing a large part of your body with many complex skeletal and muscular connections on a regular basis damages your body over time. Take off-days, wear the proper size from reputable makers, don’t sleep or exercise in them, and take them off as often as possible - all good advice that you absolutely must follow to be as safe as possible, but it’s impossible to guarantee that there will not be complications.

[oddly-romantic]

“why aren’t u talking abt this one Problematic thing involving that actor/show u like??”

listen. i am tired. im putting down my pitchfork. i’ll acknowledge that thing was bad if it was but im tired of vilifying ppl for their mistakes just bc they’re famous. i want to enjoy things. i want Peace

[ask-the-vinsmokes]

Art School with ze Niji

[catmota]

Anna Petyarre

[zeddzz]

Is that a pokéball?

[zeddzz]

My aesthetic:

A can of orange Fanta with a pepperoni bagel bite stuck in the dip in the underside of the can.

[everyoneisobsseswithsans]

i am rereading one piece and zoro has already almost killed himself to save luffy. like dude. you’ve only known him for 8 chapters.

[aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20]

[bridthemightywarrior-deactivate]

wow i sure am thirsty for some apple beverage oh boy

[zeddzz]

"Prices you can trust on products that are a little iffy."

[tonightweredrinkingfromthebong]

theres this guy on youtube who just gets stung by increasingly deadly/painful insects and the videos are like 5 minutes of him getting psyched up to sting himself and then 10 minutes of him lying on the ground shrieking in agony

[naamahdarling]

His name is Coyote Petersen and he is like what if your nerdy cub scouts leader made a youtube channel where he does nothing but have himself get bitten by gators and stung by insects for views in the hopes it will make people like him.

I like him a lot.

[elodieunderglass]

This is the Ocelot Friend?!

[thequantumqueer]

this guy is an irl Palahniuk protagonist

[evilkillerpoptarts]

Oh my god I love him. Ocelot Friend (Coyote Peterson) is the BEST

He once climbed a tree to get a coconut, reached for it, then joyfully shouted “I caught an iguana!  I’m putting it in my pocket!”

He then DOES SO and finishes collecting coconuts.  He named the iguana Wilson and, upon releasing him, did an EXCELLENT recreation of the “Wilson floats away” scene from Castaway.

He gets stung/bitten/injured intentionally to show what basic first aid can be done, and accidental injuries are also used as teachable moments.  As far as the extremely painful stings went, he was challenged to get stung by a bullet ant but decided to work his way up the insect pain index scale first so he had some idea of how bad it was going to be.  He also insisted on catching each insect first.  For the tarantula hawk, he caught it but also fell into a cactus while doing so, and then used that as a teaching moment of what to do when you fall into a fucking cactus.

His camera guys are the best, too.  They do much breaking of the fourth wall and make snarky comments periodically.  They provide much first aid for some reason.

Coyote is basically what you get if Steve Irwin and a golden retriever had a baby.

[kyraneko]

Reblogging primarily because I’ll never meet a cooler concept than a guy named Ocelot Friend.

[orbem]

people who say offensive shit cause they think it’s funny or edgy are honestly so embarrassing