summary: you ask gojo + toji if they still love you after an ugly fight
genre: angst, hurt/comfort
song inspo: exile (taylor swift + bon iver)
a/n: i hope you guys enjoy! i’m not that experienced with angst but I tried my best!
also i’m working on a few requests atm and i’m excited to see how they turn out <33
his words still hurt you, perhaps even more in the aftermath of the fight than they did in the heat of the emotional moment. they hung in the air between you like a weighted chain, its lull persistent and inevitable as it remained everlastingly present.
it weighed down on your limbs heavily as you gingerly climbed into bed that night. gojo’s back faced you, his long, lean body positioned as far away from yourself as it could be. despite appearing to be in a deep sleep, his breaths were too calculated and timed to be anything but awake. his body was too rigid, too tensed up to be discerned as relaxed and resting.
no, gojo was indeed awake, and most likely listening to your every move as you slowly slid under the covers and pulled them over your shoulder. he was unhappy with you, but he’d never make you sleep on the couch.
the silence that followed the faint rustling of blankets as you settled was unbearable, as was the chain of hateful words still linked between you. it was weak, for gojo’s words of love reinforced a much stronger metal than his phrases of hate and hurt...but nonetheless, the invisible chain still remained...and it still hurt.
you’ve never heard gojo say such vile things to you before. he had never lost his temper as much as he did in that moment. it made you question him, yourself, but most of all, it made you question his love for you. a sign of just how deeply his comments had gotten to your brain.
the gojo you knew would never have said those terrible things to you. the gojo you knew wouldn’t have even thought of such hateful comments. the gojo you knew had loved you...so did this gojo love you?
but the tiny thought that he didn’t brought unwanted tears to your eyes. because you loved gojo. despite all the things he said and all the things you had said back...you loved him. you loved him more than words could express. but did he still feel the same?
there was only one way to find out.
“do you still love me?” you inquired to the silence of the room. your tone was soft, weak, and you didn’t go to any extent to hide the slight shake to your words.
i want you to still love me.
more quiet greeted your question. it was the loud type of silence that was uncomfortable, awkward, and anything but welcome. it was the type of silence that ate at you, consumed you, and made you think only of the worst.
you proceeded to freeze as the sound of blankets rustling abruptly stabbed the air. you felt the mattress shift and dip under gojo’s weight, but you did not move. you couldn’t even bring yourself to lift a finger. you were paralyzed by...what? fear? hesitation? agony? you did not know.
you only knew gojo’s hand on your arm. you only knew his cool fingers sliding down the limb until they reached your hand -that was curled near your chest- and his palm resting against the back of your hand whilst his fingers absently ghosted against your knuckles.
you only knew the weight of his body shifting closer until his cold breath fanned the base of your neck, the feel of his chest slowly pressing into your back.
“i have always loved you, (y/n).” gojo intoned, his unusually quiet tone fanning across your neck. “i still love you and nothing in this world can change that.”
“o...okay,” you breathed, your hand flipping so that you could intertwine gojo’s fingers with your own. “i still love you too, satoru.” you affirmed quietly after a tense pause as you brushed your thumb against the smooth skin of gojo’s pale hand.
gojo then gently squeezed your hand with unspoken gratitude. he couldn’t fathom with words how grateful he was to hear those words, to hear the assurance in that you still loved him -and always will- despite what he had done.
because gojo still loved you. he always would love you. he knew that for certain. nothing in this world could change that. nothing. not himself nor even the impossible.
after the fight you decided that you simply couldn’t be in the apartment anymore - the too tense apartment that crackled with copious amounts of negative electricity from the aftermath of the vicious argument that had taken place. toji was frustratingly impossible to work with when he was in such an exhausted and angry mood, so you didn’t bother to try and fix things lazily last minute before grabbing the keys to your car and exiting the space without any much thought.
once on the main road, you distractedly turned on the radio and rolled down the windows with the hopes that the cold wind roaring in your ears, combined with the random music on the radio, would drown out the hurt and anger you felt rising from your very core. and besides that, most of all, you hoped for the messy ambience to drown out your doubts.
your doubts that this argument had impacted your relationship with toji as much as you feared, that...that perhaps he didn’t love you as much as he used to, given what he had said.
the simple wedding band on your left hand glinted dully against the wheel. its bleak appearance in this moment mirrored your inner thoughts. perhaps, it too, feared the worst.
you had an inkling that it was a silly afterthought, but you couldn’t completely shake the fearful idea from your head. the minuscule doubt soon festered into something bigger, something with a more vice grip on your brain, as you continued to mindlessly drive around.
but...i want him to still love me.
toji had said things you didn’t think him capable of saying. and although you had shouted stupid words right back at him, your shaky, strained voice had carried little weight and the words seemed to die on your tongue the moment you opened your mouth. but toji...you had never seen him so angry and upset. his words had lodged claws into your back that had dragged down, tearing through skin, tendon, and bone, but altogether ceasing to let go. the words stuck - embedded and burning under your skin.
and those comments had done little to coax the doubts out of your mind. beyond all others, the thought that toji now loved you less burned like a candle in a dark room. it was your pinnacle of interest, just alike how a moth is stupidly drawn to flame; you were entranced by the heartbreaking idea and could not get your mind off it and fixated on something else.
his words had taken over your mind, and before you knew it, you were outside your apartment complex once again. you had driven this route so many times before that physically driving to it was a simple absentminded action...but it seemed to be some stupid representation of irony in that moment - that after everything that had happened, combined with your doubts, your brain and body still found its way back.
was it a good thing? or bad?
you didn’t know, or...you didn’t care.
shaking your head, you leaned forwards with both of your hands still on the wheel and rested your forehead against the top portion of the wheel. your car was safely parked, but you didn’t feel like getting out and returning to the apartment. you didn’t know what to say, what to do, and that doubt was still there regardless.
“hon, open the door.” intoned a voice many moments later.
you started, almost hitting your head upon hearing that familiar, rough voice.
rubbing your temple absently, you craned your neck to see toji’s figure framed in the outline of your open driver-seat window. he had leaned down so that his toned forearms rested on the window-frame, his fierce green eyes now level with your own.
you quickly dropped your hand away from your face so that you could turn off the radio.
“i don’t want to come out just yet.” you replied quietly as you leaned back slightly in your seat, but altogether keeping toji in your peripheral. “i’m...i’m not ready.”
toji hummed slightly, his head nodding along carefully to your words. “alright, take your time.” he continued with a small sigh.
the silence that followed was tense, uncertain. it didn’t feel right. it was as if the air itself knew there was something to be mended between you, and wanted to make sure you were fully aware of it.
“toji,” you intoned at last. your tone was quiet, almost a whisper, and despite the slight demand to your voice, you meant for the calling of his name to be interpreted as a question.
“yeah, honey?” toji inquired cautiously.
“do...” you began, but trailed off in an attempt to steady your wavering voice. “do you still love me?”
your gaze noted toji’s hand snake inside the interior of your car through the space the rolled down window provided. he quickly unlocked the doors, and the next thing you registered was a slight breeze caressing your face as toji swung your door open.
“toji-” you intoned, a bit startled as your husband reached in and unlocked your seatbelt before gently tugging on your arm to guide you out of your seat.
you still had to roll the windows up...
“shh, c’mere,” toji huffed once you were standing. you had little to no time to react as toji’s larger arms engulfed you, constricting you from any movement whatsoever and pressing your body so compactly against his chest that you could feel his slightly shaky heartbeat through the clothes you were wearing.
“no matter how much we fight, no matter what happens, i’ll always love you.” toji assured, his gravely voice sounding close to your ear. “nothing will ever make me change my mind, yeah? you’re mine and i won’t let anything take you away from me. you got that?”
you could only nod, your forehead nuzzling against toji’s chest at the movement.
you felt toji smile against your hair.
gummygunk
pixelskylines
origamiaround
