It hurts your knuckles a little, but you knock on the metal door regardless. Just three times, just enough to announce yourself again, just in case. You hear nothing, the door remains closed, there is no answer yet again… So you start talking instead.
"Hey Pyre, it's me again… You're probably getting sick of it, but I found my way here again and you know I always have more to say. I wasn't even looking for the door this time! I just… Some days it seems like no matter where I try to go I find it."
"I really hope you didn't hear it but I'm getting better about just being patient with it. Last time - well maybe you didn't hear it I guess - a few days ago I found the door. And just like I have been I sat down and talked for a while until I figured you were tired of me, then I tried to leave… But the door on the opposite car was also your door! So I ran back and forth, and yeah I did lose my cool a little since I was stuck," you laugh at yourself, embarrassed, "It took the overseer blinking at me slowly a few times to get it back together again. I really… I was really scared. But that's, well, that's beside the point I suppose.
"I guess it got in my head, or maybe I'm just spending too much time thinking about what I need to say to you. This might sound even crazier, but the door has been showing up in my dreams sometimes too. Even in dreams from before I still… Sometimes I talk to the door in my dreams too.
"I hope the Conductor isn't getting fed up of listening to me too. Maybe he doesn't have to listen to me ramble in my sleep." You pause, pressing your ear to the door to try to listen for something, anything to tell you he's there this time. Maybe this time he'll hear your apology. Maybe this time he'll decide to come back.
You can't make him, of course, but maybe if you're sincere he'll give you a chance?
The subtle rustle of your clothes is the only sound for a second as you kneel in front of the door like a confessional, your forehead brushing the metal as you close your eyes. "I'm sorry for invading your space, Pyre. That wasn't fair of me and good intentions don't make it right either. I just… I wanted to remember him, you know? I didn't mean to upset you. I know that sounds cheap since I did try to sneak around you but that was… I let what people said about you get to me, I was scared you really were so angry you could -… That wasn't fair of me."
More silence. Not even so much as a single cackle of fire answers you.
"I hope you're doing okay. I hope his friend, the Engineer, is doing okay. I hope you can keep each other company at least… Pyre, you don't have t grieve alone, I know you don't - that's overstepping, isn't it?" Your eyes fall closed as you run your hand over the old sheet of metal, letting the silence fill the car as you imagine what he may say. Maybe he's tell you not to apologize? Hard to believe when he's been ignoring -
"Did you make Evan's mask?"
"It's beautiful… I'm too nervous to tell him that, but it doesn't feel so bad to tell a door! It - I can tell you put a lot of care into it. It's a perfect fit… I hope you two can stay friends. I worry about you being lonely and - well, what if you got so lonely you started talking to doors like you were doing a lame, off-brand production of Frozen - ah, Frozen is this children's movie and… If you want to hear more about it you'll have to come out!"
"If you come out and talk to me I will personally sing all of the songs for you."
Not even the vague sounds of what should be wheels on tracks.
"It's been quiet lately. Like - like the whole Express has been mourning too… Not that many people have -…"
Your voice is hardly a whisper, "Sometimes I almost wish they'd give you an excuse to come back out, I -… I know it sounds awful, but I miss having a friend, Pyre. I miss you a lot -" You wipe away the occasional stray tear and gather yourself, "Um, in other news, I think the Conductor's month of protection is over. I know you don't always get along but I don't - I don't know if or when we'll get a chance like that again so stay safe, okay? There's this new person around, like the Operator, I think but I don't… They don't seem to have the same love of games and amusement with us guests… The Puppeteer scares me a little, to be honest.
"I hope you all stay safe, I don't know what I'll do if you get hurt. Sometimes all I can think about is what I could have done differently, or - or if I could have seen the signs or… I'm sorry, Pyre. I promise I'll try to do better for all of you, and that's not just -… That's not just because I'm going crazy and talking to doors and dreaming about doors and confessing to doors!
"I really do miss you though. Even if you don't want to come out, I'd love to talk to you again, even if it was just so you could tell me how much you hate me - this in-between, this indistinct something is going to kill me, Pyre… Please."
tangentwithtanner
izzy806
baratheonpilled
